Thoughts on Preschool?

[Tigger&Belle]

Please don't take offense to this. But, if you don't have to send your child, let them stay home. Why do so many parents feel their child has to go to school so early?? I understand some parents have to work, etc, but children grow up too quickly. Spend those early years with them if you can.

Like I already mentioned, my kids all went to preschool. I do not think that ALL kids need to go to preschool in order to have success at school, but I don't look down on someone who sends their child. I've been a SAHM for 18 years and my youngest just started kindergarten (and my oldest college)--dedicated most of my adult years to being a fulltime mom, which has been wonderful. It's almost been important for me to have a little "me time" when the kids are preschoolers. I wouldn't do if it wasn't a good experience for each child, but since it was I'm glad they went.

 

[justhat]

If my three year old were still crying everyday when I went to drop him/her off, I would pull her out of pre-school and wait a year.

And 3 hours a day, five days a week for a 19 month old is daycare in my book. It's your choice, don't be ashamed to call it what it is. If you need a break, you need a break.

What about when they're 5 and starting kindergarten and cry everyday? Do you pull them out then too? I think any new experience in a child's life takes time for them to get used to so you have to give things time.

Also, I find it very insulting to tell me that my daughter is in a daycare, that I am ashamed of that, and that I need a break from her which is why I send her. None of that is true. I have never left my child with anyone (other than my husband, mom, and MIL and I could count all those times on 1 hand). I never find that I need a break from her and I love being around her, hence my decision to take a leave of absence from grad school to stay home with her. If I wanted to put her in a daycare for my own sake of spending time by myself I would definitely not be spending over $13,000 a year for 3 hours a day/9 months a year-we have a daycare in my building for $8/hour. Much cheaper option to give myself a break, not to mention I wouldn't have to get up at 6am (very important for someone like me who is not an early-riser), get dressed, drive her to school, find a place to legally park on the street, walk her to school, then repeat in 3 hours. I could go in my pjs, never leave the warmth of my building, and wake up whenever I wanted to. Or if I didn't like that option for whatever reason, I'd put her in the daycare I used to work at, which would cost me maybe $6000 for 12 months of care (that's with my employee discount) and I could leave her there any hours I choose between 7am and 6pm. Okay, I'm stopping the hijacking of the OP's thread now-that was just very hurtful to me as I had very conflicted feelings when she first started about whether or not I was doing the right thing and to hear someone say it was for my own selfish needs was just wrong(not to mention inappropriate for this thread given that I am not the OP and it did not help her question in anyway).

 

[momof2inPA]

What about when they're 5 and starting kindergarten and cry everyday? Do you pull them out then too? I think any new experience in a child's life takes time for them to get used to so you have to give things time.

That's the point, the OP's child is not 5, she is three. When my kids were two and three, they didn't want to be seperated from me unless they were with another family member or someone else very familiar. By four, they had grown up a little and were more self-reliant and independent. At three, my kids would cry if I left them in the babysitting room during our Moms group or in the Church pre-school. At four, they were perfectly fine being left in a pre-school setting (only my younger went to pre-school, but my older went to pre-school Sunday school). Different kids are ready to take that step at different times. Just because someone else's 3 year old is ready for pre-school, doesn't mean your child is. So why make an issue of it at three, when they don't HAVE to go to school until five?

As for calling daycare, pre-school or just school, that seems to be a big trend these days, especially with the better, more expensive daycares. It's a strange phenomenon if you don't find daycare objectionable, like even daycares attach a stigma to the word "daycare."

 

[justhat]

Right, some kids may be more mature at 5 and not cry, but many are not. In my own kindergarten class 20 years ago there was a little boy who cried at the door for his mom everyday for months. And he was 6, not 5. It really had an impact on me considering I still remember it now. I didn't cry after the first day, but I had been in preschool since I was 2 so I was used to the school atmosphere-this child had never been in any school setting before and it was obviously a hard adjustment for him. To me, taking a child out of school once because they aren't used to it yet and crying is very confusing to the child. They are smart and they know they don't go anymore cause they cried so mommy felt bad and kept them home. Then when they have to go to school at 5, they still have that feeling of 'well why do I have to stay this time mommy?" No, not every child will think that way, some might be totally ready to go to school then and be fine, but others will still 'not be ready' and cry everyday too. So if you can get it over with at 3, once you've already started, why not do that rather than repeat the trying process at 4 or 5?

Additionally, I don't know why you feel the need to call preschools daycares. There is quite a difference between the 2. I worked at a daycare before my daughter was born (which also had a preschool for kids 2 and up) and it is nothing like her preschool. To begin with, she cannot stay any longer than 3 hours. There is simply no 'after school' care available. My daycare was open 7am - 6pm, and kids could come and go whenever the parents needed them there during that time. At our daycare we did crafts and things with the kids, but really it was just free play most of the day. My daughter's school has a certified teacher (who has a master's in 0-3 education-unlike the head teacher in the daycare class I was in who had not graduated from high school) and she goes around the class giving individual lessons to each kid throughout the morning. Totally different atmospheres. I don't see anything wrong with daycares at all, or else I would not have worked in one, I just know that they are different from preschools.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Some people do confused the terms preschool and daycare. I've heard many people call it preschool when the child is there 10 hours a day. I would call what Madison is doing as preschool. My kids only went to preschool 2-3 days/week, depending on their age, but some schools have 5 days/week preschool programs. The key is the number of hours each day, usually 2-3 hours.

momof2inPA, I agree that some children are not ready for preschool at 2 or 3yo. In my first reply on this thread I mentioned my son who was in a mothers day out program when he was almost 2yo. I didn't gauge my decision to withdraw him on how he behaved when I dropped him off, but on how he did when he was there. Screaming and throwing up when he was there because he was so upset were pretty good clues. And the next year when we tried preschool he was a different child and I don't think he ever cried the 2 years that he went to preschool, even on the first day.

But as far as the OP, it seems that since her child is fine when he (it is a he, isn't it--I don't remember at this point )is there it would be in his best interests to continue going. If he were having a hard time during preschool and the crying were to persist, I would withdraw him. But that's not the case.

 

[TnKrBeLlA012]

Today is school. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes. That is what she says,then she cries when we get ready to go. I will give this another month. If she continues to make a big deal I probably will pull her out. The school she goes to is a Catholic School. I love it so much. They do such nice things. They just learned to say their morning prayer. They do all kinds of fun projects. They learn their numbers,letters,ect. I love the fact that she is learning so much but I don't want her to be afraid either.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Today is school. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes. That is what she says,then she cries when we get ready to go. I will give this another month. If she continues to make a big deal I probably will pull her out. The school she goes to is a Catholic School. I love it so much. They do such nice things. They just learned to say their morning prayer. They do all kinds of fun projects. They learn their numbers,letters,ect. I love the fact that she is learning so much but I don't want her to be afraid either.

Sorry she is still having a hard time. I think you are doing the right thing for keeping at it for now.

Does she have any specail friends in the class? That makes a world of difference for my DD.

BTW, now highjacking this thread, but I noticed you are in MI. I am too. My DD goes to St. Mary's catholic school for preschool. We are not catholic (Christian though) and I really love the school too. Everyone is so nice (even the older kids! ) There is a lot of community activities too and we enjoy those.

Good luck with it.

 

[momof2inPA]

.. To me, taking a child out of school once because they aren't used to it yet and crying is very confusing to the child. They are smart and they know they don't go anymore cause they cried so mommy felt bad and kept them home. Then when they have to go to school at 5, they still have that feeling of 'well why do I have to stay this time mommy?" No, not every child will think that way, some might be totally ready to go to school then and be fine, but others will still 'not be ready' and cry everyday too. So if you can get it over with at 3, once you've already started, why not do that rather than repeat the trying process at 4 or 5?

Additionally, I don't know why you feel the need to call preschools daycares. There is quite a difference between the 2. I worked at a daycare before my daughter was born (which also had a preschool for kids 2 and up) and it is nothing like her preschool..

Taking my kids out of stressful situations instead of leaving them to adjust seemed to help them to detach in later learning environments. Why leave a child with a teacher's aid she finds scary. She'll believe that every teacher after that will be scary. Take her out of that class now, and she might forget about the woman entirely.

Next topic: Why do I call your child's environment daycare? Because she is 1 year old. In pre-school you learn your letters, your numbers, to write your name, phonics, etc. Directing a one year old to fit blocks in the cut-out spaces and learn animal sounds isn't school, it's play, maybe structured play, but still play. Having her in an environment with other toddlers is also not overly productive, as she is still in that parallel play stage, but that doesn't mean it hurts her development, either. It's just not pre-school.

If you think your child is going to have a leg up on the other kids when she tries to get into Georgetown Day, I'm not so sure. So much just depends on natural ability. My niece who lives in Potomac is the smartest in her 3rd grade class, and she went to a co-op pre-school, where the parents were the teachers, not degreed child education professionals.

 

[Oh Kay!]

Does she have any specail friends in the class? That makes a world of difference for my DD.

That's a great idea. I know my son enjoyed the preschool more once I started arranging playdates with other boys in the class.

 

[phisigprincess]

My parents pulled me out in basically that same situation. They enrolled me when I was three and I would throw fits, have nightmares about it, the whole shebang. At one point my dad had to bribe me with Strawberry Shortcake pencils to stay the whole day. They pulled me and simply waited another year and I was fine the 2nd time around. Being pulled from preschool when I was 3 didn't impact me in any way except positively. If you feel like your DD might be too young, it may be a good idea to wait another year.

 

[justhat]

TnKrBeLlA012, I think I lot of kids do what you mentioned, say they want to go to school but then cry when they actually go. The fact that she says she wants to go would indicate to me that she's having fun while she's there, which is a great thing. Leaving mommy, however, is always a little sad to a young child so while she wants to go and have fun with the other kids, it's hard leaving you, so she's conflicted and cries. As to why she finds the teacher scary, I would think it has something to do with it being a new experience, and the teacher probably tells the kids they can't do certain things, which probably makes some kids cry, and that is all a little frightening to a young child, especially in a new situation without mommy. I really, really doubt that she'll find every teacher scary through the rest of her education because of her first couple of months in preschool. If she really didn't like it at school my guess is that she'd tell you 'no' when you ask her if she wants to go or she'd have huge meltdowns (not just cry) when you drop her off, while she's there, and when you pick her up. Can you see in her class ever to watch what she does? If you can and you see that she's okay, playing with toys, other kids, etc. then I would definitely say you're doing the right thing, that she's fine and just taking a little longer to adjust than you expected.

Okay, and before I stop answering these statements on my daughter's school as I had no intentions of hijacking the OP's thread when I posted my experience, I want to correct you again Momof2inPA. You're wrong. It is a preschool. I'm not sure why it bothers you so much that my daughter is in a preschool and not a daycare. If you want to read a good book regarding teaching very young children, pick up a copy of The Absorbant Mind by Maria Montessori. Madison does learn things-learning to write your name, phonics, etc. is not the only thing kids learn in preschool. And yes, she does learn letters as she now sings the alphabet and counts to 3. Of course she plays, every young child learns through play, but I can assure you that her teacher does not teach her how to use a shape sorter. All preschoolers play most of the day, whether they're 1.5, 2, 3, 4, or 5. For one they simply don't have the attention span to sit in a chair and be lectured to all day. Secondly, kids enjoy doing things they find fun (like we all do) and play is fun, so when they can learn through play all the better. And though yes, like all toddlers, she's still in the parallel play stage, she still learns from being around other kids. Kids stay in various stages in parallel play through age 5, yet they still learn from each other and begin more cooperative play. Just yesterday another toddler (who is 26 months) saw my husband and I peeking in the playground to see our daughter on the slide before we picked her up. She knows me and ran over to my daughter and said "Madison your mommy is here" at which point my daughter left the slide and took her friend's hand to come wait for me. The beginnings of cooperative play at work. And no, like I already posted, I do not have her in preschool specifically for the academics. Though she is learning an incredible amount in such a short time (most notably her vocab like I already mentioned which she definitely got from school) it's more important to me that she's given the opportunity to socialize with friends, learn how to do things without mommy around, and learn to follow directions from other adults who may have a different style than mommy. All of those are very important to me since otherwise she would be home with only me everyday and while that's important too I think she should have the opportunity to be around other people. I am in graduate school for child psych and so I consider myself to be somewhat knowledgable in children, yet I don't feel qualified to be my daughter's only teacher. That's great if it worked for your niece in Potomac, but not my preference at all. My feeling is that kids need to be exposed to a variety of methods and styles, not just 1, because who knows what style will fit them best? Oh, and if we happen to stay in DC when my daughter is of what you consider to be real school age, we plan to keep her in the same school she's in now (it's from 18 months to 12 years), not send her to GDS so no fears on her admission anywhere. We're sending her truly for the experience she gets everyday, not in hopes she'll get into GDS.

 

[momof2inPA]

TnKrBeLlA012, I think I lot of kids do what you mentioned, say they want to go to school but then cry when they actually go. The fact that she says she wants to go would indicate to me that she's having fun while she's there, which is a great thing. Leaving mommy, however, is always a little sad to a young child so while she wants to go and have fun with the other kids, it's hard leaving you, so she's conflicted and cries. As to why she finds the teacher scary, I would think it has something to do with it being a new experience, and the teacher probably tells the kids they can't do certain things, which probably makes some kids cry, and that is all a little frightening to a young child, especially in a new situation without mommy. I really, really doubt that she'll find every teacher scary through the rest of her education because of her first couple of months in preschool. If she really didn't like it at school my guess is that she'd tell you 'no' when you ask her if she wants to go or she'd have huge meltdowns (not just cry) when you drop her off, while she's there, and when you pick her up. Can you see in her class ever to watch what she does? If you can and you see that she's okay, playing with toys, other kids, etc. then I would definitely say you're doing the right thing, that she's fine and just taking a little longer to adjust than you expected.

She says the teacher is scary, the mom says the teacher is strict, why not either pull the kid out or find another pre-school? Although, if she will be there for another month, having a playdate with other kids in the school is the best advice I've seen on this thread.

 

[momof2inPA]

Okay, and before I stop answering these statements on my daughter's school as I had no intentions of hijacking the OP's thread when I posted my experience, I want to correct you again Momof2inPA. You're wrong. It is a preschool. I'm not sure why it bothers you so much that my daughter is in a preschool and not a daycare. If you want to read a good book regarding teaching very young children, pick up a copy of The Absorbant Mind by Maria Montessori...

It seems that you are very happy with your child's situation, so who am I to judge, but how is it different from daycare? She is exposed to some learning, some play, different kids, and different adults. Is it just that the director has a degree that qualifies it as a pre-school in your eyes or that it's called Montessori? If it were called Maria's drop-in and the director were a high school grad, but you left your child there five part days per week, would that still be a pre-school? In my opinion, pre-school indicates that primarily "school" is taking place. If your 1 year old is spending 3 hours, five days a week being taught elementary academics for the most part, that is pre-school. You inidicate that is not the situation.

 

[justhat]

I'll reply to this in a separate thread since I don't see the benefit of continuing to hijack the OP's thread.