This is out of control-info & warning if you have teens

[arminnie]

Originally posted by brentm3
Some parents would have had this kid running to the police for his own safety and protection.

A man (not my date) made an inappropriate move on me at a gathering in my home when I was younger. I was wearing those pointy toed high heels and his voice may have changed a couple of octaves.I think he might have preferred being led off in handcuffs. As word of this got around the "icy glare of death" wasn't even needed.

For those of you that think "boys will be boys" would you feel the same way if the girl were younger - say 8 years old?

Unfortunately parents these days have to spend a lot of time teaching young children that it is NEVER appropriate for them to be touched in their private areas against their will. Do you just throw that out when they become teens?

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by arminnie
Unfortunately parents these days have to spend a lot of time teaching young children that it is NEVER appropriate for them to be touched in their private areas against their will. Do you just throw that out when they become teens?

Absolutely NOT. I just disagree about what the best response is, both to teach the boy how to act and to teach the girl how to stand up for herself.

(Like I said, I know I'm not doing a very good job explaining this one.)

ETA (I seem to be doing that a lot! ) that for me, "boys will be boys" is a reason, but not an excuse. I.e., they'll do it because they're boys, but that doesn't mean they deserve the smack upside the head any less.

 

[Sandy V.]

No misunderstanding, MHopkins2. Your point is well taken.

And you're welcome.

 

[poohandwendy]

It's just that I think the reaction (both in the actual situation and in this thread) is totally disproportionate to the "crime."

Exactly, I mean this thread is full of 'sexual offender', 'predator' 'assault' 'brought these young girls to tears'...he is already labeled here as a pervert, imagine how much worse it is at the school he attends?

I don't pity him for getting in trouble for doing the wrong thing either. But, I think the crime doesn't equal the reaction I have seen here or what is said to be done in the case (by the OP).

 

[poohandwendy]

For those of you that think "boys will be boys" would you feel the same way if the girl were younger - say 8 years old?

The girls weren't younger, they were his peers, so how does that apply to him? Entirely different circumstances change the entire story.

How about if a girl did the exact same thing (same exact circumstances)? Should she arrested? Or would that seem a bit over the top?

 

[cardaway]

Originally posted by Sandy V.
If this truly was a single first-time series of events, the kid won't have a "sexual offender" label at all. He'll probably go through a diversion program and maybe attend a counseling session or two. If he jumps through all the hoops and stays out of trouble, then no charges may ever be filed against him in juvenile court and he won't have a "record".

In that case you must also be aware that it most certinaly can go the other direction. Each DA is different and some have a thing for making examples out of people for just one offense.

It's why I like to see that kind of system only used for the poeple who really need to be handled by it. There is also my opinion that raising kids like the boy in question to the sex offender level cheapens the term for all the real baddies out there. Every time I see an alert come to my house now I have to wonder if the person was really bad or just did soemthing stupid. That's what it has come down to in my area since the same label is used for rapists and silly things like consentual sex between kids.

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by cardaway
There is also my opinion that raising kids like the boy in question to the sex offender level cheapens the term for all the real baddies out there. Every time I see an alert come to my house now I have to wonder if the person was really bad or just did soemthing stupid. That's what it has come down to in my area since the same label is used for rapists and silly things like consentual sex between kids.

(Can you please get out of my head today? You're crowding katerkat. )

 

[cardaway]

Originally posted by MHopkins2


(Can you please get out of my head today? You're crowding katerkat. )

I would gladly move south.

(Does that comment fit this thread or what! )

 

[MHopkins2]

*snork* LOL!

 

[Sandy V.]

Cardaway, I concede that I should have said "PROBABLY won't have a sexual offender label". You are correct that individual DA's would make differing prosecution choices. The same can be said for judges (hence; forum shopping). That darned "human" factor!

But based upon what was presented here, if it's a first-time-ever-been-in-trouble-with-authorities situation for this kid, it is highly unlikely (although of course, not impossible) that he will formally be charged with a crime. They'll take the deferred judgment and sentence route.

Not really enough information about this boy present here to predict what will happen.

Prosecutors face difficult discretionary decisions because EVERYONE (and I do mean, everyone!) thinks that their "little" situation should be handled leniently/not at all. There's no definitive answer about where to draw the line.

(Okay, stepping off the soapbox now!)

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I said it was predatory behavior, and I stand by it. I didn't know any guys growing up that went around groping girls for laughs. That is not a normal behavior even with raging hormones. Oh please. There may be more to this story and this kid. But really he did break the law, multiple times at that.

 

[Bichon Barb]

Originally posted by cardaway
In that case you must also be aware that it most certinaly can go the other direction. Each DA is different and some have a thing for making examples out of people for just one offense.

It's why I like to see that kind of system only used for the poeple who really need to be handled by it. There is also my opinion that raising kids like the boy in question to the sex offender level cheapens the term for all the real baddies out there. Every time I see an alert come to my house now I have to wonder if the person was really bad or just did soemthing stupid. That's what it has come down to in my area since the same label is used for rapists and silly things like consentual sex between kids.

And they say it's scary raising girls?

I'm starting to "get" what my DH means when he goes into his diatribe of how it ain't easy being a white male in these times. LOL.

 

[luvdzny]

I will try to clear a few things up - as far as I know this boy is a first time offender, but I am not sure if I would be told if he wasn't. No one can give me any information because it involves a juvenile. All I have been told is that it is being handled by either Juvenile court or the DA's office. I have no idea what will happen to him if he is charged or convicted. The information I have about becoming a registered sex offender is from the mom of a boy that was in a similar situation. It happend in the same city that I live in, so the punishment COULD be similar. You have all helped me to see a different side to this situation. I didn't mean to start an uproar - just send out a warning that seemingly small things can certainly get out of control in a hurry. Thanks for all the replies!

 

[Carl]

Let us know how this all turns out. In any case, your daughter should not feel guilty. The behavior should be reported (to someone.) Unfortunately, our legal system seems to be a bit out of control and it is possible that the boy will see jail time and be registered as a sex offender. I agree with the OP that the boy probably would have been better served to have been severely reprimanded for his behavior than receive a life sentence of being labeled as a sex offender. I saw a program on TV the other day where they showed that there are many preteens serving jail time as sex offenders. As I said, to me this is a legal system out of control.

 

[Bichon Barb]

Originally posted by Miss Jasmine
I said it was predatory behavior, and I stand by it. I didn't know any guys growing up that went around groping girls for laughs. That is not a normal behavior even with raging hormones. Oh please. There may be more to this story and this kid. But really he did break the law, multiple times at that.

I'm going with MHopkins on this one and will guess that it wasn't "raging hormones" but just plain old showing off in front of the boys. A STUPID stunt for attention, but a stunt nontheless.

I highly doubt he was sexually aroused with his quick grab in the middle of the school.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I would buy that if it happened ONCE, maybe. It happened MANY times. That is not acceptable. I wouldn't want to see him labeled as a sex offender, but I can understand why they hauled his butt off. SROs have a difficult job. If a crime has been reported to them by the school (and a battery is crime, though usually a misdemeanor, but a crime nontheless), the SRO is obligated to act. The easy way to keep from getting in this position, is not to grope girls, keep thy hands to thyself.

 

[goofy4tink]

I'm a little curious now. Were there any other actions the girls could have taken? I think you said that there is a police officer in the office and that's who the girls went to. I am NOT suggesting this was the wrong thing. I'm just wondering if there is a guidence dept or teacher that could have been told. It seems that maybe the officer did get carried away. If that is the way the system works, so be it. Yes, it is assault. I understand. And at 15, a young man should know what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. I just wonder what the repercussions would have been if it hadn't been a police officer that had been the first line of 'defense' so to speak. Did the girls do the right thing? Oh yes. Always report this behavior. I only ask because of the whole hand-cuffing thing. But, maybe there was something else involved here, that you don't know about.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Like I said, if a crime has been reported to the school they have to inform the SRO (at least that is how it works here). You may not agree that the groping was a crime, but in Florida it would be classified as a battery (misdemeanor). Could you imagine if the school did not report it and something WORSE happened down the line? Then you all would be upset that nothing had been done after the school had such information.

 

[cardaway]

Originally posted by Sandy V.
Prosecutors face difficult discretionary decisions because EVERYONE (and I do mean, everyone!) thinks that their "little" situation should be handled leniently/not at all. There's no definitive answer about where to draw the line.

Actually I would have jumped to the political side of things and used the opposite description of the situation. Given what I see as a witchhunt going since JanetJacksonGate, I would suspect that the DA would be pressured to pursue the maximum or face the wrath of the so called moral majority. You know, copping a quick feel very indecent and is a threat to our society.

 

[momof2inPA]

I homeschool my kids and take them on many field trips throughout the year. Whenever we encounter a group of kids on a class trip from the age of 13 on up, they are all over each other. Groping each other in the dark buildings at the zoo, grabbing the girls in inappropriate places when the teacher's back is turned. I am not saying this behavior should be accepted and tolerated, but it happens regularly and the OP's incident should have been dealt with in the school, not the legal system.