Unreliable parents

[monkey68]

Personally, I feel like there is a big difference between nobody being home to open the door for a 15 year old, and no one coming to pick up an 8 year old from a party. By 15, she should have her own key, be able to let herself in, and stay home by herself. By the time I was 15, I had already been taking mass transit in NY by myself for 4 years, letting myself into my house would have been no problem. Do teens forget their keys? Sure, but it's a small thing to remember. When I was 15, I forgot my house keys, I had a half day at school. I called my mom, she said "Too bad. Now you'll just have to wait until someone gets home".

But someone forgetting to pick up a younger child, that's just irresponsible.

 

[agnes!]

Personally, I feel like there is a big difference between nobody being home to open the door for a 15 year old, and no one coming to pick up an 8 year old from a party. By 15, she should have her own key, be able to let herself in, and stay home by herself. By the time I was 15, I had already been taking mass transit in NY by myself for 4 years, letting myself into my house would have been no problem. Do teens forget their keys? Sure, but it's a small thing to remember. When I was 15, I forgot my house keys, I had a half day at school. I called my mom, she said "Too bad. Now you'll just have to wait until someone gets home".

But someone forgetting to pick up a younger child, that's just irresponsible.

The 15-year old might have parents who keep promising to get her a key but somehow always keep forgetting. Or maybe they borrowed her key and never gave it back.

agnes!

 

[Sleepy]

The 15-year old might have parents who keep promising to get her a key but somehow always keep forgetting. Or maybe they borrowed her key and never gave it back.

agnes!

Maybe they purposely don't give her a key because they don't want her in the house when they are not there. Some people have a different parenting style. Might appear strange to us, but to them it is perfectly normal and acceptable.

 

[DSNLvR]

I feel for this kid, because I was that kid.

I remember one time my parents being a few hours late picking me up at my aunts house and hearing her husband ranting about what irresponsible parents I had.

Made me feel like crap and wonder why my parents were that way.

 

[DWGal210]

Unfortunately this kind of thing happens all the time. Friday night was senior night at my dd's high school. On senior night the seniors are escorted on the football field by their parents. We had 2 boys in the band that needed escorts because their parents were not there. The boy I walked with thanked me several times for standing in for his mom. The parents were given flowers. I asked Matt if he wanted to take the flower home to his mother. He politely said no. I later found out that his parents have never seen him perform. I don't understand how anyone could be so cold.

How sad!!

 

[hucifer]

Well, I ended up with 18 y.o. twin girls living with me after their parents decided to relocate to NC and pretty much abandon them here. They're in their senior year with DD. God knows what would have happened to them if I didn't take them in. I've spoken to their mother once about 6 months ago and that's been it. Their parents have made no effort to contact me or DH or to send either the girls or us anything to help out. I feel really bad for them, especially now with the holidays approaching.

That is one of the saddest things I've read in a long time. That could mess up a child for life with that kind of abandonment.

They are lucky to have you. Are they good kids?

 

[starrzone]

Well, I ended up with 18 y.o. twin girls living with me after their parents decided to relocate to NC and pretty much abandon them here. They're in their senior year with DD. God knows what would have happened to them if I didn't take them in. I've spoken to their mother once about 6 months ago and that's been it. Their parents have made no effort to contact me or DH or to send either the girls or us anything to help out. I feel really bad for them, especially now with the holidays approaching.

How very generous and selfless of you to do this. Those poor girls...I'm glad they have you as a stable presence in their lives; some parents take the "they grow up and can fend for themselves when they turn 18" mentality rather literally...

Unfortunately this kind of thing happens all the time. Friday night was senior night at my dd's high school. On senior night the seniors are escorted on the football field by their parents. We had 2 boys in the band that needed escorts because their parents were not there. The boy I walked with thanked me several times for standing in for his mom. The parents were given flowers. I asked Matt if he wanted to take the flower home to his mother. He politely said no. I later found out that his parents have never seen him perform. I don't understand how anyone could be so cold.

That was so sweet of you to do. It's sad that so many parents don't even make an effort to recognize their kids' accomplishments. Kudos to you for stepping in.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

I could write a book on this subject. As a parent with five kids, I'm often told by parents that "one more doesn't really make an difference". Really?

I've had to end some of my children's friendships over this. My daughter had a friend who ended up with her own closet at our old house. She lived with her grandmother and mother and they would often use the excuse of miscommunication between the two of them for not picking her up. These two winners would spend most evenings in the bar, trying to pick up men.

The father was abusive (at least that was the initial story). Then the mother and father briefly reunited. Then I had to deal with him and his excuses. He started to ring my doorbell at 10pm to use my computer. Just a wacko.

I finally banned the friend from our house after the grandmother called me from jail to bail her out!


We have several friends now that practically live at our house. We have been getting better on setting limits, but it is so hard when you see the emotional toll it takes on the kids.

Just this Halloween we had a friend who spent most of that weekend with us. He was there when we carved our pumpkins, baked cookies, even watched us get our costume on before trick or treating for pictures. All things families do together. We are outside in costume and his Dad drives by saying he is just running out for juice boxes. Never even asked if it was okay to leave his son with us. Heck, if we weren't outside at the time I doubt we would have known.

He didn't return for almost 2 hours!

The frustration of the situation is easier to take because my kids understand what is going on here, and I think appreciate that they have parents they can depend on.

 

[CathrynRose]

Well, I ended up with 18 y.o. twin girls living with me after their parents decided to relocate to NC and pretty much abandon them here. They're in their senior year with DD. God knows what would have happened to them if I didn't take them in. I've spoken to their mother once about 6 months ago and that's been it. Their parents have made no effort to contact me or DH or to send either the girls or us anything to help out. I feel really bad for them, especially now with the holidays approaching.

That's how I'm ending up with my 18 y/o son's best friend, this coming Wednesday.

The mom is moving to Florida, to go live closer to the older daughter. Her son (my son's B/F) is not allowed to come.

Okey Dokey.

 

[AndreaDM]

We "abandoned" our oldest dd when she was a senior in high school because we didn't want to make her switch schools with one semester left to go when we moved 45 min. away. Too far for her to commute daily in her crappy car, so a kind, older couple from our church let her stay there during the week. She did come home every weekend and of course moved in with us as school as school was out!

I'm so paranoid about my 6 year old going to anyone's home where I don't know both the parents, so I can't imagine leaving her somewhere for hours on end, especially if she had no idea when I was coming back. Ugh, these poor kids!

 

[EMom]

That is one of the saddest things I've read in a long time. That could mess up a child for life with that kind of abandonment.

They are lucky to have you. Are they good kids?

When I started dating DH in college, he told me about his brother's friend from high school and what happened to him. My reaction was .

This was a straight A, all honors courses, never gave the parents a minute of trouble kid. In his junior year, the parents decide to get divorced and neither wanted to stay in the state. They both wanted to start new lives elsewhere. Problem was, neither one wanted to start their new life tied down with a teenager. Neither asked for custody. They made it plain they didn't want him....a kid most parents would be thrilled to have.

One of his teachers stepped up and took him in until he could graduate the next year. It's been a few decades and he did go on to be a financial success....his brains helped,. But he has had serious trouble with relationships. I would feel safe in saying what the parents did, indeed DID mess him up for life.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I feel for this kid, because I was that kid.

I remember one time my parents being a few hours late picking me up at my aunts house and hearing her husband ranting about what irresponsible parents I had.

Made me feel like crap and wonder why my parents were that way.

Same here.
I remember my parents at a young age leaving me with family and I know they were mad even though they didn't show it to me. Later on they would say a few choice words about my parents. They started leaving me home to fend for myself at a very young age.

 

[TeresaBelle]

i can't imagine being that mom.

i feel guilty when i'm stuck in traffic and running 15 minutes late.

same here! and i'd always call to let her sitter know.

shoot, i'm late for work everyday in order to put my dd on the bus. heck if i'm going to be late picking her up. i get, what, 1 hour with her in the morning and 3 in the evening before her bedtime..it's all i've got and i'm not going to waste a minute of it!

 

[Crystal0608]

DD (9) has a friend that I kept this summer for 3 days (last time-more issues than this). I picked her up, had to wash her clothes after day 1 b/c she didn't have enough packed and she had to wear dd's swimsuit that was 2 sizes too big. After 3 days, her mom doesn't call and check in so I have her dd call and let her know I'll drop her off at 8:30am the next morning since I have to be at work at 9am. Well, I'm on time and I knock til my hand hurts, a good 15 minutes, and finally her two younger siblings come open the door and dd's friend goes inside. I waited a couple minutes for the mom to come to the door and she didn't, so I left. I barely made it to work on time and mom never called me. Same friend was at a school event recently and was dropped off by another mom. She fell and got hurt and her mom couldn't be reached by cell phone, so that other mom had to come pick her up and take her home. Sad...

 

[Darcy03231]

Words cannot express how I feel about these so-called parents. Like I said before...a MOUSE, a mammal with the brain the size of PEA - can be a better parent than some humans.

Darcy - You and your family are true heroes. I'm sure it hasn't been easy to take in two teenagers. What do you-all do about insurance - car, health, etc. and medical care?

agnes!

They have a car that they share and they pay the auto insurance/gas/maintenance on it (they work part-time at a grocery store). Parents are still paying their cell phones since they just renewed last year while they were still living here and are under contract (although their mom calls them weekly wanting them to take over the contract). Since they're 18 and legally adults but still in school I was able to get them on a state run health insurance program that doesn't cost anything and will cover them until they graduate from high school. They also qualify for free breakfast and lunch at school, free bus ticket, free SAT testing, and food stamps.

We have four children and the two oldest are gone (DS is 25 and pursuing his master's degree - has his own apt. and DD is 21 and going to school in NC and living there full time). We have plenty of room and they're really great kids. They've been with me since mid-July and are no trouble at all. Honors students, work hard, very respectful and willing to help out any way they can.

 

[Darcy03231]

That is one of the saddest things I've read in a long time. That could mess up a child for life with that kind of abandonment.

They are lucky to have you. Are they good kids?

They're great kids! No trouble at all. They're honors students, work hard and respectful. Sometimes I wonder about how such screwed up parents have such great kids.

 

[Darcy03231]

That's how I'm ending up with my 18 y/o son's best friend, this coming Wednesday.

The mom is moving to Florida, to go live closer to the older daughter. Her son (my son's B/F) is not allowed to come.

Okey Dokey.

Doesn't it really make you wonder about some people?

I can understand if you have an 18 y.o. that's not going to school, refuses to work and is nothing but problems and/or disrespectful saying ok, enough, its time for you to be out on your own, but I don't get it when you have good kids who are going to school, working, willing to help out around the house (voluntarily) and are a pleasure to be around.

 

[HelenePA]

I have a question for ya'll... *sigh* there is this bully at our bus stop. His mom moved and took his brother and sister but left him with dad.. dad is a truck driver and often away leaving him with the neighbors. I feel awful for this kid. You can just see he wants attention. He looks so sad being the only kid with no parent at the bus stop with us.. he's 9 and lives 3 houses away so its safe for him to go alone. I want to befriend him but he's picking on my oldest dd! she is also 9 but has a speech problem (I dont often post personal stuff on here) and leaves the last letter off some words.. we are doing therapy and its helping she's still not 100% He calls her stupid and stuff.. He's also picking on at least 3 other kids. He's gotten into fights... You can just tell its all for attention. He's getting little to none at home.. I am afraid of this backfiring on me.. if I invite him over and he is a little brat picks fights with my kids, breaks their toys (like he did with another kid at the bus stop) what do I do? I'm going to just be another person to let him down.. his back pack is falling apart. I was going to get him a new one (they are on sale at kmart for $5) in hoping on making some kind of peace offering. I'm just rambling. WWYD?

 

[DVC Sadie]

I have a question for ya'll... *sigh* there is this bully at our bus stop. His mom moved and took his brother and sister but left him with dad.. dad is a truck driver and often away leaving him with the neighbors. I feel awful for this kid. You can just see he wants attention. He looks so sad being the only kid with no parent at the bus stop with us.. he's 9 and lives 3 houses away so its safe for him to go alone. I want to befriend him but he's picking on my oldest dd! she is also 9 but has a speech problem (I dont often post personal stuff on here) and leaves the last letter off some words.. we are doing therapy and its helping she's still not 100% He calls her stupid and stuff.. He's also picking on at least 3 other kids. He's gotten into fights... You can just tell its all for attention. He's getting little to none at home.. I am afraid of this backfiring on me.. if I invite him over and he is a little brat picks fights with my kids, breaks their toys (like he did with another kid at the bus stop) what do I do? I'm going to just be another person to let him down.. his back pack is falling apart. I was going to get him a new one (they are on sale at kmart for $5) in hoping on making some kind of peace offering. I'm just rambling. WWYD?

HelenePA, Thats a hard one but I'll try to answer in how I would try to handle that situation.

That little boy is lashing out to anyone within his reach and needs to be told to stop. He definitely sounds angry. It sounds as if he is neglected and his father isn't there to help guide him.

If you choose to help him you need to know going in that his behavior might not change right away and it will probably take a long time to see any significant changes. If you do have him into your home sit him down and tell him what is or is not allowed behavior. At 9 years of age he should be able to understand.

I commend you for what you are thinking about doing. All children deserve someone who will help them whether it's a family member or a neighbor.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

This kind of stuff happens to us all the time. I guess it's universal. There are a whole bunch of adults out there relying on us to raise their children. Glad we're up to the task, lol! Keep doing what's best for the children, guys, someday you will look back and be glad you did it.

In the end, the world is a better place, though! At least that is what I keep telling myself!