Hey all!!!!
Thanks for your sweet and funny responses. I wuvs y'all. Except for ZZUB. And, possibly, DJR b/c of the illegal bananaman posting in a Bananaman Free Zone.
I'm DED at the Maelstrom Meet. And I'd LOVELOVELOVE to see Jami's impression of me.
Does she have one of ZZUB? Too?
When he gets a really funny thought to post. Once a millenium.
I would've LOVED to be there.
But NO ONE told ME!
Some friends Y'ALL are!!!!
(Hi Shelbee!)
Alrighty... enough with the chit chat let's get down to bidness. Some UNFINISHED TR bidness. NOMel.
Day 1 ~ Arrival Day... YET we've NOT Arrived!
So sue Me(l).
I could care less. I have a brilliant attorney on retainer.
Beth and I were still standing in the longLONG line to pay for our plane snacks. Well... they weren't MY plane snacks. They were for everyone else. I still had some remnants of foodlike substance... thanks to The General...in my gut which I was planning on jetting. Sometime during the plane ride.
Which was the only upside of the whole flight. Sometimes... like when my Mother cooks... launching lunch isn't such a bad idea.
More of a safety precaution. As it were.
In response to her safety violation she calls "casserole". And I call "CRUMP". Which derives its name from a combination of the words "crud" and "cramp".
I eat it b/c I'm polite. I laugh in the face of botulism. And, mostly, because she melts cheese on top.
I'm easy to please with cheese.
Geez.
Ok. Where was I?
Oh. Beth and are were in line. Waiting to pay for the "P" treats with American money. Which I, personally, find a pain in the bump to use. It looks the same. And you have to check it very carefully to see what you're pulling out. It makes counting your change a much longer process too. Plus the bills seem so tiny. Compared to Canadian money. I like that you can use American change in the Pressed Penny Machines at Disney, tho. WE CAN'T DO THAT!!!! It's ILLEGAL to press ANYTHING which has a picture of the QUEEN on it. In Canada.
Capish?!
Nevermind that at any moment there are a million Canadians with pennies and dimes in their back pockets...sitting on her face. Literally.
Ok.
As we crept closer and closer to the cash register.
Still in line.
Calvin tore around the corner into the little shop to tell us that they were boarding our group at ANY SECOND!!!! He also told us that Mellyman said to come RIGHT BACK TREATS OR NOT!!!!
Alright. Alright. We'll be right there. I told Calvin.
But we were SO CLOSE!
Just two people in front of us paying for their snacks which did NOT...I'll have you know... all start with the same letter. TFI.
Obviously we waited longer.
Until Mellyman made an appearance himself... waved his right humerus bone at us and told us to MOVE IT!!!!
I told him that we were next and we'd be RIGHT THERE. Dude.
Then he slapped me with with his eyes. And just sorta noodled his exposed and leaking accessory cephalic vein. In our general direction.
Which means... in the happyhaunt household... that DADDY MEANS BISNESS!
And, also, that he's probably bleeding out.
But, I have to admit, I waited until it was our turn. Paid and grabbed the bag of Positively Palatible "P" Products. And headed back towards our Gate to board the plane. Following the blood trail shortcut. Considerately provided by Mellyman.
We realized that we were actually boarding. Calvin, Tommy and my Beautiful Bride were standing up at the podium, boarding passes in hand looking for us. We made our way through the crowd.
"Excuse us! Pardon me! Oops! Sorry! Comin' through! Thanks! Merci! OWWW! MOVE IT, PROMDATE! Thank you! Bag full of "P" comin' through! Sorry about that!!!!"!!
Yes. We were THOSE PEOPLE.
Again.
Whew. We finally reached the guys and were counted off according to our boarding passes. 1,2,3,4, and 5. And we headed down the ramp towards the plane.
Mellyman turned to me as we walked down and asked me why we couldn't have just left the stuff at the counter instead of waiting?
Beth piped up, "We needed to 'P'"!!!!
I was DED!
Burst out into a howl of sorts. And immediately clamped my hand tight over my mouth.
Before Mellyman did it. With his dank oozing dorsal metacarpal vein.
As we entered the plane I looked around for five seats together. The seats were in groups of three. Six seats across the width of the plane. Everyone else looked for a group of four. Seats. And a single a couple of rows away.
What I'm sayin' is this: No one really wants to sit beside me on a plane.
And nor do I blame them.
But... we found two rows of empty seats in the middle of the plane. Mellyman and the two boys sat in front. Beth kindly offered to sit beside me and we slid into the row behind the happyhaunt menfolk.
I immediately stowed my gear under the seat in front of me: Calvin's.
And did my lapbelt up.
Cinched it REALLY TIGHT. Sucked my gut in for all I was worth and pulled on the strap.
Real HARD.
Not unlike I usually pull ZZUB's leg.
And... I don't mean by joking with him either. The darker origin of that saying derives from the days of public hangings when you'd pull on the legs of the condemned to hasten their death.
TFI.
Heh heh.
Anywho... the happyhaunts got all buckled in. And ready for takeoff.
But not before a lil excitement!
There was a single woman sitting beside Me(l). In the aisle seat. The Flight Attendant asked her if she'd mind moving up to another seat in the front of the plane to make more room for the single mom, the young boy, the infant and other small child. Across the aisle from us.
No problem.
My nice quiet composed seatmate was suddenly replaced by a 10 year old boy who did NOT want to sit beside. Me(l).
"Mom! Mom! I want to sit beside YOU!!!!" He called out as he was directed to my side.
I leaned over, "First flight?".
"Yes!"
Oh. Goody. Gumdrops.
I leaned over, "Hey, it'll be fine. Fun even. My name is Mel. Her name is Beth. Let's put that belt on. What's your name?"
John.
Who STILL really wanted to sit with his mom.
We started to taxi down the runway.
John leaned around me and stared out the window.
Inhaled loudly. Gripped the seat.
I looked over at John and felt pretty bad for him.
"Hey, John, flying is great fun! I LOVE IT! Yep. A bunch. It's cool when you take off. Here look. Let's watch everthing get smaller."!!!!
You heard me. Right.
Beth wasn't sure SHE did, tho.
She was staring at me. With the funniest face on. And holding my left hand in a death grip.
I think she thought I'd lost my fool mind.
Naw.
I was just tryin' to help John avoid a future of freakin' plane ride freakouts.
And, I think, I was doin' a pretty good job of maintaining my outer composure.
Inside I was trembling.
My stomach was fluttering.
And my butt was sweating.
My toes were curled tightly.
And, yet, I smiled.
At death.
But, mostly...
At John.
And Beth.
And... as we watched the cars on the roads turn into little dots and the houses disappear... I waited anxiously for the warning that my lunch would REAPPEAR!
Cheers, Mel.
Up next: John uses the john.
Loving it 
