This whole "clique" thing - a vent - be warned!

[FSUMARCHIEF]

Shouldn't you take your own advice and stop whining? You're basically being a hypocrite for crying foul on people who started a thread against cliques and then you yourself started one for cliques.

Tim, I don't think that what I said was whining. I was trying to ask folks to stop whining. If I came across as whining, then I apologize. That was not my intent.

And to the folks who commented about people hijacking other threads with their inside jokes and banter - I am afraid that I don't know what you are referring to. Though I can understand how it might hack someone off if their thread was hijacked. I guess I haven't visited enough threads to know what that is all about.


Blessings!
MarkyMark

 

[Breezy_Carol]

MarkyMark, .

 

[HaleyB]

I have posted this a few places here but one more time.

The community board is for communities. This is the right place for these threads. We often have new comers join in our fun on the fastpass thread. We try hard not to be exclusive and we don't want to be. I think if these threads were somewhere else that would result in them being exclusive.

The threads on page one are there because they are getting posted to. If you want to you can bring any thread onto page one. All you need to do is reply to it. How is that unfair? Does going to page 2 or 3 really take so much effort you need to whine about it?

 

[eclectics]

I dont think most people are bothered by the fact that people have formed threads to hang out or that these types of threads make people not feel included. I think most people know that if you want to join in, you can. (and even that it may take some time to get into the swing of it) We all know how friendships start and can relate to wanting to hang out with people we like. That part is not the problem.

I think the bigger issues here are that many people just think there should be a sub board created to house the really long threads because there are so many of them, the smaller threads are being bumped back a fw pages because of it. And also, that people are getting annoyed by some people hijacking threads with their insider banter and taking them off topic.

Add me to your fan club too. Excellent post. I agree with every word.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

This is my 1st time post on this subject, because frankly I think the whole thing is juvenile. I can't believe it's still being debated after this long.

When I 1st ventured to this board, it took me awhile to figure out if this was an adult board or another for kids. I am amazed at so many people talking about their clique & defending their right to have one. I'm 38. That makes me about 20 yrs. too old for a clique. Comparing a message board to real life is well silly. If you're with a group of friends & bump into someone who wants to chat, are you going to ignore them. If you're out of high school, I sure hope not.

Noone should need to be invited to join in a thread. IMHO, if the mods see cliques forming, they should put a stop to them immediately. They reflect negatively on the entire board. Many people on the other boards don't utilize this one because of the groups. It's normal for people to hit it off & become friends. It's not normal for them to acknowledge that they've formed cliques & see nothing wrong with adults acting that way.

When I 1st encountered the inside jokes & hijacking of threads, I assumed it was older teens having fun. I just smiled & looked over it. When I realized that it was mostly people out of their teens, I was bewildered. It's not hard to have fun & behave as an adult at the same time.

Now, for the reason I finally decided to join this discussion. I have seen churches destroyed because of so called cliques. I wouldn't want to be one of those responsible for a split. Forming cliques in church isn't normal. It's destructive. FWIW, having special friends from Sunday school isn't a clique. Having a group of friends that do almost everything together, & rarely including the general population of the church is. A church is a body of people gathered together to worship the Lord. Nowhere have I ever read that a church is a bunch of small groups formed from 1 large group gathered to worship the Lord.

I won't say I hope I don't get flamed for this. Again, I think flaming is immature in the least. We do need to look at how old we actually are & behave in that way. If you want to have personal banter, & exchange inside jokes, do the polite thing & use a PM to do that.

 

[buddy&wooz]

I'll just agree with poohandwendy. I have no problem with the clique/club/small group of friends threads. I just get irritated when some people from some of those threads hijack other threads and you end up with 5 or more threads for the same clique/club/small group of friends.

It's gotten to the point where I won't even look at a thread that's more than a page or two long because chances are it's long because it was hijacked .

But again, I have no problem with the vast majority of those long friendly threads.

 

[FSUMARCHIEF]

It's normal for people to hit it off & become friends. It's not normal for them to acknowledge that they've formed cliques & see nothing wrong with adults acting that way.

Tarheelfan - Until these posts started, I never considered that the thread I visit often is a clique. I used that word cause everyone started calling it that.

Now, for the reason I finally decided to join this discussion. I have seen churches destroyed because of so called cliques. I wouldn't want to be one of those responsible for a split. Forming cliques in church isn't normal. It's destructive. FWIW, having special friends from Sunday school isn't a clique. Having a group of friends that do almost everything together, & rarely including the general population of the church is. A church is a body of people gathered together to worship the Lord. Nowhere have I ever read that a church is a bunch of small groups formed from 1 large group gathered to worship the Lord.

I do not believe in forming cliques in church. There is a difference in a small group and a clique. A small group is a place where people connect in the larger body of the church. The entire Methodist Movement was begun around small groups and has become quite a large denomination out of it. The pastor of the largest United Methodist Congregation in the world in Seoul, Korea was asked how in the world his church is able to minister to its 20,000 + members. His answer was simply, "Small Groups."

I think I would like to continue this, but perhaps it is getting off and should be done in a PM. I will go there instead.

Understand this though - I am not flaming you at all. Just responding to your comments.

Blessings!
MarkyMark

 

[zalansky]

GREAT POST Markymark!

I am part of a clique here too, the new moms thread - and like you said you have a choice - jump in and be involved or leave. I don't get why that is so offensive? Anyone who has ever posted on our thread has been more than welcomed.

 

[lillygator]

hmmm - and all that from a 'Nole!

 

[Buckalew11]

I dont think most people are bothered by the fact that people have formed threads to hang out or that these types of threads make people not feel included. I think most people know that if you want to join in, you can. (and even that it may take some time to get into the swing of it) We all know how friendships start and can relate to wanting to hang out with people we like. That part is not the problem.

I think the bigger issues here are that many people just think there should be a sub board created to house the really long threads because there are so many of them, the smaller threads are being bumped back a fw pages because of it. And also, that people are getting annoyed by some people hijacking threads with their insider banter and taking them off topic.

Cliques aren;t the problem. Hijacking threads is the problem.

 

[nicolemarie]

Marky -

I am not hijacking your thread, but did want to respond to tarheel:

Nowhere have I ever read that a church is a bunch of small groups formed from 1 large group gathered to worship the Lord.

With all due respect, the Bible actually does refer to the body as many groups with different gifts coming together for the good of the body. For example - not everyone is in the choir, not everyone teaches Sunday school, not everyone coaches the kids basketball leagues. But in a church with a large membership, you must not depend on attending the one big worship service to find your "niche". You must plug in to the smaller groups - whether it be Sunday school, choir, parking lot committee, whatever - to begin forming the REAL relationships.

From Romans 12
4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7 If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8 if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

I hope this does not come across as argumentative, I just know from experience of attending a large church that I can't just walk in and sit down on Sunday morning and expect to form meaningful relationships.

I don't want to hijack your thread, Mark, but I want anyone else who reads this to know that its OK if you have smaller groups within your church community. In fact, it's not just OK, it's biblical.

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

I understand the problem that people have with the cliques; I just don't see why it matters much here. So what if there are people that have their own threads? Isn't that what is suppose to occur on the Community Board? It's a place to meet and talk to like minded people.

This isn't school; for the most part people aren't being rude and mean to those not in the "clique". Yes, there have been some instances and it was uncalled for.

I do stay away from the "clique" threads. I was on the Maelstrom thread, but it became too much to try and keep up with, so I left. Was it because I felt unwelcome? No. It just took too much time to read through everything written.

It may be difficult to join a "clique" thread. They are going to have their own language, stories, etc. So, the real question seems to be why you would want to join that? If it's because you want to talk to someone there that has the same thoughts/opinions as you or you think they are funny/amusing/whatever, that's great. Give them a chance to welcome you; it probably won't happen right away. If you are only wanting to join to be "cool" (or whatever), then you might want to reexamine that.

All that being said, I don't think it's right to have a "clique" take over someone elses thread. Nor, do I think it is ok for someone to harass a "cliques" thread. Not everyone is going to get along/agree, so accept that and move on.

 

[FSUMARCHIEF]

Cliques aren;t the problem. Hijacking threads is the problem.

Alright, I have apparently missed soemthing. What has happened with the hijacking threads? I'm seriously asking cause I don't know. I've seen references to something about drinking, etc., but I honestly have no clue what that is all about.

Nicole Marie - thanks for posting that. I started in, but decided to go to PMs with it because it became a conversation between me and Tarheelfan. But you're right - small groups are at the heart of growing large churches. Rick Warren's Saddleback church in California is a prime example. And it is entirely Scriptural. In Acts, they met in people's homes and broke bread and then gathered in the temple for worship.

Somebody point me to the hijacking stuff, k?

Blessings!
MarkyMark

 

[azgal81]

The disboards are kinda like high school there will always be cliques. I don't find them offensive people can either leave or read the thread. Not a big deal. As far as the littler threads getting pushed a few pages back doesn't matter to me I normally go through the first few pages anywayse!

What I don't understand is why the church/god always gets brought into every thread!

 

[Crankyshank]

I understand the problem that people have with the cliques; I just don't see why it matters much here. So what if there are people that have their own threads? Isn't that what is suppose to occur on the Community Board? It's a place to meet and talk to like minded people.

Yes but there comes to a point where it's not meeting and talking with like minded people so much as it is people freeloading/bandwidth stealing. When the majority of the posting you do is on a clique thread and just hanging out with the same people, then you really need to start your own message board.

I'm not saying all of the cliques are like this, but there are quite a few that only post on the clique threads or regular threads after they've been hijacked.

 

[FSUMARCHIEF]

The disboards are kinda like high school there will always be cliques. I don't find them offensive people can either leave or read the thread. Not a big deal. As far as the littler threads getting pushed a few pages back doesn't matter to me I normally go through the first few pages anywayse!

What I don't understand is why the church/god always gets brought into every thread!

My last post and then I'm back to the office - I swear!

Azgal - I can't speak for any other thread or poster - but for me - I am a Pastor - it's who I am and what I do. I think in illustrations - and most of them have to do with God and the church.

Blessings!
MarkyMark

 

[Crankyshank]

I noticed my earlier post on this thread was ignored.

I see lots of people defending their right to post on multiple clique threads and lots of "how dare you have a problem with community" outrage, but I have yet to see a clique defender even acknowledge that the multiple clique threads are keeping people away from the CB despite the fact that several people have posted that they post less because of them. Especially newbies they are allegedly welcoming. Do you not see the problem at all?

 

[julia & nicks mom]

I stopped posting on the CB board about a year ago -

I will admit that I am part of a "clique" thread on another part of the board - and while we would love for other people to jump in - I can see where we intimidate others and they do not feel comfortable posting - Every once in a while we post an open invitation to the lurkers on our thread - and usually 3 or 4 people will join in -
but we have NEVER gone onto another thread and taken it over with banter not related to the thread

with that said - I will tell you why I quit posting on the CB

threads constantly get hijacked on the CB board and before long turn into a cyber-boozefest or people making sexual innuendos at one another - and it becomes uncomfortable to those who are not part of the clique

I know it has already been said in this thread but the point seems to be getting lost:

PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPOSED TO THE CLIQUES - THEY ARE OPPOSED TO THE CONSTANT HIJACKING OF THREADS BY THE CLIQUES!!!

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

I noticed my earlier post on this thread was ignored.

I see lots of people defending their right to post on multiple clique threads and lots of "how dare you have a problem with community" outrage, but I have yet to see a clique defender even acknowledge that the multiple clique threads are keeping people away from the CB despite the fact that several people have posted that they post less because of them. Especially newbies they are allegedly welcoming. Do you not see the problem at all?

My question is why exactly is someone wanting to post to a "clique" thread (especially one that has been around for years)? I don't spend all my time on CB and I have never NOT posted because of a clique.

I do NOT agree with a clique hijacking another's thread; I don't agree with anyone hijacking a thread. It's just wrong.

I also don't agree with someone posting over and over to a "clique" thread just to make people angry and to irritate.

I have no problem with the clique threads. I do have a problem with people being blatantly mean to others though. Whether in a clique or not.

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

I stopped posting on the CB board about a year ago -

I will admit that I am part of a "clique" thread on another part of the board - and while we would love for other people to jump in - I can see where we intimidate others and they do not feel comfortable posting - Every once in a while we post an open invitation to the lurkers on our thread - and usually 3 or 4 people will join in -
but we have NEVER gone onto another thread and taken it over with banter not related to the thread

with that said - I will tell you why I quit posting on the CB

threads constantly get hijacked on the CB board and before long turn into a cyber-boozefest or people making sexual innuendos at one another - and it becomes uncomfortable to those who are not part of the clique

I know it has already been said in this thread but the point seems to be getting lost:

PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPOSED TO THE CLIQUES - THEY ARE OPPOSED TO THE CONSTANT HIJACKING OF THREADS BY THE CLIQUES!!!

I agree COMPLETELY with everything you said, especially the bold part.