unwelcome hugs (girl friend to girl friend)

[PollyannaMom]

I'm not sure why anyone thinks this is any different than telling people to deal with other forms of intimate physical contact just to make the other person happy.

I'm a hugger with other huggers, but not pushy or even disappointed if someone else isn't and doesn't want a hug. - So I personally wouldn't expect someone to hug me to make me happy.

But just to try and answer the above in general, I think the difference is whether you actually feel it's "intimate" or not. - A hug to me isn't intimate at all. My shirt is touching your shirt. (In fact, handshakes bother me a lot more, because I've always seen those as germ-spreaders.)

The other things you mentioned cross the line to me. But as I said before, everyone draws that line for themselves.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Would we say to just agree to disagree about casual acquaintances forcing a kiss, grabbing your butt, or any other form of unwanted contact? To a non-hugger there may be little difference.

I'll be honest even the non-huggers I know do not put a kiss, a butt grab or other unwanted contact in the same league as a hug. I guess they are wrong in their opinions then I would also say it's a bit insulting to assume that just because you're more okay with hugging that you're then okay with butt grabbing or kissing or other contact. It's a poor way of making your point IMO.

 

[wenrob]

I'm surprised by all these posts expecting people to just put up with being hugged. Invading someone's space and forcing physical contact is not just "discomfort" and is not okay. People who don't want to be hugged don't need to suck it up or justify it to anyone. I'm not sure why anyone thinks this is any different than telling people to deal with other forms of intimate physical contact just to make the other person happy. And this isn't really an agree to disagree situation. If you hug me without my consent, that is not okay in any way. Would we say to just agree to disagree about casual acquaintances forcing a kiss, grabbing your butt, or any other form of unwanted contact? To a non-hugger there may be little difference.

We are agreeing to disagree on what our own personal boundaries are. No one is talking about being forced to do anything.

 

[jaiminee krikit]

I don't mind hugging, but if covid times have taught me anything it's that it's very easy to ask someone, "May I hug you?" If you get a yes, great, hug away. But if you get a no, smile, respect that other person, and move on.

I have a different opinion on hugging. If a friend wants to hug why not let them? It takes 2-3 seconds and makes them happy. To me, if they are a friend it would be worth it to be uncomfortable for that teeny tiny amount of time.

For some, hugging is more than being "uncomfortable". Especially now. If someone doesn't want to hug, why should they go out of their comfort zone, experience unnecessary anxiety and potential serious illness, just to make a hugger happy for a "teeny tiny amount of time"?

 

[disykat]

Ugh it is never ok to assume someone wants you to invade their personal space and touch their body in any way! I hug my partner, kids and grandkids, that's pretty much it! I rarely hug my siblings or even my best friends. And I find it super annoying when people use their heritage, etc. as an excuse! My MIL says, "o we're Italian, we hug!" and then comes toward me. She tells people, "Andrea is not a hugger but I hug her anyways" and then laughs. Not cool lady!

I agree. It's okay for a person to choose to bend their boundaries for someone. It is not okay to expect or encourage people to bend their boundaries for someone else. That takes away the concept of what boundaries even are.

 

[leebee]

I definitely have personal boundaries and am not comfortable having someone wrap their arms around me, press their body up against mine, as a way to say "hi" or "bye," etc. I'm not a hugger, and you invading my personal space is not appreciated or enjoyed at all. Please don't. You have no right to be touching my body, just because you are "a hugger."