Ticked off *vent*

[Kaspar Houser]

I wouldn't back someone into a corner by saying that the only gift I wanted was a dog; the DH's position may still be that he doesn't want a dog, and therefore, a birthday/holiday may have just turned into another power struggle. And, if you've read the thread, OP's DH is the one who is home all day, and OP works, so while the OP is at work, the dog's needs would be unfulfilled? Such interesting advice from a newbie...who's been reading the OP's posts for years.

We've had dogs...just two...for the last 25 years, except for 9 months between them. Our current dog is getting old and we've been talking about what to do when the time comes...get another dog or not. DH grew up with dogs; I did not, but I know how empty the house was during those 9 months (and all our kids were home then). We ARE on the same page about getting another dog, in that we just don't know. We're mostly empty nesters (college aged son who comes home on breaks), and also have a granddaughter a couple of hours away. There's something very appealing about being able to pack up and taking off spontaneously; at the same time, DH says Sunday nights with Frank Sinatra just won't be the same without a dog at his feet. (And I'm not filling in. ) It's a tough call.

I hope both the OP and her DH can fill their own needs in a way that takes each other's needs into consideration.

Well I did, just lost my account.
Sometimes it a though call indeed. We have a dog. He is getting old and we feel his pain. We are getting old also and sadly there will be no other dog after our friend passes "The Rainbow Bridge". A new dog would live longer as us.

Still Minkey needs to step up and confront her husband. If she accepts his behavior now she will be a slave for ever. Plain and simple.

 

[Kaspar Houser]

If she forces him to take care of a dog he doesn't want, then she isn't taking care of his wants, is she?

Why should she?
Her husband does not work,gets public money and is just refuses to lift a finger.

 

[ScottOKW2K]

There's something very appealing about being able to pack up and taking off spontaneously; at the same time, DH says Sunday nights with Frank Sinatra just won't be the same without a dog at his feet. (And I'm not filling in. ) It's a tough call.

I hope both the OP and her DH can fill their own needs in a way that takes each other's needs into consideration.

Sounds like you're not filling his needs ! You might just reconsider - I just may have to cut and paste that diagram over to convince you.

 

[PaulaSB12]

This is a vent...there is no one else that I can express myself to. So please don't be snarky. Everyone has a right to their feelings and these are mine...

I have been thinking about getting another dog. My beloved Minky died last year at age 11. He was a Standard Poodle, smart as a whip, and just about the best dog I have ever known. I miss him terribly. But now I'm ready to love a new dog. DH, however, does not. When the subject comes up, he shuts me down. No discussion. I have no say in the matter. I realize that if he really is against having a pet that I probably just have to honor that. Sort of like having children. He doesn't want the responsibility, doesn't want the issue of what to do with the dog when we travel. And it's not like we travel all the time. We take the camper up to the lake or up to the mountains about once a month. Dogs are welcome at both places and we used to take Minky with us. So I don't really get the problem with taking a new dog. But DH has said no and that's the last word on it.

I feel diminished. At the moment I am so mad I don't even want to talk to him. It feels unfair. Although maybe it's unfair to him for me to get a dog he doesn't want. I'm not talking about getting a dog RIGHT NOW. I'm thinking in a few months, when we can better afford it. Poodles have to be groomed. They need good food, and of course, there are vet bills. And God forgive me, I'm mad because I'm the one who is working. DH is on disability. And I feel bad for being mad at him. But I have a part-time job and I'm fixing to start a second one that I can work part-time from home.

Erg. My heart is hurting right now. Maybe I can bring it up with DH tomorrow, but right now I don't even want to look at him.

You have a part time job and are looking for another is it fair to leave a dog for so many hours alone? Maybe that is what your husband is thinking.

 

[minkydog]

Why should she?
Her husband does not work,gets public money and is just refuses to lift a finger.

Um, I wouldn't have put it quite that way. Yes, DH does not work. He is retired on a heart/lung disability, something he acquired through no fault of his own (it's an autoimmune disorder). He is not getting "public money." He receives SSDI, which he paid into for many many years prior to becoming ill. And he receives a small income from long term disability, which he obtained about 6 years prior to becomeing ill and was also paid for out of our pockets. So the money he gets now was earned in one way or another. To say that he "refuses to lift a finger" is not at all true. He does have limitations--he cannot work with chemicals due their fragrances and he needs at least 2 naps during the day just to be able to function. But DH does almost all the laundry, helps clean up the kitchen, pays the bills and helps me shop for groceries. DH is NOT a good cook (does anyone remember his famous Asparagus Lasagna with a side of asparagus? ) but he can reheat leftovers with the best of 'em.

Last week I think I had a pity party and perhaps I left people with the idea that my DH is just a big meanie who is too lazy to get out of his own way. Utterly not true! This week I am feeling a little better. I'm not going to go out and get another pet until DH comes around. It wouldn't be fair to him to get a dog and say, "See ya! I'm going to work, you just stay here and let the dog in and out, take it to the vet and obedience training, and clean up behind it all the time." DH didn't *love* my Minky, but he tolerated him well. But then, Minky was a fairly low maintenance dog, despite the fact that he was a standard Poodle.

 

[Nancyg56]

Last week I think I had a pity party and perhaps I left people with the idea that my DH is just a big meanie who is too lazy to get out of his own way. Utterly not true! This week I am feeling a little better. I'm not going to go out and get another pet until DH comes around. It wouldn't be fair to him to get a dog and say, "See ya! I'm going to work, you just stay here and let the dog in and out, take it to the vet and obedience training, and clean up behind it all the time." DH didn't *love* my Minky, but he tolerated him well. But then, Minky was a fairly low maintenance dog, despite the fact that he was a standard Poodle.

You never gave that impression at all! You were upset and that is what we are here for. I think there are some folks who get a kick out of making nasty judgmental remarks on a message board to see if anyone will rise to them.

Minky, most of us "know" each other here so it really is safe to vent. I tend to ignore people who only want to stir up an argument. A

You are right about having a pet that both of you do not want. My DH will not warm up to Baxter and while he would never hurt him or deny him anything he needs it would be better if he wanted him.

 

[angwill]

Um, I wouldn't have put it quite that way. Yes, DH does not work. He is retired on a heart/lung disability, something he acquired through no fault of his own (it's an autoimmune disorder). He is not getting "public money." He receives SSDI, which he paid into for many many years prior to becoming ill. And he receives a small income from long term disability, which he obtained about 6 years prior to becomeing ill and was also paid for out of our pockets. So the money he gets now was earned in one way or another. To say that he "refuses to lift a finger" is not at all true. He does have limitations--he cannot work with chemicals due their fragrances and he needs at least 2 naps during the day just to be able to function. But DH does almost all the laundry, helps clean up the kitchen, pays the bills and helps me shop for groceries. DH is NOT a good cook (does anyone remember his famous Asparagus Lasagna with a side of asparagus? ) but he can reheat leftovers with the best of 'em.

Last week I think I had a pity party and perhaps I left people with the idea that my DH is just a big meanie who is too lazy to get out of his own way. Utterly not true! This week I am feeling a little better. I'm not going to go out and get another pet until DH comes around. It wouldn't be fair to him to get a dog and say, "See ya! I'm going to work, you just stay here and let the dog in and out, take it to the vet and obedience training, and clean up behind it all the time." DH didn't *love* my Minky, but he tolerated him well. But then, Minky was a fairly low maintenance dog, despite the fact that he was a standard Poodle.

I never got the impression that your DH was mean or lzy or anything like that. All I got from it is he is not a dog lover but sometimes when we are married we have to sacrafice a little to make the ones we love happy.

Now I would like to say thank you for explaining that some government money like SSDI is not welfare it is money every worker worked for and paid money into directly from each paycheck that was not taxes. We pay it so that should the need arrise we can then we collect it back after the government had the opportunity to invest it till then. To that list I would like to add unemployment which we pay into each paycheck we earn for our entire lives and if people need to collect it they are not ripping off the workers of America by taking their taxes the are simply taking some of the money they put into that pot for all the years they worked.