Tracy's Journal

[tlgoblue]

UGH! Today is my darling sister's birthday. I really miss her. I haven't seen her since MY birthday in early June. And there is no guarantee I will see here before I move. Her DH is in Cinncinatti for the day, so she is at home alone with her 3 little ones, all under 7. Wish I could be there with her today. I am sooo premenstral, I have half a mind to just chuck it all and head up ther for a few hours. Problem is, it would take me 6 hours just for the trip there and back. It sucks being so far away from family, and I'm going even farther.

DH leaves For LA first thing Sunday morning (5:50!),so that give us a whole day and a few hours together, and being that I am so crazy nutzy kookoo, I doubt it will be any kind of quality time. Whe I get like this his primary function is damage control. He manages mu day for me so I don't take on too much and become frustrated and um, violent. Violent is maybe too strong a word, but definately confrontational. He's thankful he's here though, as (I think he fears for the safety of our children LOL!) he says it's one of the few times he knows I really need him for something and that makes him feel good.

Of course I'm avoiding any discussion about my progress, as it has been anything but, unless going up is progress. Hit 156 this morning! Now, I know I didn't gain 3 pound of fat, but I am just miserable! I knew I should have stayed off that darned scale, but I just had to know. I could feel it in my clothes and see it in my face. I have been good for the most part, and should be amintaining, but I think my old metablism has settled back in and I really need to jump start it again. I have just not been feeling up to much this past two weeks. Laundry wipes me out. I even have to lay down after a shower!

I think my plan for today should be to draw the blinds, leave the phone off the hook and lock the doors and go back to bed! Wake me up tomorrow at 1:00 p.m. (MICHIGAN vs.OSU)

But, I will try to be good.
Had breakfast, oatbran ceral mixed with muslix, and skim milk. Have had 20 oz of water so far.
Will have a salad for lunch.
Spaghetti for dinner.

I think I may make some bread today to keep my mind occupied, and in the kitchen. I will not go into DD's bedroom (upon instruction from DH) today as that would put me over the edge.

So that is my short term plan. It may all unravel, and I'm sure tomorrow's game will be a deal buster too, but it is the last game of the year, so ....

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Tracy.... it's Tracy

I haven't had a chance to read through your entire journal yet, but I wanted to send you a and some for your day today. I hope you and DH can get some quality time in before he has to leave tomorrow.

Take good care of you and nap if you need it.

Tracy

 

[tlgoblue]

Thanks Tracy!

Actually, I'm still in my Jammies! Pathetic eh! Oh well. Tomorrow is another day and, so far, I have been good today, but there is some cold beer in the fridge....no no no no! Mustn't drink beer whilst in my PJ's! Hold on! I have to go change! Be right back.
Kidding. Was a funny thought though!

Feeling a bit better, but must go get dressed for real, as I need to go to the market for a few things, and since there are only 2 cold beers in the frdge, I had better get more, after all there is a football game tomorrow! (but the beer won't be cold, and I won't put it in the fridge until tomorrow am. (Warm beer is how it is supposed to be, but it's not for me. Ice cold. I usually never finish a whole bottle, as it gets too warm.)

See YA!
Tracy

 

[geetey]

Tracy,
You are cracking me up!! Jaba the Butt.... Are you sure you want me in charge of 'inspiring' you? I can be a pain in the rump! If the answer is yes, then my question is... did you do your Pilates today? Get down there and stretch! Stretch! (Oh - and just for the record - you *can* do Pilates in your jammies! I love an all jammies day! )

Sorry you are missing your sister. It sucks being away from family on days when you really want to be with them. I hope you called her and had a nice chat. Sometimes those can be just as fun.

I will be checking in on you! Have a good weekend. Enjoy your football game!

 

[geetey]

Just checking in on you, Tracy! These new boards are making my navigation a little difficult but I still found you. How was your Thanksgiving? I hope you were able to enjoy your holiday. It can be a rough time of year - especially if your family is apart. I am off to walk in the rain. Please join if you like, otherwise... I hope you are drinking your water and moving your body!

Happy Tuesday!

 

[tlgoblue]

UGH!
So hi everybody. Terry, I hope your trip was awesome. Thanks for checking in on me. I sort of crawled into a hole after meeting with real estate people and trying to "stage" my house and plan for the holidays and the trip to LA. Sorry for not staying in touch.

Today is my second day of my re-committment to healthy eating. I did fairly well yesterday until I went to Joanne Fabrics, which is right next to Cebolla's! Yup, I was starving and I caved. DD and I shared steak fajitas and a basket of chips and salsa. I try not to get oo down on myself, as up until that point, I had only consumed 600 calories. My 2 fajitas were largely cebollas, chilis and tomato, with 1-2 small strips of beef thrown in and some pico and guac. Not entirely awful, but I'm sure the chips were no nos and the marg was definately a no no.

Today, I have been cheat free so far. All Bran (LC) for breakfast, salad for lunch and the same for dinner with a glass of carmenere.

It took me a week to get up the courage to weigh myself after I got back from LA (Just in time for the ice storm! ). TOM was upon me and I did gain 5 pounds! So, I am officially right back where I started from this time last year! UGH! DD is in worse shape and she and I are trying to support each other. She asked me to take her to the Y tonight, but I am just not up to all that yet. She is doing some dance video thing and I am reading a book, and may start my beginners Pilates again. I guess I could go to the Y and walk the track, but I do have a headache and just can't seem to adjust ot the time difference. I was fully integrated into West coast time. I don't want to eat until noonish and can't drift off to sleep until well after midnight. This sucks. Getting the kiddies to school this am was a herculean task.
anyway, I am miserable, fat and lonely again. DH comes home for a long weekend on Friday. Hopefully I can stay true to my plan, but if I don't, I can always start again.
Keep the Faith!

 

[tlgoblue]

Yesterday was a success. An entire day cheat free! I was hungry when I went to bed, but so what. When I woke this morning I wasn't hungry in the least, though I did have breakfast, got dressed and am ready to head to the gym. I think I may just do the TM as I still have som lingering back pain and a slight headache. DD wants to go to the gym tonight and maybe I'll check out the elliptical then. It's been a while and my body shape is uglier than it has ever been. I am always conscious about how my clothes fit and even how my coat fits.

I'm not in a particularly good mood today. It is sinking in again that I no longer have DH in my life except for a good morning call, (which is awkward because he is just waking up and I am in the middle of my morning routine)
and a good night call, which is equally weird because he has his life and I have mine and we really don't have much to talk about, so there it goes.
We are often irritated with eachother, both hoping for the other to be able to eek some humor out of the situation, or even muster some semblance of normalcy, but it usually falls short and leaves us both feeling disappointed if not slightly rejucted. I'm being hit with a brrage of questions from the kids about when we will be moving, should they sign up for jazz band, marching band honors mathe, and the list goes on. I don't really know what to tell them, and that limbo is stressfull for all of us. I tell them to keep on as if nothing has changed, and we'll cross those bridges as they present themselves. Everyone is tense about moving, as we have just watched out beloved new community to be, get washed out by 20 inches of rain over the last 2 weeks. I just keep thinking that Mother Nature is washing the place up before we arrive. DH says no, it's more like an enema. What have we gotten ourselves into?

OK. Off to grab a big glass of water, then to the gym for a bit of a mental vacation. Good luck to all today. On a good note, I have noticed a lessening in the tightness of my jeans. I think I may put my scale away entirely (Like in the trash) and rely on the one at the gym. That way, if I start obsessing about the scale, I will have to go to the gym to weigh in, and then, there I'll be.

Keep the Faith!

 

[sharoncity]

Hey Tracy! Glad to see you back! You've been under some major stress! Try to look at the exercise as an escape or stress reliever. Maybe that will help to keep you on track with your program.

Good Luck and I pray things will settle down for you soon!!

TTFN- Sharon

 

[tlgoblue]

Hi Sharon! Thanks for stopping by.

Well, yesterday was a mixed bag. I didn't cheat until the very end. I had cereal for brekky, sushi for lunch and spaghetti, salad and bread with a glass of wine for dinner. Then I went to fitday to chart my day and I was up to 1450 calories. 50 more than I allow. Turns out the sushi, of all things really put me over the top. almost 500 calories! Anyway, I got so angry, then DD started on me about how I'm making her life miserable, so I had a cocktail! Sat down and red my book and then, inspired by monkeyboy's thread on the CB, watched amimal house. My mom called me in the middle of all this to tell me she can just tell there is something wrong with me and that I've been keeping it form her. I have no Idea what she is talking about. When she found out I was having a cocktail, she went into orbit! "I never drank in front of you kids when you were young! What kind of example do you think you are setting?" Blah blah blah!
Of course she's right, at least about the part of the example setting. She has a faulty memory though. When she was my age, she was drinking lots, and though I was 18, my sister was 15. We all remember her wild parties, and nights out at the bars from the time she divorced my dad, when I was 10. Before then, she's right. I rarely saw her drink. Maybe thats because she was sleeping with prince Vallium! Oh yea. Then there were her pep pills she had to take to keep her going during the day. Blah Blah Blah. HMMM...Guess I have issues. Anyway, It was just about enough to send me right back to the liquor cabinet, but I did not.

I hope this doesn't turn into a nightly thing. I can't bear the thought of having to have a cocktail to bring me back on even keel. It was mostly DD that sent me over the edge. I think she is going through some hormonal changes in preparation for you know what. I have noticed she has montly mood swings, which unfortunately, coincide with mine! I was thinking maybe I was sending her over the edge with my PMS, but this month was exceptionally good for me, (the kids know when TOM is for me based on my behavior, and were stunned when I told them I couldn't do certain things as TOM was here. I got a huge attagirl, for being so incredibly even tempered.) but she really came unhinged this week. DS says he can't bear the thoughts of living with the two of us if this is going to be the way it is when she eventually starts with TOM.

Anyway, today is another day, and even with my coktail, I was only at, I'm guessing 1600 calories, so still a net loss. I think I'll stop answering the phone when mom's name pops up on CID, at least for a while.

Better go and have brekky, then get going on paint touch-up, kitchen scrubbing and dusting. Man, I hate dusting. I'd rather chew glass!

Keep the Faith!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Tracy,

Wow sweetie! It sounds like you have been though a lot lately. We will keep you and your family in our prayers.

Hang in there Tracy and know that we are here for you!

 

[geetey]

Tracy!
I am so happy to see you posting again! Welcome back to the drudgery of being the stay-behind spouse. What a crappy job, eh?

It's a new year and hopefully your weather will clear quickly, and the housing market will start popping for you. Your family can be reunited more quickly then. Sending prayers and pixie dust for just that to happen!