Ughh.....my daughter was offensive.....

[Marseeya]

The difference is that the Jungle Cruise fellow is making fun of himself. The OP's daughter is making fun of other people.

I've thought a lot about this since I posted my original comments and I really have to stand by what I said even though I'm in the minority. Un PC jokes are fine in the privacy of close friends and family, but this girl was in the company of somebody she didn't know. She, according to the OP, has put her foot in her mouth more than once lately. She was obviously in need of hearing it like it is from somebody. And I agree with those who have suggested that the child may have exaggerated the response a bit. Most kids DO exaggerate. It sounds like somebody told the kid that she was out of line, and she was.

.

I'll have to go back and double check, but according to the OP somewhere in this thread, it was the friend's mother who told her the story.

So, unless the friend's mom was exaggerating (which I suspect she'd tend to downplay the story, don't you?), then I would assume the version of the story is valid!

 

[Marseeya]

From the OP:

"The story I had gotten was from the friend's mom, not my daughter, so I am judging it to be fairly accurate."

 

[DisneyPhD]

Oh I totally agree with this. My husband and I (and my parents too) value higher education right up near health. We will do everything in our power to see that our kids go to and graduate college. And we will pay for it entirely. If I have to use the "flipping burger" comparison, then I will. If it makes me snobby, great! I went to college. I earned the right to be snobby about it.

LOL

I also have to laugh at the post about the Dr. who was used as an example of why to go to college, so you don't have to do yard work. Of course he was secure enough about it to just chuckle

I have to agree that going to college isn't as important as gaining a skill, trade or education. I must admit that after doing an addtion on my house, plumbers do make a GOOD living, but they also preform a trained skill that they spend years learning. I am in awe of their skill and many like them.

Of course 3 college degrees and I still can't spell with out spell check! Everyone needs to learn to laugh a little at themselves. I think the mom needs to think about why she was so upset and remember she is the adult in this situation children learn by her example.

 

[angiedora]

I would also be mad at the woman who went off on your 12 year old. Your daughter is not an adult nor can she be expected to behave like an adult. A simple, "Let's not talk like that" directed toward your child from the woman who actually knows your daughter would have sufficed. I wouldn't want my child around the Mother's friend anymore.

 

[lbgraves]

I think that if anyone should apologize in this situation it is the person who reprimanded your DD. I agree that she sounds like she has a huge issue with not attending college. I would have laughed right with your DD. My comment probably would have been more along the line of how it is amazing how easily some people get their HS diploma...which is true. It is sad that some HS graduates can't balance a checkbook or figure out change if the register doesn't tell them what it should be.

Oh, and I have worked retail in CS & as a cashier (back before the registers told you how much change was due ) and waited tables many years so I have been on the other side of the counter & know what should be expected by the customer.

 

[Marseeya]

I don't get why there's such a hostility among those without college degrees. It's like reverse snobbery.

I worked at a retail store a long time ago and the workers there were so mean and nasty to one of the assistant managers that they always referred to in a snide tone as "college girl."

Also, I had a friend once who got a job as manager of a school cafeteria and she was totally snubbed by all the workers there and they totally berated her because she had a degree. Oh, and my degreed friend had a long history in the fast food business.

I never got my degree until I was in my 30s and I never once felt sour grapes towards those who did have them. The only thing that made me mad was how businesses will only hire those with degrees when many people could easily do those jobs without that little piece of paper. My husband is a computer programmer without a degree and has moved about as far as he can in his company, but he was so very fortunate to find a company that didn't require a degree in the first place. He's working on that now, and thankfully the company is paying for it.

Anyway, I'm just rambling. I feel absolutely no shame in encouraging my kids in doing the best they can do in school so they can work towards college. I'd support their choices either way, but I'd rather they get a higher degree. My 14 yo DS has learning disabilities, but hey, that's why universities have a disability department! I graduated from college Summa Cum Laude with a learning disability.

 

[Lorikr65]

Oh I totally agree with this. My husband and I (and my parents too) value higher education right up near health. We will do everything in our power to see that our kids go to and graduate college. And we will pay for it entirely. If I have to use the "flipping burger" comparison, then I will. If it makes me snobby, great! I went to college. I earned the right to be snobby about it.

Wow - I would think there would be a better way to teach your child the value of a good education than belittling other people who are earning an honest living (rather than living off the system). I have an education, worked for many years but stay home with my children and do parttime work from home - could I get those orders straight - doubt it!!

 

[illini]

When I was in middle school one of my best friends parents were divorced. Her mom was a nurse and worked very hard to take care of the girls even though the dad was a rich architect somewhere else. She had this brand new car that for some reason looked like it had been through a war zone-horrible paint job. We went shopping one day and I saw some guys I knew-I was like there's so and so hide me I don't want him to see me in THIS car. This happened over 20 years ago, I still feel horrible, I really hurt her mom's feelings. She (the mother) has since died of cancer. I'll never forget it though!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have not read the responses to the OP here...

But,
Ummm..... Kids in this age group are PROFESSIONAL at thinking they 'know' what they think they need to know, and putting their foot in their mouths!!!

It just comes along with being that age!!!

How many threads on this 'mouthy know-it-all tweens' have we seen on the DIS here lately!!!
I am remembering the one about the kid giving her mother(stepmother) an opinion about using 'Nair'.... and the mother said something like "Honey, I've been using NAIR since before you were born!!!"

Now, in this situation, the other kids parent, an ADULT, feeling like they have to have a big personality conflict with a CHILD, and scolding a child who is NOT their own , for an off-hand comment where they just might happen to have a slightly different opinon.

THAT is what I find wrong in this situation....

 

[DarkSideMoon]

imho the atack by the mother was punishment enough, trust me, that hurts alot.

 

[Beth76]

Wow - I would think there would be a better way to teach your child the value of a good education than belittling other people who are earning an honest living (rather than living off the system).

Yeah, there is a better way. That's why I said if I have to. Hopefully, my children will want to go to college and I won't have to convince them.

 

[jan/cape]

Unfortunately, children can say things that are insensitive and never realize it. My goodness, I have said things that after have thought, Oh God did i really just say that.
The adult in this situation should have made this a teaching moment instead of attacking. Can anyone say that a person with a college degree never messed something up?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Me again,

I just wanted to add something else to my post above...

I have not read this whole thread, but I am guessing that the OP heard about this from the other Mom.

Now, if this were me, and I were hearing the other Mom tattling on about this, I would be taking this as a personal attack on my parenting... Ex. "You mean you talk this way to your DD... and you let her talk/think this way!!!"

It is bad enough that the other Mom berated the DD..... Now, she has effectively called the OP and berated her as well!!!

She is simply crossing all boundaries here. She has no right to make these judgements and try to force them on others.

There is NOTHING wrong with seeing the value of a college education.

Sounds like the other mom was PERSONALLY offended, as she does not have a degree, and she probably realizes that the OP does have a degree. Well, I say, so what!!! This must be a very sensitive person with her own personal issues on the subject. That still gives her no good reason to act as she has and to make this into a conflict with a child.

The other moms behavior is what is what I find 'offensive'.

 

[robinb]

Wow - I would think there would be a better way to teach your child the value of a good education than belittling other people who are earning an honest living (rather than living off the system).

And here's the main problem with fast food and other dead-end jobs. They may be an "honest job" bit they are not an "honest living". Oh, no. Far from it. Those jobs do not pay a living wage at all. They are a heartbeat away from "living off the system" while working 40 hours a week at minimum wage. You try it for a month and let me know how you are faring.

I will teach my child that, as a woman, she must be able to fend for herself. She won't be someone's wife first and mother second. That's OK with me in the long run as I am currently a SAHM living off my husband's salary. BUT ... (a big but here) ... she should always be able to provide for her family if/when she needs to. I know I could if I needed to. If that makes me a snob, then I can live with that. So can my DD is another 16 years.

 

[Stacey2grls]

While I do agree that it is extremely important to go to college, I firmly believe that it is awful and disgusting to make fun of people that haven't gone to college. Especially coming from a 12 year old girl, who as far as I'm concerned doesn't have enough life experience to know the circumstances as to why that person hasn't gone to college. Maybe the person the "screwed" up her order is going to college. Maybe they are trying desperately to save for college. Maybe that person has no low self esteem, having been told they are stupid their whole lives and feels this is the only job they can do. Maybe that person is from another country and has limited opportunites for now, but is dreaming big for the feature. No, I don't feel your daughter is a bad kid for saying that statement, but, she should definately be taught that situations in life aren't always as they seem, and to ease up with the quick judgement.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would "deal with it" by having a little chat with the adult that humiliated my child in public.

But why??? The child is 12...certainly old enough to hear an adult's displeasure at a comment she made.

The comment was rude. Maybe it was meant as a joke, but it was still offensive to that woman, and she had every right to voice her displeasure. Th OP states that this is the 2nd or 3rd time her DD has made an offensive comment in recent months...perhaps this other parent making a bigger deal out of it will make an impact.

My goodness, what a bunch of self-absorbed little monsters we are creating these days...

I swear...I don;t understand why people think children have to be treated like china dolls.

 

[lulugirl]

But why??? The child is 12...certainly old enough to hear an adult's displeasure at a comment she made.

The comment was rude. Maybe it was meant as a joke, but it was still offensive to that woman, and she had every right to voice her displeasure. Th OP states that this is the 2nd or 3rd time her DD has made an offensive comment in rceent months...perhaps this other parent making a bigger deal out of it will make an impact.

I swear...I don;t understand why people think children have to be treated like china dolls.

I absolutley agree! I think the comment was really obnoxious and a 12 yr. old should be called on her behavior. It's just rude to put someone down for their (presumed) lack of education....and my parents taught me that long before I went to college.

 

[lbgraves]

I certainly do not think that the woman taught the 12 yo a great lesson by attacking her for what she said. Discussing it would have been a much better way for her to handle it.

I have to say that reading the responses makes me wonder what transpired in the car prior to the 12 yo's comment. How many times have you been on the receiving end of a totally messed up order while going thru the drive thru after waiting in a long line? How many times have you just smiled and said excuse me but this is not what I ordered...I will gladly sit here for another 5-10 minutes while you correct your terrible mistake...thank you. IMO a comment like what was made by the 12 yo is usually said to break the tension & bring a smile. She did not call the person stupid or any number of other words that would have intentionally been cruel. This part of the story wasn't relayed to us, so we don't know how the mother reacted to the mess up.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I certainly do not think that the woman taught the 12 yo a great lesson by attacking her for what she said. Discussing it would have been a much better way for her to handle it.

I have to say that reading the responses makes me wonder what transpired in the car prior to the 12 yo's comment. How many times have you been on the receiving end of a totally messed up order while going thru the drive thru after waiting in a long line? How many times have you just smiled and said excuse me but this is not what I ordered...I will gladly sit here for another 5-10 minutes while you correct your terrible mistake...thank you. IMO a comment like what was made by the 12 yo is usually said to break the tension & bring a smile. She did not call the person stupid or any number of other words that would have intentionally been cruel. This part of the story wasn't relayed to us, so we don't know how the mother reacted to the mess up.

I agree.

Why react so harshly? It did sound very cruel of her. The woman has a problem to react that way.

 

[O2BNWDW]

"If I have to use the "flipping burger" comparison, then I will. If it makes me snobby, great! I went to college. I earned the right to be snobby about it."
To everyone who does this:

Anyone been on IASMW? Just as this great planet of ours is diverse. So are the jobs that must be done in order to - well maintain our communities. As a previous poster pointed out - if the no one emptied the trash at the office every night then it would stink!

Every job has it's place. If you look down on the fast food employees then why do you even let them prepare your food?

Are we teaching our children that an education is essential at the cost of teaching them value for others?

I understand that education opens doors and affords opportunities but to use "flipping burgers" as threat to teach the importance of education is a double edge sword. You are teaching your children that these people are "less important" in order to make your point. Certainly there are better ways.