When Allie was sick, I was amazed at how people who never met her were drawn to her. I marveled at how people checked this site for her health updates and continue to do so. Extremely touched, but still puzzled at times. I remember Dana and I having this conversation more than once. About a year ago, the two of us found the site of Amazing Jacob Duckworth. It all made a sense then. I check on other kiddos, but I become hooked on sweet Jacob. Something about his blond hair and wise, beautiful, blue eyes that reminded me of Allie. According to the doctors and all known medicine, Jacob should have passed many times. Dana always said he was like a little cat--nine lives and then some! Each time he landed PICU in critical condition, Jacob displayed more strength than most grown men. With amazing dignity and strength, his family remained at his side. His three brothers (Jacob is a triplet and they have an older brother too--a very busy household!) brought sunshine into the hospital world. Every person that visited Jacob's website and saw the pictures of smiling blond boys saw an insurmountable amount of love shining through the web.
Sadly, Jacob passed away last week. For a week now, I have come to this website to write my feelings. For a week, I have fallen short and not completed the task. I have thought about Heather, Jacob's mom, every day. Friday night, I dreamed of flying to Florida to meet Jacob. I realize now it was because Jacob's service was on Saturday. There is an image I cannot get out of my head--a picture of Jacob and his three brothers all intertwined, legs, arms all mixed together. Nothing but smiles on their beautiful faces. I have never seen a happier group of children.
What draws me to that site besides Jacob is his mother. Her faith--as amazing as she describes Jacob and his strength, her faith is just as amazing. In tragedy, some turn to God for strength. Many, like me, turn away. I lost my faith after Allie died. Maybe it wasn't strong to begin with. I don't know and I don't know how or if I will get it back (as I have asked before on this site, please reserve your comments and judgements--this is an internal struggle and journey for me). But Heather--she knows what she believes, and she finds comfort and strength in that. I admire her. I admire her greatly. Heather has the ability to take this terrible tragedy and turn it into one of her greatest strengths. Her faith in God and love for her family inspires so many. Whatever she chooses to do with this new point in her life, I know it will be done well. She will honor Jacob's memory in all that she does.
The cancer community was all deeply affected by Jacob's death. I know that I will always remember him, even though I never met him