...for a couple of years now he's asked her if she would marry him if he didn't give her an engagement ring (they're both young like my DH and I and aren't making a ton of money- but they are able to support themselves). She's always said no.
I told her I was surprised by this as I would've married DH if he hadn't given me an engagement ring. She said that today giving the engagement ring is the "right thing to do" and it's "expected". She said she, her parents, and all her friends would be disappointed if she didn't get the diamond. She also said that no one would take them seriously if she didn't have the engagement ring..
Thoughts? Would people really not take them seriously without an engagement ring? Is giving an engagement ring the "correct thing to do"?
I'm surprised the boyfriend has stuck around, frankly, if the only thing standing between them is an expenditure of money.
DH proposed without a ring, though we'd been looking. I didn't WANT a ring, but he felt the need to get me one, and I was humoring him. But he proposed after a really nice day, without a ring (and the next day they announced that his department was being entirely laid off, what timing!).
That started our ring saga.
First I wore the ring I wanted to wear, my grandma's engagement ring that I had. I was going to design a ring with the jeweler who sized that ring. Then while trying to figure out what sort of ring I liked (other than grandma's ring), we visited a jewelry store (SO different from a proper jeweler) where I fell for a shiny-shiny (proper engagement ring).
We bought that, then I returned at 29 days in and the salesguy made me CRY he was so mean to me (I was within the return period, but he didn't like my reasons).
Went back to the jeweler, and we designed a ring together. Wore that for a year, then noticed Tiffany had made a ring just like it (brand new ring), and it turns out their designer of the Lucida rings had the same taste as I had. But with that ring, you can't really wear another band, so it stands on its own, engagement and wedding ring.
A few friends did NOT take it seriously when I wore grandma's ring. Some *vendors* did not take me seriously with grandma's ring! And that is a serious problem when planning a wedding and reception. If they don't believe you're engaged, it's hard to have a serious meeting with them.
Of course, that blindingly obvious problem helped me cull the list of vendors. The WORST vendor were bridal gown store employees, absolutely. They could just not deal with my wearing a sapphire ring.
When I got my shiny-shiny, EVERYONE took me seriously. please note, I wasn't a too-young bride, I was 31 when we got engaged and 33 when we married. But the obvious engagement ring got me MUCH different treatment than with the sapphire.
And when I got my real ring, but BEFORE Tiffany copied it (stopped in there about 9 months before the Lucida came out, and the saleslady ogled my ring...coincidence that they came out with a copy later? who knows?), I had problems again. Didn't look like an engagement ring. What the heck is a half bezel? That's a strange ring. This is an engagement ring? etc etc.
Now, should any of that stop a person? NO. It should cull the list of vendors, and they should be told why they aren't being hired, but it can be very very annoying.
As for dealing with family...that just says to me that they aren't old enough or mature enough to be married!
Yes, if you want to be Miss Manners about it, giving an engagement ring is the "correct" thing to do.
I went looking, and I can't find anything to back that up.
"Previously when impassioned gentlemen showed up with rings, it was because they had family rings to offer. Otherwise, the proposal was followed by a trip to the jeweler's, where the lady was urged to choose among rings previously selected by the fiancé as being in his price range."
"The surprise ring datesfrom when the gentleman was likely to produce a family ring, and it fell into abeyance when gentlemen without family jewelry were nevertheless deemed eligible. Sensibly, then the proposal came first; sometime subsequently, the lady was taken to choose from a variety of rings that the gentleman had put aside as meeting his budget."
I'm surprised that this thread is 4 pages long and no one commented on the fact that she found this bag that was HIDDEN. What was she looking for?
Well, she could have been doing his laundry. Or looking for a laptop.
How did it get to be that some thing so important and sacred is now defined by how much we spend on the reception, dress or ring?
The ring surely was from the industry, but elaborate receptions have been prized in many cultures for quite a long time. And the fancy white dress started with Queen Victoria. So those aren't new.
