Ugh, Again, I HATE Liars!!! Vent!

[summerrluvv]

Emma's father is supposed to pick her up on Sundays. He has pulled this crap before where he says he has sent me a text message and I never responded, but in reality, he never sends them. I know he doesn't. So today, I didn't attempt to contact him, just waited to see if he would contact me or pick her up. He never called, text messaged or came. So at about 3:30 I send him a message and ask him if there was any reason he didn't pick her up today. He says he sent me 3 text messages yesterday and 2 today and I never replied so he figured I was mad about an issue I am having with her birth certificate (due to his fault). First of all, I did NOT get any messages, and secondly, if he wanted to see his daughter, pick up the TELEPHONE and call if I wasn't responding!!!! He uses the text message thing as a scapegoat ALL the time because it's "easy". I'm so mad that he thinks I'm an idiot!! I hate liars and I told him he is obviously lying and that my phone company has no record of any attempts to send me a message. I

And I know that he surely tells his family that I don't respond to him, that's why Emma is not over there today. Which is a blatant lie. I just hope he can get his act together for her sake. She is only 2 months old and already pulling this crap. I know how it feels growing up and waiting for my dad to come and he never came somedays.

 

[MidgeD79]

It's going to be a long 18 years.

 

[summerrluvv]

It's going to be a long 18 years.

Seriously

 

[sunee]

Stop counting on him. Assume he isn't coming and be happily surprised if he does. And don't worry about what he tells others. Not your problem.

If this behavior continues, never tell your child he's coming. Just let her be happily surprised when he shows up. That way she isn't disappointed.

I have a friend who tells her kids that daddy is coming even though he doesn't show about half the time. I blame her for their disappointment. She should know better than to get their hopes up.

I think it is kind of mean to let a kid get all happy about something that you know very well may never happen. Puhleeze don't be that kind of mom!!

 

[dmslush]

Stop counting on him. Assume he isn't coming and be happily surprised if he does. And don't worry about what he tells others. Not your problem.

If this behavior continues, never tell your child he's coming. Just let her be happily surprised when he shows up. That way she isn't disappointed.

I have a friend who tells her kids that daddy is coming even though he doesn't show about half the time. I blame her for their disappointment. She should know better than to get their hopes up.

I think it is kind of mean to let a kid get all happy about something that you know very well may never happen. Puhleeze don't be that kind of mom!!

I agree 100%!! I can remember when ex and I got divorced, our daughter would sit and wait in him and just cry and cry when he didn't come. He had a bad habit of calling her and telling her that he was on his way, then he'd get sidetracked with whatever it was he was doing at the time, and not come over. It used to just break her heart. Eventually, he left town and cut off all contact with us. It was the best thing that ever happened! My fiance has raised her for the past 11 years and adopted her 1 1/2 years ago.

 

[summerrluvv]

Stop counting on him. Assume he isn't coming and be happily surprised if he does. And don't worry about what he tells others. Not your problem.

If this behavior continues, never tell your child he's coming. Just let her be happily surprised when he shows up. That way she isn't disappointed.

I have a friend who tells her kids that daddy is coming even though he doesn't show about half the time. I blame her for their disappointment. She should know better than to get their hopes up.

I think it is kind of mean to let a kid get all happy about something that you know very well may never happen. Puhleeze don't be that kind of mom!!

Ahh, good point! Although, I think she will start to get dissapointed (like I did), when Sunday rolls around and she had been picked up the week before but he didn't show that day KWIM?

Fortunately she's too young to understand right now, however, it would be nice for him to form a relationship with her early on. As it stands now, she probably thinks my ex husband is her father because he spends more time with her than her real dad!

 

[Kimmielee]

Summer, I don't have an ex to deal with when it comes to my son... his Dad is non-existent in my son's life (his choice and HIS very big loss).

However, I do agree on the advice the other posters have given you and wanted to tell you that Emma is a BEAUTIFUL little girl. You are so very blessed.

Don't let yourself get stressed about the father... always remember the joy that Emma brings you and the other stuff... it's just stuff!

Congrats on having such a beautiful little girl!

 

[lovetoscrap]

I agree that Emma is beautiful and you are blessed to have her. It sounds like you need to tell him that from now on all communication needs to be by telephone and not by text. I wouldn't even respond to any text messages that I get. That way you set a precedent that it is not an acceptable way to communicate. That way he can't use it as an excuse. I don't know if you have a court order, but you might need to have that added or put in if you do.

 

[summerrluvv]

I agree that Emma is beautiful and you are blessed to have her. It sounds like you need to tell him that from now on all communication needs to be by telephone and not by text. I wouldn't even respond to any text messages that I get. That way you set a precedent that it is not an acceptable way to communicate. That way he can't use it as an excuse. I don't know if you have a court order, but you might need to have that added or put in if you do.

Yes, that's what I'll do. Some things are just too important for text messaging.

I don't have a Court Order yet since I don't have a birth certificate and cannot file a petition in Family Court without one. Hopefully soon!

Thanks for the replies everyone

 

[mcnuss]

...or just tell him that you have. That way he cannot pretend to have sent the message.

 

[DeterminedOne]

What a jerk! I feel so sorry for you and especially poor Emma. It's his loss, though. What a jerk!

I hate liars, too. I have a friend who lies about having sent text messages, called my phone and couldn't get through, etc, etc. Be a grown up already!

 

[Kath2003]

I'd tell him IN WRITING that you expect him to pick Emma up on Sundays at a set time, unless he directly communicates that he won't via a telephone call or recorded mail. Inform him that you have disabled text messages on your phone and that this is no longer an appropriate way to contact you. List your cell phone and your land lines as a reminder

This guy sounds like he's being deliberately difficult, so now's the time to set down the rules for him. I'd also keep a diary of how often he turns up and how often he actively telephones you to tell you he won't be.

Send this by BOTH email and recorded mail. Set your email to send you a receipt when the email is being read by him. Send the mail recorded so you KNOW he got it. Everything from then on is on HIS back, and should you ever need this raised in court, you can prove that you have tried and that you have integrity.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Stop counting on him. Assume he isn't coming and be happily surprised if he does. And don't worry about what he tells others. Not your problem.

If this behavior continues, never tell your child he's coming. Just let her be happily surprised when he shows up. That way she isn't disappointed.

I have a friend who tells her kids that daddy is coming even though he doesn't show about half the time. I blame her for their disappointment. She should know better than to get their hopes up.

I think it is kind of mean to let a kid get all happy about something that you know very well may never happen. Puhleeze don't be that kind of mom!!

A-MEN!!!!!!

Seriously I don't know how you let a guy toodle off with a 2 month old baby that he doesn't even live with.
Esp. since he lies to you....no way in hell.

 

[ilovejack02]

...or just tell him that you have. That way he cannot pretend to have sent the message.

exact thing i was thinking !!! My Dh has a beeper that can take text messages , so his ex likes to send her nasty stuff there. We have stopped responding to anything she sends us on there and just recently began ignoring all emails... thats how she likes to fight lol. We let her know that if she has any issue she must talk to one of us and quit pulling the chicken **** act.

 

[Stepht5]

A-MEN!!!!!!

Seriously I don't know how you let a guy toodle off with a 2 month old baby that he doesn't even live with.
Esp. since he lies to you....no way in hell.

I was thinking the same thing! I would be HAPPY that he didn't come! She's only 2 months old! I've never let one of my babies that young out of my sight!
I would be sick to my stomach worrying aobut her the whole time!

My sister dated a guy for 3 yrs and hen she found out she was pg she realized that he would NOT be there for a baby.... so, she never had him put on the BC and she never asked for anything from him --- she supported herself without any type of aid so, she never needed to tell the State the name of the father. She was 19yrs old at the time. That way she never had to deal with him and visitation.

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

A-MEN!!!!!!

Seriously I don't know how you let a guy toodle off with a 2 month old baby that he doesn't even live with.
Esp. since he lies to you....no way in hell.

Oh I agree with this!! Summer, you sound like such a nice person---I would be RELIEVED if he didn't come to pick her up for the day. Heck, I would hardly let my DH feed DS#1 when he was born, much less would I let him take him and be gone for the whole day!! And we're married!!

 

[summerrluvv]

A-MEN!!!!!!

Seriously I don't know how you let a guy toodle off with a 2 month old baby that he doesn't even live with.
Esp. since he lies to you....no way in hell.

It's hard, it really is. He has only physically picked her up three times now. Before that he would hang out here and see her. That was becoming uncomfortable for me though since I absolutely hate to be around him (funny how things change so dramatically huh!). My mom said to me...you want him to pay for her but you don't want him to pick her up. Um yeah..but of course that's not right, is it?

His family is REALLY great though (my sister has known his sister and family for years and I knew his family before knowing him) and when he does pick her up, he takes her to his mothers. I make him pick her up in his mother's car because I don't want him riding in his car since he has smoked in it. I made sure to inspect the carseat before letting her go. I really didn't want him taking her at all, and it was reallllyyyyy hard the first time, but I was thinking that it's not fair to him, but heck, now I'm not so sure I care what is fair to him.

He does pay child support thus far, so I'll give him credit for that.

His name is not on the birth certificate though and after thinking about it, I think that's why he didn't pick her up today, because he is mad about it. Long story short, he was being sneaky at the hospital and signed the acknowledgement of paternity forms and instead of giving them back to me he turned them into the nurses desk. After he left, I looked them over and the nurse filled in information in the wrong spot on the form so I crossed something out. He actually turned the forms in without giving them back to me I discovered because he didn't want me to see he left the employer information off So anyway, the hospital called, said they will process the BC without his name on it since I need it ASAP for the insurance and he and I have to sign a new form and take it to the Town once the BC comes and they will put him on. I told him this and he is blaming me for it. He actually accused me of purposely crossing something out so he wouldn't be on the BC I'm not bothering with the form though. If he wants to be on the BC, he can go get the form, etc. If he doesn't, I'll just pursue it in family court since I need an Order for Child Support and childcare.

I'm rambling now, and he is probably reading this, but whatever!

 

[summerrluvv]

Oh I agree with this!! Summer, you sound like such a nice person---I would be RELIEVED if he didn't come to pick her up for the day. Heck, I would hardly let my DH feed DS#1 when he was born, much less would I let him take him and be gone for the whole day!! And we're married!!

Now I feel bad for letting him take her. If he's lying about this stuff, I wonder what else he lies about. Maybe he really doesn't take her to his mother's. Hmmm, maybe I should rethink the picking her up thing. I did drop her off the first time at his Mother's house. Maybe I should continue to do that if he wants to see her. At least then I know where she is.