UGH! ANOTHER Birthday Party RSVP vent!

[EMom]

Poor kids

They have parents that aren't really on the ball (for whatever reason) and they not only get to live with it, they get reminded of it at a birthday party.

I once totally forgot to RSVP for my child It was a rough month..one of my worst ever (moved, gram died, dog was put to sleep). Thank goodness the party host called me to ask if my son was coming. He really likes this kid. She was so sweet and understood. She even offered to pick him up. I will NEVER forget her kindness during this particularly rough time

I could not imagine if she would have dug her heels in and not called I could not imagine him receiving a verbal explanation at the party that I was basically a loser and that if I were better at parenting, he would have received one of the premium favors.

Come on, EMom, don't be thick. You're better than that Call the parents. Your child's birthday party may be very important for their child and maybe (just maybe) the parents are not very organized. Or maybe they lost the invite. Or maybe they forgot.

In almost every case, I CANNOT call the parents. Our school directory usually comes out after DD's birthday and even if I used the one from last year, I'd be lucky if even 2-3 girls from the class had a listed phone number. That's the norm here. They aren't in the phone book either.

The favors were identical High School Musical 3 buttons.....only difference is, some had their names on them and some didn't. I waited until a few days after the RSVP deadline and then the lady who made them had to have a list of names. So I gave her the list and ordered a few extra, only without names on them just in case someone showed up unannounced. Same favor, just no "Emma" or "Grace" on it. When the girls asked me why their names weren't on the favors, I told the truth. I wasn't going to say the lady who made them messed up or that I forgot to give the lady their names. The simple truth is, I gave the lady the list of names that I had and if I didn't know they were coming, I couldn't put their name on a list. I apologized for their name not being on the favor. When the kids point blank asked me why their button didn't have their name on it, I told the truth and said I was sorry.

BTW, mjkacmom, what I meant was that the very first RSVP I received came on the day of the RSVP deadline. I wasn't complaining that someone called on the day of the deadline. I was pointing out that the first (and only) RSVP I got came on the day of the deadline. They trickled in after that when I said I was considering cancelling the party. It seemed as if the RSVP deadline was treated as the day to begin RSVPing instead of the last day.

 

[hereyago]

I would not be hunting down people for a RSVP.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I could not imagine if she would have dug her heels in and not called I could not imagine him receiving a verbal explanation at the party that I was basically a loser and that if I were better at parenting, he would have received one of the premium favors.

While it's regrettable you'd had such a difficult month, that statistically CAN'T be true of SO many people in SO many different locations/times in at the SAME time, e.g. EMom's experience.

It's not the hostess's* responsibility to track down the guests. She's already planned the party, generated and sent the invitations, arranged the refreshments, reserved the venue, created or ordered the favors. maintained a list of attendees - all in addition to her normal daily responsibilities.

As for "premium" favors - the ONLY difference between the favors given to the girls whose mothers responded by the deadline and the favors given to the girls whose moms didn't? The latter were not personalized with the girls' names. That's IT.

*used for ease only, can readily be substituted with male version/pronouns

 

[youcansmellit]

We are lucky because my girls birthdays are a week apart. We combine the party. The best party they have had so far was at a roller skating place. We rented out the entire rink for $250 so the girls could invited everyone they wanted. It was about 80 people (about 45 kids) We did no RSVP. If They want to come just show up. It was great because my girls are 5 and 7 and didn't have to worry about older kids skate around them. For the goodie bags I made a CD and some candy. We had pizza and cake. All together the party was under $400. considering the amount of people and it was for 2 kids I don't think it was that bad.

 

[Becky2005]

I do have a suggestion for those parties at paid venues that need a head count. Don't give the headcount deadline as the deadline for the RSVP, make it a few days before (a week being ideal). If the bowling alley needs a head count on the the 10th, make the deadline the 3rd.

I have always done that but I think that might be some of the problem, other parents seem to assume your deadline really isn't your deadline. Either that have had parties there themselves (which then they should know how important the head count is) or whatever.

I hated having to call the first time but it got easier for me to call after a couple years of rogue invites that never got where they were supposed to & I know they weren't making it up since 2 weeks after the party I got the invite back with "no such address" via the post office even though I confirmed the address when I called. I just always assume that maybe, just maybe, they aren't RSVPing due to a MIA invite. I always wait about 2 days after the deadline to call though. I know I'm impatient but they really DO have until the end of the deadline day to call, so not really correct to call before that.

 

[Rora]

OP- this is such a stinky situation.

Although the ticket seems split, I'd like to add my two cents in favor of calling those who didn't RSVP..I'd say something like "Hey ________! I was just wondering if you received my DD's birthday party invitation? Her party is Friday and I know she'd really like it if Suzie were able to come!" Say it in the most casual, friendly way possible.

Good luck OP!

 

[minniebeth]

OP checking in! So, since I'm a little flexible with planning, I waited until today and only need 4 more responses.
Thanks to the tips on prior threads about birthday RSVPs, I was VERY clear about RSVPing, did include both my phone # and an email address.
The invites were mailed to the girls' homes along with a cute heart craft DD made to be put in with them. (Theme is hearts and friendship) All the girls loved them and told DD so, so I know they got the invitations.

I think it's a great tip/tactic of leaving off the address of the venue, but unfortunately that wouldn't have worked as it's where we have our Girl Scout meetings.

Since most of the girls are in my Brownie troop, and I was emailing their parents about Brownies anyway, I added a personal hey, just following up, will Suzie Q be able to make DD's party on Friday? We'd love to have her.
I finally got some responses that way!
The four more, eh, I have way too much to do to be chasing them down with phone calls, I do that enough with Girl Scouts! (I guess that should have been my expectation right there!) I will leave it at if they show up, great, if not, that's fine too. We'll have enough pizza and treats, etc. to cover the four, I just couldn't go on not knowing about 13!

We'll see what the 4 do!
I know things happen why sometimes we all don't rsvp 100% of the time, and that I truly understand. It just seems to be a growing pattern everywhere.
I'm just old school and make sure rsvping is part of good ettiquette and respect for the person hosting it, so I was frustrated!
Thanks for the posts!

 

[laurie31]

We are lucky because my girls birthdays are a week apart. We combine the party. The best party they have had so far was at a roller skating place. We rented out the entire rink for $250 so the girls could invited everyone they wanted. It was about 80 people (about 45 kids) We did no RSVP. If They want to come just show up. It was great because my girls are 5 and 7 and didn't have to worry about older kids skate around them. For the goodie bags I made a CD and some candy. We had pizza and cake. All together the party was under $400. considering the amount of people and it was for 2 kids I don't think it was that bad.

Wow, that is a fantastic idea! I'm sure I spent $250 on DD's bowling party, and that was just for 10 kids. I would love for it not to matter how many showed up!

OP - I'm glad you got most of your responses after all. I'm with you - 4 is an okay number to deal with if they show up, but not 13! I hope your DD has a happy birthday!

 

[Goofyzgurl]

Dd's bday was last month and I purposely left off the time. The venue was on there b/c it was at one of those places where they have parties and they gave out the invitations with their address on there. The parents knew the date and venue I just left off the time. It's pretty sneaky but she had a bday where only 12 people rsvp'd and 23 showed up on the day of the party. So instead of paying for increments of 6, which was cheaper, I had to pay for it by the head. Learned my lesson then.

 

[minkydog]

SO, RSVP Watch: how long will it take for the remaining 13 girls to RSVP??????

I dunno, how soon before you call them? See, I don't get this. Okay, I understand that we expect people to actually respond to an RSVP, but the sad fact is, most people have NO MANNERS where RSVPs are concerned. I do not wait for them to dither around and think about calling me 5 hours before the party. I CALL THEM about a week before the party. If their parents waffle, then I tell them I'm putting them down as a "no." That usually jacks them up and they decide that "somehow" they'll manage to get SuzyQ over to my house at 2pm on Saturday.

There is no excuse for not RSVPing. But there is also no excuse for sitting around waiting for people to do the right thing when you already know they won't.

 

[disneyismyname]

My mom was always paranoid about the invitations we recieved in the mail as kids that even if we couldn't attend she would call the parents and tell them that we can't go and here's why....

OP--glad you've gotten most of your RSVPs.

 

[EMom]

One of the worst incidents I ever witnessed was at Libby Lu's. A friend of mine had her DD's party there and opted for the upgraded package, which was about $27-28 per girl. DD attended and I think about 15 girls were invited. After the party, we were supposed to head to the food court for Chick fil A and cake. By the time you add the Libby Lu packages, the kids' meals and cake, that would have been a fairly expensive party if all 15 had shown up, but I think she expected about 10.

Boy, did they show up! Plus more. The mom owned a business that catered to little girls and they knew MANY, MANY little girls from age 2 up. (The birthday girl was turning 5, I think.) These girls were regular clients who paid tuition and staying on good terms with them and their parents was a must. What happened was this: Let's say the birthday girl invited a 5 year old friend and that friend showed up, along with her 4 y.o. and 7.y.o. sisters. Libby Lu was a zoo, with wall to wall kids and the workers would ask the guest's mom if they were there for "Emma's" party. Before you could bat an eye, ALL THREE GIRLS would pipe up and say yes. The number of "guests" skyrocketed.

My friend was aghast, but could hardly say anything because if she did, she'd get on the bad side of the moms. (who were also her clients) She quickly decided it was the lesser of evils to pay the extra money and keep the clients happy. I was appalled that so many people took advantage of her. The Libby Lu bill alone was over $500. She probably spent $80-$100 on Chick fil A, plus the cake. Later, my DH said if he'd been her, he'd have written if off as a business expense.

Libby Lu was so crazy that day, with all the girls and moms, that they had to set up 3 makeup stations and we were still in there for over 2 hours. No other shoppers could even get in the door it was so crowded. After that party, our Libby Lu instituted a limit on the number of girls you could have at a party for several months. That party overwhelmed them, poor things.

 

[minniebeth]

^^Wow, I read these posts all the time and it never ceases to amaze me the boldness of some people. These parents know their children are not invited, why would they even think about adding that burden to the mom giving the party?
OT, I'm personally glad Libby Lu is gone (for the party aspect, we liked the store) because my DD was always overwhelmed with the parties there.
We have a similar venue now called Sweet and Sassy, they do hair, manicures, pedicures, and the whole Libby Lu like thing for parties. Plus they have some nice retail. It's very similar to Libby Lu but a whole lot bigger and better, like they capitalized on everything Libby Lu needed to improved upon!

 

[PaulaSue]

Op what was the RSVP date. After that I call. O need to know and at least leave a message and say if don't call back by tomm might I know dear sweetie will not be coming. If i have number figure not there. I label treat bags so if extras come oh well.

 

[EMom]

The good thing about Sweet and Sassy is that if the girl has a limo party, the invitations make it plain that if you don't RSVP, there won't be room for you in the limo.....so people tend to reply. No one wants to listen to their DD gritch that she was left out of the limo because mommy forgot to RSVP.

 

[MIGrandma]

I guess I'm too old to appreciate how kids' birthday parties have evolved over the years. Whatever happened to throwing a party for your kid, inviting who the kid wanted, not putting RSVP on the invite, and just serving cake, ice cream and punch, play a few games like pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, and musical chairs and have prizes for the winners and let the birthday child open their gifts and then let the kids just...play? Low cost, low stress and no RSVP's to worry about.

It just amazes me that some parents feel the need to "go all out" for a birthday party, having it at a venue (bowling alley, restaurant, etc.) and having treat bags, etc. I guess I just don't get it.

 

[lecach]

I guess I'm too old to appreciate how kids' birthday parties have evolved over the years. Whatever happened to throwing a party for your kid, inviting who the kid wanted, not putting RSVP on the invite, and just serving cake, ice cream and punch, play a few games like pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, and musical chairs and have prizes for the winners and let the birthday child open their gifts and then let the kids just...play? Low cost, low stress and no RSVP's to worry about.

We had a home party for DS in December because that's what he wanted. By the time I did invitations, decorations, cake, snacks, a few activities it wasnt much cheaper than the bowling alley party for $150. AND I had to set up and clean up everything. That was our LAST home party. By the way - we put our invites in the cubbies at daycare (invited EVERYONE) and I got RSVP's from everyone except two and those were bullies who DS didnt like anyway. We also got some siblings brought along so we had 18 kids in our house.

 

[Becky2005]

Ihave prizes for the winners and let the birthday child open their gifts and then let the kids just...play? Low cost, low stress and no RSVP's to worry about.

It just amazes me that some parents feel the need to "go all out" for a birthday party, having it at a venue (bowling alley, restaurant, etc.) and having treat bags, etc. I guess I just don't get it.

Prizes for just the winners don't seem acceptable nowadays This is just based on other things lately.

However, part of it is some of the schools require you to invite everyone.

In my case, I threw ONE boy party at my house with only 4 boys there for my oldest in 1st grade and basically I said NEVER again and this WAS with attempting to play pin the tail on the donkey -- I have never seen insanity in all my life with that game, who knew. We had played it many times before. They pretty much destroyed my house, it was a disaster. I somehow was able to have 15 girls here with no problem whatsoever but 4 boys was awful. I have never held another boy party at my house -- I don't care the cost -- I will have it at another venue. I do not want a repeat -- the downfall of boy's birthdays in the winter.

 

[mjkacmom]

Prizes for just the winners don't seem acceptable nowadays This is just based on other things lately.

However, part of it is some of the schools require you to invite everyone.

In my case, I threw ONE boy party at my house with only 4 boys there for my oldest in 1st grade and basically I said NEVER again and this WAS with attempting to play pin the tail on the donkey -- I have never seen insanity in all my life with that game, who knew. We had played it many times before. They pretty much destroyed my house, it was a disaster. I somehow was able to have 15 girls here with no problem whatsoever but 4 boys was awful. I have never held another boy party at my house -- I don't care the cost -- I will have it at another venue. I do not want a repeat -- the downfall of boy's birthdays in the winter.

I had one home party, when ds11 turned 4 in April. We had a freaky 85 degree day, so they just played with waterguns, but one hour after the party ended, the skies opened up and it POURED! I will not take a chance like that again!

 

[MIGrandma]

Prizes for just the winners don't seem acceptable nowadays This is just based on other things lately.

However, part of it is some of the schools require you to invite everyone.

Schools requiring parents to invite everyone in their kids' class to a birthday party? I have never heard of that before. I guess the times they are a changin', but wow I would not have agreed with that at all when my kids were growing up.

How can schools enforce that? What is the penalty?