Too much too soon

[okeydokey]

I think the problem my friend was having is that her DD wanted an ipad from her Grandmother but the friend doesn't even have a tablet of any kind for herself. She would like an ipad, but they don't have one and now her DD may get one from Grandma. I think she is going to encourage Grandma to get the 10 year old a kindle fire for now and save the bigger purchases for when she is older. Her DD does not need it for school, it is just for play and she already has a cell phone and an ipod.

 

[Marionnette]

I don't see a problem with gifting a child with that got-to-have-it item for Christmas/birthday/special occasion as long as you can afford it. For the most part, I don't see those children as being "spoiled" or growing up to expect lavish gifts.

The kids that I see who are "spoiled" are the ones who are gifted expensive items, act carelessly with those gifts and then are given replacements to make up for their carelessness. For instance, my nephew is constantly losing or damaging things...an expensive guitar that his mother gave him for Christmas, the iphone that my brother gave him for his birthday, the LLBean backpack that was new just this past September, etc. Right now, his phone is missing. How a nearly 16 yo boy loses something that most kids are attached to at the hip, is beyond my comprehension. I can guarantee you that my brother will be replacing the phone with the newest model if it doesn't turn up by tomorrow. My nephew will expect it. He will be a miserable brat until he gets the replacement. Yep, he is spoiled.

OTOH, my sister's kids don't get anything handed to them. They get great gifts for their birthdays and Christmas. But if they lose or break those items, it's up to them to figure out how to replace/repair them. And the cost comes from their own pockets. It's how they roll in her house. Her kids are definitely NOT spoiled.

 

[sk!mom]

I think the problem my friend was having is that her DD wanted an ipad from her Grandmother but the friend doesn't even have a tablet of any kind for herself. She would like an ipad, but they don't have one and now her DD may get one from Grandma.

Now that makes the situation worse to me. This mom is competing with her child?? Or jealous that her child would have something nicer than mom?? That, I do not get at all!

Unless I thought grandma couldn't afford it, I'd let her give the gift she wanted to give.

 

[okeydokey]

Now that makes the situation worse to me. This mom is competing with her child?? Or jealous that her child would have something nicer than mom?? That, I do not get at all!

Unless I thought grandma couldn't afford it, I'd let her give the gift she wanted to give.

Not competing, but doesn't it make sense that if the family can only have one computer, that maybe it should be the parent's and not the kids?

 

[4GoofyCrew]

I couldn't agree more.

Kids these days (gosh, I sound old...) don't have to save/wait for anything anymore. I was SO happy the other day when our 9 year old said that she didn't want to bring her $9 to the toy store. She said she had decided to save up for a Kindle Fire. Our daughter did this for her MP3 player (notice I didn't say iPod...not everything needs to be 'name brand') a couple of years ago and she is still so proud that she bought it herself and saved for it herself.

Teaching patience and savings will help your child in the future! Maybe they will even be able to take their kids to Disney a few extra times.

 

[mhsjax]

I don't think you have to top each previous year/gift. If a child is always expecting bigger and better instead of being appreciative for what is given to them, no matter the cost, then likely the problem is never being told "no" rather than receiving an expensive gift every now and then.

So true. My DD got her laptop in 1st grade, now it was for school but it was still hers and it was a brand new apple lap top. My kids all have iPhones they are 15, 13 and 11. They get told no more than they are told yes. They may have a few more toys than some kids, but we still don't spend anywhere near what other spend on theirs, it is all about choices

 

[Colleen27]

I think it depends on the kid. DS11 has had hand me down iPhones for the past 3-4 years, and got my 1st gen iPad this year when I bought a new one. He has a Wii from Christmas 2010, and a 3DS from last Christmas. This year he asked for 4 things, a $30 DS game, 2 Lego sets that were each less than $15, and some duct tape. If that was all he got, he would be tickled pink.

I thought my son was the only one who actually put duct tape on his Christmas list. This year he wants glow-in-the-dark!

 

[nchulka]

It totally depends on the expectations that have been established in the family. I don't mind my kids having those expensive things, but they also don't expect to get extreme presents. My kids both bought themselves a DS when they were 7 & 8 with money they saved. Last year at age 8 DS earned 150.00 in Amazon giftcards from his Den for selling an insane amount of BoyScout popcorn. He used it to buy an iPod touch. For Christmas last year the kids big present was an assortment of arts and crafts items along with a hot glue gun and several large boxes I got free at Lowes!! The kids LOVED it! Christmas before that I bought them tons of PVC piping (2 foot long segments) and connectors and flat sheets. They were so excited!! They still built awesome forts with it. This year DD got an iPad. DH wanted the newest one, so he bought it for himself and gave DD his old one. DS once again was top seller in his den and this year is receiving a 9 inch tablet for his hard work. For Christmas the big thing DD wants is a bow and arrow set, DS is getting fishing gear and a good sleeping bag So I think kids can have the expensive items and still be very happy with more humble Christmas gifts as well!

 

[luvmy3]

I couldn't agree more.

Kids these days (gosh, I sound old...) don't have to save/wait for anything anymore. I was SO happy the other day when our 9 year old said that she didn't want to bring her $9 to the toy store. She said she had decided to save up for a Kindle Fire. Our daughter did this for her MP3 player (notice I didn't say iPod...not everything needs to be 'name brand') a couple of years ago and she is still so proud that she bought it herself and saved for it herself.

Teaching patience and savings will help your child in the future! Maybe they will even be able to take their kids to Disney a few extra times.

FWIW, we are talking about a Christmas gift so you can't really compare saving and patience and sacrificing. Now if it was just a Tuesday in July and your kid asked for an Ipad and you said "sure" you'd have a valid argument IMO.
My kids get some nice gifts at Christmas time, but they also know the value of hard work and saving to get what they want. They know that it may take an entire year to save up for that something they want. They know they don't just get things because they want them right then and there.
It is possible to give nice gifts (i.e expensive to some) and still teach your children the value of hard work and saving for what they want/need.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I couldn't agree more.

Kids these days (gosh, I sound old...) don't have to save/wait for anything anymore. I was SO happy the other day when our 9 year old said that she didn't want to bring her $9 to the toy store. She said she had decided to save up for a Kindle Fire. Our daughter did this for her MP3 player (notice I didn't say iPod...not everything needs to be 'name brand') a couple of years ago and she is still so proud that she bought it herself and saved for it herself.

Teaching patience and savings will help your child in the future! Maybe they will even be able to take their kids to Disney a few extra times.

Kindle Fire sounds like a 'name brand. There are plenty of great non name brand tablets that are the same price as the Fire and much better too.

It seems this thread is about Christmas presents so unless you make your kid buy her own Christmas presents I'm not sure what your point is about teaching patience and saving.

 

[Raspberry Beret]

I couldn't agree more.

Kids these days (gosh, I sound old...) don't have to save/wait for anything anymore. I was SO happy the other day when our 9 year old said that she didn't want to bring her $9 to the toy store. She said she had decided to save up for a Kindle Fire. Our daughter did this for her MP3 player (notice I didn't say iPod...not everything needs to be 'name brand') a couple of years ago and she is still so proud that she bought it herself and saved for it herself.

Teaching patience and savings will help your child in the future! Maybe they will even be able to take their kids to Disney a few extra times.

This thread is referring to Christmas presents. In our neck of the woods, at least, it's not common for kids to work and save for their Christmas gifts.

Disney is a name brand too.

 

[leahjade]

And equally sad in my eyes, is that I have friends and family who go into debt to buy their kids every new electronic item that comes on the market. They have no college money saved for their children but they own every gadget that you can imagine. This causes stress for the parents and I don't believe the kids are any happier than kids who get board games and legos for Christmas.

 

[debbiedana]

I am of the thinking, that things themselves do not spoil children. It is the attitude in which the things are given and received.

Yes. This exactly.

 

[sk!mom]

Not competing, but doesn't it make sense that if the family can only have one computer, that maybe it should be the parent's and not the kids?

If the parents were buying it for the family, then yes, it would make more sense to buy whatever the family could use best. The scenario presented, however, was a grandma wanting to give her grandchild a nice gift. If grandma can afford it, then it would be fine with me.

 

[sunshinehighway]

And equally sad in my eyes, is that I have friends and family who go into debt to buy their kids every new electronic item that comes on the market. They have no college money saved for their children but they own every gadget that you can imagine. This causes stress for the parents and I don't believe the kids are any happier than kids who get board games and legos for Christmas.

Some of those Lego sets can cost just as much as electronics. I think its hard to see the whole picture when you just look at things (toys, electronics) kids have and compare them.

Buying a kid a 7inch tablet can cost the same as buying an American Girl doll and outfit or a big Lego set. The tablet just seems more frivolous.

 

[valee]

What I dislike about electronics gifts is that they are so quickly out-of-date. I always have to laugh when I see the lines of people lined up for the "latest and greatest", who are occupying their wait time with last year's model that they stood in line for because THAT one did everything that they ever needed.

 

[Colleen27]

And equally sad in my eyes, is that I have friends and family who go into debt to buy their kids every new electronic item that comes on the market. They have no college money saved for their children but they own every gadget that you can imagine. This causes stress for the parents and I don't believe the kids are any happier than kids who get board games and legos for Christmas.

That's an entirely different issue than simply having those things, though. Plenty of kids have hundreds of dollars in Legos or Barbies or American Girl and no college fund too. The electronics just seem to be the easy target because of the perception of them as an adult, luxury item rather than a toy or even a tool.

 

[ehough]

I really don't think it's a snowball effect, or at least, it doesn't have to be. DD5 will be getting a Nintendo DSi for Christmas this year- she's old enough to play it, take care of it, etc and we don't have anything similar- I think it's a good, appropriate investment right now. It certainly does not mean that next year she'll get an iPad or an X-box, etc- I got what made sense this year. If what makes sense next year is "just" Barbies and Hot Wheels, that's what I'll get.

 

[ceecee]

You wake up one day and your child has this sense of intitlement! AND it's my fault. We are cautious with $, buy on sale, etc. but DD at 16 does not get it. DH and I have Tracfones ($100 per yr each). We let her have the Virgin $25 mo plan and she bought her phone and pd the $15 difference (which she never has). This year she wants an iPhone nothing else just an iPhone which means the service also goes up $10 a month. All her friends have them and they are getting iPads, etc. One of her friend's mom is on SSI and she has an iPhone and so does the daughter...DD can't seem to grasp the fact that it is expensive! She was one of the last to get a cell phone (age 12 and Tracfone) She got her first iPod at 11. Her laptop at 15...I thought we were teaching her but maybe not.

 

[DebMcDonald]

I agree with the OP totally. I have a very good friend that only has one child and it's the same thing - my husbands response is if we only had one we'd do the same thing, but she has a huge christmas at her own house, with another followed by each of the grandparents. This year she's getting Dr. B headphones from one grandparent among other things and a digital camera from another and from her own house - another ipod touch (I think this may be her 4th) - just because they are new this year. My DD 11 does have an ipod and got one at 10, but we will not be adding ipad's or personal laptops or anything else for years and years. My oldest now 19 didn't get her own laptop until she was a junior in high school.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I feel you need to then outdo yourself year and year after year and then what do you spent $1000 per kid so your tree looks full.