UPDATE - 7/27/10 - HELP - our DD(10) is bored on weekends, I work, etc.

[ilovediznee]

Hi everyone! I just wanted to update you on a few things. Without being accusatory, I've been talking to my DH about spending more time with our DD (10) and coming up with ideas on what they can do together when I'm at work in the evenings and weekends. The good news is that we only have two more weeks until our beach vacation with my parents (DH has to work so it will be ALOT of mommy/daughter time) and then school starts the next week. I had to work Fri night/Saturday/Sunday and they did ALOT together! They played Monopoly, played with the bunny rabbit, picked up the house, etc and ran some errands. I'm also feeling better because I'm not feeling like a slave in my own house and email my DH every afternoon for the evenings I work with a list of stuff for both of them to do - unload the dishwasher, vaccuum, wash, etc. They not only do it together, but then I'm not burdened with it as well so I have more time for them when I'm off. I'm also adjusting my schedule a bit at my PT job so I'll be working just enough to pay my medical bills (no interest) so that will give me more time with them.

With school starting, things will definitely be changing as well because DH and DD will be going to the USC games together most Saturdays when I'm working and I'll also be going but not as many. DD will have church on Sunday nights and also Girl Scouts so things will be picking up!

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice.

Diane








This is a vent, but I hope that people can come up with some ideas. Our DD (10), only child, is bored to death on the weekends this summer. I work both FT and PT, which includes from 5-10 on Friday nights and 1-6pm most Saturdays. I am home on Sundays. During the week she is at MIL's house and they stay busy and she is doing a few day camps.

My DH is home with her but is usually on the computer or in his hobby room and let's face it - she is bored!!!! Money is tight and there is no point in me working if they go out and spend a bunch of money and it is HOT outside. She has friends, but over the summer everyone is so busy and out of town most weekends. I am working both jobs to pay off medical stuff (as some of you know from previous posts). I have that MOTHER GUILT complex and it is eating me away!

The last two weekends I've been lucky because she spent the night at a friends's house and vice versa the next, but that is only one who seems available. It is only Tuesday and she is already whining about the weekend and wanting someone over, but there aren't a lot of people around!!!!

Any thoughts?

 

[sunnyday123]

Tell her father to get off the computer and out of his hobby room. Do a craft with her, go to the park ( early or late ),play a board game with her, go to the library. Help her plant a garden of her own-could be in containers -and let her tend it. Have a family night, rent a movie, spread a blanket on the floor and have a picnic.

 

[INDISMOM]

My kids know if they tell me they are bored, then they get chores to do -- my mom did the same thing.

I would find something to do before I told my mom I was bored!

 

[Northstar]

Got a public library? A trip on Saturday morning and she can stock up on books, kid magazines, DVDs... and it's free!

Can you get her interested in cooking? Like making pretty salads? (My DD age 11 just spent a very entertaining and creative morning making little animals out of hard boiled eggs, using mayo and mustard as glue to attach little eyes and tails and such out of cut celery and carrots)

And there's always the old standby... "You're bored? Great! You can help me with the laundry/vacuum your room/go through all your old toys and clothes and decide what to throw out..."

 

[WDSearcher]

The obvious thing is to say, "If you're that bored, I can find a LOT of chores for you to do to fill the time!" That's what my mom would have done.

And obvious #2 is to work with your DH to find something that they can do together. This is a sterling prime-time "daddy / daughter" opportunity and he should NOT be squandering that in front of a computer or in his hobby room. They don't have to be joined at the hip all weekend, but certainly there are free or inexpensive things in your area that the two could plan so that your DD has something to look forward to every weekend.

When my nephew was 11 we used to do scavenger hunts where we'd put together a list of things to find at the local mall or park or library or wherever. You weren't allowed to purchase anything; couldn't spend money. We set a time limit and we were off! Whoever had the most stuff at the end of the time limit won, and we'd both go to Dairy Queen or someplace equally frugal for our 'reward'.

Another time, we drove around taking pictures of ourselves standing in front of things with numbers on them. Starting at "1" and going up to "20". House numbers, street numbers, addresses, speed limit signs, advertising signs -- sometimes we spent all day driving around town looking for the right number. We did it with the alphabet too. Somewhere, I still have a photo album with my nephew standing in front of a sign proclaiming "Claire's Sweet 16 Party" (that we happened to see while driving through our neighborhood -- have no idea who Claire was) and me standing in front of a Bo Derek poster for the movie "10" that we found at a thrift store. Good times.

 

[gina2000]

Sorry but your DH needs to get off the computer and interact with his daughter. He's not her playmate but he is her father and quality time together is never underrated.

 

[ChrizJen]

I agree with sunnyday123. Your husband needs to get off of the computer during the hours that you're at work. You're making the sacrifice to work an extra job to support the family. The least he can do is take a few hours out of his weekend to spend some one-on-one time with his daughter. I wouldn't even necessarily expect him to spend the entire time with her. But he should designate a good portion of the time you're at work to doing something fun with her. If he can help fill most of that time with something fun, she may not be so bored if she has to spend an hour or two on the weekends reading a book or otherwise entertaining herself.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I would look into volunteer activities for your husband and daughter. They can have fun and do something good at the same time, and it is free.

Maybe reading to children at the library, hosting a local museum, cleaning parks, planting trees...find something they are interested in doing first.

 

[shortbun]

Sorry but your DH needs to get off the computer and interact with his daughter. He's not her playmate but he is her father and quality time together is never underrated.

Yep. When she's all grown up and doesn't want to be around, he'll have these summer days of taking walks down at the river, picnics, woodworking and anything else he can think of to do. She's 10 and unless she's extra 'fem' he can do anything with her he'd do with a son-throw a ball, climb a tree, go fishing. Gosh. I have fond memories of fishing with my Dad when I was about that age. We'd take the old bamboo poles, stop by the bait store for some worms and get some chips and pop. We'd fish all morning. I loved going with my Grandpa too. None of these things cost much money.

 

[ilovediznee]

I appreciate all the feedback but it is likely that things will not change as far as DH and DD doing a lot together. They do some stuff together but not much. My Dad didn't either, but I always found something to do.

Given the premise that he is not going too do much more, can you offer any ideas? I like the library idea, but I know volunteering is defintely out so I won't even try it.

Thanks!

Diane

 

[RadioFanatic]

I think they WERE keeping on the subject. They were telling that the things to do should be with her father.

They could do his "hobbies" together or find one to do together. It makes me sad to think he doesn't want to spend time with her.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Maybe your DH can take her swimming or mini golfing. Neither of those are very expensive.

 

[jemmouse]

Is there a local beach by you, where they can play and swim, pack a lunch and let the fun begin. I also am a parent to an only child he is 9. I however am fortunate enough to stay at home. But my DH works tremendously long hours and travels frequently but when he comes home it is family time. I realize you said your father didn't play that much with you well times have changed and I really think as a whole the dads of today are more active in their childrens life. Your DH has really no excuse not to play or be apart of this little girls life. A bond between a dad and daughter is a great one. I was very close to my own dad and unfortunately he is now passed on. Perhaps if you spoke to DH and explained that really she is 10 now and pretty soon she won't want to be around any parents except for money and to buy clothes. So hopefully you can take advantage of this small window that is available and create some special memories.
Our state offers free bowling on weekday mornings, what about going and finding new parks to go and play at, make an adventure out of it. Goto a forest preserve and do a scavenger hunt. Have video game contests, movie nights where you make the family room look like a theater and sit on the floor. Make a tent in the back yard and play games in it, use your imagination. Have her do a fashion show for you make a runway and a fake stage, or a play where you all have parts. Make bracelets out of the strings. There is so much that can be done, focus in on what she likes to do and go off that. Good luck and remember dear old dad can go back on the computer when she is 15 this time is precious and you will never get it back....

 

[wvjules]

Tell her father to get off the computer and out of his hobby room. Do a craft with her, go to the park ( early or late ),play a board game with her, go to the library. Help her plant a garden of her own-could be in containers -and let her tend it. Have a family night, rent a movie, spread a blanket on the floor and have a picnic.

This! ^^^^^

 

[CdnCarrie]

do you have a craft store like Michael's? They have great kits for kids for crafts like rug hooking, cross-stitching. That kind of thing. Would she enjoy something like that?

Is there any kind of preteen drop in centres in your area? Our local community club has some kind of drop in thing. Our local pool also has a teen swim Friday nights.

 

[wvjules]

I appreciate all the feedback but it is likely that things will not change as far as DH and DD doing a lot together. They do some stuff together but not much. My Dad didn't either, but I always found something to do.

Given the premise that he is not going too do much more, can you offer any ideas? I like the library idea, but I know volunteering is defintely out so I won't even try it.

Thanks!

Diane

The responses of having your DH become involved with his daughter is very much on topic.

Do you regret your father not doing a lot with you?

 

[WDSearcher]

I appreciate all the feedback but it is likely that things will not change as far as DH and DD doing a lot together. They do some stuff together but not much. My Dad didn't either, but I always found something to do.

Given the premise that he is not going too do much more, can you offer any ideas? I like the library idea, but I know volunteering is defintely out so I won't even try it.

Thanks!

Diane

Why is volunteering "definitely out"? (Sorry ... you might consider that off topic, but you can't toss out a comment like that and expect none of us to pounce on it! ) If she's truly bored and wants to meet new people, seems like a perfect opportunity.

You say that your Dad didn't spend tons of time with you, but that you "always found something to do." What were those things? Maybe dredging up some of those oldies but goodies would work for your daughter.

What contributions has your DD made to the "how to keep myself busy" pool of ideas? I mean, if you found stuff to do at her age, likely she has the ability to find stuff to do too. Otherwise, I'd seriously consider resorting to "chores." I think kids get really inventive when the alternative is cleaning the garage.

 

[mumom95]

I appreciate all the feedback but it is likely that things will not change as far as DH and DD doing a lot together. They do some stuff together but not much. My Dad didn't either, but I always found something to do.

Given the premise that he is not going too do much more, can you offer any ideas? I like the library idea, but I know volunteering is defintely out so I won't even try it.

Thanks!

Diane

Why is volunteering definitely out?

 

[Christine]

Let's see:

Your DD is 10 years old. Mon-Friday she is being engaged by either her grandparents or daycamps, correct?

I assume on the weekends you do spend some time with her.

In my opinion, for the rest of the time, she is old enough to try to find her own fun. I was an only child too and my parents did not spend all their free time trying to keep me unbored.

You need to find some stuff that your DD can do on her own, be it crafts, reading, chores. She needs to figure out how to entertain herself for some of this time and how to learn to enjoy some downtime.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I fail to understand why both her father being a dad and volunteering are out but I will try to give you a couple of ideas. I do really agree with a lot of people that telling her that if she cannot entertain herself she can do shores is a good idea.

If she is just not practices at figuring out how to have fun alone (BTW I am an only child, I was a latch Key kid who lived 5 miles outside of our small town. I spent LOTS of time alone and was perfectly capable of entertaining myself without siblings or friends or even parents around long before the days of DVDs, 100 TV channels and internet--so it is possible) a good resource would be The Dangerous Book for Girls (or the one for boys). It is chock full of crafts. games and projects she can do with basic items. I think nearly any library will have a copy. Family Fun magazines have great craft ideas and recipes too. If you have some old ones, dig them out for her. If not, help her look online when you are home and print out the directions for what she would like to do when you are working.
I think it is reasonable to leave her with one set chore to complete on those days every time. Chipping in for the family is good and will help her stay busy. I think having her get stuff ready for dinner (setting the table, preparing a salad, etc) on Saturday could be great.