The REAL Longest Thread In Dis History Part 5

[Trentmom]

Whew...that was long.

That was all the possible things that the skippper on the Jungle Cruise might say during your ride.

I didn't realize how many lines he or she has to memorize.....I wonder if they have like a cheat sheat with them......

 

[Disneymommom]

Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts.
Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts.
When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile.
In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me."
As they were doing this, another boy was passing by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town.
"Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come quick!"
"What's the matter?" his father asked.
"No time to explain," the boy frantically panted. "Follow me!"
The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery. They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments. Then the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Do you hear that?" he whispered. Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts. "One for me. One for you. One for me. One for you..."
The boy then blurted out, "The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls!"
The father was skeptical but silent -- until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other, "Now, as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road, we'll have them all."

 

[Disneymommom]

Whew...that was long.

That was all the possible things that the skippper on the Jungle Cruise might say during your ride.

I didn't realize how many lines he or she has to memorize.....I wonder if they have like a cheat sheat with them......

Wow, he has to say all that! That's amazing. I hope they have a cheat sheet as I don't know how he can remember all that. I couldn't!!!

 

[Disneymommom]

Two brothers were always getting into trouble in their neighborhood. The people in the neighborhood started complaining to the parents about the boys. So the boys parents decided to have their priest talk to the boys. The priest asks to speak to the boys alone, requesting to see the youngest first. The young boy comes in and sits at a large table across the room from the priest. The priest looks at the boy, points at him and, trying to emphasize that God is in everyone, asks, "Where is God?" The boy looks around the room and back at the priest and says nothing. Again, the priest points at the boy and in a louder voice asks, "Where is God?" The boy says nothing. The priest walks around the table, pointing inches from the boy’s face and asks again, "Where is God?" The boy jumps out of his chair and runs out the door. The boy runs right home, grabs his older brother and says to him, "We are in BIG trouble!" His brother replies, "We haven't done anything!" The younger brother replies, "God's missing, and they think we did it!"

 

[Disneymommom]

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission. He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition." In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction." Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation. And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication." Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision. He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"

 

[Trentmom]

 

[Disneymommom]

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"

 

[Trentmom]

 

[Disneymommom]

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

 

[FHS_chick_2005]

I tried to give him medicine, but he was not asleep enogh and started freaking out and crying and saying he wanted to play, pointing at the computer..

So, I carried him into bed and he was still crying, but he turned over and began to calm down and then I did his nebulizer.....

The red medicine is actually pink and it is amoxocillin.....He loves that......Only problem was, he thinks it is like candy and can take it whenever...

So, I have him taking something different, dehistine cough syrup...which tastes okay, but not as good as the red.....

bubble gum medicine!!! ahh I remember it well....

 

[Disneymommom]

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartaleck when he's drunk and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

 

[Disneymommom]

bubble gum medicine!!! ahh I remember it well....

The kids all like the bubblegum medicine but Trentmom was allergic to it. Got such a perfect rash from it on her belly that the doctor took a photo of her stomach for a medical book, lol.

 

[Trentmom]

 

[Disneymommom]

A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway, the officer came to the drivers window and said, "Sir, may I see your drivers license and registration?" The man said, "Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away for a DUI." The officer, in surprise, said," What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?" So the man replied, "No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I say a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it." The officer stepped back, "There is a gun in the glove box?!?" The man sighed and said, "Yes sir, I used to kill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk." The officer steps toward the back of the car and says," Sir do not move, I am calling for backup." The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration. The man said," Yes officer here it right here." It all checked out so the officer said," Is there a gun in the glove box sir?" The man laughs and says," No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box." He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body. The second officer says, "Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk." The mans looks the officer in the eyes and says, "Yeah and I'll bet he said I was speeding too."

 

[Disneymommom]

Quick Wit:
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

 

[FHS_chick_2005]

The kids all like the bubblegum medicine but Trentmom was allergic to it. Got such a perfect rash from it on her belly that the doctor took a photo of her stomach for a medical book, lol.

thats funny!! well not that she got the rash but that her tummy is in some medical book!!!

 

[Trentmom]

 

[Trentmom]

 

[Disneymommom]

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time."

 

[Disneymommom]

I'm so glad you are posting pictures of DGS that I took while I was there. I hadn't downloaded them to the photo bucket so I couldn't post them. I love seeing that handsome face.