The need to Vent

[pepples22]

I just needed to get something off my chest that my new Disney Hubbie doesn't seam to see anything wrong with.

Back when we started to plan to get married in Disney, his parents booked tickets (first class, better than us), and planned to go. Back in January this year my DH (the DF) had a very big fall out with his parents over a birthday card for his mom. Anyway his mom (who the arguement was over), stay out of the arguement and perferred to see us when his Dad wasn't around. This started to annoy me as she would not stand up for herself and say that us delivery the birthday card three days late wasn't a problem (which said to us).

Just before we flew to America, Hubbie Mom came round with a card. We thought it contained the money that his parents was going to give us ($4000). It didn't. She left and we were disappointed as we took out a loan to cover their section of the wedding they promised to pay.

We landed back in England and as soon as we landed she wanted to come over. We were very jet lagged and depressed to be back in England, wondering were all the sunshine was. We were hoping she wanted to see, to give us money or at least a toaster. She saw all the photos and then left without saying anything - I wanted to call her mom but felt it was wrong.

About a month of us being back DH decided to try and make it up with his dad. He dad said he didn't see a point and that he hated my DH choice of wife. I have always been on very good behaviour when I saw them and my DH kept trying to tell me they were the Queen, but I still wanted them to like me.

About two weeks ago I got in trouble as I missed a couple payment for the loan I took out. We asked hubbie's mom for help and she came through with the payments £350 in total (about $700) and we borrowed it.

We hadn't see her till sunday where she managed to stay five minutes then made her excuses and left.

We are still in the phase of being a little short for money since the wedding. Hubbie and I have been arguing about his mom. I don't see why we should rush to get the money to her, and Hubbie still doesn't see what she did wrong and wants to pay her for the sake of missing house hold bills.

I just wanted to vent and see if I am sort of right on the subject.

Also I wanted to see if you have problems with your new or soon to be mother and father-in-laws.

 

[Swmhc]

Not to sound harsh, but, you are adult enough to be married, so you need to be adult enough to pay the bills. I think it really stinks that they told you they would contribute and backed out on that offer, but ultimately, it is your responsibility. I can understand your DH not wanting to get behind in the repayment for several reasons...1) to keep peace, 2) there may come a time when you have a major need (medical bill, for example) and you don't want to burn that bridge. I can see both sides of the dilemma, but ultimately, I would say make good on your payments. Good luck on mending fences !

 

[pepples22]

Not to sound harsh, but, you are adult enough to be married, so you need to be adult enough to pay the bills. I think it really stinks that they told you they would contribute and backed out on that offer, but ultimately, it is your responsibility. I can understand your DH not wanting to get behind in the repayment for several reasons...1) to keep peace, 2) there may come a time when you have a major need (medical bill, for example) and you don't want to burn that bridge. I can see both sides of the dilemma, but ultimately, I would say make good on your payments. Good luck on mending fences !

I totally see what you are say. The bills do come first, but that is why we are not getting along regarding his mom. I can see she can wait till we can afford to pay her back.

I don't want his family to hate me. I just cant see what they are trying to do. I think it is enough to cope with putting a home together and starting life together, rather than worrying about why his parents are putting up road blocks.

Thanks for your comment.

 

[Janell]

Im sorry for your troubles.

I hate to suggest this, but its an idea. If you can pull the money owed to his mom off a credit card so she is paid back and then you have a low monthly to pay back to the credit card. I know there will be interest on the card, but at least it will help to make it better with his mom.

 

[purplegirl247]

When you get a cash advance from a credit card, I'm pretty sure the rate is very high. I don't know if you should risk your own finances to keep the peace. Maybe just set up a detailed re-payment plan to keep all sides happy.

Sorry you have to go through this on top of adjusting to married life!

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

i hope things work out

Why does DHs family dislike you & why are they so overly upset over a bday card??
DH doesnt remember his mothers & the funny thing is that his mom had SO many kids (8) she cant remember most of theirs!! oh well

I would make an effort to pay her back as soon as possible even if its only $20 a week/month...it at least shows you have good intentions of paying it back & i would even take it a little farther(when your stable) to take her to dinner or get her a thank you gift.

sorry again & i hope you can work things out...welcome to the world of marriage