Trying so hard not to be resentful....

[mom2grace]

I would pull a credit report to see if there's other things he has co-signed for! So you are telling me he co-signed for his ex-wife to get a truck and you guys had to pay for some of it when she quit paying?? Oh man, you are WAY nicer than me!!! Did he co-sign this AFTER you guys were married? And if I paid for the truck, it would be sitting in MY driveway, not hers!

Then you work 2 jobs to pay HIS daughter's school loan? NOW he tells his 30 yr old daughter you will pay her DAYCARE if she gets a job???

And the EX goes gambling while you work 2 jobs? I don't buy for a minute she can not work.

I'm so sorry for you OP, but you have got to put a stop to this behavior!

You can do this online very quickly and easily, if you have the info, you can do it whomever you want!

 

[kellyg403]

You guys are making me feel better than I am NOT the one being selfish!

The truck issue was after they were divorced before we got together. They tried to get back together blah blah blah. One day we get a note in the mail from a company the truck was with a collection agency. Bad day there..but what can you do. You sign you pay.

I will try and not worry the amount will be actually 600 a month. I have no idea about student loans, none whatsoever. My oldest dd went to school after she got married and had my grandsons. I know that she gets the Pell Grant and a few other things. Because she chose to do it this way, she understood I will 'help' but I won't pay for everything.

Probably getting scammed. Probably same ole story. Who knows. Dh and I have actually separated over these issues...he doesn't understand I don't feel like we should do everything for his children, yet expect some type of investment in their future for mine. We end up in the your kid/my kid thing and I hate that. It isn't about that but you can never explain it to him. He immediately falls back there. We have seen counselors but it just doesn't work with him. He always goes back to the same story. And since I am not a pyschiatrist nor play one on tv I don't even know what to say to him.

I will wait to worry till i get the papers in the mail. I will continue to work this job for awhile to see what actually happens. Now that we are married I don't know what my legal part would be but I know I better know. I have looked at the school website and it appears that you get the loan thru the school..not a Stafford loan but I might be missing something there.

Thanks for letting me vent...I am trying to be positive but past experiences have proven it probably isn't a good thing for me to pretend its not happening. As for other dsd30...she is a big girl. I raised my grandd for 9 months AND paid for daycare while she lived here because I DID have a job..I am not doing it while she is living there. Ever. DH will just have to have some cheese with that whine. NOT HAPPENING.

Kelly

PS..DH and ex can't/won't sit and talk about it...they still fight about their divorce and she stole this money and he promised this. They have been divorced since 1996..so not thinking its gonna change..stupid me totally missed that point early on.

 

[Hannathy]

You may not be able to get any info BUT if your DH signed he can. And why are you waiting on mail? Get online and find out what you need to know. Sit down with your DH and make him go online and find out what he signed. Or get him on the phone with you and call the loan center and get the info.

I also agree that not 1 more penny would I be sending anywhere until I had all the details in front of me.

That is also a very HIGH amount. We had to get a Parent Plus loan for my DD this year because my DH was out of work for several years and due to a misunderstanding on who had to request a deferment we had to pay a few months till we could get it straightened up and on a loan of a bit more than $8,000 it was only $156. So I can't imagine how much the loan is for a $600 payment.

And did I see this was for Dental Hygienist school? Isn't that like a 6 month program at the most? How much did it cost?

You can also see about changing the length of repayment increase the years so it is a smaller amount.

I understand you are only venting but you need to get a grip on some of this stuff for your sake for the sake of your own boys. What kind of example are you setting for them? One of getting walked all over and being taken advantage of. Not what I want my son to think of me.

 

[kellyg403]

You may not be able to get any info BUT if your DH signed he can. And why are you waiting on mail? Get online and find out what you need to know. Sit down with your DH and make him go online and find out what he signed. Or get him on the phone with you and call the loan center and get the info.

I also agree that not 1 more penny would I be sending anywhere until I had all the details in front of me.

That is also a very HIGH amount. We had to get a Parent Plus loan for my DD this year because my DH was out of work for several years and due to a misunderstanding on who had to request a deferment we had to pay a few months till we could get it straightened up and on a loan of a bit more than $8,000 it was only $156. So I can't imagine how much the loan is for a $600 payment.

And did I see this was for Dental Hygienist school? Isn't that like a 6 month program at the most? How much did it cost?

You can also see about changing the length of repayment increase the years so it is a smaller amount.

I understand you are only venting but you need to get a grip on some of this stuff for your sake for the sake of your own boys. What kind of example are you setting for them? One of getting walked all over and being taken advantage of. Not what I want my son to think of me.

Initially you are hoping that they will see we are a family and family does things for each other..maybe your right..hadn't looked at it like that. DH hasn't 'made' me get another job or anything, I just am a worrier. When the 600 dollar figure came into play I think I DID have a heart attack.

I will make dh get online or get the papers before I stress anymore. Verify what the heck is going on. It was a 6 month program. She started in Aug of last year. DH keeps saying well they promised her a job right away..um..no they promised they would show her how to get a good job..she has to get the good job on her own.

I just hadn't dealt with this before, and quite frankly, don't ever want to again. I should have known there was more to the story but I am always trying to give the benefit of the doubt that THIS TIME its all above board.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Initially you are hoping that they will see we are a family and family does things for each other..maybe your right..hadn't looked at it like that. DH hasn't 'made' me get another job or anything, I just am a worrier. When the 600 dollar figure came into play I think I DID have a heart attack.

I will make dh get online or get the papers before I stress anymore. Verify what the heck is going on. It was a 6 month program. She started in Aug of last year. DH keeps saying well they promised her a job right away..um..no they promised they would show her how to get a good job..she has to get the good job on her own.

I just hadn't dealt with this before, and quite frankly, don't ever want to again. I should have known there was more to the story but I am always trying to give the benefit of the doubt that THIS TIME its all above board.

There is no way a 6 month program will cost you $600 a month. It appears to me that you guys are being played.

ETA- I would take the block "off" on FB. I would want to know what the ex-wife is up to! It's a good window into her financial activity. Maybe you can keep your finger on the pulse of potential problems.

 

[kellyg403]

There is no way a 6 month program will cost you $600 a month. It appears to me that you guys are being played.

I guess in the end, the title of this thread should be changed to

"Student loans...am I being played or WHAT"...

Now I just feel mad and STUPID!


Kelly

 

[englishteacha]

Kelly, I'm sorry you're having such struggles. Did your stepchildren apply for financial aid? If their mother has been unemployed, they need to let the financial aid people know so their aid package can be adjusted. They may be eligible for grants that they weren't eligible for before. I worked in financial aid a long time ago and I couldn't believe the people who never even bothered to apply figuring they wouldn't qualify. Most everyone qualifies for something.

Edit: My husband went to a 4 year state school, graduated with about $14,000 in loans because he didn't have anyone to help and didn't get scholarships, and his loan payment was about $200 a month. My friend just graduated and has loans from 3 schools because she changed her mind twice. Her loan amount is much higher than DH's was, but she "only" pays $360 a month, to be fully paid off in 10 years. There is NO way any program your stepdaughter is in would cost that much.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I guess in the end, the title of this thread should be changed to

"Student loans...am I being played or WHAT"...

Now I just feel mad and STUPID!


Kelly

Don't feel that way. You know now. That has to be a relief! Now what they are up to, that is a whole different kettle of fish. You and your DH need to be on the same page as to how to handle this and the future. Surely your DH will see NOW, that you both have been taken advantage of. It would hurt me to the core if "family" would not care enough about us to put us through that kind of worry and stress. If that doesn't stop your DH's overly generous pledges nothing will.

I just want you to know, I went to graduate school and didn't have $600 a month loans.

ETA- Now you know why your DSD hasn't sent you the paper work. It would disprove the $600 a month gravy train.

 

[mom2grace]

DH & I had about $75K in student loans & our payment was $700/month for 10 years. Keep in mind that this was in the 90's & interest rates were higher, so they payment would probably be LOWER today.

 

[clh2]

Wow - you do have a lot of stress going on.

I agree with many of the posters. No paperwork...no money...that is the easiest way it will show up. And...as others have said...loan payments go directly to the loan company, not the DD, not the ex-wife. That way you'll know for sure that they are getting applied to the loan.

And - sorry - an education should not be a freebie to the dsd. What "skin" does she have in this game??? She should have some responsibility to help repay the loans too. She should be able to get a job somewhere - Starbucks, target, walmart etc to help with this expense prior to getting a dental-related job.

 

[scrapquitler]

Don't feel that way. You know now. That has to be a relief! Now what they are up to, that is a whole different kettle of fish. You and your DH need to be on the same page as to how to handle this and the future. Surely your DH will see NOW, that you both have been taken advantage of. It would hurt me to the core if "family" would not care enough about us to put us through that kind of worry and stress. If that doesn't stop your DH's overly generous pledges nothing will.

I just want you to know, I went to graduate school and didn't have $600 a month loans.

ETA- Now you know why your DSD hasn't sent you the paper work. It would disprove the $600 a month gravy train.

BUT..... maybe it IS $600 a month. If it's not a subsidized loan (it's from the school, not a stafford loan) it might be at a high interest rate AND it might not be a long repayment term... It might be $600 a month for 5 years, we have no idea. I just looked at a loan calculator. If the program cost $24000 (I have no idea if this is possible), a 5 year term at 10% interest would be a $500 a month payment...so it could be that the step daughter is at one of these sleazy for profit schools and got a really crappy loan term.

OP needs to get REAL information to know for sure.

 

[OceanAnnie]

BUT..... maybe it IS $600 a month. If it's not a subsidized loan (it's from the school, not a stafford loan) it might be at a high interest rate AND it might not be a long repayment term... It might be $600 a month for 5 years, we have no idea. I just looked at a loan calculator. If the program cost $24000 (I have no idea if this is possible), a 5 year term at 10% interest would be a $500 a month payment...so it could be that the step daughter is at one of these sleazy for profit schools and got a really crappy loan term.

OP needs to get REAL information to know for sure.

That's what I encouraged her to do and I still encourage her to do it.

I would be shocked if a 6 month dental hygienist program would amount to $600 a month. That's why I stated, "it appears to me you are being played".
It still does.

I would be surprised if OP's DH would sign for something like you describe. He might be generous, but I hope he wouldn't fall for something like that. I don't know.

Yes, investigation is still warranted.

 

[kellyg403]

BUT..... maybe it IS $600 a month. If it's not a subsidized loan (it's from the school, not a stafford loan) it might be at a high interest rate AND it might not be a long repayment term... It might be $600 a month for 5 years, we have no idea. I just looked at a loan calculator. If the program cost $24000 (I have no idea if this is possible), a 5 year term at 10% interest would be a $500 a month payment...so it could be that the step daughter is at one of these sleazy for profit schools and got a really crappy loan term.

OP needs to get REAL information to know for sure.

Yes, its a private for profit. 9% interest 36 months on 13,900 or so. I will have to look at the calculator.

Kelly

 

[scrapquitler]

Yes, its a private for profit. 9% interest 36 months on 13,900 or so. I will have to look at the calculator.

Kelly

The calculator I looked at says that 9% interest, 36 months, $13,900 comes to $442 per month. But again, who knows, the school could have added extra fees onto that or something. http://www.bankrate.com/calculators/mortgages/loan-calculator.aspx This is a mortgage calculator, so the interest maybe figured somewhat differently. The loan that the school gave her might be more interest figured upfront rather than evenly throughout the term or something like that...how the interest is calculated can make a big difference in a loan.

 

[OceanAnnie]

The calculator I looked at says that 9% interest, 36 months, $13,900 comes to $442 per month. But again, who knows, the school could have added extra fees onto that or something. http://www.bankrate.com/calculators/mortgages/loan-calculator.aspx This is a mortgage calculator, so the interest maybe figured somewhat differently. The loan that the school gave her might be more interest figured upfront rather than evenly throughout the term or something like that...how the interest is calculated can make a big difference in a loan.

That's about what I got. Higher than I thought.

I thought the figure of $600, was supposed to be half of the loan? ETA- I went back and read the DSD is paying 1/2 of the rent.

I would still see if the terms of the loan can be renegotiated.

 

[hereyago]

OP wrote in her first post that the DSD's DM was laid off in fall,however, wouldn't she still be getting unemployment checks?

I wouldn't be working 2 jobs spending time away from my kids to help pay for DSD's college. I mean both the DH and the OP have money together,so both of their money is going for this college, but you can't get back time working a second job.

Then the DM wanted to brag about going to the casino? That would be it for me.

OP-wish you luck. your DH needs to find out the real deal, this was his promise to his DD, so he needs to find out the true information.

 

[kellyg403]

That's about what I got. Higher than I thought.

I thought the figure of $600, was supposed to be half of the loan? ETA- I went back and read the DSD is paying 1/2 of the rent.

I would still see if the terms of the loan can be renegotiated.

Yes, I got close to that amount by a few dollars also. DH is home in the morning and I will see him then...he will have to get what information he needs and what he signed.

Hopefully renegotiation is possible. I did note on the reviews for the school they have the highest rate of default for student loans..79%. That really doesn't sound good in the 'garuntee' dh thinks she has for a great paying job.

Please keep good thoughts this doesn't turn into an uglier mess than it is...and I sure won't be sending 600 if the bill is 431. But then again, maybe it will best to pay it off totally before the interest starts and call it a day and stop worrying about it. Dsd #2 is going to a state university and hopefully with scholarships and better loans it would be better to have her do the student loans.

What is typcial interest for Stafford Loans?

Kelly

 

[Mermaid02]

I find it ironic that the loan payment is $600 per month and so is half of the rent........

 

[kellyg403]

OP wrote in her first post that the DSD's DM was laid off in fall,however, wouldn't she still be getting unemployment checks?

I wouldn't be working 2 jobs spending time away from my kids to help pay for DSD's college. I mean both the DH and the OP have money together,so both of their money is going for this college, but you can't get back time working a second job.

Then the DM wanted to brag about going to the casino? That would be it for me.

OP-wish you luck. your DH needs to find out the real deal, this was his promise to his DD, so he needs to find out the true information.

And this is what started my ill feelings...I don't begrudge the kids anything now or for their future. I have raised both girls since they were little..7 and 9
Mom never paid for c/s..but dh didn't persue it and it was his to do.

But mom...that picture spoke a thousand words about how great her life is while I stressing out. For whatever reason...probably because dh has his name all over everything...she isnt worried in the least.

Not sure about the unemployment thing..I don't ask personal questions because otherwise I open myself for personal questions..and quite frankly it took me a long time to make dh understand what her business was and wasn't where I am concerned.

Kelly

 

[kellyg403]

I find it ironic that the loan payment is $600 per month and so is half of the rent........

Yeah...no kidding. Wouldn't surprise me in the least..but since i don't know how much their rent is I will assume it is less/more with groceries included...

Kelly