This is new to me! "Reducing" twins...

[phorsenuf]

Could you imagine this conversation with your child?

"I'm glad we didn't have your sister..."

Or worse yet, "We should have kept your sister."

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

It's her choice, and it's my choice to think they are more than disgusting for making that choice.

ITA

 

[skater]

Could you imagine this conversation with your child?

"I'm glad we didn't have your sister..."

Exactly. And it will come out. Somebody will remember. In fact, it would be stupid for the parents to keep quiet about it - better from them than someone else. I wouldn't want to explain that one to my child.

 

[HelenePA]

I know someone who had this done... did she WANT to do it? No but her life and both the twins were at risk.. so it was either carry one to term or all 3 die... this was many many many many years ago... mid 70's this is nothing new.

 

[FireDancer]

Exactly. And it will come out. Somebody will remember. In fact, it would be stupid for the parents to keep quiet about it - better from them than someone else. I wouldn't want to explain that one to my child.

One day that kid will be old enough to Google and once something is on the Internets it is on the Internets forever.

I know someone who had this done... did she WANT to do it? No but her life and both the twins were at risk.. so it was either carry one to term or all 3 die... this was many many many many years ago... mid 70's this is nothing new.

I personally think there is a difference between doing it out of medical necessity and out of convenience.

 

[skater]

I know someone who had this done... did she WANT to do it? No but her life and both the twins were at risk.. so it was either carry one to term or all 3 die... this was many many many many years ago... mid 70's this is nothing new.

I would never judge someone for this decision. It must have been heart wrenching. There are some who would disagree with me on this, though.

 

[Glynis]

My husband and I were married for 7 years where we tried month after month to conceive and weren't able. We underwent tests, did Clomid and other infertility treatments. When it looked like we weren't going to be able to ever have children, we were referred to a specialist. After meeting with him, and agreeing to undergo his treatment, he asked us what our feeling were on "selective reduction." We told him that we didn't agree with it. We told him that we would accept whatever multiples we could safely conceive. Then he told us that because we were against the reduction (which he is too, by the way), he would put notes in our treatment that wouldn't allow for more than 4 eggs to be released at one cycle. That way, morally, we wouldn't have to decide to "reduce."

Our first cycle, as we were trying the new medication and treatments, my ovaries mass produced, and sent out 10 eggs in their cysts. Because of the note in our chart, the cycle was stopped, and the eggs were "returned" to the ovaries. They were never released into the Fallopian tubes.

I think the time to talk about reducing the number of fetuses, is before becoming pregnant. I will forever be grateful to our doctor for doing things his way, as we never had to worry about making that choice.

 

[C.Ann]

You would rather not be here at all over having hurt feelings? I know it's definitely not the case for me, or for pretty much any adopted kid. I'd definitely would have rather been put up for adoption over never been born..

Speaking as one who was adopted as an infant - and later learning that I had a full-blooded sister - as well as a half-sister and half-brother - in no way, shape, or form did I suffer from "hurt" feelings.. The family that adopted me - and those siblings - were the ones I have always considered as my "real" parents and "real" siblings (my parents had two children of their own; adopted me as an infant; and adopted my late brother at the age of 4 - after I was already married and out of the house).. I'm very, very thankful for my family..

I right now in a hypothetical situation, yes I would rather never be born then separated from my siblings and to feel unwanted. For reasons I can't go into on the internet, it creates more than just basic hurt feelings to know your other siblings were chosen over you..

Underlining above is mine..) Ironically, my situation was just that - having to choose one child over another.. My biological sister is 2 years older than me.. My birth mother left my birth father before she even knew she was pregnant for me.. (He never knew he had another daughter - and is deceased now - as is my birth mother..) Anyhow, my birth mother became engaged to another man while going through the process of getting a divorce.. When it came time for her to give birth to me, he gave her a choice - she could only keep one of us - either my sister (who she had bonded with for 2 years) - or me.. Obviously she chose to keep my biological sister and my birth mother's older sister and her husband adopted me - rather than have me raised by strangers.. It's a long, convuluted story -bio mom had serious health issues; second husband turned out to be a living nightmare (abusive in every manner possible - as well as being psycho) - so I have to say that being adopted literally saved my life.. Being "separated" was not an issue for me - and I thank God every day that I didn't have to endure the life that those other 3 kids did - nor did I have to live in that "house of horrors"..

I can't even imagine this woman wanting to "reduce" twins - with no medical reasons to support her decision.. Most people I know would be absolutely thrilled to be having twins.. If she doesn't want to "raise" twins - because it will interfere with her lifestyle - fine.. Have the twins and give one up for adoption.. There are so many childless couples out there that would do anything to have a child.. It's a shame she can't seem to put her own selfish desires aside and think of someone other than herself..

Basically she is choosing to murder her own child because she views that baby as nothing more than an "inconvenience".. Mind boggling to me - yet at the same time, I do believe that abortion should be available for certain circumstances..

And what happens if she "reduces" the twins down to one and then something happens to the remaining baby before, during, or after the birth? Will she have any regrets - or will she still be okay with making such a radical decision?

 

[amberg@eastlink.ca]

so wish i hadn't entered and read. wow. hubby and i struggled with infertility with dd and were blessed with her brother 19 months later. now it's almost 4 yrs later, a ton of friends are pg or having babies and i'm not even allowed to get pg due to health issues at the moment...on top of a m/c almost 2 yrs ago. it's been a rough road. but to choose to abort one fetus just cus their life would no longer be the same as it is now? unbelivable. i would do almost anything to have one baby growing inside of me rite now let alone 2. i can understand select reduction if the health and well being of any is involved...but just because is horrible to hear.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I was faced with the possibility of aborting one of my babies when I was pregnant with my twins.

It was discovered that there was a problem with "Baby B", a boy. In offering me all of my options, they told me that one option was to abort him (i.e. "reduce"). They quickly added, though, that if I did that, "Baby A", a girl, would be at risk for spontaneous abortion as well.

For me, it was a no brainer. I would not risk either of my babies and we would deal with whatever problems he had. But I did understand they had to give me my options. For the remainder of my pregnancy, I worried. Incessantly.

Fortunately, he was ok (and nearly just broke my thigh sitting on it to give me a hug and kiss ) and I wasn't in a predicament where I actually had to follow through on such a decision if the problem was major or the health of the other baby was affected.

I do have a friend who had to reduce higher order multiples as she was told she would not be able to carry all of the babies and her life would be at risk as well. She made the agonizing decision to reduce, and I know it wasn't an easy one.

As for "reduction" vs "abortion", I'm with the crowd that thinks they're essentially the same thing. Both are legal, and both are done for convenience sometimes, like it or not. As a society, if we're going to support these types of procedures, then we have to accept that there will be times that we don't agree with the way they're carried out. This is the double edged sword of technology.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

really you're going to use the just adopt argument.

Have you ever looked into adoption? I have. Its not like you can walk down to your local orphanage and get a kid like you get a puppy. Even if you are open to all races, don't need an infant and are willing to take a child with disabilities it can take years and thousands of dollars to adopt. I can pay for 3-4 IVF cycles for the same cost and trying to adopt privately either internationally or domestically. Adopting out of foster care is a whole separate animal. The cost in dollars is small but the emotional cost is exponentially higher. The children in foster care are not always "free" to be adopted so you can spend months or even years caring for a child in hopes of adopting only to have to give him up.

As an adoptive mother, I don't like to say "just adopt", either. Even though adoption was a no-brainer for us over infertility treatments, not everyone is comfortable with the risks, and not everyone feels they can bond with a child who isn't blood related (which will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy), so for the child's sake, I don't feel anyone should adopt unless it's what they truly want.

However, I'm surprised at the differences between our two situations. Our dd's (domestic, newborn, agency) adoption cost thousands less than one egg donation/IVF cycle would have cost, and if the first match had fallen through, the fees would have carried over to the next attempt (unlike a second IVF cycle). We did our research and felt adoption was much more of a "sure thing" than IVF. (It worked out great for us, as well as many friends and acquaintances. )

It's a very personal decision.


As for the OP, I am as pro-choice as they come, but this story bothers me. I always say that abortion is not an alternative to raising a child but an alternative to being pregnant. A pregnancy reduced by one is still a pregnancy. No way on earth can I condone this. Have both babies and either place one for adoption, or figure out a way to make it work financially. What if the "kept" child has a disability or is involved in accident and the family faces enormous medical bills in the future? Families deal with these issues all the time, and they find a way to make it work. I think they could find a way to raise twins, too.

 

[BroganMc]

Whenever this sort of topic comes up I am reminded of my upbringing as a disabled child. For the first 2 years of my life I was a normal, happy & healthy kid. Then I got sick with the roll of the genetic dice.

I knew many kids over the years with similar or worse disabilities. Several had parents who bailed on them because it was "too tough to handle". As if it the parents were the only ones "handling" the tough situation of disability.

The kids all had this sense of abandonment and shame about them. Mommy or Daddy saw them as defective and a drain on their lives. It was bad enough wishing you could keep up with your peers but to have your parents think that about you too...? Some people just do not deserve the gifts God gives them.

Because of that I just cannot see abortion or reduction as anything other than a crime against humanity. I wouldn't be happy just standing there watching a parent torture their kid to death. Why does the kid being a tiny mute thing have any magical bearing on that?

Granted there are some cases when there is true medical necessity. In that case (and ONLY that case) it is best left to the parents and their doctors. But I fear with the convenience of abortion and this attitude that people shouldn't have a morality concerning how the human race procreates that we'll be seeing generations of designer babies. And sadly a lot of disappointed parents as they realize no child is 100% what you think he/she will or should be.

Mostly I'm just grateful my parents never saw themselves as being cheated out of a healthy kid. Never once did they abandon me or make me feel like I was too much for them to handle. Oh we struggled to figure out how to best handle my disease and made a few missteps, but there was never any lack of love, respect or commitment to see it through together.

 

[TeresaNJ]

I love the terminology "reduce". Say what it really is, killing an unborn baby. Totally selfish, disgusting, and barbaric.

 

[luvmy3]

I love the terminology "reduce". Say what it really is, killing an unborn baby. Totally selfish, disgusting, and barbaric.

Its not a baby yet, therefore calling it that would be false.

 

[quentina]

I was getting ready to have in-vitro with LOTS of problems. Doctor wanted to put 5 eggs in because he didn't feel that I had a good chance of any taking. One of the things he explained is that anything over 2 taking is considered a failure in that industry. He said the goal is to not have large amounts of multiples as it is difficult on the body, development of babies etc. He asked my thoughts of reduction in case all 5 eggs took. I said no way, he said that he will only put in 3 eggs then cause if 5 took it really was not safe.

None of them took

I think in extreme situations where major medical issues are happening, I do feel it is ok. I do not feel that you should just decide to do it because you don't want xxx kids (like the article). What this women chose I do not agree with however; it is still her choice (I don't need to agree with it, she needs to live with it, not me).

I have been blessed with 3 kids....so, miracles really do happen.

 

[skater]

Its not a baby yet, therefore calling it that would be false.

That's a matter of opinion, but if we delve too deeply, I'm guessing this thread would be closed .

 

[HelenePA]

btw I dont believe in abortion, but for some reason I never had a second thought about what my friends mom did... it was never hidden, it was talked about even when I was small, she's always known about her brother. There was never talk of I wish I chose him over you, I am so glad I chose you over him. It must have killed her to make that kind of choice. these kind of threads depress me I probably wont be back

 

[cherbear]

Its not a baby yet, therefore calling it that would be false.

Just to be clear on this, they do these "reductions" past the first trimester.

That's a matter of opinion, but if we delve too deeply, I'm guessing this thread would be closed .

BUT because I agree with the above post, I'll go no further. I just wanted to put that statement out there. **Since my husband and I have been undergoing fertility treatments, the dr had to have 'that talk' with us--and that's when I found out it can't be done until after the 12th week. And FYI, 'reduction' is illegal in Louisiana, so we'd have to go to Texas to have it done if it ever came to that. We told them we wouldn't want to even take that risk, so we are only putting 2 embryos in for IVF. There's always the chance that BOTH could split--but a very unlikely chance. If we ended up with quads, oh lord...I'm 5 feet tall so that would be interesting but there's less than a .1 % chance of that happening.

 

[skater]

BUT because I agree with the above post, I'll go no further. I just wanted to put that statement out there. **Since my husband and I have been undergoing fertility treatments, the dr had to have 'that talk' with us--and that's when I found out it can't be done until after the 12th week. And FYI, 'reduction' is illegal in Louisiana, so we'd have to go to Texas to have it done if it ever came to that. We told them we wouldn't want to even take that risk, so we are only putting 2 embryos in for IVF. There's always the chance that BOTH could split--but a very unlikely chance. If we ended up with quads, oh lord...I'm 5 feet tall so that would be interesting but there's less than a .1 % chance of that happening.

I hope everything goes well for you .

 

[cherbear]

I hope everything goes well for you .

thank you so much!!! The first IVF failed.... But at least the dr learned more about my eggs and she is going to change some things next time. I tell ya, waiting for the next round is teaching me a thing or two about patience If only money grew on trees!!