Ungrateful children

[bunnysmum]

I like the idea of having the kids take more ownership of paying for the trip (on a small, kid-sized scale..meaning they contribute to their own spending money). After all, they are going to be in on the having fun part of the trip, so they should probably be in on the planning and funding portion, too, to some extent.

Maybe you could have a family meeting and discuss the fact that they probably don't realize how you (parents) have scrimped and saved to make this trip possible, and that there simply isn't spending money available because the car had to be fixed. You could tell them that the family has a choice...either go to Disney with less spending money, or cancel the trip. Then you can help them brainstorm ways to earn some money. And I do like the garage sale idea. Every kid has stuff they no longer want or need and can clear out to make way for new stuff.

In addition, they could always ask for Disney dollars for birthdays, Christmas or other holidays, etc. And the toothfairy (if age-appropriate) can always leave a Disney dollar or two. If they receive an allowance, they could opt for Disney dollars instead of cash...that would help insure it wouldn't get spent too soon.

 

[cleo]

Welcome to the DIS, seven dwarfs! I just love the name you've chosen Does that mean there might be a 7th 'dwarf' at some point? (No, I'm not really asking you to tell us, I just thought the name was cute given you have 6 little ones. Perhaps the 7th is a dog or a bunny.)

I really don't think anyone is flaming the OP. We've all been there in some way with our kids, if not on this particular topic then on some other issue. The OP put it out there and asked for thoughts, which people have given. They've also shared their own experiences and given some terrific suggestions.

None of us call ourselves Perfect Parents nor think we have Perfect Children. If this issue is NOT one our family has had to wrestle with, we're sharing our thoughts on WHY it isn't and what we have done or would do to avoid it. I could easily post about frustrations over kids doing their homework and the frustrations I've had in coming up with something that works and I'd hope people would give me good advice based on what works for them.

 

[RIDisneyFan]

Our first family trip was last Sept. We gave our DDs (they were 5 and 8) $1 allowance each week for about 3 months before our trip - but they had to do chores and behave in order to get it. They also saved their tooth fairy money and any money their grandparents gave them for doing chores at their house. They each had $65 when we went last year. Anything they wanted to buy they had to use their own money, and me or DH had to approve it. My oldest DD came home with $7 left over; my youngest spent all of hers by day 5 of a 7 day trip. We are going again this Sept (couldn't resist free dining!). Even though our DD's already have about $125 each saved up (it's in the bank in their own savings accounts) we've told them that they must do their chores each week from now until the trip or we won't allow them to bring any money - it will just stay in the bank. And they aren't allowed to bring all of it - probably only about $50 each. We've also explained to them that this will be our last Disney trip for a long time. We live in an apartment right now, and we really want to have our own house. They seem to understand that having a house is more important than even Disney. Of course, telling them that once we have our own house they will be able to get a kitten doesn't hurt! (our landlord right now doesn't allow pets).
I agree with a lot of the other posters - your kids need to understand how hard it was for you to be able to even afford to take them to Disney even once. If they want spending money, they need to earn it - not except dad to see his stuff.

 

[seven dwarfs]

Thanks for the welcome. My husband has been teasing me for years now because I am always on this board and never joined! Now what has he got to say!

We do have seven kids! I lost my Mason last July 2. It has been very hard for us because we never know what to say when asked about how many kids we have. Due to complications with Mason we are done having kids but I liked the name seven dwarfs to include him.

Sorry to go off topic...and back to the original post of kids and what to do with them!

 

[pepperw23]

We are not an afluent family and we have scrimped and saved for months to take our 4 kids to WDW this August. We went for the first time last year and loved it so much we're going back - even though we didn't really have the money. Last year we gave each of the kids $100 apiece in spending money. We were hoping to do the same this year but ran into some car trouble and other unexpected expenses. I told the kids that we were still going to Disney for 10 days because the trip is already paid for but that we won't have much spending money this year. I guess I'm foolish but I expected them to say "Don't worry mom, we'll be at Disney! What more can we ask for?" WRONG! They all started pouting and trying to get my husband to sell his beloved hunting equipment so they could have spending money. I tried telling them that we would still have fun and eat great food (free dining) but just wouldn't have much money to blow on junk. It didn't help. The youngest started crying and two others stormed off angrily. I feel like cancelling the trip. Where did I go wrong?

You didn't, they are kids. The brain takes a little vacation between the ages of say.... "SPEAKING AGE" until at least 18 (my oldest is 18 I will let you know how much longer the brain vacation is when I know ) Just love them, and keep drilling the values in..that is what I do. I'm sure it will click sooner or later.

 

[cleo]

Mason will be remembered by us as one of the 7, then!

 

[Disneynutbsv]

My kids have been earning their spending money! They do the kidzeyes surveys, we did a yard sale...they sold some of their old toys, clothes and such, my ds is mowing my inlaws lawn...Earning their spending money teaches them how to spend/save, whatever. You know once they are there, they'll have so much fun Have a wonderful time!

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

Wow! I'm glad to see that I'm not the only person with these problems. I don't feel that anyone has flamed me - I DID ask where I went wrong. My children are: DS 9 DD 8 DSD 8 and DS 4. My DH has muscular dystophy and uses an electric wheelchair. The children help him with many things every day. I've always thought that it was good for them to help their dad and helped to build character. That's part of the reason that their reaction shocked me.

I gave them the $100 apiece last year for a couple of reasons. First, because they do an amazing job helping their dad with very little reward and second because DSD (who lives out of state and spends the summers with us) had brought $100 from her mother and I didn't want the others left out.
I don't know if she is planning to send her money again this year but I hope not. I don't want her to have spending money and not the other kids but I also don't want DH to end up in a fight with her mother.

I like the idea of a garage sale but I'm not sure how we'd do this with DSD. She's only here in the summers so she doesn't have a lot of things here to sell. (Plus, I'm not sure her mom would like us selling her stuff!)

They are basically good kids. I don't know where the sense of entitlement comes from! We don't have an excessive lifestyle at all. We live in a modest home and drive a huge handicapped van. I let them see how many people had responded to my post about their behavior. (They didn't actually read the posts but it gave them an idea that maybe they were being jerks.)

As for my DH's hunting...I wouldn't worry about debating that. He's been "hunting" for 34 years and has yet to kill a thing. I guess the noise of the wheelchair scares everything away for miles. Bambi can sleep soundly at night!

 

[bluejasmine]

You havent done anything wrong. Its just kids..I see it sometimes with my own. While it is upsetting I wouldnt let it get to you, they will see you can still have a wonderful time. Meanwhile tell them they can find ways to make they money, my kids do it for every trip, I have never given my kids money they always make their own. My son is 12 he is cutting grass and doing odd jobs for the neighbors, my daughter 9 is doing odd jobs and walking dogs. Our family members are good about paying the kids to do things here and there that could be an option too.. Then maybe the kids can do a garage sale, sell some of their things..

 

[sameyeyam]

Yes, I agree it's a "Stage". It lasts from about 2 years old until they have children of their own!!!

Think about it, I know I wasn't really grateful for anything my parents did for me when I was a child. I can remember getting a brand new stereo for my 15th birthday and becoming upset because it didn't have headphones with it! I wasn't a real spoiled, bratty child by any means. But unfortunately, that is just how children are.

I'm happy to say, as an adult I have thanked my parents numerous times for all of the things they did for me as a child. So you will get the appreciation, it just won't happen for a long time!

 

[poohluvr]

You could always tell them about my poor only child whose first trip to Disney World was a reward from us for her college graduation!

LOL....I had dreams of taking my kids to WDW for years. I finally did when my eldest graduated high school! I would agree let them save some money themselves. It's funny how kids think twice when it's their own money. My oldest and his gf blew over $1000.00, most of which was graduation money given to my son. I felt sick when I found out how much they had spent...lol. My younger two each had $100.00 from money they earned and such and they each came home with about $50.00. So now they already have money saved up for our next trip.

 

[ckoncurat]

On an average vacation, my kids get $10-15 for souvineers. (ages 3-10) On a disney trip, which for us is something we do every 3-4 years, they get $25-30 each, enough to buy one nice item. In addition to that, I sometimes buy them treats like matching disney PJs, light spinners, etc, at closeout prices BEFORE we go. DH and I have never spent $100 each on ourselves on a vacation!! We are middle class, with a nice home, two paid off cars and no other debt, but we got that way by not spending money on junk.

I wouldn't cancel an already planned trip, but it sounds like your kids need to learn a lot more about the value of a dollar!

 

[seven dwarfs]

I do not think it is about doing anything wrong on your part. I think it is human nature to want something you can't have. Even as an adult this can happen. Sometimes I can have a mini fit and have to step back and realize I was acting like a brat. I think kids, even with being raised with good morals and values, sometimes will have these fits. I think it is normal. I would do what you think is right. I am sure with time they will realize how special it is just to be going to Disney.

 

[Bev J]

Don't feel bad, kids nowadays see so many things they want and see other kids get lots of stuff too. They just think that is the way it is and they want to have it too.
Sit down and explain to them what you have already spent for them to have this trip and have a wonderful time as a family.

I have 4 kids and I know how easy it is to fall into the gimmmeee trap. Our kids are all adults now except an 11yr old. They always had to save $$ from their allowance or what ever they got from garage sales and we would match what they saved. I relize your trip is comming too soon for much saving going on.
I make a trip to the dollar store before we leave to pick up treats for the kids. Glow necklaces, little flashlites, stickers, I buy snacks to pack so they can have snacks in their belt bag.
Tell them this trip we are skipping buying all that stuff- see if they can even find or remember what they bought last time.. Don't feel like you have to give them any spending money. I am sure it will give you a headache in the long run sorry to say....
The garage sale is a good idea if you have the time to set it up. As far as the Child who is only there for the summer, if her mom give her spending money then to be fair you will probably have to decide if you can swing $10-20 each for the other 3 kids let the other child only use that much from what she gets and send her home with the rest.If you choose that they get ZERO money then return all and explain to the Mom why you did this. But make a firm rule once you spend your $$ there is no more. Let them be in control over what they spend it on, they seem to spend differently when they have to dip in their envelope to get it and they see the number of bills going down.

You have plenty of time before your trip for the kids to get over the 'shock' of not much spending money, focus on the fun time you will have as a family and make sure they understand no whinning!!

Bev

 

[LSUDis]

Tell them that they COULD have had their $100 each, but you decided to go for 10 days instead of 5. Next time, tell them they can have their $100, but then you'll have to charge them for their part of the hotel room.

 

[KatheeME]

You haven't done anything wrong, or gone wrong at all. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I don't have the words right now. Hang in there, I hope they get their act together well before your trip comes around. We took our girls to California/Las Vegas/Grand Canyon 12 day trip about 3 years ago and it wasn't good. They were 18 and 21 at the time, but don't get along well and it made the trip hell, at least for me. One day we went to DL and sadly, my memories of that day are not good. I hope it goes much better for you.

 

[Lizzybee]

I read the OPs scenario to my kids, DD8 and DS12. They were like "whoaaaa" when I got to the part about selling the hunting gear. My DS12's reason he would not ask me to sell my things for spending money is "it's your stuff and it's not fair for me to ask you to give it up for me to get stuff". Both kids agreed they'd be in HUGE trouble with me for even suggesting such a thing. They also said I would give them a lecture on "thankfulness" (yes they've heard it before). They have saved up their own spending money and I'm giving them each one treat on me...BBB makeover for my DD8 and an Epcot Passport/coin book for DS12. I went so far as to ask the kids, "If I told you that in order for us to pay off the trip I need to use some of your savings too." My DS12 said "I'd be sad, but at least we'd still get to go to Disney". My DD8 said "I'd be mad and I'd say "WHAT???? NO!!!!!" I think kids can be disappointed in that situation, it's natural, but asking for a parent to sell belongs is a bit much. I agree with those who say, have the kids sell THEIR things in a garage sale, do neighborhood chores, or whatever if they want extra spending money. They can choose to do that or button it up and be happy for what they have but any further complaining would be grounds for punishment.

 

[Crazy Kanga]

One thing that we have done to curtail this attitude in our kids is to itemize how much is spent on just the trip. When they see that, they get a grip!

 

[DisneyDotty]

Hi OP Like others, I don't think you "went wrong" anywhere. Sometimes (actually, majority of the time!) our kids amaze us and make us proud--occasionally they remind us they're just...kids. I agree that they need to share responsibility for the trip--provide their own spending money. Nothing wrong with that. Last year we gave our kids spending money--this year I said since we were just there last year, they can bring their own money to spend. I"m betting they won't find much worth buying this time around!
By the way, I don't think affluence or the lack thereof has anything to do with this. We're comfortable--as my DD just said, "Very comfortable" (And yes, I'm thrilled that she realizes this! But she's been exposed to a lot in her 12 years for her to realize how fortunate we are). We appreciate the value of a dollar--and we teach that value to our kids. It takes a lot of work and budgeting in order to afford WDW vacations--regardless of a family's affluence! Let your kids know how much your trip costs--how much you have to work to buy that trip. They'll start to understand what it really costs to get what you want--and they'll be more grateful as a result. If not, take them to volunteer at a food pantry, or bring a foster child into your home--then they'll realize how blessed they are.
Enjoy your trip, and your kids. They're fine--they just need a little more education on the issue of finances.

 

[declansdad]

You did nothing wrong. If on your first trip you managed to give each child $100 to spend, more power to you. When we go next summer, if I have $100 to give ds, I will.