To any DVC widows or widowers...

[DVC Grammy]

I recently lost my DH to brain cancer and I'm not sure if I can go to WDW without him. We used to go 3-4 times a year, usually just the two of us. WE were the kids, not our grown children.

If any of you DVCers have gone through this, please tell me how. Part of me wants to sell so that WDW remains my "laughing place", not become my crying place, where everything there reminds me of him.

Thank you for any helpful advice you can give me.

 

[njmeisje]

Grammy, my heart goes out to you. I cannot say that I can even imagine how hard this must be for you. I can only offer you my empathy.

I would not recommend you go alone. I think you are right, that you need to go with the goal of celebrating your husband and all the memories you two have made there. Do you have a really good friend, that knew your husband, that might be willing to go with you the first time back without him? Someone who can help you walk down memory lane for part of it...and to help you begin your own new memories to layer on top?

Forgive me if this is a naive suggestion. I just wish you the best, and will keep you in my thoughts.

Diane

 

[donmil723]

My deepest condolences on your loss. Although I have not been in your current position, I can relate to you and your DH being the "kids" at WDW. My first thought would be that your DH would want you to continue to go to WDW because he knows you found lots of enjoyment and happiness there in the past. I agree with the previous poster that you shouldn't go alone for the first time but with a friend or family member. Hopefully, in time, you will be able to enjoy WDW again. Best wishes!

 

[KirstenB]

I'm really sorry. I don't have anything to add, I think the posters above me have some really good thoughts. I hope you'll go back.

 

[mytwoboys]

I recently lost my DH to brain cancer and I'm not sure if I can go to WDW without him. We used to go 3-4 times a year, usually just the two of us. WE were the kids, not our grown children.

If any of you DVCers have gone through this, please tell me how. Part of me wants to sell so that WDW remains my "laughing place", not become my crying place, where everything there reminds me of him.

Thank you for any helpful advice you can give me.

I haven't been through the same situation and can't over any advice, I can only say that I am sorry for your loss . I can say that our family is from Killeen-Fort Hood, and while we are not blood related, we share the love of Disney with you. If you ever wanted to meet us there at WDW (or here) we could try booking the same resort near each other, we could always have lunch together in Austin and rehash all of the moments from the trip together. My Mom is on her 50's and we have 2 under 3, we've only been once so far and could use some expert info

 

[TiffBiff]

I lost my husband unexpectantly last December at the age of 44 (I was 34, DS was 2.5 and DD 2 months). We were waiting for DS to get old enough to enjoy Disney before spending the money for the trip. After he passed, I took the kids along with my SIL & FIL just to get away and have fun. And now I am the owner of 180pts @ SSR & 160pts @ AKV. I will be doing yearly trips from now on. Do not give up what you love because you are afraid it will make you sad. Instead, go and remember all the fun times the 2 of you had. If I were you, I would hold off on selling and just see how you feel. Some of the best advice I got was to wait atleast a year before making any major decision about getting rid of material things, that way you are not in the fog (at least not as deep) and can think clearer to whether you want it or not.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[jlewisinsyr]

Deepest respect and sympathy here.

I would have a hard time going without my partner. We've been together for over 7 years, and prior to meeting him, I was not the biggest Disney fan (not that I didn't like it, just never found the interest). Things have changed though and I enjoy going, spending time there, and losing him would make it really hard to continue to do that.

I agree with others though and you do have to start somewhere and maybe it is going with someone else, and building new memories, and rejoicing the old ones.

 

[LadyTrampScamp&Angel]

DVC Grammy, I am so sorry for your loss. I can totally understand your feelings.

I would suggest however, that unless there's a financial need for the money you would get from DVC, that you make NO decision regarding it's sale for at least a year. You said you lost your DH recently. Give it time, there's probably nothing that will change your grieving right now. Regarding DVC or anything else that's a big decision - you might want to sit with it for awhile and let things settle. You may have a different perspective as time passes, maybe not, but you won't have to regret a sale.

Maybe bank those points this year and see how you feel the next year.

Just my 2 cents and again, I am so sorry for your loss

 

[SunnieRN]

I am so sorry for your loss ((((((((Hugs))))))))), I agree with the above advice to wait a year. I wrote you a p.m. about what my Dad has gone through since the loss of my Mom last year...well a little over a year ago now.
Please feel free to p.m. me or call if you need to talk!

 

[DisDaydreamer]

Grammy, I am so sorry. I can only imagine I understand how you're feeling. DW and I have been together 35 years since we were both 16. I get tears just thinking about the possibility of losing her.

I too suggest you wait to make any decisions. You may find later that it makes you smile and remember good things to be there.

 

[CarolAnnC]

My deepest sympathies to you on your loss.

We purchased DVC in 1997 and my husband passed very suddenly in 2000. We loved Disney, we had two daughters in their teens at the time of his death. It was difficult prior to our first Disney trip - we had a cruise booked for only two months after his death. I gave my girls the option to cancel, but they wanted to still go.

Seeing the parks that he loved so much was painful, but life in general was just so painful at the time anyway. When we had been at WDW a few months prior to his death, he had promised the girls he would take them on Rock n Roller Coaster which would be open the next time. This was not to be - but I went ahead and rode it with them, hoping to fulfill one of his last promises (though I detest those kinds of rides, lol).

We now love to think of him when we visit WDW and remember all the good, fun times we had. Memories last forever...

 

[Chic]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. My wife and I have been visiting Disney since 1998. We visit Disney World 6 times a year so we have accumulated a million memories there together. I cannot even begin to imagine going there without her. Disney is "our" place together. I first visited Disneyland in 1968 with my parents when I was 3 years old. My mom passed away at 52 years of age from cancer. I have since visited Disneyland several times and experienced wonderful memories of our past time there together. I can still see my mom smiling, riding Small World, and eating popcorn on Main Street. It's really rewarding to see the classic attractions remaining in the parks and being kept in the same condition they were when we went as kids. When I pass, I hope my family still visits Disney and celebrates all the joy it brought into my life during my time in this world. My wife and I always joke and say that when my time comes, my spirit will be sitting on a bench in front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle in Disneyland. We plan to meet there even though she won't be able to see me. If the man above will allow me to do this, I hope my wife comes to sit beside of me and continue the magic until we are together forever.

 

[mmcguire]

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I can't imagine what it's like to lose a spouse, but I lost my mom on Mother's Day and asked myself many of the same questions you are probably asking. Mom went on every trip to WDW with us since 1994. Our kids have never been without her. It was her absolute favorite place to be, and we would spend months planning our trips.

On the drive down to WDW in August, we all wondered aloud if WDW was going to make us sad now. The answer for us was no. We did think of her many times throughout the trip, but they were happy memories, not sad ones.

I think you've gotten some good advice about waiting before doing anything drastic. I'd also recommend at least one trip to WDW to see how it "feels" before you decide anything.

Best wishes.

 

[spiceycat]

sympathy with you.

going back to WDW after losing someone, who loved WDW, can be painfully.

we couldn't even go main street with out crying - so we went to Epcot - she died before Epcot was open.

with him always going to WDW - guess that won't work for you - you probably have good memories in every park.

did you also go to VB or HH with him? if not maybe go there next year - and in 2010 - then think about going back to WDW.

 

[dudelydude]

**sigh**

Grammy, one thing about losing a loved one is that it gets better with time. I know that you know this, but let me remind you. For all my losses, I started day one by laying in bed, calling in sick to work and...well...crying quite a bit. Day two and three the same. Day four, woke up realizing that I hadn't showered or brushed my teeth in 4 days. Carried on, but stil found it hard to look at photos or momentos, so stuffed those in a drawer. Talked to as many people that would listen just to ease the pain. Cleaned the house from top to bottom in consecutive days as I find that therapeutic. Paying bills, organizing files, etc also helps.

As days passed I started to function a bit more and as months passed, I still woke every morning and went to sleep each night thinking of the person...but...I was finally starting to feel OK. It still hurt, but I was OK enough to pull the pictures back out of the drawer. I slowly re-introduced myself to the things that my loved one liked to do...see where I am going with this?

No matter how hard life seems without a loved one, time heals all. As for Disney and your DVC, bank your points and take some time. Next year or in2010, plan to take your children (and DGC?) to WDW, so you have a lot of love around you to help with the memories. Talk about what DH liked and do some things in his honor. It may be better to face these things as a means of not stalling the healing process. You know...face your fears and all that mumbo jumbo.

I know that eventually you will be able to think of DH and laugh more instead of cry.

Joe

 

[wildernessDad]

Grammy,

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your DH. I have missed you on the boards, wondering where you were.

I remember your love for the F&W festival and your wonderful posts.

I recommend considering renting your points for a year or so until you are able to go and be happy again, if that is possible.

I believe that WDW can be your laughing place. You just need time to heal.

 

[RachelTori]

Grammy, I am so sorry for your loss.

I can only echo the advice others have given here. It may be best to bank points and wait awhile before you even think of going back. And when you do go again, go with someone - family or a good friend. Hopefully in time you'll be able to recall all those happy WDW memories you and your husband had with joy, not pain.

 

[granmanh603]

grammy, so sorry to hear of your loss....I think you may have answered my question a few time....I agree with all that have posted here...just give it time before you do anything.....I wish you the best....

 

[Disneypirate85]

Grammy
I too am so sorry to hear of your loss. You have been given ALOT of good sound advice in the last 2 pages of post's. And I can only add to them, rent the points out or just bank them. But don't give up! to you, Take care Grammy, it is good to see you back on the board.

 

[DeblovesPoohbear]

Lots of great advise and I just wanted to send you a big hug
So sorry for your loss