Toys for Christmas right??? Not clothes... vent ahead..

[NHdisneylover]

THIS!!!!
Completely and totally... 100%

Yeah, little junior is just all smiles and his eyes lit up... "Ohhh boy!!! Flannel Pajamas!

Picking out clothes for little kids is ALL about the adults.

It is all about serving the adults desires.
Not just the parents, but the relative who is serving their own desire to 'clothe a child', pick out what they think the child should wear, etc.

Unlesss it is an older child/teen who REALLY wants those Ugg boots, Under Armour Jacket, etc....

I would never, ever, buy clothing for a child as a Christmas gift.

And, ALL of the stuff from the one SIL was clothing....
Not one single fun item or toy???

Do you honestly believe this?

My son loved, I mean really loved, his sweater with a fisherman on it he got for Christmas when he was 4. Same for his sock monkey PJs a couple of years later. He has had several t-shirts that he loved when he was younger too. Last year he got a very uniqeuly styled jacket (he was 12) that his grandmother picked up in Paris during fashion week. He LOVE LOVES LOVES it :lol
Likewise, my daughter has had many, many favourite outfits over the years that were gifts. From very young ages. I recall the cheetah print swimsuit, the bright pink dress and the lavender sweater set as big hits in the preschool years.
As very young kids both kids would proudly tell friends that aunt so and so or grandma or whoever bough the item they were wearing.

If you had, on the other hand, given my DD barbies THAT would be just pushing what one thinks little girls should like on my Barbie hating kid

 

[Aristocath]

This year I bought clothes for gifts for our nieces, ages 4 and 6. I got them very cute dresses from crewcuts. Why? Because I know my SIL will like them and the girls will get to wear them. Not saying this about the OP, but my SIL is a control freak and only wants the girls to have what she wants them to have. Give a toy SIL doesn't like? It disappears. Clothes not in SIL taste? She sells them. She actually buys the gifts for my in-laws and her parents to give the girls and they reimburse her. Really takes the fun out of Christmas for me! So yes, I'm giving clothes that I know will "be approved" but that I got to pick out!

Isn't taking the time to pick out just the right gift for someone part of the joy of Christmas? And does it have to be on the mom's approved list?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Last year he got a very uniqeuly styled jacket (he was 12) that his grandmother picked up in Paris during fashion week.

Okaaaaayyyyy.....

Seriously, there are a few people here who are only posting by their singular experience with their own child and their own world-traveling relatives.

And, I did make the exception in my post of more special articles of clothing.... Ugg boots would have been an AMAZING gift, if that was something that she might have wanted. But, clearly, it was not....

My child simply would have NO interest in receiving clothing for Christmas gifts...
Period.
I am making NO apologies.
And, will not.
Different strokes for different folks.
In fact, it is almost a running joke around here that DS will find new underwear under the tree!!!

The OP is entirely justified in her feelings.
Feelings are always valid.

However, I will add, once again....
In the follow up that I posted, as I failed to add the comments to my first post.... One really cannot look a gift horse in the mouth.

I hope that the OP can vent her feelings and just let it go.

 

[JaneBanks]

I always ask the children that I'm buying for (if they are old enough to answer) what they would like for Christmas. I than ask their parent if it is okay, just in case they bought it already. If they did, I then ask what is on their list that they didn't already buy.

I don't buy presents because I think that's what they should get and I don't get they attitude of "I buy what I buy them even if they didn't ask for it and if they don't like it, I won't buy for them again." If that's not a bratty attitude, I don't know what is.

Christmas gift giving isn't about how we the gift giver feels, it's about who is receiving the gift. We don't have to like the gift, they do.

The happiness from giving a gift comes from the thought of getting something you know they would love, not the physical gift itself.

 

[luvsJack]

Okay. Some kids don't like getting clothes and by what the OP has said, her daughter didn't act any different than yours.

Do you want people telling you that you're ruining your child and you're child is going to grow up and be a nightmare because of her reaction?

well that was 10 years ago, and she really didn't turn into a nightmare. Well, unless you can count the normal teenage "nightmarishness"

Anyway, you are right, the OP's child probably won't turn out to be a brat because she was unhappy with clothes.

OP, maybe next time your sil suggest some kind of clothing (like the UGGS) you should suggest some other clothing item that your dd would be thrilled with. Maybe she was just heck-bent on getting clothes. My mom does that sometimes with my sister's grandkids because they have so many toys, she feels like they have too much and need something practical.

 

[JaneBanks]

well that was 10 years ago, and she really didn't turn into a nightmare. Well, unless you can count the normal teenage "nightmarishness"

Oh to be a teen again...

 

[NikitaZee]

I always ask the children that I'm buying for (if they are old enough to answer) what they would like for Christmas. I than ask their parent if it is okay, just in case they bought it already. If they did, I then ask what is on their list that they didn't already buy.

I don't buy presents because I think that's what they should get and I don't get they attitude of "I buy what I buy them even if they didn't ask for it and if they don't like it, I won't buy for them again." If that's not a bratty attitude, I don't know what is.

Christmas gift giving isn't about how we the gift giver feels, it's about who is receiving the gift. We don't have to like the gift, they do.

The happiness from giving a gift comes from the thought of getting something you know they would love, not the physical gift itself.

Excellent post.

 

[mhsjax]

I think you misunderstood what Mrs Malone said. She meant, like most of us, that when you get presents from family, even if they aren't going to be there, that the presents sit under the tree until Christmas. That's where the phrase, "Will be thinking of you on Christmas," means. Not, "Thinking of you on Dec 20."

It wouldn't occur to me, that if I sent a present that it would be opened early. Like it is part of the Christmas day celebration.

I guess depends on your expectations & what you were brought up with. Getting an assortment of toys, clothes & practical items sounds NORMAL to me. Your SILs & MIL sent at least 6 items. You expected ALL of them to be toys? Like a pp said, how many toys does a 5 year old NEED? It also depends on the expectations you teach your child to have. As this seems to be normal for your DH's family, she needs to be taught to expect a mixture of items along with toys.

Also, it a downturned economy, where people have been out of work for a year or more, getting 6 presents at all for a child would be heaven. A little gratitude might be in order for what you do have & the family you/DH has and is able to provide. Unless you are affluent and have a lot of money to throw away, getting clothes DD can wear for the upcoming season is practical, versus a toy she will grow tired of in a few weeks. I assume your in-laws think you & DH will be giving DD a toy or two. They are filling in with other items most people need, that the parents appreciate, if not the children.

You took the words right out of my mouth. My kids don't get 6 gifts all together, much less from one person. Sounds really ungrateful to me. Also, my DD even at 5 LOVED clothes over toys and frankly would have thrown a barbie to the side in order to try on her new clothes.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Maybe she was just heck-bent on getting clothes. My mom does that sometimes with my sister's grandkids because they have so many toys, she feels like they have too much and need something practical.

I can see what you are saying....
Kids have SO much these days, it is like their rooms are often just piles and piles of 'organized mess'.

Personally though - IMHO, a Christmas gift should be about the child... about seeing the child's eyes light up, and sharing joy and happiness.

 

[JaneBanks]

Excellent post.

Thank you!

I just try to picture my 5yr old , 6yr old, 7yr old, etc. self and remember how excited I was when I got that one gift that I really wanted and I go from there!

It's kind of sad now that the youngest I buy for is 10. Now they all want gift cards and such. Not as much fun to buy for. lol

If DH and I are lucky enough to have kids, or if my brothers would get off their butts and get married and have kids , it will be fun again!

 

[Wishing on a star]

You took the words right out of my mouth. My kids don't get 6 gifts all together, much less from one person.

I noticed that, about the number of gifts, as well.

But, IMHO, the overkill with the number of gifts, IMHO, is also a big sign that is all about the 'giver'.

I know a few people who are the 'all about me' type.
And this is something that I have noticed.

 

[NikitaZee]

You took the words right out of my mouth. My kids don't get 6 gifts all together, much less from one person. Sounds really ungrateful to me. Also, my DD even at 5 LOVED clothes over toys and frankly would have thrown a barbie to the side in order to try on her new clothes.

I think this proves the point very well - ask what the child would like. If my niece put clothes on her wish list, that's what I'd get her. It would be wasteful (IMO) to get her something she didn't want or wouldn't wear/play with.

 

[goofyintoronto]

It might be a good time to start teaching gratitude for gifts. A gift is a wonderful thought even if its not what you asked for

Honestly? I think you are looking for things to be upset about and setting a bad example for your daughter (who will take her cue from you).

I'd be a bit disturbed that instead of being grateful, your child was developing those "classic signs" you mentioned. There's nothing at all wrong with kids getting clothes for Christmas or birthdays. My dd has a mid-November birthday so we had a real toy overload by the time Christmas rolled around. Family and friends often got her clothes.

You seem too focused on how your family does things instead of accepting that not everyone does holidays or gift giving the same way. Teaching gratitude for things received and tolerance for the differences between families seems like more of a Christmasy message than "Grandma and your Aunties did it wrong but Mommy"s family gives gifts correctly."

Hard to teach gratitude when the mom isn't grateful herself. can you imagine the scenario? BOTH of them looking at the mound of presents and being disappointed.

Hadley, you gave great ideas to show how one can be excited about the gifts that were given. It would be hard to come up with those ideas ad to teach a little one how to think that way too, when one doesn't think that way, herself.

I know people out of work. I just keep thinking about the kids who would be so excited to have a new outfit to show off at school, when they probably haven't gotten anything new in a long time.

Great observation. Maybe the OP unconsciously is fostering that competition. The in-laws presents weren't even worth waiting to open on Christmas. ALL of them were opened yesterday. (Not something I'd do.)

You sound ungrateful and immature and it sounds like your DD is picking up on your cues. Stop your behavior now or she will follow in your footsteps.

There's nothing wrong with getting clothes for Christmas. I cannot believe some of the things I see people complaining and venting about on these boards. It is petty and ridiculous. So much for holiday spirit.

You should be grateful that your in-laws are buying gifts for what sounds like a very spoiled little girl. You're not doing her any favors by acting the way you are!

I try to teach my dd that no matter what someone gives you as a gift, you say thank-you and you never complain about a gift. It is a gift, and they don't have to buy your dd anything if they don't want to. My mom bought dd4clothes for Christmas and I am thankful. For one, my mom didn't have to buy her anything, and for two, she needs new clothes.

My biggest pet peeve is when a family member calls me and tells me what to buy their child. If I wanted to know, I would ask! I bought my cousins DS2 a pair of pajamas, and my nephew a pair of pajamas. If they don't like them, they are more than welcome to exchange them. If the gift isn't good enough for my cousin or SIL, they can buy their kids whatever they want with their own money.

I agree 100% with the posters above. I honestly cannot believe what im reading on this thread.....i find some attitudes absolutely disgusting. First of all, your setting a horrible example for your child. your teaching her to be thankful for only the gifts she wants, and all the gifts that she doesnt want, she can just toss aside and throw a tantrum. Sounds like she gets this from you, hate to say it but thats what it sounds like.

I ALWAYS buy clothes for kids in my family because thats what the parents want me to buy. They tell me their kids have enough toys as it is, they dont need more. So i happily comply. There's nothing wrong with buying clothes. I will leave the toy-buying for the parents and santa.

I have always taught my son to be greatful for every gift he gets, i tell him to remember that those ppl didnt have to buy him a gift at all, its the thought that counts. Besides, xmas isnt about the gifts, its about being together as a family. Maybe you should start teaching her this as well cause from what i see, your sending her on the wrong path!!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I think this proves the point very well - ask what the child would like. If my niece put clothes on her wish list, that's what I'd get her. It would be wasteful (IMO) to get her something she didn't want or wouldn't wear/play with.

Exactly....
The minority (my little young child loved clothes) posters here are actually proving our point quite well.

 

[agnes!]

My step sister had the same complaint last year about the presents I sent. Mind you she didn't have enough money to buy her 3 kids winter coats or boots so I did. I also sent new jeans and sweaters AND a couple toys. I sent little toys because I knew she would get plenty from everyone else.

She called to tell me she couldn't believe I didn't send so and so toy but I bothered to spend all the money on coats and boots.

Guess what I sent this year? Nothing..... I knew her kids wouldn't miss the gifts as they are all under 6 and I don't see them very often. I don't need groveling but a present is a present is a present.

For the record I give clothes and other things than toys as gifts especially when I know they get a pile on of toys.

Oh Tina, what your StepSis did is so sad it's funny. Maybe StepSis was peeved because she couldn't easily return the clothing & boots? Some stores have generous return policies on Christmas presents, so could she have been planning on returning your largess to maybe WalMart and converting all that love into $$$ for spending on herself?
I'm just sayin' ...


Regarding the OP...
I would love to get a pair of UGGs as a Christmas gift, I think it is very thoughtful and generous.
And I have to say...I'm not sure what your endgame is here...what would make you happy in this situation? Nothing but toys? No clothes? No presents? Gift cards? Money? A list you give the ILs that they buy from? OP, I hate to tell you, but you are going to be basically living with these people for the rest of your life. Your kid is only 5...you have a lifetime of hurt feelings/love/expectations/miscommunications ahead of you. You need to decide if Christmas gift/celebrations are the hill you want to die on with your ILs. Sure, you haven't said that you're going to go to war over their gifts, but your kid is only 5...give it time and if you don't think about trying to adjust your attitude, this will snowball into "my ILs are the biggest jerks on the planet blah blah blah". As you said "I know I have my issues with the in-laws and such" and "for a 5 year old, I thought this was a little ridiculous".
You already have issues with these people for whatever reason and it wouldn't matter what they did for Christmas would it somehow just be wrong? If they sent $$, it would be because they didn't care. If they sent toys, they would be the wrong type. If they don't consult with you about specific gift preferences, then they are being selfish. And, I must say, you are setting *your* side of the family up as somehow being better with "Thankfully she will get her fair share of toys from my side this weekend."
So, you're not spending Christmas with your ILs?...nothing wrong with that, but you *are* spending at least some of the holiday with your relatives and it sounds like you are much more sympatico with their style of gist-giving and celebrating.
Maybe this is all just something as simple as your ILs language of love is not what you are used to, but regardless, it does sound like they are at least making an effort.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Agnes!


While I do not flame the OP, and can understand the feelings.
THIS is what really nails it!

 

[Jennasis]

BTW...

GIFTS for Christmas. Not toys/clothes/money/food...but just a gift. Learn to be gracious in both the giving and receiving. I honestly doubt Mary and Joseph or little Jesus in the manger said "Myrrh? Frankincense?? What the heck!? We NEEDED food and clothing!"

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

BTW...

GIFTS for Christmas. Not toys/clothes/money/food...but just a gift. Learn to be gracious in both the giving and receiving. I honestly doubt Mary and Joseph or little Jesus in the manger said "Myrrh? Frankincense?? What the heck!? We NEEDED food and clothing!"

OMG...I just spit my coffee out everywhere...I don't know WHY I thought this was funny!

 

[Shyvioletisme]

She didn't say that! The OP said that her 5 year old daughter, not a 10 yr old and not a teenager, made a "not clothes again" face. A face ALL kids make.

Really? ALL kids? So you know every kid and none of them like getting clothes? I can tell you that my niece is 7 and she LOVES getting clothes for birthdays/Christmas. She loves to dress up and wear fun clothes and yes she *gasp* genuinely LOVES receiving them. Now maybe if it was a little boy of the same age, I could understand. However, most little girls I know love to get clothes(especially the cute fun ones that maybe Mom or Dad won't always buy you throughout the year).

 

[gracie1]

I try to teach my dd that no matter what someone gives you as a gift, you say thank-you and you never complain about a gift. It is a gift, and they don't have to buy your dd anything if they don't want to. My mom bought dd4clothes for Christmas and I am thankful. For one, my mom didn't have to buy her anything, and for two, she needs new clothes.

My biggest pet peeve is when a family member calls me and tells me what to buy their child. If I wanted to know, I would ask! I bought my cousins DS2 a pair of pajamas, and my nephew a pair of pajamas. If they don't like them, they are more than welcome to exchange them. If the gift isn't good enough for my cousin or SIL, they can buy their kids whatever they want with their own money.

We were taught as children the same way that you were. I still get some of the wierdest gifts, but you know what? It's the thought that counts. And I am so with you on your pet peeve! I actually stopped buying for my brothers children, because they actually called me on the phone a couple years ago and specifically called to ask where their christmas present was. And if you didn't get them what they wanted they would tell you they didn't want it. So that was it for me. They get nothing from their aunt anymore. It shocks me that my brother raises his children like that when he surely wasn't raised like that.