I'm going to have to keep a beady eye out for matching tees and tie dye crocs...
Thanks for the compliment! It's actually something I have on my development plan at work so I should be doing something about it. If I tell people I know that I'm shy they just laugh because I'm obviously not around them... I just squirm when I have to talk to strangers!
FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THE REST OF THIS POST EVERYONE - IT'S MY THERAPY
Actually - I think it goes deeper than that... I've been thinking about it since yesterday and since I trust you guys I'm going to share this - like therapy!
It's a trust issue... my dad was in the army so we travelled a lot when I was a kid and I found it hard to make friends, I was bullied a couple of times, but worse than that had a few so called friends turn against me. When I got to uni I met a girl who became my first proper friend, kind of like a soul mate I suppose, over the years she managed to get me to share everything with her. At the time I knew in my heart there was somthing wrong with her, she would hide in her room for days at a time, lie to me about things etc and then when I would beg her to come out of her room she would be back to her normal self. She didn't just lie to me, to her family too, she failed a year and had to go back but she didn't tell her parents. I should have done something but I wasn't brave enough to rock the boat. Then in my final year she went MIA again. I assumed she was in her room as the TV was on so just left it for a couple of days. Then I got a letter through the post, she was in hospital, at her parents, having just attempted suicide.
I know it was a cry for help - because she did it in her parent's house. I had nightmares for days after because what if she'd done it in her room in our halls, and no one had looked for her?? It turns out she had depression and they started treating her. I went up to visit her a few months later, but once again wasn't brave enough to ask her all the questions I had... still have... about why she did it... and why if we were such good friends she didn't ask for my help. I've not seen or spoken to her since... (6 years) I just can't do it, it was a very stressful time for me those months after, and I nearly messed up my degree, I'm not sure I can go through stress like that again.
Sometimes I want to ring her up -to tell her how well I'm doing and that I'm married, but part of me knows that I won't find out about the real things that are happening in her life...
So there you go... if the new couple next door had been in their forties or older I would have stopped to chat and been the pleasant neighbour... but they are our age, and that freaks me out because I'd love to have some "friends" living next door, but I'm still too scared to make proper friends and am keeping everyone at arm's length.
Ok now I'm crying. I don't expect anyone to respond to this, but I've bottled it up for so long it feels good to have it down on "paper" and I'd like to post it for that same reason...
Do you have a preference as to which park? Let me know!
