Too much too soon

[sissy_ib]

I know a few people who have always been given everything. You know when you see a child and you can tell they have never heard the word no?

I know one person who is in her early 30's, living with her parents and her 4 y/o twins, driving a new car that her parents pay for, no job but she is going to school. Her brother, a few years younger than her is also at home in a car the parents pay for, no job, no nothing. The parents owned their home outright but now a ton more on their home than it is worth because of mortgaging several times to pay off and roll in credit card debt and car loans.

Another is just the biggest brat you have ever meet. 21 and given everything, her fiance is in major debt because of their lifestyle, her mom still pays for most everything, paying for a wedding and lavish honeymoon, and she actually cried when her mother suggested she get a job! My husband doesn't get why I don't like her.

This isn't because they were given one expensive gift when they were 10. It is because they were never taught to value the things they were given. When you get everything on your Christmas list every year you learn fast to add more and more to it. It is on the parents and grandparents to not try to out do themselves.

 

[minnie1012]

I usually only get one "big" gift for them but nothing outrageous. Last year I got my oldest daughter the Ipod touch but the 8G. She remarks that she has the small one and her friend the 32G but too bad! LOL This year she is getting a small TV for her room. (The last one of all the kids in the neighbor hood her age). Its hard to keep your kids grounded when neighbors/friends kids get a kindle, Xbox, TV all in one Christmas. The mother got great deals on black Friday but I still don't feel its necessary to get all of that for one Christmas. I try to teach my kids the value of money and not spoil them. This year I even told them that Santa needs to give other kids more this year because they lost all of their toys in the hurricane. Its not that we don't have the money its just that it really is just "stuff" and when you see what people have lost you realize family is more important. I prefer to spend the money on family vacations. I remember those from my childhood more than what I got every year at Christmas.

I do still remember that I never did get that Barbie dream house I wanted (LOL)

 

[Robbi]

I think the problem my friend was having is that her DD wanted an ipad from her Grandmother but the friend doesn't even have a tablet of any kind for herself. She would like an ipad, but they don't have one and now her DD may get one from Grandma. I think she is going to encourage Grandma to get the 10 year old a kindle fire for now and save the bigger purchases for when she is older. Her DD does not need it for school, it is just for play and she already has a cell phone and an ipod.

See, this bothers me. If the daughter wants an iPad and her grandmother wants to buy one for her, so what. The mom is bothered because she doesn't have one and so her daughter shouldn't have one? Seems selfish. It would thrill me if my child had a grandparent give her something she really wanted.

As to what other families buy their children, it is not my business.

 

[sunshinehighway]

What I dislike about electronics gifts is that they are so quickly out-of-date. I always have to laugh when I see the lines of people lined up for the "latest and greatest", who are occupying their wait time with last year's model that they stood in line for because THAT one did everything that they ever needed.

That's really only a small percentage of people. I don't know anyone who has to buy the latest version of something they just bought a year ago.

There's always new Lego sets and AG stuff. The Lego stuff that was must have last year, isn't as cool this year.

At least the electronic stuff will last a few years. Kids get bored with toys much faster.

 

[richmond282]

I sort of agree with the OP to an extent, but I def also think that it is all in the way these children are raised. My DD received a 3DS for Christmas last year. It was an upgrade for her DS Lite which she had had for several year. She still loves her 3DS and plays it quite frequently. This year her Christmas list is: a password journal, clothes from Justice or JCPenney, an American girl doll (she asked for the Target version) and a Mario game for her DS. I don't feel the need to try to "top" last year's gift. I'm going to give her some clothes, the game she wants, and a real American girl doll that I bought used for $30 (Her aunt bought the password journal )

 

[Colleen27]

At least the electronic stuff will last a few years. Kids get bored with toys much faster.

No kidding. And I think that's especially true of tablets/iPod Touches because they're so versatile. The hardware doesn't advance nearly as quickly as on desktops or laptops, and new software isn't dependent upon having the newest generation hardware. DD4 has a (hand-me-down) DSi and DD11 has an iPod Touch - both get played with every day. Not many other gifts get that kind of use when they're a year old.

 

[mhsjax]

I couldn't agree more.

Kids these days (gosh, I sound old...) don't have to save/wait for anything anymore. I was SO happy the other day when our 9 year old said that she didn't want to bring her $9 to the toy store. She said she had decided to save up for a Kindle Fire. Our daughter did this for her MP3 player (notice I didn't say iPod...not everything needs to be 'name brand') a couple of years ago and she is still so proud that she bought it herself and saved for it herself.

Teaching patience and savings will help your child in the future! Maybe they will even be able to take their kids to Disney a few extra times.

Sorry, but just because kids have some of the latest electronics doesn't mean that they don't save and have patience My kids all have laptops, because of school, they all have iphones, and oldest DS will be getting computer components for Christmas, he wants to build his own They do however save their money and have frequently used it to buy things for themselves, to help our with the family budget

 

[4luv2cdisney]

I know a few people who have always been given everything. You know when you see a child and you can tell they have never heard the word no?

I know one person who is in her early 30's, living with her parents and her 4 y/o twins, driving a new car that her parents pay for, no job but she is going to school. Her brother, a few years younger than her is also at home in a car the parents pay for, no job, no nothing. The parents owned their home outright but now a ton more on their home than it is worth because of mortgaging several times to pay off and roll in credit card debt and car loans.

Another is just the biggest brat you have ever meet. 21 and given everything, her fiance is in major debt because of their lifestyle, her mom still pays for most everything, paying for a wedding and lavish honeymoon, and she actually cried when her mother suggested she get a job! My husband doesn't get why I don't like her.

This isn't because they were given one expensive gift when they were 10. It is because they were never taught to value the things they were given. When you get everything on your Christmas list every year you learn fast to add more and more to it. It is on the parents and grandparents to not try to out do themselves.

I think always being given everything, not being taught to value the things given to you, and getting everything on your Christmas list are 3 different things.

 

[sissy_ib]

I think always being given everything, not being taught to value the things given to you, and getting everything on your Christmas list are 3 different things.

One leads right in to the next. If a kid had 3-4 small things on the Christmas list, like a few people here, that is one thing. I am talking about 12 year olds asking for $1000+ worth of stuff every year and getting it. If you know mom and dad will just replace it then you don't learn to value it. They all go hand in hand in a cycle.

 

[ZoeBell]

One leads right in to the next. If a kid had 3-4 small things on the Christmas list, like a few people here, that is one thing. I am talking about 12 year olds asking for $1000+ worth of stuff every year and getting it. If you know mom and dad will just replace it then you don't learn to value it. They all go hand in hand in a cycle.

I don't think that's fair to generalize. Are some kids spoiled and entitled? Yep! Are some kids appreciative of what they get even if it's an expensive item? Yep again. I've known doctor's kids who have everything under the sun because their parents can afford it and are the nicest most appreciative kids around. I also know kids whose parents can't afford the expensive toys but they act spoiled and entitled. IMO its about how you raise your kids.

All 3 of my kids have iPhones. I bought them all. But all 3 phones have lasted a long time. As opposed to their other phones that were IMO cheaply made and didn't hold up. My kids all treat their phones with kid gloves. So I feel in tue long run the phones are worth it. My older 2 also pay for their share of the phone bill. My youngest pays in chores around the house and will pay with $$$ when she gets a job.

 

[mhsjax]

One leads right in to the next. If a kid had 3-4 small things on the Christmas list, like a few people here, that is one thing. I am talking about 12 year olds asking for $1000+ worth of stuff every year and getting it. If you know mom and dad will just replace it then you don't learn to value it. They all go hand in hand in a cycle.

Some people need parenting classes Mine don't ask for much, so they pretty much get what they ask for, even if it does cost a little bit more, but they know how to take care of it, and know that mom and dad won't replace it for misuse

 

[sissy_ib]

I don't think that's fair to generalize. Are some kids spoiled and entitled? Yep! Are some kids appreciative of what they get even if it's an expensive item? Yep again. I've known doctor's kids who have everything under the sun because their parents can afford it and are the nicest most appreciative kids around. I also know kids whose parents can't afford the expensive toys but they act spoiled and entitled. IMO its about how you raise your kids.

All 3 of my kids have iPhones. I bought them all. But all 3 phones have lasted a long time. As opposed to their other phones that were IMO cheaply made and didn't hold up. My kids all treat their phones with kid gloves. So I feel in tue long run the phones are worth it. My older 2 also pay for their share of the phone bill. My youngest pays in chores around the house and will pay with $$$ when she gets a job.

And I bet those doctors do not let their kids break their toys and electronics then get them new one. That is what I am talking about. I did not say any kids who gets an expensive item is spoiled and entitled. I'm not generalizing about all children.

 

[luvmy3]

And I bet those doctors do not let their kids break their toys and electronics then get them new one. That is what I am talking about. I did not say any kids who gets an expensive item is spoiled and entitled. I'm not generalizing about all children.

Wait, isn't this what you are talking about?

This isn't because they were given one expensive gift when they were 10. It is because they were never taught to value the things they were given. When you get everything on your Christmas list every year you learn fast to add more and more to it. It is on the parents and grandparents to not try to out do themselves.

 

[sissy_ib]

Wait, isn't this what you are talking about?

I'm talking about a Christmas list a mile long. Not the kids who are asking for duck tape and one or two games. I am talking about people, that I know, who asked for 10 games, multiple CDs, (then iTunes cards when they came out) a TV and DVD players, clothes, jewelry, and more in the same year and got it all and then some. They now do the same with their kids even though they cant really afford it. They are spoiled and entitled because they knew mommy and daddy would just buy them something else if they broke whatever it was. and now that these people are adults mommy and daddy still pay for everything. Like the example the OP gave of a second mortgage for a wedding. As I said, I know someone who did that to pay off extravagant Christmas' and new cars.

If the OP's 10 y/o gets an iPad there is nothing wrong with that. I'm saying one expensive gift does not make a child expect every year to be topped, topping last year, every year does.

 

[sk!mom]

Buying a kid a 7inch tablet can cost the same as buying an American Girl doll and outfit or a big Lego set. The tablet just seems more frivolous.

I disagree. Every 10 year old I know personally would get more use out of an iPad.

 

[ccgirl]

Had this conversation with a friend yesterday. Her MIL is looking for something to buy for my friend's 10 year old daughter and the girl wants an ipad. We were talking about the problem with buying young children these expensive gifts as such an age. What do you do next year and the year after? It seems they get so much at such a young age it just sets you up fro frustration later when they have it all already.

My DD is almost 15 and getting her first ipod touch this year, the last of all her friends to get one. I know she will appreciate it, as she is very cautious with my money and I appreciate that.

I see how my cousin started her dd with the limo pick up from school for her 12th birthday and it snowballed from there to eventually a wedding that my cousin took out a second mortgage on her house to pay for. The kicker, the marriage lasted about 3 years.

It is hard to avoid the overbuying, where do you draw the line?

Haven read all the replies. I just wanted to say that times have changed. My DD10 has an ipad in school. I bought her the touchpad last Christmas and am getting her the 32GB ipod Touch this Christmas. There's always something new coming up and technology is always changing and improving. Unless your DD15 uses some other electronics in school she is probably behind the curve technologically. My DD loves playing her math games on her touchpad. She also uses it to quickly look up information for reports. She uses that more than the computer. I also plan on the limo for her 13th birthday. She just tuned 10 a few days ago and she's having her bday party at the American Girl Doll store for a lunch. We don't do this every year but for things I feel is special I do. As for what other parents do, I really don't care. It's their choice and their decision. YMMV.

 

[ccgirl]

I think always being given everything, not being taught to value the things given to you, and getting everything on your Christmas list are 3 different things.

I agree.

One leads right in to the next. If a kid had 3-4 small things on the Christmas list, like a few people here, that is one thing. I am talking about 12 year olds asking for $1000+ worth of stuff every year and getting it. If you know mom and dad will just replace it then you don't learn to value it. They all go hand in hand in a cycle.

Not always.

I don't think that's fair to generalize. Are some kids spoiled and entitled? Yep! Are some kids appreciative of what they get even if it's an expensive item? Yep again. I've known doctor's kids who have everything under the sun because their parents can afford it and are the nicest most appreciative kids around. I also know kids whose parents can't afford the expensive toys but they act spoiled and entitled. IMO its about how you raise your kids.

All 3 of my kids have iPhones. I bought them all. But all 3 phones have lasted a long time. As opposed to their other phones that were IMO cheaply made and didn't hold up. My kids all treat their phones with kid gloves. So I feel in tue long run the phones are worth it. My older 2 also pay for their share of the phone bill. My youngest pays in chores around the house and will pay with $$$ when she gets a job.

I just posted above. Some may think I spoil my DD10 but so what, she is not a spoiled brat. She values things. She is kind, a straight A student and volunteers at the food pantry. She works hard as she is also a competitive swimmer and plays travel soccer. I constantly get compliments about her behavior and what great manners she has. It is absolutely about how you raise your children. In my house, Santa only brings one gift. Mom and Dad buy the rest because my DD was always asking why we were giving gifts to the needy when Santa would visit them. My DD still does not have a tv in her room and probably won't for years. No clue about if other children have one and don't care.

 

[luvthemouse71]

I think always being given everything, not being taught to value the things given to you, and getting everything on your Christmas list are 3 different things.

I agree. My parents made Christmas wonderful for us every year, but in daily life we weren't given everything.

I'd sooner get my child an ipad than some cheap toys that will be broken and/or have pieces missing within a week. Assuming that the child is responsible with electronics, of course.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

This type of decision is up to each family. It's no one else's business. If you can afford to give your child an iPad, why not?

I seriously considered getting my almost 6 year old grandson an iPad for Christmas. The only reason I didn't is because I know his mom would not supervise him using it and would use it as a babysitter.

 

[mhsjax]

I disagree. Every 10 year old I know personally would get more use out of an iPad.

I totally agree I bought an American Girl doll for my DD and she NEVER played with it, even though she thought she wanted one Major waste of money Her computer and iPhone have been used for years and are still being used