Dec. 31, 2003, 2:13PM
Try survival food Saddam lived on: Mars bars
By KEN HOFFMAN
Copyright 2004 Houston Chronicle
This week I reached out for a Mars bar, available at finer candy counters, movie theaters, supermarkets, vending machines -- and slobby, rat-infested hideouts for deposed Iraqi dictators.
According to news reports, in the weeks before his capture, Saddam Hussein's diet consisted primarily of hot dogs, room-temperature lunchmeat, soda and candy bars. When U.S. troops entered his two-room pigpen, they found dirty dishes in the sink, smelly clothes on the floor, unopened books and two Mars bars on a shelf above the sink.
Outside, there were homemade salamis hanging on a clothesline. Who says we haven't found any weapons of mass destruction?
Except for the $750,000 in a box, this could have been an apartment on any U.S. college campus. American students prefer Daddy's credit cards.
So Saddam survived on salami, 7UP, franks and candy bars. If there's one thing I can't respect, it's a ruthless, murderous despot with worse eating habits than me.
Mars bars for dinner? Well, all right ...
Here's the blueprint: chocolate malt-flavored nougat, covered with caramel and coated with milk chocolate.
Total calories: 270. Fat grams: 10 grams: Dietary fiber: 0. Manufacturer's suggested retail price: 65 cents (may vary wildly, especially in movie theaters).
First, the Mars bars that were ruining Saddam's teeth are not the same as Mars Almond Bars sold in the United States. Saddam's Mars bars most likely were made in England, where the Mars bar blueprint is identical to that of our Milky Way.
The only difference is in size. An English Mars bar weights 2.3 ounces. A standard U.S. Milky Way is slightly smaller at 2.05 ounces.
The M&M/Mars candy company is funny about names. For example, in 1936, M&M/Mars introduced the Forever Yours bar. The company stopped making them in 1979. Then it brought back Forever Yours in 1989, but changed its name to Milky Way Dark.
Then in 2000, M&M/Mars changed the name again, this time to Milky Way Midnight.
Same exact candy bar, three different names.
The Milky Way bar was introduced in 1923 as a chocolatey, solid milkshake that candy lovers could stick in their pocket and enjoy anywhere.
It was the first marriage of nougat, caramel and milk chocolate. And, by the way, exactly what is nougat?
Nougat is made by whipping egg whites like they're the Detroit Tigers, and adding sugar syrup to stabilize the goop.
A Mars bar is more boastful than its American cousin. If Saddam had looked closely at his dinner's wrapper, he would have found the slogan, "A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play."
... and dive into a spider hole every time you hear a noise.
If you want to eat like Saddam, just "Google" Mars bars on the Internet and find a Web site that imports English candy bars.
Milky Ways/Mars bars are chewy and filling, and not very good for you. They're high in calories and low in nutrition. But they sure taste good, especially frozen, and let's be reasonable -- isn't that what candy is all about? Saddam thought so.
You know, he could have had Chuckles.
Anyway, I got the recipie so I'll make a batch to share this week. 
And HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY!!!!
