Thoughts on this b-day party??

[qtwns]

That child's present would be an original, hand-painted piece of "art." Not really...we would politely decline unless it was a good friend. After all, it's not the kid's fault.

 

[Pigeon]

This is an occasion when RSVPing, "Bite me," is appropriate. If you can't afford Type X party for your child, then don't book it. Scale back and have what you can afford. End of. If your "guests" are expected to pay, they are not guests. They are CUSTOMERS.

One of my kids once wanted a party at a ceramics place. The price was insane--would have been about $55/kid at a minimum, plus you supplied all the food and paper goods and you had to pay for at least 10 kids.

I did a little more shopping around and we ended up with a very nice party at AC Moore, painting jewelry trays for about $12/kid.

If you can't afford to throw a $$$ party, find an alternative.

 

[jrmasm]

Is this really any different than having a Build A Bear Party and stating that the children can pick a bear up to $14 but that they have to pay themselves for any outfits or accessories? If your child can complete the activity (ceramic painting, I assume?) without any additional cost to you, but they have the option to do additional activities, what's the big deal? Of course if they can't do the activity without an extra $$ then that's different.

No, it's not the same thing. Not even close.

I'd probably let my child attend and pay the difference because I'd hate for the poor birthday kid to suffer because his/her parents are idiots.

 

[hentob]

Weird and rude!

Perfectly stated.

 

[hentob]

. Someone was babysitting 4 kids and brought them with them ! I was not happy about it but I didnt say a word and paid the extra 40 bucks . It is a celebration and I didnt want our guests to pay for it .

In this case, I would NOT pay for the extra people. They are NOT your guests.

 

[clh2]

Yeah its tacky.

On the other hand - I do know someone who did something fairly similar, and the party was a huge success. The b-day boy wanted to have a "tubing" party. This is like a big sledding hill, and you go down on intertubes, and then hook up to a "ski-lift thing" and get towed back up to the top of the hill. The B-day boy really wanted to do this, and the parents came up with a little bit of a compromise. If the kids who were invited paid for half - which was $5.00, and NOT BRING A PRESENT, it would work. This was discussed with the select group of parents prior to invites being formally issued. We ran into this family at the tubing hill, and the party was in full swing. The kids were having a great time. For the kids who did come - they had an awesome time. Everyone honored the no-present request, so no issues there. In this case, all the details were handled in advance of the invites.

 

[Rora]

I think it's tacky. I'd probably decline.

 

[Buckeye Princess]

I once rented out a roller skating rink for my kids birthdays - we did a combined party because their birthdays are so close. As the venue would hold 500 people I let all the parents know that parents and siblings were welcome to attend if they wanted to. The children could wear their own roller blades if they had them. I paid for skates for the kids that were invited if they didn't have them, but parents had to pay for the rentals for the siblings/themselves if they wanted them to come ($2). I debated about doing it, but there was no way I could afford the rental of the place, skates for the invited kids, cake, drinks, etc. plus skate rentals all the siblings. No one complained and everyone had a great time. We ended up with over 200 people.

In the OP's case I think that's tacky. I fully expected to pay for everything associated with the invited kids, just not all the extras.

I just wanted to say that I think this was a great idea and very nice and generous of you to include parents and siblings.

 

[golfgal]

You don't host a party and then expect other people to pay for that party, period. Like others have said, invite fewer children or don't have it there at all. I don't think my children would attend a party with this type of invitation. It would be different if it were a group of friends just getting together for a day-someone suggesting going to the ceramic store but everyone paying for themselves, but not a party.

I got an invite to a bridal shower and was asked to "bring a dish to pass". I declined that one too just because of the tacky invite. I still haven't gotten a thank you for the wedding present we gave either-the wedding was in May.

 

[mjkacmom]

One of my kids once wanted a party at a ceramics place. The price was insane--would have been about $55/kid at a minimum, plus you supplied all the food and paper goods and you had to pay for at least 10 kids.

I did a little more shopping around and we ended up with a very nice party at AC Moore, painting jewelry trays for about $12/kid.

If you can't afford to throw a $$$ party, find an alternative.

Do you live in the NYC metro area? My thought was I can't believe how inexpensive that ceramics place must be! I don't know of many venues under $20 a child, and I looked into ceramics, and ran. The most I've payed is $25 a head (and had to supply my own pizza, cake, and beverage).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My thought on this is that the parents are tacky.

However if it was one of dd's good friends then I would suck it up. Esp. since she loves those painting ceramics places. I would never hear the end of it.

Then again having older kids the "rules" sort of change for parties anyway and I think I just don't care anymore. I am just amazed when someone actually uses etiquette these days.

 

[dislaney]

That just rubs me the wrong way. I understand stating that they will only be paying for a certain priced item (or items) and if the kids want something more expensive the parents make up the difference. But not even covering the cheapest option is not right.

In this case they need to cut the guest list in half and cover the whole amount for everyone.

This!

 

[KadysMom]

Is this really any different than having a Build A Bear Party and stating that the children can pick a bear up to $14 but that they have to pay themselves for any outfits or accessories? If your child can complete the activity (ceramic painting, I assume?) without any additional cost to you, but they have the option to do additional activities, what's the big deal? Of course if they can't do the activity without an extra $$ then that's different.

I had a party for my daughter when she was 6 at Build a Bear. I let the kids pick out a bear up to $18.00 and one outfit up to $10.00. I couldnt afford to do this for alot of kids, so only 4 other children were invited. My daughter didnt care that there werent 20 kids, she had fun with her closest friends, and parents didnt have to contribute.

After the party, since it was at the mall, i invited the parents and siblings for pizza and paid for all of it. I wouldnt have been able to do that for lots of kids, but the small group was fine.

 

[Pigeon]

Do you live in the NYC metro area? My thought was I can't believe how inexpensive that ceramics place must be! I don't know of many venues under $20 a child, and I looked into ceramics, and ran. The most I've payed is $25 a head (and had to supply my own pizza, cake, and beverage).

Nope, upstate.

 

[ski_mom]

Each of my DDs have been invited to a party where we had to pay.

The first one was at the end of DD's 6th grade year. The birthday girl was having her party at the local swimming pool during general admission swim. I knew they hadn't rented the pool for her party, but I did assume that they would be paying the $2 admission for her to get in. One of her friends was taking her to the party, so luckily I had sent money in case she wanted a drink later on or something, but they ended up having to pay their own way into the pool. The birthday girl opened her gifts as soon as each kid got there and she and her mom left about 30 minutes later - no cake, no birthday song, just left. Odd birthday to say the least. At least DD and the friend she went with had fun!

The second one was during the school year and DD got invited to a girl's house for a slumber party. They were going to walk to the girl's house after school and stop by the local ice cream shop on the way for a treat. The invitation said to send whatever money for the snack that you wanted. I went by her house around 5:00 to take her sleeping bag and clothes for the next day and found out that the birthday girl's parents weren't going to be home until midnight that night. I didn't have a big problem with that part because she has 2 older sisters (one in college and another was a junior in high school) that were both going to be home all evening, but they wanted parents to chip in for pizza for supper because their parents hadn't left money for them to get it. Very strange indeed!

 

[hedgehog2owl]

Personally I would find a less expensive alternative or invite fewer kids than to ask my guests to pay.

this. I wouldn't go.