Trying to be friends with someone? How much effort do you give it?

[DisTeach1]

I met another Mom a while back, our sons our both on the swim team. We hit it off, and went out for a few girls nights. We even went with another Mom for a weekend away, and have gone shopping, etc.

She's one of those types that seems to operate largly on a spur of the moment basis, she goes from friends to friends, and has a lot of them.

While I think she likes me, I don't think she is all that invested in maintaining a friendship.

I don't know why, but it bugs me. My husband says to let it go, it's her loss. I have a lot of other friends to do things with, a bunch came over yesterday, and we had a blast. In fact, another friend I met through her has become one of my best friends.

But I take it personally, even though her and I have talked about it. In fact, she says, it's just the way she is, and I shouldn't take everything personally.

I don't know...Just venting, I guess.

 

[Christine]

She may just be one of those people that doesn't have a closer relationship with people. I've met people that just seem to be acquaintances with a very large circle of people. There is nothing wrong with that but it just doesn't interest me. I like to be a bit more close with people. But I realize that many people out there like to keep people at arm's length.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I guess it really depends on how badly you want her "fairweather friendship". It doesn't sound as though she is interested in the long haul, close friendship that you are interested in. She just seems to want a "social friend".

Most of my friends fit into this category. I wouldn't count on them for anything other than to have fun with when the time was right for both of us.

 

[Acklander]

Part of being a friend is accepting them for who they are. If she isn't the type to "attach" on to others, that's OK - not everybody is. You can still go out and have a good time with her.

 

[mtemm]

its not about you, you just have different needs/styles of friendship. doesn't mean you have to give her up, just keep her as a spur of the moment girlfriend, and look elsewhere for a closer relationship that more fits your friendship needs. there is room for both!

 

[anniemae]

I have a friend like that. She has tons, and I mean tons of friends. She does not seem interested in having a few close friends, she is just one of those people who knows everyone, but doesn't know anyone really well. kwim? When I am at her house, her phone rings constantly.

I would just accept her for who she is and try to maintain the friendship and have fun with her, especially if your kids are friends. You can't change her and she seems like she is one of those people who needs to "fly."

 

[PollyannaMom]

I don't think it sounds like she dislikes you at all, just that she doesn't have the time or energy to invest in an intense friendship right now. I'd just stay "casually friendly" with her and let it be.

 

[DisTeach1]

Yeah, that's what my husband says. I guess lately, I feel like she blows me off, but I think it's just that she flies more by the seat of her pants. She's even told me not to take it personally.

 

[castleview]

Yeah, that's what my husband says. I guess lately, I feel like she blows me off, but I think it's just that she flies more by the seat of her pants. She's even told me not to take it personally.

Then go with it. I'm always going 100 miles an hour and girls' nights out are the last think I'm looking for. If we actually have a moment where the five of us are in the house, I want to savor that. I guess you could say I have a lot of friends since I'm friendly and talkative. But even the ones that I consider my better friends are not people I'm routinely going out with. Plus, the term "best friend" is a little too junior high for me.

Also since we're at a point where we meet many of our friends through our kids try not to take it personally if they don't like you. My theory is it's their loss and who really has the energy to dislike someone?

 

[TwinsinCA]

I have a lot of other friends to do things with,

Then why does it matter so much that this ONE person isn't as close to you as you'd like her to be? It simply might be the friend equivalent of "she's just not that into you". If you have to force a friendship, it isn't really much of a friendship.

You say you have lots of other friends. Spend your time with them.

 

[golfgal]

If she already has a lot of friends I have to say there are only so many hours in the day and adding more friends makes it more difficult to do anything. I wouldn't take it personally and just remain friendly with her and who knows, over time, you will start doing things together, if not, you have someone fun to talk to at swim meets.

 

[mtemm]

Yeah, that's what my husband says. I guess lately, I feel like she blows me off, but I think it's just that she flies more by the seat of her pants. She's even told me not to take it personally.

think of it this way...she's an orange, you are an apple. no amount of effort on your part will make her an apple. doesn't mean she isn't a good fruit (lol), just a different one than you.