To Elope or No? Need any and all advice!

[minkydog]

[COLOR=purpleThe point: I would love to elope but my concerns I feel are valid.. I don't want to hurt my mom and I don't want to wonder "what if". At the same time, I just want to get married..today! And keep the cost low and make sure the day is truly about me and my husband. I know how easy it is to get caught up in other aspects of the day (guests enjoyment, food, what goes wrong, etc).[/COLOR]
So, advice, first hand experiences, opinions?
Thank you all so much!

I understand your conflict. I could have written this post. We got engaged at Christmas after 2 years of dating. Everyone was relieved--FINALLY! Since we were in our last semester of college we planned the wedding for immediately after graduation. Six months to plan the wedding. I really wanted to just elope and get on with it, but DH felt strongly that we should have a wedding. I'm so glad he talked me into it!

Our parents couldn't afford to help us and we didn't have a lot of money. We started planning a small wedding and before we knew it we had 5 bridesmaids, a big reception and a sit down dinner. The week after Spring Break DH said to me," What are we thinking? We should have gotten married over spring break and just been done with this!" Stopped me in my tracks.

So I told him I could have this wedding turned out in 2 weeks if I had too. Just call the folks, nix all the bridesmaids except 2, cancel the big reception and dinner. Let's just get married. And that's what we did. Our wedding cost $300 top to bottom. I made my beautiful dress, made our invites, found a cake(and they felt so sorry for us, they threw in the groom's cake for free!), arranged for a few flowers and candles and ribbons and ferns, called the preacher and that was that.

It was the best idea we had all year. Everybody just knew I was pregnant but really, we were just sick of the planning. The parentals were happy, we were happy, we stayed within our budget and had a nice little wedding. I'm glad we didn't elope. If you think yo want a wedding, I would urge you to consider it. You can have a nice intimate wedding that doesn't have to break the bank.

 

[EthansMom]

DH and I had an intimate wedding with only our close family members present (less than 15 of us total). I wouldn't trade our stress-free, affordable, elegant wedding for a big "event" even if someone else paid for the difference.

My advice: relax. Ignore the expectations of what you "have to do" and start from the ground up with what you WANT. To be married, all you really need is an officiant and signed wedding license. Everything else is just cream on top.

If you'd like to elope, is it that you have somewhere that you really want to get married? Or is it that you don't want stress? And if it's about the stress, could you have your wedding more locally and avoid the stress? And if you really want to have your wedding elsewhere, is there a location that is outside your local area that you could have a destination wedding and still invite your closest friends and family members? Ignore what everyone else wants and thinks would be best. Pay attention to what will make you and DF happiest.

Good Luck!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

HA! Just talked to my neighbors and their dd is getting married at the JOP and she is having a small reception at her home after.

 

[Rora]

Thank you to everyone for the responses!

I think deep down, I don't want to elope. There are certain elements of a wedding day that I want: father/daughter dance, cake, photography, etc.

I live in South Florida (go to school in North Florida-different world compared to the south) where most weddings are held on the beach, the Ritz, i.e. places I don't want and can't afford.

DFiance and I discussed this last night and we feel (thanks to all the stories) that a small wedding is afforadble, just as romantic and would cause waaay less drama.

The only issue now is my hoity toity extended family who will be disgusted at the lack of alcohol (both DFiance and I don't drink..) and the intimacy of the whole thing. My cousin who got married in June spent $10,000 on her cake alone. Being a bridesmaid in that wedding really opended my eyes-- I definitely don't want a huge wedding. 50 people or less.

Now, I just have to start planning and find a reception site!!

Again, thank you so much to everyone. If you have any more advice or tips, post or PM me! Thank you thank you thank you!

 

[MrsPete]

The only issue now is my hoity toity extended family who will be disgusted at the lack of alcohol (both DFiance and I don't drink..) and the intimacy of the whole thing. My cousin who got married in June spent $10,000 on her cake alone. Being a bridesmaid in that wedding really opended my eyes-- I definitely don't want a huge wedding. 50 people or less.

Here in the South, weddings without alcohol are not uncommon at all. I personally have trouble with the concept of not being able to celebrate anything without drinking.

I'd suggest that you set yourself up for success in this area by holding a noon or mid-afternoon wedding. Mid-afternoon would be best; a meal won't be expected at a 2:00 wedding, nor will alcohol. If you go for evening, the stakes are raised a bit.

IF you start to feel that you must have alcohol, you COULD consider one champagne toast -- I personally wouldn't feel the necessity, but IF you feel it's a necessity, it wouldn't be a bank breaker, and it'd limit the alcohol significantly.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

You can do a nice wedding for not a lot of money! I'm currently planning a destination wedding (Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge, TN) for next year (not engaged yet ) and my budget is around $4,000. Most of that budget is in renting a 7 bedroom cabin (only $500 a night!) for 3 nights so our close family and friends can stay together and we can have the reception (well "receptions" aren't technically allowed, I'm referring to it as a get together We just can't exceed the 55 person capacity of the cabin) there (we are staying in our own cabin after we get married). They have tons of chapels that offer candlelit ceremonies and I'm planning on having lots of food/cake back at the cabin and decorating minimally. I didn't want a tiny little church wedding at home with Walmart cake in the back hall but knew I couldn't afford (didn't want to pay for) a $20-30,000 affair either. There's tons of tourist type places around the U.S. (Las Vegas, Myrtle Beach, Swan/Dolphin at Disney, Cypress Gardens, etc.) to have weddings that are really nice and include a lot in their packages.

I'm actually enjoying looking for ways I can save money now! I've already figured out how I'm going to make my own invitations (100) and only spend $180 including postage to them and on the reply card! My bf drew the line at me growing my own flowers though (but by the way you can buy your own flowers wholesale through MANY websites and make your own arrangements/centerpieces/bouquets. There's also lots of How To videos on Youtube and wedding websites).

 

[Cheshire Figment]

When I got married we had a total of 55 people attending the wedding and reception. The number was small enough to be able to invite primarily relatives and some friends, so it was known we were really married.

But we were able to cut corners to save lots of money:

A close friend of Judy's made the gown for her.

Ceremony and Reception were both in the same location, a Hyatt Regency hotel. This allowed people from out of town to get a special rate.

We ordered the invitations from Hallmark,this included custom printing, reply carfds, envelopes, the whole thing.

We went to a major grocery chain to get the flowers. We had to arrange to get everything to the wedding but the hotel did the setup for us.

One key was we knew a commercial photographer who normally did not do weddings. He and his assistant came and shot lots of photos, the formals with a 120 film camera and everything else with 35 mm cameras. When they left, he gave me a paper bag with had all the exposed film in it, so I was able to take the film out for processing and had possession of all the negatives so we did not have to pay a fortune for copies.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Thank you to everyone for the responses!

I think deep down, I don't want to elope. There are certain elements of a wedding day that I want: father/daughter dance, cake, photography, etc.

I live in South Florida (go to school in North Florida-different world compared to the south) where most weddings are held on the beach, the Ritz, i.e. places I don't want and can't afford.

DFiance and I discussed this last night and we feel (thanks to all the stories) that a small wedding is afforadble, just as romantic and would cause waaay less drama.

The only issue now is my hoity toity extended family who will be disgusted at the lack of alcohol (both DFiance and I don't drink..) and the intimacy of the whole thing. My cousin who got married in June spent $10,000 on her cake alone. Being a bridesmaid in that wedding really opended my eyes-- I definitely don't want a huge wedding. 50 people or less.

Now, I just have to start planning and find a reception site!!

Again, thank you so much to everyone. If you have any more advice or tips, post or PM me! Thank you thank you thank you!

This is a great time to look at craft stores like hobby lobby or such for wedding items. The prime wedding season is winding down and the wedding stuff will go on clearance. I purchased the bottles of bubbles, wedding invitation paper, and other wedding odds and ends crap that you are supposed to have on the clearance rack.

Think about having your wedding on a Thursday or Friday night. It will save you money with catering or venue hall.

I paid a photography student that was up and coming to do my wedding. He had done other events and had done a great job. I paid something like $200 and gave him a copy of specific pictures and he gave me the negatives and printed out specifics we wanted.

For the champagne flutes and the cake serving things, I went to a crystal store and bought generic ones and ties our colors of ribbon to it. I didn't need the doves or our names on them.

Depending on the amount of people, you can purchase a mini wedding cake and a half sheet cake or more for your reception.


By the way, I'm an only child also and didn't know if I wanted a wedding or elopment either. We chose a small wedding that was very us. Simple and sweet and memorable. Make it about you and your love not what others think and want or expect. It is always about you and he not cousins, moms, or grandma's neighbors bridge partner's grandaughter.

 

[Rora]

I personally have trouble with the concept of not being able to celebrate anything without drinking.
This is exactly how I feel. I feel that most people go to weddings simply for the food and free liquor. I've already told my family that they don't need alcohol to enjoy their time at my wedding. They weren't pleased but whatever.
I'd suggest that you set yourself up for success in this area by holding a noon or mid-afternoon wedding. Mid-afternoon would be best; a meal won't be expected at a 2:00 wedding, nor will alcohol. If you go for evening, the stakes are raised a bit.
That's a great idea. I don't mind having to pay for food but alcohol definitely not-- then I can even say "Wow, it's only 3 in the afternoon.. you need drinks already?" Although I'd never say that, I'm sure it'd shut some people's mouths!

You can do a nice wedding for not a lot of money! I'm currently planning a destination wedding (Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge, TN) for next year (not engaged yet ) and my budget is around $4,000. Most of that budget is in renting a 7 bedroom cabin (only $500 a night!) for 3 nights so our close family and friends can stay together and we can have the reception (well "receptions" aren't technically allowed, I'm referring to it as a get together We just can't exceed the 55 person capacity of the cabin) there (we are staying in our own cabin after we get married). They have tons of chapels that offer candlelit ceremonies and I'm planning on having lots of food/cake back at the cabin and decorating minimally. I didn't want a tiny little church wedding at home with Walmart cake in the back hall but knew I couldn't afford (didn't want to pay for) a $20-30,000 affair either.
Your wedding sounds like it will be beautiful and perfect!! Your budget is pretty much the same as mine-- I don't want to go over $5000. I had considered having a destination wedding but was concerned they'd be just as pricey. I will certainly look into it more!

My bf drew the line at me growing my own flowers though [\quote]
That is too funny!!!

When I got married we had a total of 55 people attending the wedding and reception. The number was small enough to be able to invite primarily relatives and some friends, so it was known we were really married.

But we were able to cut corners to save lots of money:

A close friend of Judy's made the gown for her.

Ceremony and Reception were both in the same location, a Hyatt Regency hotel. This allowed people from out of town to get a special rate.

We ordered the invitations from Hallmark,this included custom printing, reply carfds, envelopes, the whole thing.

We went to a major grocery chain to get the flowers. We had to arrange to get everything to the wedding but the hotel did the setup for us.

One key was we knew a commercial photographer who normally did not do weddings. He and his assistant came and shot lots of photos, the formals with a 120 film camera and everything else with 35 mm cameras. When they left, he gave me a paper bag with had all the exposed film in it, so I was able to take the film out for processing and had possession of all the negatives so we did not have to pay a fortune for copies.

These are all great ideas. Especially the invitations from Hallmark. I will look into that!!

Again, thank you everyone so much. It's reassuring to know that a beautiful, small, affordable wedding is do-able and that DISers care about other DISers!

 

[Rora]

This is a great time to look at craft stores like hobby lobby or such for wedding items. The prime wedding season is winding down and the wedding stuff will go on clearance. I purchased the bottles of bubbles, wedding invitation paper, and other wedding odds and ends crap that you are supposed to have on the clearance rack.

Think about having your wedding on a Thursday or Friday night. It will save you money with catering or venue hall.

I paid a photography student that was up and coming to do my wedding. He had done other events and had done a great job. I paid something like $200 and gave him a copy of specific pictures and he gave me the negatives and printed out specifics we wanted.

For the champagne flutes and the cake serving things, I went to a crystal store and bought generic ones and ties our colors of ribbon to it. I didn't need the doves or our names on them.

Depending on the amount of people, you can purchase a mini wedding cake and a half sheet cake or more for your reception.


By the way, I'm an only child also and didn't know if I wanted a wedding or elopment either. We chose a small wedding that was very us. Simple and sweet and memorable. Make it about you and your love not what others think and want or expect. It is always about you and he not cousins, moms, or grandma's neighbors bridge partner's grandaughter.

Wow, you have some good advice! It makes sense that venues would be cheaper during the week and I will get on looking for a student photorapher.

I guess I just need to sit my butt down and get researching!!

Again, big thanks to everyone! You all have made my life a little bit easier.

 

[WriteDisney]

*Sorry this is looong!*
Just a little background information: My DFiance and I have been together since I was a freshman in High School. His family was family friends with my family, I was friends with his sister, etc. The point is- we've been together a very long time and have always known we wanted to get married.

DFiance and I are trying to decide what to do about our wedding. We have been planning for awhile but wanted to wait until next year to get married so I could be finished getting my Masters degree. We have planned a lot but haven't deposited any money, sent out announcements, etc.

I go through phases of wanting a big, elaborate wedding (that I know I can't afford and would hate to make my parents spend so much on just one day that I probably won't remember much of simply due to excitement).

Then, I go through a time of wanting a teeny, tiny wedding with immediate family only. My DFiance would prefer the intimate wedding but has told me he would so much rather elope.
Honestly, eloping is looking good due to ease, cost, etc but I don't know how I feel..
1. My mother would be devestated- I'm an only child. She's been looking forward to this day since I was born. She is important to me and I want to make her as happy as possible, yet, I also realize that this is my life now..

2. I wonder if I would be disappointed I didn't have the whole wedding shebang. Elopements are romantic and sweet, but I can't help but wonder if I'd want centerpieces, a Maid of Honor, a first dance, etc.

3. I could have an at home reception when we return but I just know my
family's feelings will be hurt and although they would come, they wouldn't be happy campers.

The point: I would love to elope but my concerns I feel are valid.. I don't want to hurt my mom and I don't want to wonder "what if". At the same time, I just want to get married..today! And keep the cost low and make sure the day is truly about me and my husband. I know how easy it is to get caught up in other aspects of the day (guests enjoyment, food, what goes wrong, etc).
So, advice, first hand experiences, opinions?
Thank you all so much!

ETA: Posted before seeing your update... that sounds like a great plan! Congrats!!

 

[Disney Doll]

May I also suggest being amenable to getting married on a Sunday afternoon or at an unusual time of year? My niece is getting married on Sunday December 27th....she got a great deal on the reception (at a quaint little inn...intimate) because it is not a day that would normally be "used" being that it's right after Christmas but before New Year's Eve....seems like most businesses have their "holiday party" before Christmas, so the couple of days right after Christmas are usually not taken and they are usually willing to "deal" a little. Plus, most places are beautifully decorated for the holidays.

Or perhaps a Sunday morning (maybe later morning) followed by a wedding brunch? I just did a wedding shower brunch for the same niece noted above. We had a selection of muffins, a couple of different stradas (egg casseroles)...one a Florentine style with spinach, tomato and cheese and one with sausage and peppers. We also had a spiral ham, roasted potatoes, a fresh fruit salad, and a waffle bar (niece's favorite things are waffles) with fresh made waffles & several topping choices (whipped cream, strawberries, chocolate sauce, chocolate chips, regular syrup), ambrosia, cupcakes instead of a cake (very trendy right now!). We did have Bloody Marys and Mimosas, in addition to coffem tea, soft drinks, juices, but I think overall there would be less expectation of alcohol at a brunch, so oyu could most certainly leave out the Bloody Marys and Mimosas. And if your hoity-toity relatives don't like it, then they don't have to come, now do they???? I always like to have a ready comment for folks like that...something along the lines of "We decided to focus on the marriage rather than focusing on just the one day of the wedding".

 

[lspst8]

I just eloped 3 weeks ago in Las Vegas. It was so much fun, so I highly reccommended going that route. Of course, it isn't for everyone. We did have a small dinner for our immediate families this past weekend, but my husband insisted on that, not me. Our families did know is advance, so it wasn't "real" eloping to me where the couple runs off without telling anyone.

If you want a small, affordable wedding, it is very possible to do. My sister is having a wedding on Columbus Day weekend for about 50 people for less than $3000 dollars. I think the #1 tip is to not have it on a Saturday. They are doing an afternoon reception on a Sunday with appetizers and a limited bar (beer, wine, and one specialty cocktail only).

Also, try to find places that do NOT have a lot of wedding business. If they restaurant/hall's website lists wedding packages, avoid them because most likely you will be overcharged.

If you have access to a nice print, you can make you own invitations -- Hallmark, Jo-Ann, Michaels, even Target all sell kits now for about 50 bucks for 50 invites -- and they actually are realy nice looking.

I also wouldn't worry about flowers. Guests really don't care about them -- my good friend got married last year and spent something like $2000 just on flowers, and the only thing I remember about them is that they were UGLY. If you need flowers, pick some up at Traders Joes or the regular grocery store. You can even order them from wholesalers online.

 

[minkydog]

Thank you to everyone for the responses!

I think deep down, I don't want to elope. There are certain elements of a wedding day that I want: father/daughter dance, cake, photography, etc.

I live in South Florida (go to school in North Florida-different world compared to the south) where most weddings are held on the beach, the Ritz, i.e. places I don't want and can't afford.

DFiance and I discussed this last night and we feel (thanks to all the stories) that a small wedding is afforadble, just as romantic and would cause waaay less drama.

The only issue now is my hoity toity extended family who will be disgusted at the lack of alcohol (both DFiance and I don't drink..) and the intimacy of the whole thing. My cousin who got married in June spent $10,000 on her cake alone. Being a bridesmaid in that wedding really opended my eyes-- I definitely don't want a huge wedding. 50 people or less.

!

Forget the Hoity-Toitys. They can plan their own weddings. Or pony up to pay for yours

Here in the South, weddings without alcohol are not uncommon at all. I personally have trouble with the concept of not being able to celebrate anything without drinking.

I'd suggest that you set yourself up for success in this area by holding a noon or mid-afternoon wedding. Mid-afternoon would be best; a meal won't be expected at a 2:00 wedding, nor will alcohol. If you go for evening, the stakes are raised a bit.

IF you start to feel that you must have alcohol, you COULD consider one champagne toast -- I personally wouldn't feel the necessity, but IF you feel it's a necessity, it wouldn't be a bank breaker, and it'd limit the alcohol significantly.

I got married in Deep South rural Alabama. My little town would have been scandalized if I had served alcohol! In fact, in that time and place, people didn't have any dancing either--you know, sinful. Almost as bad as mixed bathing(boys and girls swimming in the same creek )

My reception was very typical rural towns--Wedding cake, grooms cake(this was a new thing, actually) nuts & mints, little ham biscuits, raw veggies & ranch dressing, and fruit punch. We cut the cake right away and served it(without the abhorent smashing into the mouth.) The guests go down the receiving line, which in our case consisted of us, my mom and his parents, then go get their goodies. The whole thing lasted about an hour and we were on our way to our honeymoon.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Oh, and you can always blame no alcohol being offered on some anonymous person on your fiance's side! ( I just wouldn't use any names to avoid confrontations) My bf's parents are EXTREME Southern Baptists (live in OH) and don't believe in dancing or drinking. I don't think there'll be alcohol (unless people bring their own) and I intend on using that excuse as to why we're not providing it.

I'm thinking of having our own private dancing back at our own cabin (although I am a little sad about not having the Father/Daughter dance but that may change) that night complete with rose petals, a fire in the fireplace, and nice music (and a Gorillapod with my digital camera attached to get some dancing pictures. I just don't know for sure about this yet as it seems pretty cheesy in my head to run to the camera, put on the timer, and then pose like we're dancing ).

My plan right now for flowers is to buy them wholesale from FTD. I can get forty stems of hydrangeas for about $100 and I'm thinking with 3-4 of them clustered around in vases and the rest in my bouquet that should be good for flowers.

Good luck with your research and plans! It's kind of overwhelming cause there's SO much information out there. Please keep us posted as you plan! I love hearing other people's ideas!

 

[bumbershoot]

Thank you to everyone for the responses!

I think deep down, I don't want to elope. There are certain elements of a wedding day that I want: father/daughter dance, cake, photography, etc.

I live in South Florida (go to school in North Florida-different world compared to the south) where most weddings are held on the beach, the Ritz, i.e. places I don't want and can't afford.

DFiance and I discussed this last night and we feel (thanks to all the stories) that a small wedding is afforadble, just as romantic and would cause waaay less drama.

The only issue now is my hoity toity extended family who will be disgusted at the lack of alcohol (both DFiance and I don't drink..) and the intimacy of the whole thing. My cousin who got married in June spent $10,000 on her cake alone. Being a bridesmaid in that wedding really opended my eyes-- I definitely don't want a huge wedding. 50 people or less.

Now, I just have to start planning and find a reception site!!

Again, thank you so much to everyone. If you have any more advice or tips, post or PM me! Thank you thank you thank you!

It might be what YOU see in your area, but I'm quite certain that there are thousands of little weddings that you do not hear about in your area...so don't get caught up in what you think you know about weddings in your area. (we used to live in Miami, I have family in the Daytona and Orlando areas, so I know a tiny bit about things in the state)

I've sold it, but I bought a book called something like "how to have an elegant wedding on $5000 or less", and later another book for a $10,000 budget. Interestingly, I liked the ideas in the 5K book better. See if you can find them at the library, they were good books!

If you want to think of doing your own flowers...I loved looking at this site: http://www.freshroses.com/ while planning my wedding. ultimately I didn't have friends or family that I felt would be willing to help out with it, so I just hired a florist, but I wish I had done my own. Despite the name, it's NOT just roses, by the way.

I was just a helper at a friend's niece's wedding...they are fundamental so there was no booze and no dancing, and they had a tiny budget. My friend designed the wedding, and her boyfriend is a set designer, and you would not believe what they did with the space, it was amazing. We got to the site, the very plain pavilion of a park, it looked sad and dreadful. We started to work...covering the tables with simple poster paper...my friend had sewed elasticized covers for the tops of the pavilion poles to make the colors work better...they did this crazy thing that hung from the center of the pavilion ceiling with drapes of simple white fabric coming out...they bought inexpensive, varied, colorful small flowers and randomly put them in these small bottles and small mason jars, put a few on each table...at the end it was SO beautiful. I was there the whole time, I was part of making it...but the end result was just incredible, I never would have thought it would be like that.

So you can start with the most humble place and end up with gorgeousness.

As for alcohol...I'm sure that the poeple you love enough to share the day with will understand. We are vegetarian and don't pay for our friends to eat meat, and we worked hard on a veggie menu that wouldn't make people regret being there. We kept some expenses down by providing beer and wine, but not liquor. Now....it was held at a place that also had a restaurant, and you can carry food and drink around, so if it was important enough to people, they could have walked up to the restaurant to get a steak and whisky...but no one did. No one said anything to us, so if they felt bad about it, they had the sense to keep it to themselves!



I will tell you....I wanted to go to Vegas for our wedding (this was before I thought it through...being vehement non-smokers, Vegas would likely be miserable for me). Hubby thought "drive through chapel". I was thinking *Bellagio for 20 guests*. We had a disconnect on what we wanted. Ultimately, I planned HIS dream wedding, wore the poofy gown that he wanted me to wear (or what I thought he'd like), etc etc...we did it up b/c hubby wanted the big poofy wedding.... I was planning our small, My Way, renewal during our reception, LOL. So it's definitely worth thinking about what you truly want, so you're not wasting time at your reception doing that, LOL>



Also, you could go halfway. If your mom would really want to be at your wedding, have a tiny wedding. Invite her for an elopement (eloping doesn't mean you *have to* go alone). etc etc. But it sounds like you do want aspects of the Wedding, and that's good to know about yourself!

 

[Rora]

I'm thinking of having our own private dancing back at our own cabin (although I am a little sad about not having the Father/Daughter dance but that may change) that night complete with rose petals, a fire in the fireplace, and nice music (and a Gorillapod with my digital camera attached to get some dancing pictures. I just don't know for sure about this yet as it seems pretty cheesy in my head to run to the camera, put on the timer, and then pose like we're dancing ).
You may feel a little silly but you should definitely do it!! You are going to want those dancing pictures!!
My plan right now for flowers is to buy them wholesale from FTD. I can get forty stems of hydrangeas for about $100 and I'm thinking with 3-4 of them clustered around in vases and the rest in my bouquet that should be good for flowers.
I want hydrangeas too. That's a great price. Wow. Thanks for sharing!!
Good luck with your research and plans! It's kind of overwhelming cause there's SO much information out there. Please keep us posted as you plan! I love hearing other people's ideas!

I certainly will! Thanks!!

Forget the Hoity-Toitys. They can plan their own weddings. Or pony up to pay for yours
Don't I wish!

My reception was very typical rural towns--Wedding cake, grooms cake(this was a new thing, actually) nuts & mints, little ham biscuits, raw veggies & ranch dressing, and fruit punch. We cut the cake right away and served it(without the abhorent smashing into the mouth.) The guests go down the receiving line, which in our case consisted of us, my mom and his parents, then go get their goodies. The whole thing lasted about an hour and we were on our way to our honeymoon.

Wow, I wonder if I could do this? That sounds great!

I just eloped 3 weeks ago in Las Vegas. It was so much fun, so I highly reccommended going that route. Of course, it isn't for everyone. We did have a small dinner for our immediate families this past weekend, but my husband insisted on that, not me. Our families did know is advance, so it wasn't "real" eloping to me where the couple runs off without telling anyone.
Congrats!!!
If you want a small, affordable wedding, it is very possible to do. My sister is having a wedding on Columbus Day weekend for about 50 people for less than $3000 dollars. I think the #1 tip is to not have it on a Saturday. They are doing an afternoon reception on a Sunday with appetizers and a limited bar (beer, wine, and one specialty cocktail only).
That tip is probably the best in the book.
Also, try to find places that do NOT have a lot of wedding business. If they restaurant/hall's website lists wedding packages, avoid them because most likely you will be overcharged.
Hmm.. then should I just approach places and be like "Hey! Can I have my wedding here?". I mean, I guess all they can say is no, so it's worth a shot!

I also wouldn't worry about flowers. Guests really don't care about them -- my good friend got married last year and spent something like $2000 just on flowers, and the only thing I remember about them is that they were UGLY. If you need flowers, pick some up at Traders Joes or the regular grocery store. You can even order them from wholesalers online.

Very true.. it's not even like the flowers live that long!

May I also suggest being amenable to getting married on a Sunday afternoon or at an unusual time of year? My niece is getting married on Sunday December 27th....she got a great deal on the reception (at a quaint little inn...intimate) because it is not a day that would normally be "used" being that it's right after Christmas but before New Year's Eve....seems like most businesses have their "holiday party" before Christmas, so the couple of days right after Christmas are usually not taken and they are usually willing to "deal" a little. Plus, most places are beautifully decorated for the holidays.
This is a genious idea! I will have to look into this.

Or perhaps a Sunday morning (maybe later morning) followed by a wedding brunch? I just did a wedding shower brunch for the same niece noted above. We had a selection of muffins, a couple of different stradas (egg casseroles)...one a Florentine style with spinach, tomato and cheese and one with sausage and peppers. We also had a spiral ham, roasted potatoes, a fresh fruit salad, and a waffle bar (niece's favorite things are waffles) with fresh made waffles & several topping choices (whipped cream, strawberries, chocolate sauce, chocolate chips, regular syrup), ambrosia, cupcakes instead of a cake (very trendy right now!). We did have Bloody Marys and Mimosas, in addition to coffem tea, soft drinks, juices, but I think overall there would be less expectation of alcohol at a brunch, so oyu could most certainly leave out the Bloody Marys and Mimosas. And if your hoity-toity relatives don't like it, then they don't have to come, now do they???? I always like to have a ready comment for folks like that...something along the lines of "We decided to focus on the marriage rather than focusing on just the one day of the wedding".

It is so funny you bring this up.. I have ALWAYS wanted a brunch reception-breakfast food is my favorite, it gives me the rest of the day to just be with my husband, etc. That menu sounds great!!

I mentioned having a brunch to my DFiance's sister and she looked me square in the eye and said "That is so tacky."
From that day I ruled it out (can you tell I'm a people pleaser and not a me pleaser? ) but right now, it's looking good.

Oh and I love your comment. I will have to remember that.

Great advice everyone! Again, if you have more, send it my way!

 

[Rora]

It might be what YOU see in your area, but I'm quite certain that there are thousands of little weddings that you do not hear about in your area...so don't get caught up in what you think you know about weddings in your area. (we used to live in Miami, I have family in the Daytona and Orlando areas, so I know a tiny bit about things in the state)
This is probably very true.

I've sold it, but I bought a book called something like "how to have an elegant wedding on $5000 or less", and later another book for a $10,000 budget. Interestingly, I liked the ideas in the 5K book better. See if you can find them at the library, they were good books!
Thank you for the title! That is a great resource to have. Amazon.com here I come!
If you want to think of doing your own flowers...I loved looking at this site: http://www.freshroses.com/ while planning my wedding. ultimately I didn't have friends or family that I felt would be willing to help out with it, so I just hired a florist, but I wish I had done my own. Despite the name, it's NOT just roses, by the way.
Another great resource. Already checked out the link. It looks do-able!
I was just a helper at a friend's niece's wedding...they are fundamental so there was no booze and no dancing, and they had a tiny budget. My friend designed the wedding, and her boyfriend is a set designer, and you would not believe what they did with the space, it was amazing. We got to the site, the very plain pavilion of a park, it looked sad and dreadful. We started to work...covering the tables with simple poster paper...my friend had sewed elasticized covers for the tops of the pavilion poles to make the colors work better...they did this crazy thing that hung from the center of the pavilion ceiling with drapes of simple white fabric coming out...they bought inexpensive, varied, colorful small flowers and randomly put them in these small bottles and small mason jars, put a few on each table...at the end it was SO beautiful. I was there the whole time, I was part of making it...but the end result was just incredible, I never would have thought it would be like that.

So you can start with the most humble place and end up with gorgeousness.
What a great story!! I too have seen some places get all dressed up that before looked like the inside of a cardboard box! IMO, hiring a decorator isn't worth it. Thankfully, most of my family is pretty crafty and hopefully, we will be able to decorate whereever really nice.

You DISers are FABULOUS!

 

[rie'smom]

One of my very good friends had her wedding in a tiny chapel. Only the immediate families and 2 witnesses attended the ceremony. Everyone else was invited to a celebratory brunch. It was great!

You could also elope and let your mom plan a cocktail reception for when you got back home.

 

[Serena]

LOL! How about this. This stranger online is insisting you do not serve alcohol, and you have the wedding you want, even if it's a morning wedding.

Frankly, it is tacky to be rude to the bride to be just because she is asking about a morning wedding.

I love breakfast at any time of the day, just had it for lunch as a matter of fact. lol