True Life: I'm in an Interracial Relationship

[Darth Cupcake]

Just thought I'd throw my two cents in as well!

I'm in an interracial relationship (I'm Asian, she's Irish/English) and to be honest, it was difficult at the beginning. Her parents weren't fans, and my Mom wanted me to settle down with a nice Chinese girl . However, I'm a stubborn guy (my girlfriend can attest to that) and we stuck to our guns, and now after 4 years of dating our parents are pretty much okay with it.

My main concern now is after we get married and if we have a daughter. Have you seen all the bi-racial White/Asian women in the world? I swear every single one is a supermodel. I'm going to have to chase off adolescent boys with baseball bat!

Be afraid, very afraid I am Asian (S Korea) and DH is Irish/Italian. Our daughters are gorgeous (IMH-only a mom's eyes opinion). Many a stranger has warned DH to "get the baseball bat ready!"

 

[fabshelly]

I'm white, and prefer Korean men, but if love showed up and was a different color, I'd welcome it.

My friend is white, her husband Chinese. In the supermarket (I posted about this last Christmastime) she was asked: "Where did you get your baby?"

"My uterus." she replied.

 

[TigerBear]

I have to share a picture of my cutie too. This is Shaan, which means pride in Hindi.

I have no worries about how he will manage in the world regarding his mixed ancestry.
In our professional and social circles this is a non-issue.

 

[mylilnikita]

My DF was white/ Native American, DM is white. Now, With the exception of EXDH, everyone I dated and date, engaged to were/are half Asian.
Sometimes there have been looks, but I don't care what people think.

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

In high school I casually dated outside my race, those relationships naturally fizzled as high school relationships do... nothing to do with race. Dh was in an interracial relationship for 4 years. That relationship ended because of age/maturity issues... again nothing to do with race.

Last month we brought our youngest son home. He is Ethiopian and we are both white. Race has nothing to do with our feelings for him. I honestly could not love the kid any more if I gave birth to him. I think it would be naive of me though, to assume it will not matter to him. We're doing our best to try and have him surrounded with positive black male role models, we are maintaining contact with his birth family, and involved in groups with other Ethiopian adoptive families. We hope by doing this, that if he experiences something he thinks we can't understand that he will have people to turn to who will.

The surprising thing in our adoption has been the reactions of those closest to us. My family (including all 4 of my 80yo+ grandparents) are thrilled and head over heels in love with our son. My husbands family, OTH, has stopped talking to us. My family is extremely conservative, from the South, etc. Dh's family is very liberal (as am I, so it pains me to say that), painfully politically correct, etc. They have not said anything about his race just told us we were ruining our lives and stopped returning our calls. Out in public we get a lot of looks, but no one has said anything negative to us.

 

[Kath2003]

They have not said anything about his race just told us we were ruining our lives and stopped returning our calls.

Wow, how can someone - especially FAMILY - tell you that by giving a child a loving home you're "ruining your lives"?

 

[talulabelle]

I have no problem with it and don't even think about it. I have never been in a mixed relationaship before because I find I am mostly attracted to guys that are my race. I am also only attracted to guys that are tall, but that doesn't mean I have a problem with short guys. I think many people are attracted to people that have some resemblence to them or their families, just because that is what they are used to looking at. For example, if your Dad and mom both had straight noses, and you looked at them with love since you were a baby, and you have a straight nose that you have looked at in the mirror for your whole life, and you kinda like the way you look, and most people in your family around you have straight noses, chances are you will feel a physical connection to a guy (or gal) with a straight nose. Probably without even realizing it . Many people have asked if Dh and I are brother and sister. I never would have thought we looked ANYTHING alike and he is Italian and I am of English/German descent, but a guess there was something familiar looking about him that made me feel a connection at first. Anyway longwinded, but that is why I think I have always been attracted to white guys, that is what I'm used to.
I have been attracted to a few black men, but they were mixed looking (like white features and light complexion). So I'm thinking their facial features were still like what I relate to and would be attracted to.

Of course, I know this is not true for everyone, and some may be attracted to something totally different then themselves , but I think for the most part, this why most people date within their own race even if they don't have a problem with interracial relationships.

Ok, that was long and I hope not too confusing.

By the way, I never really thought of Hispanic and white being an interracial relationship, isn't that weird? I mostly thing of black/white as interracial. I'm married to an Italian, and I don't think that is interracial, but he is SO Italian that he looks sort of Hispanic (you know, very dark). My good friend is Mexican and married an Italian / American and I never thought of that as interracial. Weird.

 

[dis ms.]

The reason I am against it you can see in the post above "You can imagine the questions we get!" It is just too tough on the kids.

While I applaud your courage to post a minority opinion (no pun intended ), I have to ask: What exactly is so tough about being biracial? People asking questions? I'm not biracial, but am pretty light-skinned. People I've known all of five minutes think nothing of asking me "What are you?" This has happened all my life. I guess I don't fit the typical black image, so I understand the curiosity. It isn't a big deal to me.

Seriously, how is being biracial any tougher on a kid than being covered in freckles, being overweight, having to wear glasses, etc.? Try being the first girl in the entire second grade to need a bra, then talk to me about tough.

My two biracial kids seem to be coping. Ask them what's tough on them and they'll probably say having to clean up their junk or going to bed at 8:30. I'm positive that being biracial wouldn't even make it on their top ten list of tough things.

Aside from school forms wanting me to choose one race for my kids, we just haven't experienced adverse effects. My white DH has very olive skin and hair darker than mine. In fact, DH and I have the exact same skin color. Our kids (except for DD in the summer--SPF 200 couldn't stop that girl from getting tan!) are lighter still and DS has dark blond hair. Maybe since we all have about the same skin color, we don't stand out as much, therefore we don't get the negative reactions.

Call me naive, but I prefer to think it's because there are so many children like mine that it is less of a novelty (or taboo). Interracial relationships are becoming more and more common and many are producing mixed children. Our kids are truly a mix of DH and I. Not to be clichè, but I think they have the best of both worlds, and they happen to be pretty darn cute, IMO!

Here are my little sources of controversy (circa 2003 and now):

 

[MerryPoppins]

They have not said anything about his race just told us we were ruining our lives and stopped returning our calls. Out in public we get a lot of looks, but no one has said anything negative to us.

We discussed adopting a Hispanic child and MIL threw a major fit. She said she couldn't imagine what would make us want to adopt "one of them". I told DH I was uncomfortable continuing with the thought of adoption because I was afraid Grandma would love this adopted child less than our other two children. Isn't that sad?

 

[Barbossa]

I'm the product of an interracial marriage (Caucasian + Asian). I've dated Caucasian and Asian women, and am married to an Asian woman. Since I'm of mixed race myself, I don't know if my relationships qualify as interracial or not. Needless to say, I have absolutely no problem with interracial relationships. What's disturbing is that my parents' marriage was illegal in many states when they got married (late 50's). In a lot of ways, the good old days...weren't.

 

[Barbossa]

Seriously, how is being biracial any tougher on a kid than being covered in freckles, being overweight, having to wear glasses, etc.? Try being the first girl in the entire second grade to need a bra, then talk to me about tough.

​

Amen to that. I've had very few problems related to my race (I'm Caucasian+Asian, but look Hispanic), but lots of problems related to my weight (let's just say I've got ribs, but you can't see them). Overweight people are one of the few groups these days who can be verbally harassed and discriminated against with impunity. And please don't say that it's a "choice" that we make, because more often than not it's a condition that we have little or no power to change.

 

[JoyG]

I have no problems with interracial relationships...

I am the product of interracial relationships way back when they were dangerous to have. My great grand parents were in interracial relationships on both my mother and father's side. All of my grandparents were mixed. A couple of them were black/white and the other two were black/white/indian. Even though both my mother and father were mixed, I grew up considering myself black.

My first boyfriend was Korean and in college I had a thing for mixed white/asian guys.

In the end I married a black man. Most people think that I'm currently in a mixed relationship because I'm as pale as a ghost, but I don't consider it an interracial relationship.

My brother married a girl who is mixed asian/hispanic.

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

We discussed adopting a Hispanic child and MIL threw a major fit. She said she couldn't imagine what would make us want to adopt "one of them". I told DH I was uncomfortable continuing with the thought of adoption because I was afraid Grandma would love this adopted child less than our other two children. Isn't that sad?

That is really sad. Similiar thoughts actually dissuaded us for while. But after a certain amount of time it just became overwhelming clear to us that our family wasn't complete and we knew our son was in Ethiopia. We tried our best to involve my IL's every step of the way and ease their minds any way we could. Unfortunately it's really hard to use logic to fight ignorance. We've explained a bit to our bio kids that Grandma and Grandpa just don't understand how much we love their brother and that hopefully someday they will grow to love him as much as we do. We try not to talk negatively but have to offer some explanation, especially to our 7yo who is extremely perceptive. It makes them really sad and they are very confused by it. To them their brother, is their brother. They don't get why there would be any issue about it. My IL's know full well that if they don't treat our adopted child the same as our other children, they will not have a relationship with any of them. That was my dh's stance. That makes me sad, but then again it's their choice and their (huge) loss. Dh is doing okay with all of this. This isn't the first time he's gone against them for his family (he also did so to marry me). It does get him down at times though. Honestly, I wish they would just meet him. He is such a wonderful child (and yes I am biased but he really is) that I just can't imagine them having any reservations if they knew him. Maybe I am just to optimistic/naive. Obviously I hope for dh and my kids sake that they come around but either way, I know we are beyond blessed to have him in our lives.

 

[Ms.Grumpy]

DH and I have been together for 9 yrs., married for 4. I am Mexican and he is Black. At first it was hard dealing with stares and my families disapproval. My father did not talk to me for a year! After DS was born everything was forgotten. My parents love DH now and are always trying to feed him My father adores my child and my DS loves my father more than me! I am truly blessed that my parents changed their minds because now DS is surrounded by love.

DS

My parents, brother, son, and me.

My dad and the apple of his eye DS

 

[MushyMushy]

There are an awful lot of gorgeous kids in this thread!

 

[talulabelle]

I have a problem with anyone who has a problem with interracial relationships. Can't state my opinion of those people 'cause I'd get banned faster'n you can say hillybilly-uneducated-bubba-racist.

Besides, my brothers and I are proudly the product of an interracial marriage. Mom is Japanese and Dad is Scottish/Irish.

Hey! You just offended all hillbillies who are not racist, all uneducated people who are not racist and all lovely people with the given name Bubba. Are you saying if you are country, haven't had the good fortune to be educated, and your mom named you Bubba, that you must be a racist?

 

[bamajill]

Ms. Grumpy that last pic you posted brought tears to my eyes! Beautiful.

Maybe that is what it will take...going ahead (as you did) and marrying the person you love. Then your dad (who thought it was so awful & wrong) can see that it is perfectly fine & wonderful. I'm so happy that your family came around!!

I do believe it is a generational thing (at least here in the South). My parents didn't protest (too much) when I was dating a Mexican man or when I ended up marrying a man who is 1/2 Palestinian. I can tell you though, if I had brought home an African American man they would have been upset. Yep, it's crazy and silly and stupid but they would have. I do think they would have gotten past it. Hopefully, in the very near future the stigma will be erased (even here in the deep South). No one that I know would have a serious issue with our children having interracial relationships.

Let's hope we all figure out sooner rather than later that it's really none of our business.

 

[Ms.Grumpy]

Ms. Grumpy that last pic you posted brought tears to my eyes! Beautiful.