Think we will see more multi-generation living?

[JLTraveling]

But never adult children. I think it is the adult children factor more than the other people factor. The one guy I dated who didn’t seem to mind it was also wrong for other reasons.

Granted I don't have kids. But that seems so bizarre to me. Since my mom passed, my dad dated exactly one woman who had an issue with us sharing a house. And as soon as he found out she felt that way, she immediately became an ex. We've both had plenty of relationships, and she was the only one that even mentioned it.

To me, it's a huge red flag. Is he expecting your kids to not only move out, but never come around again? What does he have against them? Who else in your life is he trying to isolate you from? Is he going to be there for you if your parents or aunts/uncles eventually need you to become their caregiver (even if they're living someplace like an assisted living, I've watched a couple of aunts run themselves ragged trying to care for all the needs that the facility doesn't)? Nope, if somebody is that petty, I would nope right out of that before it even became a thing. And again, if he needs so much "privacy" why at your place? What's wrong with his place?

 

[disneychrista]

Granted I don't have kids. But that seems so bizarre to me. Since my mom passed, my dad dated exactly one woman who had an issue with us sharing a house. And as soon as he found out she felt that way, she immediately became an ex. We've both had plenty of relationships, and she was the only one that even mentioned it.

To me, it's a huge red flag. Is he expecting your kids to not only move out, but never come around again? What does he have against them? Who else in your life is he trying to isolate you from? Is he going to be there for you if your parents or aunts/uncles eventually need you to become their caregiver (even if they're living someplace like an assisted living, I've watched a couple of aunts run themselves ragged trying to care for all the needs that the facility doesn't)? Nope, if somebody is that petty, I would nope right out of that before it even became a thing. And again, if he needs so much "privacy" why at your place? What's wrong with his place?

I understand not wanting to meet my adult children when we are only starting to get to know each other. I know my adult children don't introduce me to the guys they are dating right away. It would be very different if we had moved beyond the dating/getting to know each other phase into the serious relationship phase.

 

[ronandannette]

Well, my five year old has already stated that he’s going to live with me forever, so…. Although, with the way things are going that may be the reality for his generation.

Twenty-five percent of my city’s population are first-generation immigrants, so multigenerational living is not uncommon in my area as it is, but I do expect it will become even more widespread with time. I know for my city and few neighboring cities there is a push to accommodate “aging in place” in their strategic planning. They want to retain residents as they age and downsize instead of having them move out of the area as they’ve been doing. One of those aging-in-place strategies for a neighboring city involved changing their zoning to allow tiny homes to be built on existing properties, the idea being that your aging parents will come live in your backyard. And of course, on the other end of the spectrum, are the younger generation who are finding it increasingly more difficult to “launch” and get out on their own for reasons beyond their control.

I think it's two separate discussions; one taking into account the very different cultural norms of US/Canada's changing ethnic make-up, and the other considering the economic issues now hampering Millenials and GenZ from home ownership. (Or maybe actually three, if you factor in elder-care.)

It's never not been a thing that many new Canadians will live together multi-generationally just like in their countries of origin. They simply don't aspire to any other thing. And here at least, that has given them a very big advantage at wealth-building through real estate, by relying on several sets of income. My company now sells predominantly to non-Canadian-born clientele and we have many, many repeat buyers. Interestingly, when these families, who start out in modest homes according to their means, are ready to "move up", they aren't looking to separate or each have their own homes. They buy bigger-and-better, but in general, all still stay together. I could describe some very interesting market trends in what they want in a home, but basement suites or garden suites or separate dwellings of any kind aren't among them.

Kids these days? Well, my DS and almost all of his peers still live at home (they're 25'ish now). Many have gone away for education or on extended mission activities but then came right back home when they were done. The idea of "failure to launch" is becoming very fuzzy, as they don't seem to have a strong drive to do it, nor can a lot if parents, including us, think of a logical reason why they must. The ones who have gotten a toe-hold on careers seem fairly content to swing work/life balance way towards the "life" side and maintain whatever comforts they can, while remaining at home until something (perhaps marriage?) propels them further. (Before anybody jumps me for stereotyping young people - this is MY OBSERVATION OF YOUNG PEOPLE I ACTUALLY KNOW ONLY. I'm not speaking in broad generalizations.)

I can't fathom why it's not the norm here. At various points since I turned 16, I:
Lived with roommates
Lived with my parents
Lived with my then-husband, just us
Lived with my then-husband and my parents

Now it's just me and my dad since my mom passed. And it makes so much sense. He's on a fixed income. I make decent money, but everything costs so much. We could each live alone in a shoebox. Or we could each live with roommates. But why? What would possibly be better about either of those options? We rent a nice house with plenty of room to each have our own space. And if one or both of us got married again, there's plenty of room for spouses. We get along fantastically, and we help each other out. I don't understand why on earth people have such a need for independence or whatever that they can't possibly share with family.

It's not, nor has it been in the past, always a drive/need for independence. Many of us had to migrate far away from our hometowns and families in our early adulthood for employment opportunities. There wasn't really even a choice to be made; you just went where the work was and everybody understood.

 

[Colleen27]

Modern home builds are not laid out properly. My parents old 100+ year old home was perfectly laid for it.

Instead, what's happening is that people are forced into multigenerational living in a poorly laid out home today. My current home has more square footage than my parent's original home, but the layout is terrible to have two families living here. The room sizes are all wrong.

My house is 140+ years old and not set up for it at all. Part of that is because it was originally built without indoor plumbing and it is really obvious that the bathrooms were an afterthought, small and carved out of other rooms, but I think the bigger part is simply the difference in how people spend their time now. My living room is fairly large and very well lit, so it must have been a lovely communal space in a time when people settled in to read or craft in their free time, but in modern times whoever is using the TV sets the tone and it can be hard for several people/groups of people to do their separate things without irritating one another because so many of our amusements emit noise. And the electrical system was updated recently enough to be safe but not recently enough to be designed for bedroom TVs and gaming systems and computers all in operation at once, so everyone retreating to smallish bedrooms to pursue their own interests is not only somewhat cramped/uncomfortable for lack of seating or tables, it has a tendency to pop circuit breakers as well.

The original owner of our property built houses - three of them - for his kids as they got married so I suppose there was no need to set this house up to accommodate multiple generations. They had multi-generational living the way some families still do in the country around us, with everyone having their own home on a piece of what was once the family farm so everyone was close but not actually sharing space.

 

[Allison Joy]

My mom, oldest brother (mid 40s) and I (late 30s) all live together. We help each other out, we all contribute to household expenses, we get along, and our house is large enough that we all have our own space. It works well for us, and I still get a home cooked dinner almost every night.

 

[summerlyangel]

I think multi-generational home will be a thing of the future, and I look forward to it. I can see big benefits for all parties involved, provided every one is respectful of each other. I'd love to be able to assist with future grandchildren, and yes, have them assist as DH and I age.

I guess I'm currently living in a multi-generational home, though it is most definitely a single family home set-up and nothing that we planned for. My 24yr old still lives at home and I suspect she will for many more years due to her disability. Our 14 and 18yr olds also live at home, with only the 25yo out on her own(with her fiancé). Our kids are welcome to live with us as long as they need to. The sticky part, though, is that our home is only 1500 sq feet. We converted the small living room into an extra bedroom for the 24 yr old so everyone has their own space at this point, but it would be so nice to have more space for everyone.

That being said, we would love to have a set-up that allowed for multi generational living with some privacy for each of us. I'd love to find a large house/duplex or a large plot of land with several units for us all to share, or even build on. We hadn't considered it while our kids were young, but I can definitely see how it would benefit us all at this point. We are keeping this in mind and considering the possibility. Our 25yo and her fiancé would like this, as well.

My dad is in a nursing home. I would love to bring him home with us, but there is simply no where to put him in my small house. I only wish that I had thought of the future when we bought our home 19 yrs ago. But, my 2 kids at the time were very young, we were very young, and it did not occur to me that this might be a thing we might need and benefit from. My an DH's parents were ok on their own at that time and I couldn't see them getting old and needing more intensive support. Now I do, in hindsight. Sigh.

 

[JLTraveling]

I understand not wanting to meet my adult children when we are only starting to get to know each other. I know my adult children don't introduce me to the guys they are dating right away. It would be very different if we had moved beyond the dating/getting to know each other phase into the serious relationship phase.

Fair enough, I guess. But how do your adult children do it? Do they have trouble finding partners because they live with their mom? Just not understanding how it's an issue for you but not for them

It's not, nor has it been in the past, always a drive/need for independence. Many of us had to migrate far away from our hometowns and families in our early adulthood for employment opportunities. There wasn't really even a choice to be made; you just went where the work was and everybody understood.

I completely understand and respect that. I just don't understand the privacy argument (other than the situations a couple of people have mentioned in which everyone was literally on top of each other)...or the one, not mentioned so much in this thread but common in general discussions of this topic, about kids needing to move out to prove their independence or whatever. And I did move out, for a variety of reasons, when I was 16. So it's not that I don't know how to live away from family.

 

[disneychrista]

Fair enough, I guess. But how do your adult children do it? Do they have trouble finding partners because they live with their mom? Just not understanding how it's an issue for you but not for them

I am guessing if they didn't have another place to hang out when they were first dating it might have become an issue. My younger daughter did have a boyfriend that came over to watch a movie or TV show on occasion. And my older daughter's first serious boyfriend actually lived here for awhile after he lost the room he was renting. But both these were long time boyfriends. Not beginning stages.

If either of the guys this was an issue for had become more serious it might have no longer become an issue for them. But since they never did, I'll never know.

 

[tvguy]

I completely understand and respect that. I just don't understand the privacy argument (other than the situations a couple of people have mentioned in which everyone was literally on top of each other)...

I don't know, privacy is a pretty basic concept. If I want to step out of the shower with my dirty clothes, walk across the house to the laundry room to put them in the washer and retrieve clean clothing to get dressed, I can do that with just my wife and I here. I could not with other family members. Nor could my other family members.
Married couples have personal discussions that could be over heard, and other private moments.

 

[mrs. magoo]

We have always been a multi generational since 1995. My mother passed away in 1991 and my father has always lived with us. He just turned 80 yesterday. My oldest daughter is currently living with us as she started her first teaching job but it is much cheaper for her to live at home with us than rent a house in the same city where we live. I expect her to live with us for at least a couple of more years. Our door is open to any of the kids who need a place but so far my oldest son has lived in Philadelphia since graduation. He pays for everything except his phone bill because he is on the family plan.

 

[RangerPooh]

I do wish that it would become more normalized. My parents moved in with my husband and I a decade ago. I know very few others who have multigenerational households.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think it's two separate discussions; one taking into account the very different cultural norms of US/Canada's changing ethnic make-up, and the other considering the economic issues now hampering Millenials and GenZ from home ownership. (Or maybe actually three, if you factor in elder-care.)

I keep hearing about this but not seeing it in reality. Any of the young generation I know (mid 20s-mid 30s) all bought houses. All work careers - nursing, education, etc - and have done fine financially.

 

[prairie_girl]

Well, my five year old has already stated that he’s going to live with me forever, so…. Although, with the way things are going that may be the reality for his generation.

Twenty-five percent of my city’s population are first-generation immigrants, so multigenerational living is not uncommon in my area as it is, but I do expect it will become even more widespread with time. I know for my city and a few neighboring cities there is a push to accommodate “aging in place” in their strategic planning. They want to retain residents as they age and downsize instead of having them move out of the area as they’ve been doing. One of those aging-in-place strategies for a neighboring city involved changing their zoning to allow tiny homes to be built on existing properties, the idea being that your aging parents will come live in your backyard. And of course, on the other end of the spectrum, are the younger generation who are finding it increasingly more difficult to “launch” and get out on their own for reasons beyond their control.

Years ago, my daughter said she wanted a big house and wanted me to live with her…so I could do the cleaning! I said I wasn’t going to do it for free so we negotiated a price of $5 per stair LOL

 

[RoseGold]

I completely understand and respect that. I just don't understand the privacy argument (other than the situations a couple of people have mentioned in which everyone was literally on top of each other)...or the one, not mentioned so much in this thread but common in general discussions of this topic, about kids needing to move out to prove their independence or whatever. And I did move out, for a variety of reasons, when I was 16. So it's not that I don't know how to live away from family.

All you've got to do is try to cook dinner or fold some laundry with my mom telling you the right way to do it, and you'll understand what privacy means. LOL.

Oh, and why did you sleep so late yesterday? Not feeling well? Drank too much?

 

[TLSnell1981]

This was once the norm and don't see it as an issue. Families once cared for one another in the same home.
Personally this is more natural in my opinion.

 

[kdonnel]

All you've got to do is try to cook dinner or fold some laundry with my mom telling you the right way to do it, and you'll understand what privacy means. LOL.

Oh, and why did you sleep so late yesterday? Not feeling well? Drank too much?

That is why I only agreed to multigenerational living if my in laws had their own entrance and totally separate living.

They talked about how they would cook for us some days and do our laundry and we quickly told them no thanks. They looked confused and hurt but we explained that to remain happy they should be as independent as possible, we should remain as independent as possible.

We often go multiple days without actually seeing each other. My wife might speak to her parents on the phone but no face to face.

 

[nw6675]

My 10 year old DD (who will FINALLY be 11 in a week lol) already told me she was always going to live with us. I asked what about when she gets married, she said he would live here, too.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

All you've got to do is try to cook dinner or fold some laundry with my mom telling you the right way to do it, and you'll understand what privacy means. LOL.

Oh, and why did you sleep so late yesterday? Not feeling well? Drank too much?

When we got our house my mom, mother-in-law/step-father-in-law and father-in-law/his prior wife all joked about moving in with us in later on in life. I think my mom was actually somewhat serious. But both my husband and I were like..umm...yeah..'bout that.

In all honesty it is a tad like your comments, all of our parents have their own ways of doing things and we have ours and lord help us that kind of stress is just not needed. We enjoy having them over for firepit nights, for random dinner and game nights but living together is different.

 

[Colleen27]

I keep hearing about this but not seeing it in reality. Any of the young generation I know (mid 20s-mid 30s) all bought houses. All work careers - nursing, education, etc - and have done fine financially.

The big student loans that are keeping American kids from "launching" aren't really a thing up there, though, are they? That's really the big problem I hear from my kids' generation, that they can't afford housing while paying on their loans, especially with the way housing costs have risen recently.

 

[CdnCarrie]

The big student loans that are keeping American kids from "launching" aren't really a thing up there, though, are they? That's really the big problem I hear from my kids' generation, that they can't afford housing while paying on their loans, especially with the way housing costs have risen recently.

Would depend on the kid I guess. College is much cheaper up here.