Ugh! Sometimes it's so hard to do the right thing! long

[mommaU4]

As some of you know we moved to MI from CA about a year and a half ago. My family is here. DH's is back in CA. His parents came out to visit us last summer and then met us in WDW in Nov.

DH has 2 weeks off in June and we were hoping to be able to go back to CA for a visit. I was really looking forward to it because I have been very homesick. DH actually likes it here better than I do! Unfortunately we found out we cannot afford to all go so we were going to forget the whole plan. We invited his parents to come back out here to visit again this summer but his dad has Parkinson's and cannot fly anymore.

So.... I told DH he should just go out there to CA by himself at least for a few days to visit his parents, his brother, his sister, see his old co-workers and friends and all our old stomping grounds.

At first he was like no way, I am not leaving you stuck here with all the kids while I go have fun. But I've been slowly making him realize it's the only way he'll get to see his dad. I told him he has more reason to go than I do. For me it would be strictly a fun trip to see my old home. For him he will get to see all the people I just mentioned.

It just makes more sense for him to go and we could afford one plane ticket, not 6. I can see his resolve is weakening and I think I might be able to convince him to do it. And I really want him to go but......I'm bummed for myself. I wish there was some way we could all go together.

Anyways if he goes I will put on my happy face and tell him to have a blast and I will mean it, even though a part of me will still be sad and homesick. Just wanted to get that off my chest. I had to say it somewhere and I would never dream of letting him know how I feel because he'd never go for sure then! And I know he's homesick too so one of us should go and it needs to be him.

 

[disneynutt1225]

Sounds like you need a

 

[clh2]

I'm sure you've considered this...is 2 weeks his whole vacation for the year? Or will he have additional vacation time for a family trip somewhere too?

 

[disneyelaine]

What a sweet wife you are! Also just wanted you to know I would love to live up in your area! We try to visit every summer and I spent every summer growing up in that area, specifically on Lake Leelanau and Glen Lake. I kicked the idea around of up and moving as it is so slow paced and beautiful in that area! Just thought I try to cheer you up by letting you know there is someone who is jealous of where you live! In fact, ask my 12 year old son and he'd rather go up there over Disney World!

 

[SleepyMom]

Would it be possible to drive and not fly, then you could all go. You could see a few things along the way and still spend a week in California.

 

[mommaU4]

I'm sure you've considered this...is 2 weeks his whole vacation for the year? Or will he have additional vacation time for a family trip somewhere too?

Two weeks is his whole vacation time for the year but I know he wouldn't mind dividing it up. In fact that's one of the lines I'm using to convince him to go. I told him to take one week and go to CA and then when he gets back we'll take another week and go someplace close by as a family.

It's not the vacation part that's upsetting for me it's that we both miss being in CA and he'll get to go back and I won't. BUT I just have to keep reminding myself that it truly is more important for him to go than for me. Even though we both grew up there, he has more ties there right now than I do so that's why I'm trying to do the right thing and convince him to go.

 

[mommaU4]

What a sweet wife you are! Also just wanted you to know I would love to live up in your area! We try to visit every summer and I spent every summer growing up in that area, specifically on Lake Leelanau and Glen Lake. I kicked the idea around of up and moving as it is so slow paced and beautiful in that area! Just thought I try to cheer you up by letting you know there is someone who is jealous of where you live! In fact, ask my 12 year old son and he'd rather go up there over Disney World!

It is pretty up here no doubt about that. It's just a big adjustment going from the Los Angeles area to a smaller northern MI town. That's why I thought going back to CA for a visit this summer sounded so great. Get my fix ya know. Too bad it's so expensive and that didn't work out.

But thanks for your kind words. Although I'm not buying it for a minute that your 12 yr old likes it better here than WDW!! Nice try though!

 

[Mishetta]

I thought I was reading about myself! We have the same story here! My DH & I moved to MI from CA 10 years ago. I had family here & I wanted to stay home to raise my own kids rather than leave them in daycare & you know how impossible that is in CA! So the big decision to move here was so that I could be a SAHM. Anyway, I miss CA soooooo much & we usually can't afford to have us all go so my DH has gone without us. His Mom & Dad & sister were there. (I say "were" because my FIL died last November.) My DH had just been out in August to visit (alone as we couldn't afford to go as a family) & I'm so thankful that I talked him into taking this trip because it was the last time he saw his father alive.

I do want him to go but I'm also very sad when he takes off without us. A trip to CA would just be too expensive for us. Besides airfare, we'd also need hotel since there is no room at my MIL's since my SIL & her family moved into my MIL's house as soon as my FIL died. Then we'd need wheels to get around, etc....I guess I don't have to tell you the rest. But I do understand since I miss my friends so much & I miss CA in general. It's so beautiful there & I'd love to show my oldest DS (10) where he was born & introduce my kids to my friends.....it would just be so great.

You're doing the right thing no matter how painful it is for you.

Whereabouts in CA did you live? I lived in Baldwin Park (20 miles east of L.A.) & right next to Covina. My DH was from the Pasadena area.

 

[LoveWDW]

You are being very mature about this. Good for you.

 

[mommaU4]

Would it be possible to drive and not fly, then you could all go. You could see a few things along the way and still spend a week in California.

Actually we did that when we moved here. It's hard though because it took forever and we have 6 in our group so when we get a hotel we either have to get a suite or two rooms and that can get expensive real fast.
Plus our poor old minivan has seen better days and I seriously doubt it would make it. Hey, that could be a good thing. Sorry kids we have to stay here in CA our van won't make it back!!

I've been telling DH that if he goes alone he can stay with his parents and save money on a hotel. Of course his mom would cook for him. And they have a car he can use so he won't have to get a rental like we would if we all went.
See? I'm good at this convincing business. Too good I think. Oh well.

 

[rascalmom]

What about leaving the kids with your family for a few days & the two of you making a trip to CA together? Two plane tickets are still less expensive than six!

 

[mommaU4]

My DH had just been out in August to visit (alone as we couldn't afford to go as a family) & I'm so thankful that I talked him into taking this trip because it was the last time he saw his father alive.


You're doing the right thing no matter how painful it is for you.

Whereabouts in CA did you live? I lived in Baldwin Park (20 miles east of L.A.) & right next to Covina. My DH was from the Pasadena area.

That's exactly why I want him to go, because his dad is getting progressively worse with the Parkinson's. Hopefully he still has many years left, but he's just getting older in general and you never know.

We were living in Burbank when we moved. But I grew up in the Mount Washington area near Eagle Rock. And when DH and I first got married we lived in Glendale.

Glad to know at least I'm not alone. Thanks.

 

[alliecats]

This is very good karma you are putting out on yourself and I think it will come back to bless you some day. I know it's hard--I am from CA, and am SO homesick right now, too.
to you.

ETA: Specifically, I am from Glendale & am fond of Eagle Rock, too. We used to go to that mall when I was a kid.

 

[mommaU4]

What about leaving the kids with your family for a few days & the two of you making a trip to CA together? Two plane tickets are still less expensive than six!

I like the way you think!
Unfortunately there is no one here that could watch all four of them for any length of time. Everyone works or has their own kids, etc. They have watched them for us to go out to dinner and what not, but not for that length of time. Oh well. It's a nice thought though.

 

[mommaU4]

This is very good karma you are putting out on yourself and I think it will come back to bless you some day. I know it's hard--I am from CA, and am SO homesick right now, too.
to you.

ETA: Specifically, I am from Glendale & am fond of Eagle Rock, too. We used to go to that mall when I was a kid.

Thanks for the thoughts. Really the only thing that will happen is that he'll go alone and have a good trip. Unless we win the lotto between now and then.

I'm not looking for any special recognition. I mean, anyone else would do the same in my shoes. I just needed a sounding board. I want him to go but I'm still human and a teeny bit jealous and sad that it's not both of us going. Man, how bad does that sound. Told you, I'm no saint.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How about YOU go up there for a few days and he watches the kids??? That way you see some friends and get a break.

 

[disykat]

I think you're doing the right thing too, but agree with Mystery Machine that maybe you can go too - at a seperate time. Tag team. When he returns, or maybe a seperate long weekend, you fly out for a few days and visit your friends.

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

This is ment to help but I realize that it may just make you more homesick. I hope it doesn't.

Remember the brown skies, the sewage filled beaches (because there was a huge sewage spill a few days ago), taking 45 minutes to go 10 miles, drive by shootings, all those greetings telling you're number 1...



The MysteryMachine, The point of her hubby going is to see his dad. She has no "ties" there anymore besides friends, and while friends are important her hubbys dad is sick.

 

[mickeyfan2]

What a kind thing for you to do for your DH and his family.

 

[laura001]

I think you are doing the right thing, even though it is hard, kuddos to you!