Unconditional Love And The Naive.

[Pea-n-Me]

In order to believe in unconditional love, to have to believe in love. Most of the posts in this thread make me wonder if the posters even believe in love, or if their relationships are based on other things...

Well it could be that people are talking about different things, or perhaps it's a religious or philisophical difference in the understanding of love.

As others have pointed out, conditional would be that there is something someone you love could do to break that love. (As I understand it.)

Do you see it differently?

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I think the most unconditional love there is (besides a dog ) is probably that from parent to child.

I agree 100%. Nothing they could do would make me stop loving them.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

As for the girls on your bus, if it's a significant other they are trying to find...I don't believe in unconditional love at first sight, so yes, they will wind up dissappointed.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I don't equate being loved for who you are with unconditional love. If you love someone for who they are, that's a condition. I love my DH for who he is, with all his faults an imperfections. I would not love him if he were different, even if he was perfect. If he was the perfect DH I'd resent him for being better than me.

I do believe in uncoditional love, even from someone who isn't a parent or a pet...but I believe that such feelings would probably be unhealthy. People who love unconditionally...without thought...without concern as to the potential consequences...those people are dangerous...to themselves if to no one else.

 

[claudia]

I was riding a public bus home and overheard a conversation that most of us have probably heard nearly word for word 100 times in our lives. Two people were talking about how much they wanted to be loved for themselves. I wanted to reach over and pat each of them on the head for being so naive. I don't expect anyone to love me, or even like me, for who I am. If people like me at all, it is for who they are when they are with me.

Maybe I just have low expectations, but I think people expecting unconditional love are the ones who can expect to be unhappy all of their lives in pursuit of it. What do you think?

made me think of "Hope Springs Eternal"

 

[sbell111]

I don't equate being loved for who you are with unconditional love. If you love someone for who they are, that's a condition. I love my DH for who he is, with all his faults an imperfections. I would not love him if he were different, even if he was perfect. If he was the perfect DH I'd resent him for being better than me.

Agreed.

I would argue that 'unconditional love' is not what the girls on the bus were talking about when they wanted to be loved for who they are. They merely didn't want people to try to make them be something that they were not, nor did they want to have to act in some false way in order to be loved.

Isn't that what everyone wants?

 

[SanFranciscan]

As a matter of fact, it was one male and one female in that conversation on the bus so they were each probably trying to "test" the other. I believe that romantic love is a love from afar. Real relationships are more practical and mean deciding how much each of you will put up with from the other.

 

[ols386]

Actually, I had this conversation with someone years ago. He pointed out that if you abuse and starve a dog, even it will probably leave.

And many parents would like to think they love unconditionally, but if you found out your son/brother was Jeffrey Dahmer or was incestuous with a a fellow family member, would you still love unconditionally?

Yes, if it were one of my children....anyone else, probably not.

 

[alizesmom]

People who love unconditionally...without thought...without concern as to the potential consequences...those people are dangerous...to themselves if to no one else.

Unconditional love doesn't mean without thought or concern. You can still keep your brain and do the wise thing if potential harm is involved. It just means the love doesn't cease.

 

[sbell111]

As a matter of fact, it was one male and one female in that conversation on the bus so they were each probably trying to "test" the other. I believe that romantic love is a love from afar. Real relationships are more practical and mean deciding how much each of you will put up with from the other.

Are you really this jaded?

 

[diznygirl]

Unconditional Love is an ideal. What's wrong with striving for the best?

Too many people settle for less, and they aren't as happy as they could be. You might think they are looking for something that doesn't exist, but that's just an opinion based on experiences.

The glass is half full, people!! Keep hope alive!!!

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I think these kids were probably looking for acceptance, not love. I think unconditional love is a nice concept, but unrealistic. I believe now, with my entire heart and soul, that I love my DD unconditionally, but if I found out she was a serial murderer, rapist, etc., I don't know. I think I would always love her for the person I once thought she was, but not who she actually is at that moment, KWIM? I'd like to believe I love my mother unconditionally, but if I ever had to make a choice between her life or my daughter's, I would chose my daughter every time, so can that really be unconditional love? I also think unconditional love tends to cloud the judgment of people and they truly don't see other people and situations for what they truly are. All of this, as always, is JMHO.

 

[3jsmommy]

Simply put...I will always love my kids, no matter what the "conditions" always!
So for me unconditional love is a reality & I don't need a degree in psych to come to any conclusions about it!

 

[SanFranciscan]

I don't think 100% unconditional love exists.

I love my fiance but that love would cease if he cheated on me, killed someone (unless it was self defense or something), did something awful to an animal, child or otherwise helpless being, or hit me.

I don't have kids, but I think my love for a child would also stop if they killed, abused or did some other heinous act beyond forgiveness.

if you had a child and that child grew up and raped and murdered your grandchildren, would you still feel love for your child? I would not.

I think of that van crash on Long Island where the moron got wasted and killed 5 children. 3 were her brothers. If that was my sister, I'm sorry, but I would not love her anymore.

Some things are unforgivable.

I can respect you for that. I was in training to become a court reporter until my school closed. I noticed that parents thought that their children deserved to be forgiven, which I soon learned meant let go, for doing horrible sex offences or murder. Parents sure didn't have any forgiveness in mind when their child crashed the parents' car or burned the parents' property in an accidental fire. Their children were treated with shocking contempt the parents would have found appaling if it had been directed at their children by strangers their children had victimized.

 

[TimeforMe]

Honestly? I think one can only love their own children unconditionally. As much as my DH and I love each other, there are definite "conditions" put on it. For example, if he treated me badly, was not a good father, etc. I don't think I would continue to love him. On the other hand, once you hold your baby in your arms, there is an inexplicable bond that is forever--at least to me anyway. This is not to say that if they grew and wronged me or turned out to be a serial killer, that I would approve, but I think I would still feel a mother's love for her child. JMO, of course.

Good topic.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I don't know what exactly to beleive. Sometimes I want to unconditional love and sometimes I don't. I think it depends on the person.

Love is a very tricky thing and there are so many variables that go into it that its different for everyone.

I used to be a firm beleiver in True Love and Love at first sight but I have come back to reality on those.

When people talk about family loving you that is something different than anyone else can ever give you. I don't feel that my husband would ever be able to love me like my mother does. I know that sounds weird but no matter what she will love me anyway, like a PP had said.

I just hope that some form of love is still alive in some men out there. I don't think they want it anymore.

 

[SanFranciscan]

Are you really this jaded?

Yes. That is why we have Disney to tell us that men enjoy kissing women who haven't brushed their teeth in a hundred years and that beautiful young women fall in love with men who are scary ugly without knowing ahead of time that they are filthy rich.

I have seen women ready to leave their husbands because there wasn't constant hearts and flowers in their marriages. Anybody who is truly miserable because their spouses are beating them or something has to leave, but I have told many a divorce-seeker that if they really want romance they had better keep their library card current. I wonder if the divorce rate is higher among romance readers though. I think the secret to longterm relationships is to be content to be content instead of demanding happiness.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I do not believe that humans are capable of uncondiional love. All love ultimately is a choice and the human brain is wired to make choices based on "input". You can chose to love(the verb) despite the past input, but cannot discount it as if it never happened. So it is still a choice....but cannot be an attitude as if there is a constant "clean slate".

I disagree... but I do think it is varied and rare. But, I love my children, and only my children, unconditionally.

Unconditional love is a choice. I have chosen to love my husband and children unconditionally. That doesn't make me naive or even optimistic. If a family member did something that harmed or endangered someone else in our family then I would stop contact in order to protect the others. That does not mean I would cease loving that person.

I stopped reading the thread here...because those are my sentiments exactly. My children could do the unspeakable, and yes, I feel they should take the punishment given to them, but I would never stop loving them, I would detest the people they had become (if that makes sense)...

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Honestly? I think one can only love their own children unconditionally. As much as my DH and I love each other, there are definite "conditions" put on it. For example, if he treated me badly, was not a good father, etc. I don't think I would continue to love him. On the other hand, once you hold your baby in your arms, there is an inexplicable bond that is forever--at least to me anyway. This is not to say that if they grew and wronged me or turned out to be a serial killer, that I would approve, but I think I would still feel a mother's love for her child. JMO, of course.

Good topic.