Two year old will not sleep!

[RachelEllen]

Anyone have any experience with a two year old that has trouble falling asleep?

Our DD has never been a great sleeper, but over the past four months things have been getting worse and worse. She has such huge anxiety over going to bed. She'll get herself all worked up upon getting the crib and will scream and scream, up to a half hour, before falling asleep. She's obviously trying to work this out, as she keeps playing "put to sleep" games with her dolls. Which is cute...but also really sad. ("Go sleep, Mickey. Don't cry. Mickey scared. Don't cry. Night, night mickey")

We have tried: earlier bedtime, later bedtime, staying in the room until she falls asleep (she will then wake up in 1-2 hours and do the screaming thing until she falls back asleep). We have brought her to our bed to try to break the cycle. We have talked to her about special doll to keep her company. We have played soft music. We've let her take books in the bed, special blanket in the bed. We have let her wear her favorite hat to bed!! We have tried absolute dark. We have tried a night-light.

My one new idea was to give her a photo of mom and dad to hold (she really likes photos), but after that, I'm out of new idea.

Anyone have any brilliant suggestions?

 

[eeyoremum]

Maybe she dislikes the crib? Try a toddler bed. Also, we co-slept with our kids so if that is what works go with it.

 

[RachelEllen]

Maybe she dislikes the crib? Try a toddler bed. Also, we co-slept with our kids so if that is what works go with it.

THat's a good thought. I've got to admit that I'm totally terrified of switching to the toddler bed. I just can't imagine she'd stay in it.

She's impossible to cosleep with. We've done it for a few nights, like I mentioned, to try to "break the cycle" and she thinks it's all night play time. Just kicks and rolls around and talks until she's totally overtired.

 

[HeatherC]

Does she have a set bedtime and set routine every night? What used to work for my three kids was we followed the same pattern every night and tried not to deviate from it. They would have a warm bath, story on our lap, turn on their soft little night light, help them choose a couple books to take to bed, hug and kiss them and leave.

I think what my kids liked was that we just told them it was bedtime...not that they had to go to sleep. They were allowed to look through their books until they fell asleep. To this day, they all read about an hour every night when they go to bed and all love reading.

We also found that earlier worked much better for us. They were all in bed by seven thirty. We found that otherwise, they became overtired and had a harder time falling asleep.

I remember how hard those days could be. But hang in there. Mine are now early teens and I have to now wake them up. Never thought the day would come, but it does.

Good luck to you!

 

[laughinplace199]

Does she have a set bedtime and set routine every night? What used to work for my three kids was we followed the same pattern every night and tried not to deviate from it. They would have a warm bath, story on our lap, turn on their soft little night light, help them choose a couple books to take to bed, hug and kiss them and leave.

I think what my kids liked was that we just told them it was bedtime...not that they had to go to sleep. They were allowed to look through their books until they fell asleep. To this day, they all read about an hour every night when they go to bed and all love reading.

We also found that earlier worked much better for us. They were all in bed by seven thirty. We found that otherwise, they became overtired and had a harder time falling asleep.

I remember how hard those days could be. But hang in there. Mine are now early teens and I have to now wake them up. Never thought the day would come, but it does.

Good luck to you!

This!

 

[koolaidmoms]

Does she have a set bedtime and set routine every night? What used to work for my three kids was we followed the same pattern every night and tried not to deviate from it. They would have a warm bath, story on our lap, turn on their soft little night light, help them choose a couple books to take to bed, hug and kiss them and leave.

I think what my kids liked was that we just told them it was bedtime...not that they had to go to sleep. They were allowed to look through their books until they fell asleep. To this day, they all read about an hour every night when they go to bed and all love reading.

I have a non-sleeper too who is now 7. He only needs 5-6 hours a night. That is just him. His sister who is 10 is the COMPLETE opposite and still needs 12.

We did the above too. He was out of his crib by 16 months because he was climbing out of it and went right to a twin bed with a rail. We trained him to stay in his bed once he was put to bed with his books and his toys. He could play quietly until he fell asleep but he was NOT allowed out of his bed except to go to the bathroom (and we limited that when he decided that he could use that as an excuse to get out of bed).

To this day I will go to sleep at 11-12 am and he is still up reading quietly in his bed. Some days if he is exceptionally tired we will tell him to put the book down and try to sleep but most nights the just does it by himself.

Good luck. I remember nights worrying that he and I were never going to sleep again. But, it does get better.

 

[RachelEllen]

Thanks for all the advice. I think she needs all the sleep she is getting, if not more. When she doesn't nap well at daycare, she's a total wretch in the evenings. And, if she's not in bed by 7pm, we have to wake her up in the morning.

She does have a pretty standard routine. And I think it helps to a certain extent. Poor thing. You can actually tell she's trying. She look at me after dinner and say "PJ time?" THen "storytime", "song time?", "sleep time." Almost like she's talking herself through the steps.

I was prompted to post by last night. After her song, I put her in the crib, and she started to breathe faster. She looked up at me and said "Move the bear closer" and then just clutched it and closed her eyes. Maybe I'm projecting, but she totally reminds me of someone trying to face something they hate bravely!

 

[mickeyboat]

How late is she napping at day care? Does she still take two naps?

I have to say that she seems to be using good coping skills to work through this.

I am no expert - DD11 fell asleep while I rocked her until she was over 3 and too heavy for me to carry up the stairs every night - but when she was finally able to self-sooth, it was because she found a stuffed animal and little blanket which provided comfort. It didn't seem to take long for her to become attached, and she still sleeps with them and takes comfort from them.

Is there one particular item she sleeps with all the time? I wonder if you give her something that can be special, she can become attached and able to fall asleep on her own.

Good luck!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Try her in a big girl bed. Keep reinforcing that she is never alone, that yyou guys are steps away. We got DS a turtle that splayed the. Stars on the ceiling. Got it from cloud B. It was a good little nighttime sanity keeper for us. DS doesn't like to be alone, so we fought this too. We would cosleep occassionally, but it was mostly when he'd crawl in bed with us during the night.

Another thing you can try is to tell her that you want her to lay in bed and you'll check on her in 5 minutes. Then do it. Check on her every few minutes, slowly extending the time.

Best of luck!

 

[njmom47]

We trained him to stay in his bed once he was put to bed with his books and his toys. He could play quietly until he fell asleep but he was NOT allowed out of his bed except to go to the bathroom (and we limited that when he decided that he could use that as an excuse to get out of bed).

We did the transition to a toddler bed first but followed these steps; being told "you don't have to go to sleep, but you do have to stay in bed."

Also, our ds was allowed to come into our room but was not allowed to wake us up (even though I usually heard him). We put a blanket on the floor (1-so we knew where he would be on the floor, and 2-so he would know where his "area" was), and he could bring his pillow, blanket, toy, whatever to fall asleep. He was still doing that until a few years ago so that might have backfired on us!

 

[RachelEllen]

Try her in a big girl bed. Keep reinforcing that she is never alone, that yyou guys are steps away. We got DS a turtle that splayed the. Stars on the ceiling. Got it from cloud B. It was a good little nighttime sanity keeper for us. DS doesn't like to be alone, so we fought this too. We would cosleep occassionally, but it was mostly when he'd crawl in bed with us during the night.

Another thing you can try is to tell her that you want her to lay in bed and you'll check on her in 5 minutes. Then do it. Check on her every few minutes, slowly extending the time.

Best of luck!

THose are great ideas! I really like the turtle with stars. I've seen it at Barnes and Noble. And, if I tell her I'm going to go get something (like if she leaves bear outside the crib) I can walk away for a few minutes and she doesn't fuss at all. I bet she could completely understand "I'll be back in 5 minutes"

Problem with completely soothing her to sleep (which I would do in an instant if it worked) is that if she doesn't do the panic at bedtime, she awakes, sometimes a few times, and panics in the middle of the night.

And, yes, I think her coping attempts are awesome. It seems like I just had a little baby and its so easy to underestimate how quickly their little psyches develop!

 

[Hannathy]

My DD never slept! She never napped ever unless riding in the car and as soon as it stopped she woke up. she never needed much sleep at night. So we used to let her lay down on the couch with us in the family room. She never laid down to about 10 anyway when she was 2 she really didn't need much sleep. But when we said it was time she needed to lay on the couch quietly. Sometimes she would look at a book usually just lay there and listen to what was on TV and my DH almost always had on a political talk show or some documentary so she would just chill out and fall asleep. It was peaceful and relaxing for all. When she got bigger I used to just walk her upstairs, she wouldn't wake all the way up. when she got a lot older she would lay in bed and read or watch TV with a lot of lights on, she always has to have lights on (even at 19)

I could never stand to hear my kids cry so I needed to work something out we could all live with.

Now my DS would lay down with books and we would read and then if he wasn't asleep he would look at books on his own and fall asleep in his bed. Still reads every night at 12, so all kids are different.

I didn't like the crib cause I'm short so it was hard on my back so both kids were in toddler beds very early -way before 2.

I don't believe in making bedtime stressful, so do what works for your family, no matter what it is.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

OP - does she get cold at night? The reason I ask is because I have reoccuring dreams... always tornadoes. The common link was that I would have them when I got too cold at night. I know it sounds weird, but DS sleeps horrible in the winter. He kicks his blankets off, gets cold and has bad dreams. Just a thought.

 

[brittsmum1998]

Is it maybe too quiet at night? Maybe you could try a sound machine? The poor little princess is trying to hard to be brave.

I wish you luck.

 

[tessiemez]

My daughter won't be 2 for another month, but we just went through the exact same thing. Suddenly, we had almost a month where the crib absolutely terrified her. She'd love her bedtime routine, but when I got close to the crib she'd clutch me and her breathing would accelerate ... she'd pick up her pillow and blanket and clutch them and ask me to them them out--but if I left the pillow and the blanket in the crib she'd cry like she was scared for them to be in there! It was really distressing for my husband and I, and while we're cosleepers-at-heart, it's not practical for us (bed too small and husband's work schedule, and that she's a kicker!).

After sleeping on the couch with her on top of me for weeks, I converted her crib to a toddler bed (she has one of the lifetime convertible beds). While I was at it, I rearranged a few things in her room and set up a new play area for her toys, to make things exciting--then we all had a big unveiling of her "new" room. We put a gate up to keep her confined to our two bedrooms and explained that if ever she woke up in the middle of the night she could come to our bedroom and we'd be right there. I also made a make-shift mommy bed right beside hers, and I'd lay on my bed while she got settled in.

It did wonders! The first few nights were an adjustment, where she woke up several times, but she quickly came to appreciate that she could come to us if she needed us. (The first several nights, I also accidentally fell asleep in there, so if you do this, maybe set a vibrating alarm on your cell to wake you up. ) By night four, she was sleeping through the night--though she normally comes to our bedroom for the last hour or two of sleep, she's so sleepy that she doesn't cause disturbances in our sleep.

Okay, I know that was probably way more than you wanted to know--I just thought I'd share my experience. It really made all the difference in the world to her that she didn't feel trapped, and it gives me such peace of mind to know that she's not scared of bedtime anymore!

 

[golfgal]

I bet she is having dreams-they usually start to recognize dreams at around age 2. I was actually going to suggest NOT using a nightlight as they project shadows in the room. I would skip the toddler bed and go right to a "big girl" bed. Put that in her room, keep the crib up, give her a choice of the bed or the crib but be firm that while she doesn't have to sleep she DOES have to stay in bed. Give her a flashlight to "read" with even.

It is pretty common to go through a bought of separation anxiety at that age too.

You could also make some "scary spray". Get a decorated spray bottle, put some water in there, maybe a few drops of some scented oil so it smells and have her "spray" all the scary stuff before she goes to bed. It's amazing how well something like this works. By having HER do the spraying it puts her in control of the scary stuff and it's fun.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

DD3 still hates going to sleep. She's always been a night owl, according to my mom, no different than myself as a kiddo. She even quit naps at 14 months, she needs to be sick to nap. Right now, what works is that DH goes in to snuggle with her and I get the little one or tie up loose ends in the house if DS is already asleep. We tried EVERYTHING. Sleep training? a joke. Supernanny's advice? HA. right. Books, massages, stories, routines, you name it. Joke was on us. She just does better in a co-sleeping scenario, or if DH puts her to bed. I know there will come a day when she's "too big" to do that, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

 

[HM]

Here's what I'd try. Get rid of crib and buy a bed. Cut out naps (at least for a while). After you read a book and turn out the light, lie down in the room near your DD when she is put in bed...get closer to the door each night until you are out of the room altogether. Don't talk to her...just be there.

 

[pixey]

I thought I was the only one going crazy with a sleepless 2 year old. Ugh. Mine just turned two and I have had a lot of the same issues. She has trouble at naptime, actually for the past week I think she only took napped like 2-3 days.
At night she also has a lot of trouble falling asleep. Sadly she shares a large room with her 8 year old brother so she keeps him up way later than he should be because of her yelling and crying.
We give her water to drink when she goes to bed and she begs for more right after. I mean... screaming. She cries for us to put her blankie on her over and over again. I am just trying to ignore it and not give into her because then she expects it and will just keep it up over and over. I have no clue what else to do now, I just let her cry it out mostly, even though it is horrible to hear. She is very much on a routine for sleep, going down around 8, but still has trouble with it. I have thought of a big girl bed, but then naps are out the window, huh? Guess it just takes time and patience. :/

 

[RachelEllen]

Thanks for all the advice. I'm a wreck today, as last night was the worst yet. The family picture did no good. She did love getting and took it to her bed to keep her company. However, after bedtime routine was done, the screaming started for 30 minutes. Then, and this doesn't usually happen, she woke up at midnight and started screaming again. Husband went and put her in our bed. She was happy, but tossed and kicked for about 2 hours when I told him that she had to back in her bed. She screamed again for 30 minutes, finally fell asleep, and was half asleep all morning getting ready for school.

We have my old bedroom set for her waiting in the basement. Rather than rearranging all the furniture, maybe I'll bring the mattress up and give the big girl bed suggestions a try. She sleeps on a mat at daycare, so she's used to the concept. And, honestly, it can't get much worse than this even if we have to do a few weeks of training to stay in the bed.

Oh, and whoever mentioned dreaming, I totally think she's dreaming. Or, she may think "I dreamed" is just some stories we tell in the morning, but she tells me all sorts of dreams when she gets up.

Oh, and though I appreciate the advice, I am not giving up naps! She sometimes doesn't nap well at daycare and is then awful in the afternoons. She's a really easy-going verbal two year old, but on no nap days just impossible. (Demanding things and yelling for something different when she gets them, not wanting to be put down, etc)