Time to move to a new studio?

[KiminChicago]

My DD (9) has been taking dance classes through our park district since she was 3. When we first started, it was the only option for us since DH and I both worked full time. DD was going to day care at the park district building, so the day care providers would actually take her to class in another part of the building and pick her up when class was over.

A couple of years ago the park district contracted "Spotlight Performance" to run the dance classes. DD has always enjoyed her classes and she has friends there. Over the summer DD and two other girls were asked to join the dance company. This involves more (and longer) classes, competitions and a lot of work. DD and the other girls are now dancing with the older group of girls in the Senior Company. The problem is that the other two girls are "best friends." In one of the dances that they are currently working on, my DD's position is between the other two girls. Last week DD was really unhappy when I picked her up and she told me that she feels like one of the girls is trying to dance through her to get to her friend. DD doesn't want to be in the middle anymore. She also says that these other girls like to chat and want to distract her while DD is trying to listen to the instructor.

I stayed around to watch a class and I could see what my DD was talking about. One of the girls kept hugging and pushing and poking DD while the instructor was going over some steps with one of the older dancers. Then when it came time to dance, that same girl was pirouetting right past DD to get closer to the other girl and with her arms flailing, she almost slapped DD in the face. This is NOT the way the dance is supposed to be performed.

After class I mentioned to the teacher that DD is frustrated and unhappy and explained why. The instructor told me to just tell DD to hold her ground and if it takes someone getting kicked a few times, eventually everyone will learn where they're supposed to be. I didn't really find that a good solution, since my DD is the one who's going to end up getting kicked (I know she's my little snowflake, but from what I could see, she has much better control of her body than the other whirling dervish and DD would rather move than hit or kick another dancer). I've always told DD that if she stopped enjoying dancing, we'd stop taking classes but I'm torn. Other people have told me that DD really does have talent, but for the amount I'm paying for these classes, I think the instructor should be working more with all of the girls and correcting mistakes, rather than concentrating on the older girls and letting these younger ones develop bad habits. DD doesn't want to change studios since she has friends among the older dancers (who treat her as something like a kid sister).

Sorry for such a long post, but I'm feeling DD's frustration and can't really decide what would be best at this point.

 

[Sleepy]

If your concern is lack of corrections that will prevent your daughter from an adult future in some form of dance, then by all means, move her somewhere else. If she is happy with her performance, don't move her.

The dance world (at least my experience the last 9 years with pre-professional level ballet) is extremely ugly and no matter where you go, you are going to be faced with someone (or even several) who will do whatever it takes to get what they want and you would be surprised at how many parents encourage their very young kids to behave that way.

Those in dance must be emotionally strong to survive. That is just the bottom line. Speaking to the instructor or even the director is a start, but that does not always solve the problem because those kids who are truly evil have ways of hiding that evilness from the eyes of those in charge. (Waiting until the dressing room to be ugly, spreading rumors, being quietly disruptive while the instructor is busy with others, and making agressive dance moves appear to be accidental or "extreme effort" are a few examples).

If your child is being physically abused, move her to another school. If the problem is emotional bullying, she needs to stand up for herself (making a loud announcement like "Can you PLEASE stop talking/touching me so I can listen to the instruction?" is an example). After a few major class disruptions of her own, the instructor will realize the problem has escalated and will be forced to do something about it. If not, and your daughter is still unhappy, then move her. Unfortunately, be prepared that everywhere you go there are ugly kids who try to intimidate to get ahead.

 

[JohnsonsLoveDisney]

It really is a tough decision. If speaking with the teacher hasnt solved anything. Then go above her. and see what happens. at my DD's dance studio there were girls just like that one. Always messing around and acting up, making it hard to concentrate. I told her to stick up for herself and it wouldnt happen anymore. Most of the time the girl would "accidentally" step on her.I talked to the teacher and she kept an eye on it. and DD finally told the little girl if she didnt stop it she was gonna give her and black eye and tell her mother. After that she never did it again. DD was 7 at the time.

I agree with PP. the world of competative dance is a cruel one. My DD was on a dance team for 2 years. I think the parents are more nasty than the girls sometimes. DD quit due to the drama aspects of it. and being passed over many times for better roles. She decided that it wasnt worth all the stress and being there late every night.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[cabanafrau]

IMO, nothing is likely to change -- unless the other girls decide to drop it or change on their own. I've seen these situations time and time again with my girls' dance experiences. It's ugly, but our experience has been that's just the way it is.

 

[Darsa]

I don't think that it's uncommon, truthfully, to handle it in that manner; it's very true that sometimes it takes getting kicked/smacked/tripped for them to realize that they are, in fact, in the wrong place/position. My DD13 has been dancing since she was 6, and she wants to continue as long as she possibly can. We're not allowed to watch the practices with the exception of one Open House night, but she comes home and tells me everything. She's very serious about her dancing and being as good as she can; if someone gets in her space they'll know about it. Nicely at first, but if it continues she gets a little less nice Her instructor has told us that she will be a perfect assistant in a few years; she's ecstatic.

ITA that it takes a strong person to make it through the years of dance; I think it has helped my daughter become a strong, self-sufficient young lady.