December 14th
>Dearest John:
>
>I went to the door today and the postman delivered a
>partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I
>couldn't have been more surprised.
>With dearest love and affection,
>
>Agnes
>
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 15th
>
>Dearest John:
>
>Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just
>imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at
>your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
>
>All my love,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 16th
>
>Dear John:
>
>Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must
>protest. I don't deserve such
>generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling
>but I must insist....
>you're just too kind.
>
>Love,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 17th
>
>Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now
>really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough
>is enough? You're being too romantic.
>
>Affectionately,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 18th
>
>Dearest John:
>
>What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five
>golden rings. One for each finger. You're just
>impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those
>squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
>
>All my love,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 19th
>
>Dear John:
>
>When I opened the door there were actually six
>geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to
>the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will
>I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I
>can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
>
>Cordially,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 20th
>
>John:
>
>What's with you and those birds???? Seven
>swans-a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's
>bird do-do all over the house and they never stop the
>racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all
>night. IT'S NOT
>FUNNY.......So stop with those birds.
>
>Sincerely,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 21st
>
>OK Buster:
>
>I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with
>eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those
>birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they had to bring
>their own cows. There is poop all over the lawn and I
>can't move into my own house. Just lay off me. .
>
>Ag
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 22nd
>
>Hey:
>
>What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine
>pipers playing. And do they play!
>
>They never stopped chasing those maids since they got
>here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are
>stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder
>they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors
>have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.
>
>From Ag
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 23rd
>
>You Creep!
>
>Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I
>call them ladies. Now the cows can't sleep and they've
>got diarrhea. My living room is a river of poop. The
>commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give
>cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm
>sicking the police on you.
>
>One who means it,
>Ag
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 24th
>
>Listen Idiot:
>
>What's with the eleven lords a-leaping? All 234 of the
>birds are dead. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten
>swine.
>
>Your sworn enemy,
>Miss Agnes McCallister
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spedar,
>and Baegar)
>
>Dear Sir:
>
>This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve
>fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict
>on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The
>destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence
>should come to our attention. If you should attempt to
>reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the
>attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.
>With this letter, please find attached a warrant for
>your arrest.
>
>Merry Christmas
>
>Dearest John:
>
>I went to the door today and the postman delivered a
>partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I
>couldn't have been more surprised.
>With dearest love and affection,
>
>Agnes
>
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 15th
>
>Dearest John:
>
>Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just
>imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at
>your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
>
>All my love,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 16th
>
>Dear John:
>
>Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must
>protest. I don't deserve such
>generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling
>but I must insist....
>you're just too kind.
>
>Love,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 17th
>
>Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now
>really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough
>is enough? You're being too romantic.
>
>Affectionately,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 18th
>
>Dearest John:
>
>What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five
>golden rings. One for each finger. You're just
>impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those
>squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
>
>All my love,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 19th
>
>Dear John:
>
>When I opened the door there were actually six
>geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to
>the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will
>I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I
>can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
>
>Cordially,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 20th
>
>John:
>
>What's with you and those birds???? Seven
>swans-a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's
>bird do-do all over the house and they never stop the
>racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all
>night. IT'S NOT
>FUNNY.......So stop with those birds.
>
>Sincerely,
>Agnes
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 21st
>
>OK Buster:
>
>I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with
>eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those
>birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they had to bring
>their own cows. There is poop all over the lawn and I
>can't move into my own house. Just lay off me. .
>
>Ag
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 22nd
>
>Hey:
>
>What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine
>pipers playing. And do they play!
>
>They never stopped chasing those maids since they got
>here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are
>stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder
>they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors
>have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.
>
>From Ag
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 23rd
>
>You Creep!
>
>Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I
>call them ladies. Now the cows can't sleep and they've
>got diarrhea. My living room is a river of poop. The
>commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give
>cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm
>sicking the police on you.
>
>One who means it,
>Ag
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 24th
>
>Listen Idiot:
>
>What's with the eleven lords a-leaping? All 234 of the
>birds are dead. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten
>swine.
>
>Your sworn enemy,
>Miss Agnes McCallister
>
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spedar,
>and Baegar)
>
>Dear Sir:
>
>This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve
>fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict
>on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The
>destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence
>should come to our attention. If you should attempt to
>reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the
>attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.
>With this letter, please find attached a warrant for
>your arrest.
>
>Merry Christmas
>
