The happyhaunts' Rooms Without a View! Chapter 'o soup ~ Pg.40!

[mlill]

I believe that TODAY is TOMORROW, isn't it? I mean IT IS the day after YESTERDAY. Where's our update!?! We want our update! (or are you on VACATION again?)

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

B/c it's an unlucky number.

Especially for eggs, donuts, roses and disciples.

I think.


Ok.

OH!

I'm so glad that Peg in The Pound finally joined the Dis.


Hi GENERAL!!!!


Heh heh.


Here we go:


After our fun evening at the HOOP DE DUPE THE ANNOYING WAITER...


we slept.


Like regular folks. Except for Me(l). I always hang upside down in the closet to catch my Z's. Like bats. Or sloths. Or slothbats.


(Be very afraid, ZZUB!)


Actually... I'm not really a bat or sloth.

I'm more of a donkey.


Anywho... I not only caught my Z's. I noogied, pantsed, wedgied, wetwillied, mooned and crippled my...errrr...ZZs.

And woke up happy and refreshed.

I woke up before the rest of the happyhaunts. B/c it was only a couple days into our Disney vacation and I was still pumped and primed.

I stared deeply into my pillow for awhile. Then flipped over.


And upside down. On the bed. Thinking that my full twisting summersault half-gainer would wake my sleeping husband. Too.


No dice.


But I managed to pull my groin. In the process.


And lose my pj top.


No one was stirring. It was still pretty early. It was 7. Something. O'clock.


But we had to get a move on. We were heading to Typhoon Lagoon (TL) for the day. And had to turn in our Will Call number to get 5 Annual Passes for the Waterparks.

With those, as well as by staying on Disney property, we could get in an hour earlier than the masses. Of other. Waterpark. Goers.


So I decided to wake my family with song.


It goes like this (to the tune of " Feel Like Making Love" by Bad Company):


Feel like wakin'
Feel like wakin' UP
Feel like wakin' YOU... UP TOO!

But really LOUD. And off key.

It took three of the same versus until finally Mellyman rolled over and slapped me with my pj top. In the eye.

Everyone else jumped up happily and began the Chariots of Fire run for the one bathroom.

This is the story of three kids who run... not just to run... but to prove something to the world. And each other. They will sacrifice everything to achieve their goal of locking their siblings out of the washroom. And torment them by taking ENDLESS TIME TO PEE. But... they won't sacrifice their honour. Only their hygiene. By forgetting to wash up.

Mellyman got fed up waiting and peed off the balcony into the dumpster.


Except he didn't.


It's just the mental picture of that makes Me(l) laugh.


Calvin won this time. And spent five minutes running the water. Loudly.

When he emerged I asked him if he'd brushed his teeth, washed his hand(s) or face.

No.

Nope.

Nada.

Nupe. Aka "no" in Koala.


Ok. I KNEW it.


Beth was now in the bathroom flushing the toilet. From Calvin. And running the water. For Tommy's benefit.

Tommy was doing the dance I call "I-May-Need-To-Pee-Either-That-Or-I've-Just-Been-Harshly-Squared-By-Calvin".

In double time!


Finally everyone got to the washroom. And I started to make breakfast.


Feel like makin'
Feel like makin' snacks
Feel like makin' snacks for you!

Everyone ate and had juice. Mellyman made coffee. And I got the kids' bathing suits out.

Except for Beth.


She likes to pick her own now.


I suggested a onepiece suit. As we would be watersliding.


But she nixed that.


NUPE! NOBeth.


And went for a rather cute twopiece with good coverage.


Ok.


Then Mellyman found his ONE pair of trunks. And was ready in no time flat.


So I asked him to pack our bag of snacks and our cooler bag of water and juices.


I also asked him to sing while he did it.


He did:


Feel like leaving
Feel like leaving you
Feel like leaving you right HERE!


Heh heh.


Then came the big decision. I pulled my big ball of bikinis out of the bag and scattered them on the bed.


Me(l): Which one should I wear, Melly?
Mellyman: I don't care.
Me(l): What about the white one?
Mellyman: Fine.
Me(l): Don't you KNOW ANYTHING?! You never give the thumbs up to the first choice.
Mellyman: Fine. Don't wear the white one.
Me(l): What about the blue and black one?
Mellyman: Fine. Don't wear the white one, though.
Me(l): Or the pink? What about the pink one?
Mellyman: Great. Go with the pink. It's nice. Not the white one though. Actually, what about a onepiece? We're going to be on slides.
Me(l): What's a onepiece?
Mellyman: Go with the pink one.
Me(l): OK. That settles it. The white one it is.
Mellyman: Super. Now... get me some Tylenol.

NUPE.


He was just being silli.


I got dressed. Ish. I just put on a little beach mini. And grabbed my beach cowboy hat. And we were good to go.


Oh.


Not exactly.


Sunscreen.



Three kids and half a bottle of SPF 30 later we were good to go.


Feel like saucin'
Feel like saucin' up
Feel like saucin' up... the kids!


Except I didn't. Neither did Mellyman.


But... we did it. B/c I think the spray-on sunscreen is a VAST waste of money. And I spray it illegally onto their faces. And sometimes into an eye.


Which usually ends up being mine.


So I don't use it. Anymore.


The cream/lotion takes longer. But it's safer.


Cheaper.


And... you can't mistake it for deoderant and get yourself a second degree burn while smelling all florally.


We called down for our car from the Valet. And trooped 7 miles to... The Butterscotch Stallion.


Who seemed a little depressed and sluggish that morning. I don't know what the mechanic's diagnosis would have been. But... Lindsay Lohan called it "Dehydration".


NOOwenWilson.


Actually... the whole Owen Wilson thingie is pretty upsetting to me. I really really like him.


And I'm sad about that.


Ok.


Moving on.


We drove like bankers. To TL.


B/c Mellyman was driving. And he's an excellent driver.


I drive more like Test Track Toonces.


We arrived and parked in the first row!!!!


WE HAD BEAT THE HORDES!!!!!


WHOOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!


No time to celebrate, tho.


We had to turn in our Will Call and get Annual Waterpark Passes.


I got in line to do that while everyone else grabbed bracelets.


Here's a tip.


You don't have to show your room cards. Well... we didn't. At least. The CM just asked us if we were staying on Disney property. And Mellyman said "YES" and told him we needed 5 bracelets.

Done.

I got the passes and we entered TL.


TL was certainly missing something that morning.


It was the MEAT.


It was positively EMPTY of OTHER HUMAN BEINGS!


It was unsettling. But... exciting. And we ran like bankers to the beach area beside the wave pool. Snagged one of the few umbrellas and set up shop.

With chairs and one lounger.


To lounge in.


Mellyman offered to take the older kids to the bigger slides while I got us a locker and towels.


OK.


Tommy and I headed for the griftshop.



We paid for a locker and "rented" five towels.


Tommy asked if he could have a basket of sand toys.


I said, "Certainly! This is Disney and your every wish is my command! Do you want TWO baskets?! Or, perhaps, THREE baskets... my love?!"


He said, "You would buy me THREE BASKETS of the SAME SAND TOYS?"!


I replied, "No. I just haven't harassed you yet this morning. Lovey.".


We bought one basket. And he was mighty happy.


Then we headed for the lockers. I undid my bikini bottom string and tied the key onto my hip.


Then I realized that our locker was on one of the higher rows.


No problem. Getting into the locker all day.


I never untied the key. I would just stand on my tippy toes, hitch up my left hip real high... and pull the side of my bottoms UP... to unlock. The locker.


Thereby releasing the lock. And swinging the door out into the breeze.


Along with my left buttcheek.



Cheers, Melly.




P.S. Sorry this is so short but I couldn't get onto the Dis today. Until about 5 o'clock. In CANADA. I guess THE DIS was on VACATION here. Too.

 

[Rubbertops]

Whee! Great update. Thanks.

 

[Turtle]

So funny! Thanks!

 

[Sleeping*Beauty]

Then I realized that our locker was on one of the higher rows.


No problem. Getting into the locker all day.


I never untied the key. I would just stand on my tippy toes, hitch up my left hip real high... and pull the side of my bottoms UP... to unlock. The locker.


Thereby releasing the lock. And swinging the door out into the breeze.


Along with my left buttcheek.

I'm trying to picture the looks one the person's face with the locker next to you.

 

[Mr._The_King]

Just flat out, screamingly, funny. Laugh so hard you start farting funny. Really, pick-your-****s-up-off-the-floor-so-you-don't-roll-over-them-with-the-computer-chair-while-you-zoom-around-the-kitchen-laughing-and-farting- funny.

Funny.

 

[stinkerbell007]

Yay! Sure has been awhile. Missed your funny. But you brought it back full blast. Way to go!

 

[Tanya90210]

hehe funny chapter

 

[CampbellScot]

I shouldn't read your trip report. It makes me feel insecure about my trip report. My trip report isn't funny the way yours is funny. I don't show my butt cheek...or sleep upside down.

I DO mock my step children from time to time however...which is a little funny...at least to me. Not necessarily to them...

I needed a laugh Me(l)!! THANKS for always coming through on the funny front!!



can't wait for more!!!!

 

[burly]

Mel so good to have you back. Funny stuff you bikini clad woman. Toonces. Bwahahahahahahahaha

 

[Peg In The Pound]

Wow! Dreams do come true on the Dis!
Even if I don't ever make it over to the World,
at least I was referenced in Happyhaunts' trip report!

Even if it was as THE GENERAL.

At ease.

Thanks for the update.

 

[codyvt]

and I'm hooked, too... can't believe I never took the time to read the happyhaunts before. HYSTERICAL!!!! I can't wait to read more! It's almost midnight here in Alaska and I think I've been reading for like 5 hours or something... my husband probably thinks I've fallen into the computer... of course, I lied and said I was on the treadmill - after the first 2 hours, you think he would have said something, right?????

Me(l), I can relate to the cold... it's already in the high 30s here at night. Makes me think happily of my trip to (warm) WDW in December! HAHA!!

Keep the posts coming... we're all hooked!

- margey

 

[Tink-ing]

Me(l): Which one should I wear, Melly?
Mellyman: I don't care.
Me(l): What about the white one?
Mellyman: Fine.
Me(l): Don't you KNOW ANYTHING?! You never give the thumbs up to the first choice.
Mellyman: Fine. Don't wear the white one.
Me(l): What about the blue and black one?
Mellyman: Fine. Don't wear the white one, though.
Me(l): Or the pink? What about the pink one?
Mellyman: Great. Go with the pink. It's nice. Not the white one though. Actually, what about a onepiece? We're going to be on slides.
Me(l): What's a onepiece?
Mellyman: Go with the pink one.
Me(l): OK. That settles it. The white one it is.
Mellyman: Super. Now... get me some Tylenol.

The BF and I have this exact conversation. Except it's about shoes. Not bikinis. And it usually has nothing to do with going sliding. And I don't call him Melly. But other than that, the EXACT same conversation.

Then we headed for the lockers. I undid my bikini bottom string and tied the key onto my hip.


Then I realized that our locker was on one of the higher rows.


No problem. Getting into the locker all day.


I never untied the key. I would just stand on my tippy toes, hitch up my left hip real high... and pull the side of my bottoms UP... to unlock. The locker.


Thereby releasing the lock. And swinging the door out into the breeze.


Along with my left buttcheek.

The further into this little account I read, the more and more I thought to myself, she is lining us up here for a wedgie the likes of which has ne'er before been seen in the World.

Looking forward to more!

 

[mlill]

I shouldn't read your trip report. It makes me feel insecure about my trip report. My trip report isn't funny the way yours is funny. I don't show my butt cheek...or sleep upside down.

I DO mock my step children from time to time however...which is a little funny...at least to me. Not necessarily to them...

I used to feel the same way. I was intimidated by Mel's full-on funny TR's, too. Don't worry. The feeling passes. Like gas.

Seriously, I think she has a team of comedic writers standing by up there in Canada... or she's on some very strong medication. Either way, her trip reports are always entertaining, sometimes very touching, and I'm never disappointed. I'm hooked. (and I'm NOT saying that because she carries an axe!)

-----

Excellent chapter! It was worth the wait! What a cliffhanger, I mean, cheekhanger. I hope your left buttcheek didn't hit anyone on the way down from the locker!

 

[Frickles]

Mel, my favorite things have already been quoted, but you were 8 kinds of funny on this one! You were almost as funny as LaLa when she said that was me on the beach!

 

[DJR]

Actually... I'm not really a bat or sloth.

I'm more of a donkey.

Curiously, I'm not surprised by this revelation.

Mellyman got fed up waiting and peed off the balcony into the dumpster.

Read this again and tell me you wonder why you were downgraded.

Me(l): Which one should I wear, Melly?
Mellyman: I don't care.
Me(l): What about the white one?
Mellyman: Fine.
Me(l): Don't you KNOW ANYTHING?! You never give the thumbs up to the first choice.
Mellyman: Fine. Don't wear the white one.
Me(l): What about the blue and black one?
Mellyman: Fine. Don't wear the white one, though.
Me(l): Or the pink? What about the pink one?
Mellyman: Great. Go with the pink. It's nice. Not the white one though. Actually, what about a onepiece? We're going to be on slides.
Me(l): What's a onepiece?
Mellyman: Go with the pink one.
Me(l): OK. That settles it. The white one it is.
Mellyman: Super. Now... get me some Tylenol.

Suppressing the urge to jump off the balcony about now. Good God woman, just get dressed already!


One can only wonder where this little adventure is going next.

 

[celerystalker]

I drive more like Test Track Toonces.

I hope the tag fairy sees this.
It would be the PERFECT tag for you. It has alliteration AND a murderous cat. What could be more Mel?
(I'm with you on the Wilson thing. I'm very sad for him)

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Hey guys!!!!

Thanks for the replies and crazy love(ish)!

Feel like writin'
Feel like writin' more
Feel like writin' more BAD TRIPE!

Ok.

DJR ~ I laffed at your post along with many others! Funny funny stuff Disfriends!!!! I'm a little worried about Mrs. King tho. I think I may have killed her. Oh. DJR ~ Are you ZZUB? 'Cause that would explain a lot.

I think.

Anywho... in celebration of your fine grinding. I'm going to do this to your beloved bananaman:

--------------------------

The red thingie is a grenade. BTW.

OK.

And, Celery, I wouldn't get yer hopes up on my gettin' a tag.

I got one a long time ago.

It was a lil racy. Even for Me(l).

So I removed it. Myself.

And, in doing so, became the only person on the Dis to likely never, ever again be tagged.

Which is fine. B/c I'm not really a Tag Person.

Unless it's a really nastly skin tag on my eyelid.


Then... I'm all in!


Ok let's mosey on:


Tommy and I returned to our spot under the umbrella. And I sat down and applied sunscreen to my own self. Except for the parts I can't reach. Which isn't much. Being somewhat freaky double-jointed. In fact... I can do this thingie with my fingers, which are skinny and longish to boot, which tends to gross people out. I can bend all my fingers at the first joint, only, really far down. So they're almost touching the underside of my fingers. And I like to sit at the piano and play like that.

It's really gross.

And makes the kids scream.

Tommy played with his new sand toys for a little bit. Until Mellyman and Beth and Calvin returned from Humunga Kowabunga. Where there was no line and they did it multiple times each.

We decided to head straight for Crush 'n' Gusher! At Typhoon Lagoon (TL)!

It's TL's BEST FEATURE! I prefer to call it: The Crushing Gusher, Gush and Slusher or The Gush Musher!

That's only to harass Beth who prefers things being called by their proper names.

And she corrects me everytime. With an added eye roll or three.

I'm going to channel ZZUB, for a second, if you'll permit Me(l). And give you a couple of names that HE JUST MIGHT call it. When I'm riding...

1. The Lush Flusher.
2. Crush 'n' the Lusher.

and, finally, his favourite...

3. The Lush Husher!


Heh heh.

Ok.

There are two slides for three, one other one for just two people.


Tommy was too small to ride so Mellyman, Beth and Calvin grabbed a three person raft and were off!!!

I took Tommy to the little pool half of the area. Where there's a bit of a beach and we found him a little girl to play with. She was about a year younger than him and her dad was sitting on the sand watching her splash around. Her mom was busy feeding her baby brother in the shade.

I asked her if she wanted to play "Baby Shark" with Tommy and I.

YES!!!!


So they pretended to be little baby sharks and made little fins on their heads with one hand and paddled after me in the shallows. While I walked very slowly and sang, "Baby Shark na na na... BABY SHARK!!!! And ran away from them.

For quite awhile.

Until I let them catch me and sang, "Shark attack na na na... SHARK ATTACK!!!"

Then I staggered up to the sand, flailed around a bit and died. Bleeding out.

Tommy grabbed his new little friend's hand and ran over to me. He said to her, "Watch this!"... and proceeded to do a little CPR on Me(l).

Singing loudly, "SLEEPY HEART na na na... SLEEPY HEART!!!!"!


In Tommy's world "CPR" sounds like "Sleepy Heart". And it makes me laff hard!


They saved me just in the nick of time.


For another round of Baby Shark Attack.


That's when Mellyman and the kids appeared!!! HUGE smiles on their faces, proclaiming "DUDE! That's SO MUCH FUN!!!!"!!!


And said that it was my turn. On the Lush Musher.


BOOYEAH!!!! BAYBEEE!!!!


I told Mellyman it was HIS TURN to play with the two little ones. And instructed him to die horribly on the Beach.

B/c it made them laugh so hard.


He said that maybe he'd just sit there and talk with the little girl's dad, instead.


And... apologize.


Okay. Suit yerself.


We ran to the stacks of rafts and grabbed a three person one.


We went up the steps to the Bananahammer one... or something like that.


I have NO IDEA what they're all called... but they're fruit-based.

Like Jello.


I had Calvin and Beth haul the big unwieldy raft up the stairs until Beth freaked b/c Calvin wasn't keeping up and was throwing her off-balance... then I took over for Calvin.


We got to the top.


NO WAIT!!!!!


Put our raft down on the launching pad. And got in. Beth at the front, Calvin in the middle and me on the back. Butts down in the holes.

Held on tight!!!!



3,2,1... LAUNCH!!!!!


Down through a tube, La La laugh-scream ON, stomach in throat, spraying water, butt clenched and raised up b/c you feel with CERTAINTY that you will end up with a GUSH RASH to end all RASHES... on your butt. If you. Don't.


Strangely enough... your butt never scrapes anything. On the way down.


But... it's mildly terrifying. To think it will. The WHOLE time.


You shoot out into the pool and a CM Disney Photographer captures the moment for you. And gives you a photopass thingie.

Luckily they don't capture the getting out of the pool part. Hauling your raft with one hand and trying to find your bikini bottoms. Which are firmly wedged south of the Equator.

In Uruguay.

We did it a number of times more. And each time it was more fun. The funny thing was we sat in the exact same spots on the raft every time.

And each time I feared I would lose some ham goin' down.

Or need a hamskin graft.

We got a bunch more photos and a bunch more wedgies.

I got thinkin': Maybe I SHOULD have worn a thong bikini there? Afterall. Just for the convenience.

Except... I don't do thongs or "buttfloss" regularily. And CERTAINLY NOT in bathing suits. In public.

And... neither do I floss my teeth regularily... either.

It's the same uncomfortable feeling. In my opinion. The floss always feels like it doesn't belong there. And feels about as thick as a skipping rope.


TFI.

TMI.

Moving on. Saving face.com.

We decided to head to Shark Reef. To swim with actual Baby Sharks. Not fake ones. With handfins and a taste for paste.

When we got there we decided that Tommy would NOT do this. Wouldn't be responsible or prudent.

So Mellyman offered to stay with Tommy and watch while the rest of us did it.

OK!!!!

Don't have to ask Me(l) twice!

Calvin, Beth and I picked up snorkels, masks and appropriately sized lifejackets and headed to the entry point.

There was a bit of a line. Not long. But a line indeed.

We watched a number of people climb in. Two by two. Check out their gear and float silently away. Overtop of the fish.

Finally it was Beth and Calvin's turn.

Calvin got it right away and headed out.

Beth put her mask and snorkel on. I tightened it up and she put her face in the water to try out her snorkel.

She didn't like it and immediately picked her head out of the water.

"Beth, just breath normally. Relax. Pretend you're out of the water. Just breath like normal."

Ok.

She figured it out and floated away.


Then it was my turn.

I climbed in and knelt on the concrete platform with the shallow water.

I tightened my mask around my pin-sized head and put my snorkel on.

Leaned into the water and started to breathe. While admiring all the beautifully coloured little fishies. Around Me(l).


The water started flowing into my mask. My mask fogged up. And I immediately started to breath as if I was in labour. I panted. Panted. And gasped.

I whipped my head outta the water and fixed my mask.

I tried again.

Better.

Floated away off the starting ledge.


My mask started filling and fogging again.


I went to put my knees back down and felt nothing.


PANIC!!!!!


I started to pant, gasp and wheeze. I felt dizzy and disoriented.

I couldn't see.

Major MAGICAL PANIC!!!!


Oi vey.


I ended up splashing, thrashing, flailing and turning and dog paddling back to the ledge. Which was about 6 inches behind me.

I was still stressed out. Gasping. With my face stuck in the water.

For some unknown reason.


I thought that DEATH was near! My life flashed before my eyes!

And I thought three things:

1. I've been a BAD, BAD man who should have baked more.
2. The General is REAL mean.
3. I should have eaten WAY more fibre.
4. I should have probably read The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.
5. I'm damn glad I never got around to The Da Vinci Code. Tho.
6. This dying thingie will save me from reading ZZUB's next tripe.
7. Good.
8. Heh heh.


Then... I realized I was kneeling in about two feet of water. And should probably just lift my head. Up. And out of the water.

To save myself. From drowning.

I did.

WHEW!!!!


I'm OK.

The CM looked at me and asked, "Would you like to try that again? Unfortunately you've scared all the fish away that you'd be trying to look at."


I shook my head.

Got up and out of the pool.

To stand in front of a sea of digusted faces. In the line waiting behind me.


"You're not supposed to splash." I was informed by a rather snippy teenage boy.


"Bite me."


I ripped off my mask and snorkel and headed back the way I had come in.


I TRIED to take of my lifejacket too. But the latch was stuck and so I thrashed around with that, too, swearing under my breath like a longshoreman.

Then I looked up to see Mellyman and Tommy.


Just beyond the entry point. They had been watching us enter the pool.


But... NOT SILENTLY.


Mellyman was SCREAMING. Doubled over. Purple face, tears on his cheeks and... I think he was even banging his head against a tree. And yodelling.

With uncontrollable amusement.

I shot the mask and snorkel in his general direction. Grabbed Tommy's hand and flung the lifejacket in the bush.


I slunk away.


Slinkily.


TL had gotten the best of Me(l)! Again.

We walked around to where we'd meet Beth and Calvin when they finished their float across Shark Reef.


"Mommy?" Tommy asked.

"Yep?"

"Put your hand up if you want to do that again, Mommy!"


Heee heeee heee hee. Heee heee. Teeee heee.


I looked down at my sweet little guy, "Let's go find a chair to glue you to."


Heh heh.


Cheers, Mel.


P.S. I'm going to shoot this to the boards right now b/c I've written it twice. The Dis has gone down twice so far. And this wasn't the best version of this chapter. Trust Me(l).

 

[CampbellScot]

DED!!!! isn't that what you say when reading a trip report and it causes copious amounts of snort laughing....cuz this did...



more please

 

[Disfan3]

Mel, my favorite things have already been quoted, but you were 8 kinds of funny on this one! You were almost as funny as LaLa when she said that was me on the beach!

I missed this!!???!! Point me to the LALAFunny!! SistaFrick!!


Mel! You are FOF. Buttcheeks and all...just be very careful what you expose.