Those with FOUR + kids...

[Blessed_wth_Triplets]

okay...i asked this a while back...i might sound crazy...especially asking "strangers", but for those with four + kids...how did you come to that decision? I've been struggeling with this for years. In my heart I'd really like one more child (which would put us at four), but in today's world is just seems so overwhelming..mostly financially..space wise...etc. Like I wonder if we'll ever get back to Disney with FOUR kids...ya know? Every month when it comes to "that time" to make a baby...I get full of anxiety and back out...I don't know...part of me feels like I hear people say you're never ready and to go for it...and I don't want them much further apart..our triplets are already 5 1/2...any thoughts appreciated!

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I am pregnant with my 4th... and we are planning our Disney trip when this baby is 6 weeks old. .. Nothing stops Disney
If you've contemplated it for so long....I say go for it before the others are much older because then you can finish raising them all and have the rest of your lives afterwards
Older kids are such a help anyways

 

[disneymomof2boyz]

I am also curious to hear some answers...I have 2, and I'm hesitant about having a 3rd. Basically for the same reasons that you stated above.

My thoughts on this is the following: If having a 4th (or in my case a 3rd) is going to put financial restrictions, or time restrictions on your family, then I would REALLY think about it before jumping on board. I have a friend who has 3 and wants a 4th. She is a wonderful person, and perfectly happy not doing many "pricy" things. She doesn't care to go to the movies, she rents them. She doesn't have designer clothes, or stay in the most expensive resort.
All of those things matter to me, and I know this may seem shallow but we're not sure we want to sacrifice all of that.

My DH's main concern is time, with work and all other activities he thinks he doesn't have enough time for the boys and wishes he had more.

Good luck in your decision!

 

[SLK1]

We have four children - DS14 and DS12, 6, and 1. We didn't exactly choose to have the fourth, my poor planning and a little spontaneity chose it for us!

We are so happy we have four children, and initially I had quite a hang-up about the age differences, but it is so, so nice having the older kids around. I can go out in the evenings if my DH isn't home and today, I was dead-tired, so my oldest daughter watched the baby while I napped! We live in Orlando, so we go to the parks without too much trouble, but I will say we don't go as often as we used to - with the different ages, we are kind of pulled in many directions. However, we have flown across country and also driven on many vacations and you just get used to it!

I am seeing now how expensive the kids are now - their activities, clothes, and interests get much more expensive as they get older! Having said that, I think a big family is nice and if you look at it from the sibling point of view, assuming they get along (I know, a big assumption!), they will always have family around to share holidays with, birthdays, and even be there for each other during the sad times.

Sometimes you just can't plan things out, you just let them happen!!!

 

[dougsmom98]

We have four. I kept thinking about a fourth child and figured if I didn't have that child I would always wonder "What if..." My fourth is 4.5 years younger than my my twins and 6 years younger than my oldest. We all LOVE her. It was the best decision for us.

 

[TheRatPack]

We have 5, went from 2 to 5 last year If you're already pretty frugal...one more won't make a difference. But only you know your wants, needs, feelings. Just as DisneyMomof2Boyz said, if you want designer clothing and you have other concerns then don't rush in to anything.

We still go on our trips, including one to Disney once a year. We still do everything we did beforehand....now we just do it with 5 LOL Oh and I didn't have triplets, we adopted a sibling group

We're pretty frugal though, and my kids (as well as myself) are happy with Target clothing, the cheap movies at the theaters and just hanging out at the park or pool...etc for entertainment. We also homeschool and so our school cost are minimal (just curriculum cost and their extra curricular activities)....so again, it works for us

 

[PrincessTiffany]

God has blessed us with four beautiful children. I actually had wanted to have 5 or 6 children, but I had hyperemesis and toxemia (came close to death with my fourth child), so the doctor told us it was not a good medical decision to have any more children. A little piece of my heart is still sad that there will be no more babies, but I don't dwell on that at all, I'm just so happy to have the four we got.

Yes, sometimes it is more challenging to have a bigger family than others, finanicial and otherwise, but for us the joy of having a large family far outweighs those things. I do want to say that my husband owns two successful tire and automotive businesses and he provides us with a comfortable life. I know people's financial situations vary greatly from family to family and if having more children would put a significant strain on a family, then that needs to be discussed. Surprises do happen sometims though, ours is now 7 and is named Ellen Anne.

As for Disney, we just get two connecting rooms at a value resort. With the code that came out a few weeks ago, we got two rooms at All-Star Moview for our December trip for about $115.00 per night. Of course, it's more expensive to go to Disney with 4 children, but it can still be done.

 

[The McCombies :)]

For me this was a hard subject. Growing up from a HUGE family I wanted a lot of kids, likr 8. We didn't get anything except hand-me-downs and haircuts from aunt Kristi, but we did get that bond of coming from such a big family. Yeah there are those days when I don't like my siblings, but it is so cool to share with my kids how life was living with so many bros and sis's. And how close we all really are. I think not getting everything turned me into who I am today. I'm not saying I'm great just different than maybe a single child.

I have two children with my husband and he has 2 children with his previous wife. We have always made them an active role in our lives but I just always wanted more. When I did have my 2nd child I knew. I knew I couldn't give my children everything I wanted to give them with more children. So at 21, yes 21 I got my tubes tied. It was a very hard decision. But ultimately I knew it was for the best. I mean I can always adopt or be a foster mom.

I know I would never have been able to take 8 kids to Disney, so I definetely think I can do this. I say if you really want a baby go for it, you'll never be prepared for Anything!!!! Especially when it comes to kids.....

 

[disneyJMD]

My husband and I have four children. When we got married, we each had a child from a prior relationship, and then we have since had two together. I do feel as though my family is complete, with two boys and two girls. It is very difficult emotionally and financially, as my husband was already working two jobs when I found out I was pregnant with our fourth. I also work full time, so we are dealing with an additional daycare expense of $900, and no real way to offset it, since we already have three jobs between the two of us. That often leaves me at home with all of the kids at once, working through homework, housework, and extracurricular activities. It can be very stressful at times, as our son has some emotional problems, but I would not change it, despite all of the work, as I love my children more than anything.
We are not planning any more kids, and look forward to the days that daycare expense is gone so that we may be able to take some of the stress of multiple jobs off of my husband. We know it isn't forever, so that helps us get through it while we have to. Many times a week, I find myself wishing that I had a little bit extra money, but in the end I remember that I may not have the extra, but I have my Cameron (DS1). So in answer to your question, it is very tough at times, but in the end it doesn't matter as long as you have your family and you feel complete.

 

[*BTMRR*]

We have four kids ages 8 and under. I love having four. I feel like our family is truly complete now and this is how we were meant to be. In our home we have so much love and fun and noise and laughter (and yes sometimes squabbles and lots of careful budgeting and occasionally Mommy burnout and some sacrificing of "stuff" that we probably could have had if we didn't have so many kids). I love love love our family and would not have it any other way.

One big thing to take into consideration is fitting into vehicles as a family of six. I didn't really think of what a pain this would be. We had two 5-person vehicles. We had to trade in for a vehicle with more seats. And when that vehicle is in the shop it's hard to get around with DH car which doesn't hold all of us. When we took a vacation recently (yes we still do take vacations--it just requires more planning and budgeting) it cost us a fortune to rent a minivan which we had to do since all the regular cheap rental cars only seat 5.
There are other practical concerns of course but the car one was our biggie when going from 3 to 4 kids.

I remember when I used to lurk on the DIS years ago there was someone who had a large family who was asked about this sort of thing (taking Disney vacations and so on) and she said that your family and the love you have for each other is the meat and potatoes of life and that things like Disney vacations are icing on the cake. That analogy stuck with me as we considered whether to add a 3rd and 4th child.

Best wishes!
MJ

 

[Kenenitz]

Well, I have four and number five is on the way. How did we decide to go for number five? Well I went to my appointment to get my tubes tied and the dr said surprise!!!

I could write a huge reponse about money and time and everything else you can think of, but the truth is that once you have them, things seem to work themselves out. If I have to give up buying a new kathy van zeeland purse because the kids want to join karate or something else then that's what I do. I can't imagine it any other way.

 

[CrAzY4DL]

My friend once said something to me that I really took to heart. She said I may some day regret not having another child but I would never regret HAVING another child. Makes sense to me!! LOL I am terrified to go from 2 to 3 tho, been putting it off for years. I WANT another child, I think I am ready for another child but going from 1 to 2 was CRAZY!! I am an only child so I never knew what a difference another one would be, LOL!!! But now I am so happy my kids will have each other (and hopefully another one!). When my parents are gone, that's it. Who will I have left from my childhood? Sad!! LOL

 

[mommy-on-the-move]

We have four and i think first and foremost I'd say with some common sense and frugality all things are possible.

I am a SAHM, my husband drives forklift for a living as our sole income and we just came back from 2 weeks staying on site at WDW having flown from England... it took some saving and determination but it was do-able.

We had our eldest child in our final year of school and the majority of people thought we'd never last being teenagers with a baby but we settled into life as a family unit pretty quickly, our 2nd was born almost 6 years after our first having taken over four years (and alot of medical work) to conceive. We were told he was a miracle baby and our eldest had been a fluke of nature and so getting pregnant again 11 weeks after our "miracle" baby had arrived was THE hugest shock to the system- even our doctor laughed in disbelief when we went to register for ante-natal care over again (and my mother said "no, you've HAD the baby, he's there" and was ready to have my institutionalised thinking i was imagining i was still pg with him :lol: ) So we went from one to three kids in under 12 months and it made us decide we were meant to go against the grain, our drs told us we shouldn't have been able to conceive DD1 let alone by accident and there we were with 3 kids so we started trying for a 4th sooner rather than later, we went through 3 miscarriages sadly and then took 13 months after the 3rd m/c to conceive our 4th.

We struggle at times but the kids don't go short- we live in low cost rental accomodation (it's a nice enough area, the schools are good, we have 4 bedrooms and our own garden) we walk pretty much everywhere as we chose not to own a car, we take a vacation every year, we have a good christmas and birthdays(not ridiculous but a good $150-$250 on each child through careful planning and saving and sale shopping) they each get a birthday party or outing, they're all well dressed (we just avoid branded designer clothing, most grocery store bought clothes for the littlest 3) and smart, they all get their hair cut often and cleanliness is free- they don't stand out as being the family on a budget (despite the fact we live on a 3rd or less of what some of DD10s friends families do with just one child) we've learnt to take advantage of free activities- my eldest takes part in nearly every free afterschool activity they offer, she takes subsidized music lessons at school ($40 for a terms worth of flute tuition)

We're no richer now than we were with just one but things do stretch, i love having four kids, we may have more in the future.

My dad told us when we were deciding whether to keep trying for a 4th after the miscarriages that he is nearing 60 and out of all his friends he knows alot that regret not having the extra child they wanted but chose not to because they wanted the promotion/better car/bigger house but he doesn't know a single one who thinks "Damn i wish we'd have gone for the house extension rather than had little Billy/Suzy" - I think he was trying to say follow our hearts, it got the point across either way!

 

[shaylahc1]

I have 4 kids. Right now they are ages 11, 9, 7 and almost 4. It's expensive!!! When they were little it was much easier to wrangle them. Now that they're getting older it's getting so much harder. My husband and I are exhausted. He got the old snippy snip in the spring because we knew we were done!

I love my kids but if I had it to do all over again I would not have had 4. Besides the expense, mess & chaos I rarely get to spend one on one time with my kids. Everywhere we go we travel in a pack, and I sort of treat them as a group if you know what I mean. Some of my fondest memories are of spending time 1 on 1 with my mom and I worry that my children will have very few of those memories with me....

Ask me again when they're all grown up but right now we are in "the trenches" of parenthood and it's tough!

 

[tzolkin]

Our reason for not having more children is the age difference. Our oldest is almost 10 and the little ones are 4 and 2. We feel that our quality time with our kids would be diminished if we were to have another baby. There are things we would like to do with our older child that are difficult or impossible to do with a baby/little kid. The age difference isn't too bad at this point, but we feel that if we have another baby at some point that will add at least 3 more years of the "baby stage". We fear that by the time that child was old enough for some things our oldest would be too old. If we were starting over and having the kids closer together I would not hesitate to have more than 3.

I come from a family of 4 kids (my parents had planned for more, but had medical issues). I am the oldest and was five when the youngest was born. Four kids 5 and under! Maybe this is why I'm concerned with the kids being relatively close in age. DH is an only child, so he doesn't have experience to draw from other than the fact that it's very important for each of us to do things individually with each of the kids.

 

[SLK1]

Our reason for not having more children is the age difference. Our oldest is almost 10 and the little ones are 4 and 2. We feel that our quality time with our kids would be diminished if we were to have another baby. There are things we would like to do with our older child that are difficult or impossible to do with a baby/little kid. The age difference isn't too bad at this point, but we feel that if we have another baby at some point that will add at least 3 more years of the "baby stage". We fear that by the time that child was old enough for some things our oldest would be too old. If we were starting over and having the kids closer together I would not hesitate to have more than 3.

We have a very similar situation and I was worried about how that big age difference would affect our family dynamics and the honest answer is that your family adjusts. You simply can't plan everything in life and you deal. My older kids, especially my 14yo boy is so incredibly patient and compassionate - that is partly just his nature, but also is because he has a sister who is one. He adores her and he even said that she makes all that "teen angst" not so bad. We still have our older two doing all the fun, quailty-time stuff they should have; we just make it work with getting babysitters, or we split up so they get one-on-one time with me or my husband, which is a good idea anyway. Sometimes I think that if they were all "herded together" and too close in age, I don't think we would think to make individual time with them.

We realized at the beginning of the school year that when my oldest goes off to college, the youngest will be starting kindergarten! We talk about puberty issues and then teething woes. We shop at Abercrombie and then head down to the Gymboree store. Some people say it keeps you young (I'm definitely not buying that one!), but I say that we just go with the flow and enjoy what life has brought us.

 

[mjkacmom]

Let's see - my youngest had just turned 1, I went off bcp and had an appointment for an IUD, it was the Monday after Mother's Day, had a glass of wine, messed up my weeks in my mind, and ooops - twins!

That said, if you want more, have 2 more. Really, getting pregnant was the best thing, because my 2 older ones are close, and there is a 3 year gap between #2 and #3, so they are not close, but there is less than a 2 year gap between #3 and my twins, so they're all best buddies.

I wouldn't trade any of them for more vacations - every child adds to the richness and the dimensions of the family.

 

[kileybeth]

Lots already said. Follow your heart. Children aren't about money.

Never ever would have planned it so BUT here we are.

DH and I have 6 (and yup, that's how I feel sometimes!)

DS26, married to best DIL ever and great DGS6

DS21, recent college grad back under our roof for a time

DS16, HS sophmore

DD13, Jr Hi 8th Grade, our first girl!

DS5, shock to all but life w/o him is unthinkable

DD3, stopped being suprised but she is the one that broke the mold, no more for us! 43 seemed a good place to call baby days over!

ps, no I'm not catholic or mormon but respect all of those ladies so much more then I ever imagined I would or could understand and yes, I do know how this happens, just so I can avoid all those comments!

not the perfect family, not the richest but not the poorest either, not the smartest, not the slowest and each and every day is an adventure.

pps. I had made a plan to have 2 children early on and be done having children by 25!

 

[mjkacmom]

My friend once said something to me that I really took to heart. She said I may some day regret not having another child but I would never regret HAVING another child. Makes sense to me!! LOL I am terrified to go from 2 to 3 tho, been putting it off for years. I WANT another child, I think I am ready for another child but going from 1 to 2 was CRAZY!! I am an only child so I never knew what a difference another one would be, LOL!!! But now I am so happy my kids will have each other (and hopefully another one!). When my parents are gone, that's it. Who will I have left from my childhood? Sad!! LOL

My hardest mommy transition was going from 1 to 2. Going from 2 to 3 was cake, and going from 3 to 5 was hard, but not as hard as going from 1 to 2.

 

[*WeLuvDisney*]

I starting thinking about a 4th and we went back and forth on it for awhile. I heard alot of comments like the pp have said. You might regret not trying for another, but you will NEVER regret having another baby! You can always find ways to make it work if this is what your heart wants. We just had our 4th in June and I don't think I have lost the smile on my face since the day he was born! Just pure joy!!