Unreliable parents

[java]

I am livid right now.

My 15 year old has a girlfriend with a single mom and grandparents. Between the 3 adults in the house you would think someone would be reliable. But no they are not.

Today is the last straw. They were both volunteering at a for the troops event. I picked her up this AM with plans that her grands would pick up and bring home at 12. Well they don't show. So dh went to get them. He went to drop her off and nobody is home. She calls her mom- she is out shopping will be back in 2 hours. She has no key to get in.
Grandparents are not home.

So now my family afternoon at the movies will include this girl and cost me an additional $20.

Now I am typing this out because I know this isn't the girl's fault. The adults in her life are a mess. But I don't want to get stuck cleaning up that mess.

UGH!!! I have 4 kids of my own. I don't need any more! what is wrong with people?

 

[tileman]

Yep Know what you are talking about.

For my DD birthday she asked if one of her girlfriends could go with us to WDW we were staying at the Fort in the cabins for 2 nights.

Me and my wife were like ok can do. Well her friends parents tell my wife its good for her to go with us.

We picked her up fri night nobody home Stayed fri & sat night and not once did her parents call she called them 3-5 diff times and no one home.

I could see it in her face she was hurt
But we had a great time in the parks and my DD had a fun birthday.

We get back sun night around 6:00 pm both parents are home and did not even come out to think us or even help her get her stuff to the door.

To me that's just plan sad.

I was not looking for a big O think you so much but come on help your DD to the door with her stuff. And yes they seen us cause they were looking out the window.
Ron.

 

[MinnieTink]

Ugh! I can relate. My DD9 has a friend who's mom, although very sweet, has caused me much stress and anxiety. On more than one occaision she has shown up late (we're talking HOURS) for events and pick ups. Last Feb the friend had to attend something with her father so she was unable to attend my DDs 9th bday sleepover. It was dinner. So I told the mother, hey if she gets back early enough, bring her over. I was thinking 9, 9:30? At 11:30 pm she dropped her off. I was tending to my son who got sick at the time, but she didn't wait to see me or DH. Just plunked her in my living room and left. Then recently, on Halloween, I had to take my son home early so DD went trick or treating with this mom. It started raining about 15 minutes later so we went looking for them so I could give my DD a jacket and umbrella. We couldn't find them. I called for an hour and a half. It went right to voicemail. Her phone had turned off. We drove around the looking. She finally called from another persons phone. All was well but I was nervous. She gave me her mothers number who happened to be with them. A half hour later I needed to contact them again. And Gma's phone was off too!!! My DH thinks I will have lost my mind to ever let her go with her again.

 

[rn4val]

Thanks for being there for that poor girl. If I was that girl I would be totally embarressed that my mom and grandparents were so unreliable and I was dumped on someone else. She sure doesn't have much of an example at home hopefully you can be a better example for her.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

So now my family afternoon at the movies will include this girl and cost me an additional $20.

I think when I took her home I would tell them that because you didn't think they would want you to leave Susie on the porch with no way in the house so she went with you to the movies and you are sure they would want to pay you back for her ticket.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

I think when I took her home I would tell them that because you didn't think they would want you to leave Susie on the porch with no way in the house so she went with you to the movies and you are sure they would want to pay you back for her ticket.

Over $20? I would never do that to a friend of my child

If $20 would put me over the edge, I would not be going to the movies at all.

Poor kid.

 

[Disney Doll]

Bless you for being a good stable influence in this child's life, especially when you ahve 4 of your own.

There are so many children that do not get what they need from the "responsible" adults in their life, but it's not so bad that they are a DCF case. They really fall through the cracks. Knowing she has you must mean so much to her.

 

[JerseyJanice]

How does a 15 year old not have a key to the house? At her age, she can certainly be alone there.

Could you have gotten on the phone with the mother and demanded she cut her shopping trip short to retrieve her child? Or asked the mom to find the grands and ask them to meet her with a key?

It's not the kid's fault, I know, but from my own experience, people like this take advantage of the kindness of strangers whenever and however they can. Unless you put your foot down with them, they will stick you with feeding, driving and entertaining their kids every chance you give them.

 

[Pooh Crew]

Wow. I thought for a minute that I had written a post under a different name! We had the same thing happen to us this weekend. When you tell me that you will pick up your child at x time, at least call if you are running late. I sat for two hours this morning with an extra child--no phone call, nothing. Couldn't reach either parent. Turns out the mom was shopping and the dad went for a jog. Lovely.

Last year I had a mom ask if I'd watch her son while she took a walk around this church we were helping at. I said sure, two hours later, no sign of the mom, benefit at the church is over, tried calling cell phone repeatedly, finally called home phone...mom was tired so she went home for a nap! Didn't bother to tell anyone so I was stuck waiting for her to drive back up to the church!

I mean, I don't mind having kids over or even watching someone's kid for a while, but CALL if you are running late, be where you are supposed to be when you are supposed to be there, and show up on time! Think how this makes the poor kids feel!

 

[eliza61]

I am livid right now.

My 15 year old has a girlfriend with a single mom and grandparents. Between the 3 adults in the house you would think someone would be reliable. But no they are not.

Today is the last straw. They were both volunteering at a for the troops event. I picked her up this AM with plans that her grands would pick up and bring home at 12. Well they don't show. So dh went to get them. He went to drop her off and nobody is home. She calls her mom- she is out shopping will be back in 2 hours. She has no key to get in.
Grandparents are not home.

So now my family afternoon at the movies will include this girl and cost me an additional $20.

Now I am typing this out because I know this isn't the girl's fault. The adults in her life are a mess. But I don't want to get stuck cleaning up that mess.

UGH!!! I have 4 kids of my own. I don't need any more! what is wrong with people?

First, thanks for including the young lady.
Second, my son had a similar buddy (Daniel) who's mom must have thought I was her personal baby sitter. Unfortunately I have had to restrict Daniels visits because the mom and dad are not dependable. I explained it too the mom after the first 2 times but after time #3, I simply told my son Daniel will not be coming over as much anymore.

It sucks but what can you do?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Then recently, on Halloween, I had to take my son home early so DD went trick or treating with this mom. It started raining about 15 minutes later so we went looking for them so I could give my DD a jacket and umbrella. We couldn't find them. I called for an hour and a half. It went right to voicemail. Her phone had turned off. We drove around the looking. She finally called from another persons phone. All was well but I was nervous. She gave me her mothers number who happened to be with them. A half hour later I needed to contact them again. And Gma's phone was off too!!! My DH thinks I will have lost my mind to ever let her go with her again.

Perfect example of why my kids had their own cell phones at a very early age - even just simple trak phones for emergency purposes just like this.

Op is so right, other parents can be so unreliable. Lot less stress when I know can reach my kid at anytime without having to go through other parents.

OP - to you for being a positive influence on this girl's life. I am sure it is not only important to her, but to your son also.

 

[eliza61]

Perfect example of why my kids had their own cell phones at a very early age - even just simple trak phones for emergency purposes just like this.

Op is so right, other parents can be so unreliable. Lot less stress when I know can reach my kid at anytime without having to go through other parents.

OP - to you for being a positive influence on this girl's life. I am sure it is not only important to her, but to your son also.

Cell phones are only good if the person answers them. Many kids have the cell phones but when they call mom and dad, it goes straight to voice mail.


I think these parents know exactly what they are doing..

 

[shortbun]

This kind of stuff happens to us all the time. I guess it's universal. There are a whole bunch of adults out there relying on us to raise their children. Glad we're up to the task, lol! Keep doing what's best for the children, guys, someday you will look back and be glad you did it.

 

[shortbun]

How does a 15 year old not have a key to the house? At her age, she can certainly be alone there...

I was wondering about this myself. My son has had his own key since he was 10. Actually, he has two and we hide one behind a loose brick on the column on the porch. The other day, he didn't have either key and forgot about the hidden key. He took the storm window off the outside window next to the front door, crawled in that window and opened the door to get his stuff. He said,'you might want to make the house a little more secure Mom.'
lol! I guess he's right.

 

[CathrynRose]

It's not the kid's fault, I know, but from my own experience, people like this take advantage of the kindness of strangers whenever and however they can. Unless you put your foot down with them, they will stick you with feeding, driving and entertaining their kids every chance you give them.

Bingo.

I need to put a sign outside my house that says "Home for Transient Boys".

I can't tell you how many of my son's firneds I've had staying here for various amounts if time (days, weeks) throughout the years. I take in the 'kicked out' until their parents get the stick out their butts, I'vd had boys 'spend the night' during school vacations - and just like the OP, no one's home to take them back home to - and they end up here for the entire vacation and Wednesday I'll have my oldest son's best friend moving in.

My oldest son doesn't even live here anymore.

I agree with Janice.

 

[EMom]

Geez, Louise, they must all be related to the kid that came to DD's birthday party and was abandoned. First, the family never RSVPed that the kid was coming, so when she walked in HALFWAY into the party, it was a shock to all of us. Thank goodness, I'd brought an extra goody bag. Yep, the party was halfway over and she and mom walk in. Mom confirmed what time to pick her up and left. All good? NOPE!

The party ended and all the other moms picked their kids up. "Amy" was still with us....and with us....and with us.....you get it. After about 20-30 minutes, I was feeling awful for the lady who ran the party place, because she wanted to get out of there. Call the family, you say? Good luck with that! Seems they had changed all their phone numbers and weren't listed. We couldn't contact them, no way, no how. "Amy" swore up and down she did not know ANY of her family's phone numbers, home or cell. The child has been known to tell whoppers, and I am still not sure she wasn't feigning ignorance. Be that as it may, we had no way to contact the family.

Some of our family had driven 90 minutes for this party and we had plans to go out to eat afterward, then go home to open gifts, and babysitting this kid was seriously cutting into those plans. Party lady said we could just leave Amy there with her and go out to eat, but I told her it was not her responsibility. I finally got the kid's address out of her and we looked it up. We decided to drive to her house and see if anyone was home. If they weren't, DH wanted to call the police. Actually, he had a point, because we had no legal right to even put that kid in our car, but what were we supposed to do? Spend the night at the party place?

So we hauled her to her house and by that time, the party has been over for an hour and 10-15 minutes. We pulled up and there are FOUR FREAKING CARS in their gimongous McMansion driveway. WTH? One of those cars couldn't have come to pick her up? I told DH to take the kid to the door because it wouldn't be pretty if I did. He went to the door, it was unlocked, the kid just walked in and.......No one even noticed she came home. So he left.

Later that night, we got a rambling message from the mom, but it made no sense. Couldn't make head nor tails of it. And what did it matter anyway? I told DD that there will never be a play date with Amy. Ever. (1.) I don't want a kid at my house whose parents may very well leave her for hours past the time they are supposed to pick her up. (2.) I don't want DD going to a house where the parents are so irresponsible and (put the description of your choice) that they don't even NOTICE that their kid is missing for well over an hour past the time she is supposed to be home.

It was 70-75 minutes past the time to PICK HER UP. They were not making a move to come get her, which means they were going to be at least 85-90 late at a MINIMUM picking her up, and that's if they had remembered at just about the time DH took her to her door. And it didn't seem as if they had tumbled to the fact that she was even absent. So my money is on them being 2 hours late at least. Who the &^%$ forgets their kid like that? They didn't even notice when she came home, for crying out loud!

Yes, I feel for the girl. It dawned on me that perhaps the reason Amy tells whoppers is so she can get attention. Heaven knows she wasn't getting any that day. But that family left a bad taste in my mouth and DH and I want nothing to do with them. Period.

And something tells me if we'd had a wreck while driving their kid home, they'd have been just the sort to sue us.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Cell phones are only good if the person answers them. Many kids have the cell phones but when they call mom and dad, it goes straight to voice mail.


I think these parents know exactly what they are doing..

I was referring to the incident where the poster's 9 year old daughter went TOT with a friend. Poster tried to call the mother for 1.5 hours to find daughter to give her a coat. After 1.5 hours finally got through to the Mother who said her phone was off and gave the poster another cell phone number, one that was also off.

So, the poster tried for hours to find their daughter and the adults had their phones turned off.

Which is why I said my children had cell phones at an early age. I don't ever want to have to rely on the adults my children are with in order to be able to reach my child. Many times, the adults are way more irresponsible with cell phones than the kids.

So, you are right, the adults don't answer their phones. The 9 year old daughter probably would have and saved her mom 2 hours of worry.

But to each their own. I trust my kids more than I do many of their friend's parents. So, I communicate with them when I need to rather than having to be dependent on their friend's parents reliability.

 

[Sleepy]

We used to live near a family like this. Single mom with a teen son and young daughter. Mom was too busy being angry over a divorce and a husband who was remarried. She never had time for the kids. She had a great job and worked mon-Fri daylight hours. Perfect for a single mom, but again, no time for the kids.

The teenage son was never home. The elementary aged daughter got herself ready for school. Most days she was late or just missed because she was late. How she ever passed her grades I have no idea. She was always conveniently hanging out at our house after school each day. Would stay until after dinner. We soon caught onto what she was doing. We really did not mind, but it was frustrating that mom made no effort. Mom never got home before 10pm. Months turned into years. I worked fulltime and was sort of a single mom myself. My husband was always on deployment. I really did not have the time or the energy to raise someone elses child.

Somehow a conversation of this family came up with my neighbor who lived between this family and us. She had asked me about the other neighbors daughter being at our house. She told us the child used to be over at their house all the time and conveniently at dinner time until they put a stop to it. I guess that is when she started coming to our house.

She started high school and was still late most days and I was always the one she asked to give her a ride. I never verbally conplained, but I was upset that this was something the mom should be doing. Eventually, hormones and an empty house of opportunity was more fun than hanging out with us in the evenings. We expressed our concerns to her mother. Mom was not concerned that most afternoons there were multiple boys at the house. Too bad. As the months went by, I noticed a weight gain in the daughter. She ended up pregnant at 14 years old. It would have been nice if we could have done something to help her avoid this, but she was not our child. All we could do was offer her a safe place to hang out and a hot meal in the evening. We moved before the baby was born, so I don't know the outcome.

All I can say is be there for this girl the best you can. Any attention you give is probably more than she gets at home. Why else would she spend so much time with your family?

 

[ogreenlee]

i can't imagine being that mom.

i feel guilty when i'm stuck in traffic and running 15 minutes late.

 

[pixiewings71]

My DDs both have keys, they are 13 & 9. The 9 y.o. hasn't had to use her key but we gave her one just in case. Her Dad is actually flaky like this and so is her Aunt, we will have a time set for them to bring the girls home and they bring them early almost every time so we gave them keys just in case. We try to just be home but sometimes we need to take care of something so it's just easier for them to have keys. Anyway, my DD21 had friends like this, I became their second Mom and you know what, to this day 3 of them call me Mom and would rather spend time here then at their own houses.....it says a lot about your character that you are there for this girl, and in her coming years she will Thank You for it. NO it's not your job, it's your choice and that's what makes it even better. I'm glad she has you in her life.