UGH! ANOTHER Birthday Party RSVP vent!

[minniebeth]

I've read many of the Birthday party RSVP vent threads on here lately, and thought for sure, somehow, I'd escape the RSVP unresponsiveness when I planned my DD8's Birthday party. She has only ever had one party, and then last year, her party was planned, invitations were just about to go out and we had to cancel it as I was called out of state. My mother was on the verge of passing away (so we thought) and she called us to come see her to say her goodbyes. It was very traumatic and touch and go for so long (she did pull through) so we never had DD's party.
So this year, being a Brownie troop leader for her, we had a hard time deciding who to invite politically and with the girls being in 2nd grade, they are really all friends with each other. So DH and I decided we would do a huge one time only party for her and invite 23 girls.

The party is this coming Friday and I sent the invitations two weeks ago with clear RSVP requests. (Thanks to reading all these threads).
Out of 23 girls, only 10 have responded so far. I have 13 girls that we have still not had a response for. Thankfully, we are not having it out at a pay per person venue. We are holding it at a community center's party room. But I still need to plan for food, treat bags, prizes, etc. I don't mind a few give or take, but 13 unresponses is just ridiculous!
I'm happily doing this for my DD who really, really wants a party but never again...

(By the way, I did try to bribe her into a budget WDW trip with just the two of us since we have free plane tickets...she chose the party!)

SO, RSVP Watch: how long will it take for the remaining 13 girls to RSVP??????

 

[NHdisneylover]

Just call the remaining 13. It is what I aways ended up doing.

 

[mom2boys77]

We had the same thing this past weekend. My ds8 invited all the boys in his class. They were given 2 weeks to rsvp and only 4 bothered to. I had to call the venue and give a head count. Unfortunately I didn't have the other kids numbers so couldn't call them and really I wasn't going to chase down people anyway. Op-just plan for the ones who called.

 

[okeydokey]

I would try to call the other 13. I know it's a pain but better to know ahead of time. I think it's great that your daughter will have so many of her friends at her party. I hope she has a great time.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Has the RSVP deadline passed? If it has, call all of them. It has to be done.

And next time, if there is a next time LOL, leave off the community center name and address!

 

[ccgirl]

I see this a lot...issues with RSVP's. My DD can only invite her "friends". If she is really "friends" with them, she should have their phone number and you can follow up with them. If you don't have their number, plan for them anyway and just make up the goodie bags as needed, return the stuff that never got opened and you can have left over pizza for the rest of the week.

 

[dislaney]

I would call. People can really be so inconsiderate.

 

[luvmy3]

Uugg, I think its so rude to have to call and track down people to see if they are coming. If I was in your shoes, since its not at a venue where you are paying by the guest, I'd make sure I had a enough food to feed all guests and leave it at that.
I have been so lucky to never have had to deal with so many non RSVPers but I have seen the suggestion here many times to leave the time and/or place off the invite and I think its great idea that I will definitely use in the future

 

[cybrkitn]

I'm agreeing with the previous posters - call the 13 that didn't respond. I usually have to do that every year with DS7. You never know, maybe the parents misplaced the invite. It's happened to me on both fronts. I've lost an invite and I've had a parent lose an invite who was very happy I called. If you sent in the invites to school, maybe the parents never got the invite.

 

[cheermom1]

OP I would not call..this is what I have done (mine are grown) I have cake and sometimes ice cream and have enough of that and drinks and you are good to go!! it is ridiculous to call people!! I don't do goody bags and if I want something like that I do a pinata and have bags for them to put candy in. so it doesn't matter how many show up or not.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've had many RSVP the day before the party, unfortunately, and some not at all. If you have their numbers, start callling.

 

[EMom]

Hell will freeze over before I call people to remind them about RSVPing to the RSVP they ignored. The complete lack of consideration shown by people today is one reason I have only cake/cookie cake, ice cream and drinks. No pizza, etc. I buy a huge cake and if we have extra, woo-hoo! As for goody bags, I buy in increments of ten or one dozen, because that is usually how they are sold. If 8 kids RSVP and I have 12 goody bags, but 14 show up......Well, someone will be out of luck and it won't be the kid whose parent RSVPed. I always put their name on the goody bag and the extra bags are nameless for the "surprise guests."

The last two years, we've had a real problem with people not RSVPing and I had to enlist DD's help. Last year, we had a party at the theatre and I finally had her tell the girls that if I didn't get an RSVP, their name wouldn't be on the list at the box office and they wouldn't have a ticket waiting for them. It was a bit of an exaggeration, but their parents sure did make those phone calls ASAP after hearing that. I'd bought personalized favors for all those who RSVPed and gotten a few extras without personalization. (The person who made them had a deadline and she gave me as long as she could.) When the late RSVPers showed up and realized their favors didn't have their names on them, they wanted to know why. I sweetly said, "Oh honey, your mother didn't call by the RSVP deadline and I had to place the order or I wouldn't get the favors in time for the party. I was only able to give the lady the names of the girls whose parents had told me they were coming to the party. If your mother had only called a few days earlier, I would have put your name on yours too. I'm so sorry." Shoot, let them gripe to their parents because they didn't get their names on the favors like the other girls....I'm not taking the blame for that.

This year, so many failed to RSVP on time that I was considering cancelling the party. Seriously, one parent called on the day of the deadline. So I told DD to tell her friends that if I didn't heard from her friends' mothers, that I was going to cancel the party. As it turned out, LOTS of them wanted to come, so the calls started to trickle in....after the RSVP deadline, mind you. Of 13-14 that were invited, only two didn't show up. Of those, one was a surprise attendee, one called to say she couldn't attend, one never called to say anything and the rest RSVPed.

BUT.......I firmly believe the only reason I got those late RSVPs is because I had DD make the girls think that there would be no ticket for non-RSVPers and the next year, the party would be cancelled. It's sad that I had to resort to that, but hey....it worked.

 

[javaj]

You know - I think some people believe RSVPs are only for confirmations.

I always try to RSVP regrets as well, but I've gotta say that for the 6 or 7 kid parties we've had, we've probably only gotten 2 or 3 regrets (and I provide e-mail AND phone contact info!). DSs usually invite about 25, and we always seem to get about 15 - with 2 or 3 of those not RSVP-ing. One year we had 5 families not RSVP and show up to Chuck E Cheese!

 

[descovy]

An idea to consider in the future... it worked well for us.

How do you get 100% of the people to acknowledge an invite to a party? Forget the paper invite... CALL THEM!

We did that this year. My daughter counted out who she wanted to invite, and she called each and every one. Of course, we don't invite the whole class. And if we don't have their number (or any way of accessing it) they probably aren't that close of a friend.

DD (age 10) initiated the call. Friend would say Yay! DD would talk to mom. I let her give all the details, and then she'd pass the phone to me and I would confirm with mom.

There was no lost invite, time to forget to RSVP. If you weren't home we left a message... "Just hi, this is Katie... call me back..." If we didn't hear from them in the next day or two... no invite.

We cut out the awkward middle man... which is the paper invite. Nothing to get lost, nothing to get forgotten. No awkward wait time between sending invites to RSVP deadline. I was able to give an accurate head count to the venue immediately. Moms would just look on the calendar and say YES or NO at time of invite.

And yet, we've never felt compelled to invite the whole troop, the whole class, etc... Number is often dictated by venue (more pricey the venue, less my dd can invite) and what I as party planner can handle and still have a good time.

My kids have never invited more than 10. Do they have more than 10 friends? Absolutely! Kids really do understand that you can still be friends with someone and not be invited to a party. Have my kids been invited to every friend's party? Of course not! But they're still friends, trust me!

 

[Nancyg56]

I agree with a PP who said that it seems that a lot of people think RSVP means Regrets Only. I have had to ask adults if they were attending a party only to be told that they thought they only should respond if they were not attending. No.....RSVP means respond one way or another.

For kids I think that even if i was annoyed that I needed to call I would. DD always includes her email address and has most of DGD's friends parents as well so she has had no problems. Some last minute responders but so far no one has not responded.

 

[mjkacmom]

This year, so many failed to RSVP on time that I was considering cancelling the party. Seriously, one parent called on the day of the deadline..

I hate non-RSVPers too, but everyone does have until the deadline to RSVP. Only after the deadline has passed is it considered rude. If it's not a close friend, I wait until the deadline, because something more important might come up (ie - an invitation for our whole family trumps a birthday party invitation for one of my kids if it's just for a classmate).

 

[rszdtrvl]

For RSVP's for my son, I always put a phone number AND an email address. A lot of people have phone phobias, and it is easier for them to send a quick email.

I would just prepare for the amount of kids invited. If they don't arrive, at least you are prepared.

I ALWAYS RSVP, even if my son can't make it to a party. It is the polite thing to do.

 

[hentob]

When the late RSVPers showed up and realized their favors didn't have their names on them, they wanted to know why. I sweetly said, "Oh honey, your mother didn't call by the RSVP deadline and I had to place the order or I wouldn't get the favors in time for the party. I was only able to give the lady the names of the girls whose parents had told me they were coming to the party. If your mother had only called a few days earlier, I would have put your name on yours too. I'm so sorry."

Poor kids

They have parents that aren't really on the ball (for whatever reason) and they not only get to live with it, they get reminded of it at a birthday party.

I once totally forgot to RSVP for my child It was a rough month..one of my worst ever (moved, gram died, dog was put to sleep). Thank goodness the party host called me to ask if my son was coming. He really likes this kid. She was so sweet and understood. She even offered to pick him up. I will NEVER forget her kindness during this particularly rough time

I could not imagine if she would have dug her heels in and not called I could not imagine him receiving a verbal explanation at the party that I was basically a loser and that if I were better at parenting, he would have received one of the premium favors.

Come on, EMom, don't be thick. You're better than that Call the parents. Your child's birthday party may be very important for their child and maybe (just maybe) the parents are not very organized. Or maybe they lost the invite. Or maybe they forgot.

 

[princesspiglet]

I agree with the above poster, call the last remaining 13. Last month my DD7 was invited to a party she really wanted to go to and I totally forgot to RSVP. I couldn't find the invitation anywhere and she even asked the boy his phone number at school so i could call his mom and he didn't know what it was. I felt terrrible. I am usually a very organized, anal person and was so embarressed that I lost the invite. I took her to the party and explained to the mom that I had lost the invite and she was gracious enough to let DD stay. I know my daughter would have been heart-broken if she was told no at the party door. I learned my lesson though. As soon as she brings an invite home I call then and there and RSVP. We have 4 upcoming partys within the next month!

 

[bettymae1121]

I do have a suggestion for those parties at paid venues that need a head count. Don't give the headcount deadline as the deadline for the RSVP, make it a few days before (a week being ideal). If the bowling alley needs a head count on the the 10th, make the deadline the 3rd. This gives you 1) extra time for the kid's parents to get back to you, hey real life really does get in the way some times 2) time to decide if you want to try and track down the missing kids, and then actually track them down if that's what you want 3) If you do get a few firm "no's", time to invite other kids to fill those slots, if that's what you want to do.

I have no kids, but I as a travel agent I do something like this with my clients. If a deposit for a cruise is due Friday, I tell the client it's due Monday. It's saved the bacon of a few of my clients who flat out forget to get me the money, even after a few reminder calls/emails. I come out looking like a miracle worker that saved their vacation. You'll come out as that cool parent that could fit in their kid after they spaced out on getting back to you!