Unconditional Love And The Naive.

[SanFranciscan]

I was riding a public bus home and overheard a conversation that most of us have probably heard nearly word for word 100 times in our lives. Two people were talking about how much they wanted to be loved for themselves. I wanted to reach over and pat each of them on the head for being so naive. I don't expect anyone to love me, or even like me, for who I am. If people like me at all, it is for who they are when they are with me.

Maybe I just have low expectations, but I think people expecting unconditional love are the ones who can expect to be unhappy all of their lives in pursuit of it. What do you think?

 

[Jennasis]

If you want unconditional love, get a dog. If you want somebody to love you for who you are, you have to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.

 

[minkydog]

I think all of us crave that unconditional love. It's right up there with food & security. We all want to be liked and loved. Most of us, maybe none of us, will never have that kind of relationship with another person because people aren't perfect.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I really don't see the difference between the two. It's just semantics

 

[Robinrs]

If you want unconditional love, get a dog. If you want somebody to love you for who you are, you have to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.

Truer words were never spoken!

I remember when the song "I Wanna know what Love Is" used to be my theme song. Golly, was I EVER that young???

They'll find out eventually. Like my elderly Dad always said to every question I asked about life... "Keep on Living..."

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I have to say that this is what everyone hopes to find, but few really look for. People say that all that they want is someone to accept them for who they are, but are they are willing to give as much of themselves?

For it to work, it has to flow in both directions. But it can happen, and you don't have to find your "soul mate" for it to happen. It just takes the ability (for both parties) to take a risk, combined with mutual trust and respect.

In order to fall completely in love with another, you have to be willing to give everything that you are to that person - which allows that person to crush you. Both parties have to be willing to do this for nirvana. That rarely happens (usually just one takes the leap), but it does happen...

 

[JessicaR]

I don't think it is naive to believe unconditional love exists. I think it's cynical to believe it doesn't.

I share unconditional love with my family.

 

[Imzadi]

If you want unconditional love, get a dog.

I don't think it is naive to believe unconditional love exists. I think it's cynical to believe it doesn't.

I share unconditional love with my family.

Actually, I had this conversation with someone years ago. He pointed out that if you abuse and starve a dog, even it will probably leave.

And many parents would like to think they love unconditionally, but if you found out your son/brother was Jeffrey Dahmer or was incestuous with a a fellow family member, would you still love unconditionally?

 

[Judy from Boise]

I do not believe that humans are capable of uncondiional love. All love ultimately is a choice and the human brain is wired to make choices based on "input". You can chose to love(the verb) despite the past input, but cannot discount it as if it never happened. So it is still a choice....but cannot be an attitude as if there is a constant "clean slate".

 

[Imzadi]

I do not believe that humans are capable of uncondiional love. All love ultimately is a choice and the human brain is wired to make choices based on "input". You can chose to love(the verb) despite the past input, but cannot discount it as if it never happened. So it is still a choice....but cannot be an attitude as if there is a constant "clean slate".

Did you read the book, The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck? It was book big in the '90s. It was on the NY Times Bestseller List for a record breaking, unprecidented 529+ weeks. I remember the first time reading it, and the author, too, brought up the concept of love being a choice. That "Romantic love," known as being "in love" is a feeling, versus "Mature love" which is a choice to love, (verb) even when you don't feel very loving at the moment, or depending on what the situation is, (temptation of an affair, or my previous example of finding out someone is an incestor.) Excellent book and cleared up so much about "Love" for me.

 

[kirbsam]

I was riding a public bus home and overheard a conversation that most of us have probably heard nearly word for word 100 times in our lives. Two people were talking about how much they wanted to be loved for themselves. I wanted to reach over and pat each of them on the head for being so naive. I don't expect anyone to love me, or even like me, for who I am. If people like me at all, it is for who they are when they are with me.

Maybe I just have low expectations, but I think people expecting unconditional love are the ones who can expect to be unhappy all of their lives in pursuit of it. What do you think?

let them enjoy the idealism of it. who cares if they want it and expect it. why turn them into you. someone with very low expectations. let them reach for the stars.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

True, they could be naive.

Or they could have severe issues that makes them feel that it is necessary to have that love.


I think unconditional love is a misnomer.

These young people probably are not confident and lack self esteem and thus are heavily focused on their flaws. They want people to look past the acne, weight, bucked teeth, oily stringy hair, or whatever it is that they do not like about themselves and know and love the "real" them.

Just my observation!

I don't think that unconditional love by itself is a naive concept. Especially when there are those in society who cannot look past what they see and get to know what they can't see.

Chances are, they aren't getting a PhD in behavioral sciences and could care less that the concept is virtually impossible.

It always saddens me when those who do not have self esteem issues of any kind cannot understand the heavy burden it is to have positive self esteem. Loving yourself is a foreign concept when you have those issues and takes a lot of work. Some people don't even know where to start.

I am married to a husband who loves me and have 3 children but I am still working on the skeletons in my closet that still make me doubt myself and pull at my confidence. It ain't easy. But I'm working on it.

 

[JessicaR]

Actually, I had this conversation with someone years ago. He pointed out that if you abuse and starve a dog, even it will probably leave.

And many parents would like to think they love unconditionally, but if you found out your son/brother was Jeffrey Dahmer or was incestuous with a a fellow family member, would you still love unconditionally?

Yes, but, if your family never does those horrid things, unconditional love prevails. In other words if life continues status quo unconditional love is a constant, for me. So I would rather be an optimist than a pessimist.

"Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs." So far so good.

 

[alizesmom]

Unconditional love is a choice. I have chosen to love my husband and children unconditionally. That doesn't make me naive or even optimistic. If a family member did something that harmed or endangered someone else in our family then I would stop contact in order to protect the others. That does not mean I would cease loving that person.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Interesting question and responses.

I think the most unconditional love there is (besides a dog ) is probably that from parent to child.

Family runs a close second, but even that's conditional.

Most other love, to me, is conditional.

That doesn't mean there can't be very strong love, or even soulmate-type love, but that type of love is quite conditional.

Therefore, I wouldn't spend a whole lot of time searching for unconditional love. Time is probably better spent working to keep special relationships love worthy.

Just my $.02

 

[Acklander]

I don't go looking for someone to love me unconditionally - actually that would be kind of freaky. I just want people to accept me for who I am, and I find the easiest way to do that is to accept people for who they are.

 

[java]

Unconditional love
hmmm
I believe in it. Do I love everything my husband does or says- nope but I love HIM. Isn't that the definition of unconditional?

I had a prior relationship with someone that was not faithful (neither was I) but honestly we were ok with that. I was happy. I loved him. However I couldn't marry him. Marriage has conditions. Love doesn't.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I don't think 100% unconditional love exists.

I love my fiance but that love would cease if he cheated on me, killed someone (unless it was self defense or something), did something awful to an animal, child or otherwise helpless being, or hit me.

I don't have kids, but I think my love for a child would also stop if they killed, abused or did some other heinous act beyond forgiveness.

if you had a child and that child grew up and raped and murdered your grandchildren, would you still feel love for your child? I would not.

I think of that van crash on Long Island where the moron got wasted and killed 5 children. 3 were her brothers. If that was my sister, I'm sorry, but I would not love her anymore.

Some things are unforgivable.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

In order to believe in unconditional love, to have to believe in love. Most of the posts in this thread make me wonder if the posters even believe in love, or if their relationships are based on other things...

 

[Judy from Boise]

I didnt 'get that impression at all. I just happen to believe that only God is capable of unconditional love, for the rest of us it is either a stimulus/response action, or a cognitive choice to action/attitude.