The Bloat and Float 06 Cruise Report: Now The Truth Comes Out!

[ldeninge]

subscribing

 

[MommaForce]

I bet she says yes ....as long as that hose doesn't reappear!

I had a major Bevis and Butthead moment with the above sentence.


Uh, this is FatherForce btw.
Seems I didn't realize the Missus was signed on.

 

[FatherForce]

I don't know how to tell you all this but.....MommaForce is writing a complete trip report from her perspective.



Expect it done by St Patrick's Day, which will still be 4 weeks before SleepyDog finishes his.

 

[APinCA]

I don't know how to tell you all this but.....MommaForce is writing a complete trip report from her perspective.

Expect it done by St Patrick's Day, which will still be 4 weeks before SleepyDog finishes his.

 

[MommaForce]

when he calls me "the missus"
You didn't really drink that last beer coming up in just a few minutes!

 

[FatherForce]

For some reason, MommaForce can't post this installment.
She gets an error message.
So, against my better judgement, I'll post it for her.


You didn’t really drink that last beer did you?

Clarification continued:

First off – for all you out there reading this and wondering about all those “missing drinks” that FF continues to mention on the cruise - Let me just say this: read his TR about our DW part of the trip, in particular the LAST NIGHT. And also remember the now “infamous” showerbeer scene. That’s all I’m sayin’ is all. I have to live with RasulMan/Showerbeer man, and if every once in a while he leaves with a drink on the table and my glass is empty – I cannot be held accountable (and I’m an accountant!!) – (RasulMan – this goes for at home too!!)

So – we are up, we are on our way. Justin is at the airport – my hopes are that he doesn’t fall back asleep and miss his boarding call – can’t do everything for them, you know. He’s 24 now and I have to just pray I don’t get THAT call on my cell phone. We head towards the ocean. I must again agree with FF, when you pull up towards the terminal and get that first glimpse of the Wonder – it is truly awe inspiring. Totally amazing. I don’t care how many TR’s you have read, you have to experience it for yourself in order to truly appreciate it – which we did – in abundance.

So we pull up to what I will now refer to as the come in (smiles)/get out (scowls) area. Many people meandering about. (I think what tricked us was that most of them seemed happy!). Good. Pull over (not much traffic), unload rental car. Still good. RUDE AWAKENING – these are departing people, NOT arriving people. Why the F are they so happy??? They are supposed to be sobbing – that would have tipped us off! Seriously – I read in the Dis boards that some people tried to figure out a way to hide on the boat forever (not mentioning any names – but you know who you are!). What to do, what to do? Okay, look, we are from Indiana. I don’t know where whoever is reading this is from, but in Indiana, we don’t do things twice and especially not thrice. Once your luggage is unloaded, it stays unloaded. It’s like “what’s given is given”, and “if momma’s unhappy everyone is unhappy” and “once the cheesecake is gone, it’s gone”. (I sorta made that last one up, think it will catch on???) Anyway – FF decided that the best plan of action is for MommaForce and WeeForce (aw, I made a cutesy) to stay with said luggage while he parks the rental car. Okay by me, what else I got to do at this hour? So we did. And he walked down the sidewalk a bit, and started talking to some CM about who knows what. I, meantime, was talking to some ingrate (actually she was very nice) who just came back from a 10 DAY FLIPPIN DISNEY CRUISE (you gotta lotta nerve honey) yeah, yeah, this is a 4 day cruise – yeah yeah blah blah – keep it to yourself (actually, it was very interesting). I CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE – AN IMAGINEER COULDN’T FORCE ME TO IMAGINE - A 10 DAY DISNEY CRUISE. But I digress slightly. So here MF and WF sit with the luggage and FF is having a nice chat with some CM. He runs back to the rental car and drives the 50 feet up to previously mentioned CM and the guy GETS IN THE CAR!!!!!! HUH? WHAT??? What is up with that? Is this some dis board thing FF forgot to fill me in on? Are they running away together? Did FF forget to pay for the cruise and not find a way to tell me? Does that guy have a gun? And off they go.

HELLO???? What is going on? This is so weird. (This is an aside – not an actual “digression” – we have weird stuff happen to us all the time, and I mean ALL the time – but this was REALLY weird!) So here I am pondering this weirdness and listening to Ms. Ingrate’s wonderful stories about her cruise (blah blah blah blah more money than you’ll ever be able to afford blah blah blah you would not have believed the weather blah blah blah bought this pearl thing and this expensive blah blah blah) when here come FF and “gun guy” BACK to the come in/get out area. He drops gun guy off (note to self – guess I have to give him a different new nickname) and off FF goes again towards the parking lot. WHAT THE???? I mean REALLY – what is going on??? THEN…suddenly – the gate where you give your luggage to a porter opens RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. LITERALLY. First in line – that is my absolute favorite place in line (not making that up). So off goes the luggage. Woo Hoo. And now I realize that FF left me and WeeForce to take care of luggage so MommaForce would have to TIP THE PORTER. B*stard, sneaky, cheap, brainiac B*stard. He knows his stuff. So we are standing there, luggage-less. Wondering about this whole taking a CM for a short trip around the block (so to speak). When I see that the entrance gates have opened up AND WE ARE NOT FIRST IN LINE. OMG. Well, that is not good, not good at all. So I look down at Sam (WF) and say – MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT. (not making that up, can’t make that stuff up). And we head towards the gate.

Digression #1
I am going to let you in on a secret…..I walk fast. Really fast. FF will agree. I can’t help it. The only time in my life that I was slow was when I was pregnant with Sam, and she’s been slowing me down ever since. For real. Because she dawdles. No, that is incorrect. She DAWDLES – all capital letters. Look it up in the dictionary – her picture is there. You should see our vacation videos (actually you should, FF does an AMAZING job. He uses fonts and music and things come in and then leave and there’s personal stuff only we would find entertaining) (is there such a thing as a digress within a digress??? What the heck would that even be called?? Sub-digression? Inter-Digression??? Is this a digression within a digression within a digression?? Is this a cunundrum???) Man can I digress!!! ANYHOO…..in our vacation videos, FF is taping and that speck way up there, well, that would be me. Seriously. Sometimes, when Sam can’t see me, she actually looks BEHIND her. COME ON I tell her, I will NEVER be behind you, I will ALWAYS be in front of you. I have been known to get to things like days before they happen, that’s how fast I walk. WHAT?? You think I’m exaggerating? SHUT-UP. I don’t even know you! Don’t talk about me that way – I’m just fast is all. All I know is that there is really important stuff way up there that we have to hurry up to get to and nothing right here is of any interest at all and that if we don’t get up there now we will miss that important and intriguing stuff and all this boring stuff right here is holding us back, so could everyone just PICK UP THE PACE just a little bit because this stuff is dumb and that stuff is really, really important and we must get to it as quickly as possible. Thank you.

And I’m back.
So I need for WeeForce to move it, so to speak, if I actually had made time to speak….Come on sweetie, little faster please, Move it along darling if you just could, just a wee bit more quickly pookie if that is possible, oh FOR THE LOVE OF…….COME ON, COME ON, COME ON……that line is getting longer and we are getting more and more not first in line……what in the world is so fascinating about that chain-link fence??? People - It is now when I do what I hate to have to do….I grab her little hand and I make her walk faster….people out there with children will know what I am talking about, the rest of you – get some kids. Seriously, you’ll find out, you’ll see. Double-Dog Dare ya (sorry Sleepy). So off we go in a hurried rush towards that ever-so-elusive GATE TO THE TERMINAL……no FF in the picture but no luggage to hold us back. We are let thru, but I believe I see smirking – is it our matching dresses or have they seen FF driving back and forth and back and forth from the come in/get out area??? Don’t have time to care because WE ARE IN THE TERMINAL AREA…and even the terminal area is awesome…really! You can see the Wonder behind it and it is just totally cool.

So there we are, total “landlubbers” (look at the state of Indiana on a map) and all agape and aghast and other “a” words, and we go into the terminal because I know our mission here is to get a piece of paper with a boarding number that is small, way small (Deal Or No-Deal anyone???). And the very nice non-committal CM hands me a card with a 2 on it. 2?????? 2nd place??? What???? After all that hurrying and rushing we are #2?????????
MAN…..that blows!!!!! Really.
NOTE TO SELF: Must try harder next time.

So we are in, and although FF is not with us, Sam is ready to board the ship, well heck, who wouldn’t be? And it is then that I have to explain to her that we a) have to wait for daddy and b) it’s going to be about an hour before we can get on board.
“AN HOUR????? Then why did we have to run?” she says. “HEY - we did NOT, I repeat DID NOT run – we just walked at regular mommy speed.”

We are in….we are officially members of the DCL “been there - done that” club,
even though we haven’t done “that” yet. FF? Nowhere to be found, just still driving back and forth I guess. Here us where I have to think that if the terminal is just the preface then the cruise is going to be totally amazing. Sure do wish FF was here, especially since he has the video camera. Calling FF, hello FF??? Oh, there he is (finally). He explains the whole CM with a gun thing (no gun actually) and the driving back and forth and back and forth, and we get into YET another line (to check-in.)

Line to check-in: while there we are talking quietly amongst ourselves about the fact that we need to make contact with the other goobers that Fallon has sent the gorgeous yellow day-glow bracelets to from the Dis-boards, when the couple directly in front of us TOTALLY eavesdrops on us (hey DOG – you know you did – you so much as admitted it in your TR) and then they turn around and introduce themselves as Dog and Doc!! Then right in front of them is MommaSully & Co…..COOL. I have not been involved in this whole “Dis” thing, but I have to admit that meeting these strangers who we have something in common with on this Disney Cruise is really kind-of (to coin a Kevin Costner word) “neat”. So check in was a breeze AND we met our fellow “DISers”.

Now begins the famous Disney “magic”. You see, they have these special “magic” powers that know that you have money in your pocket. And when they “sense” this, they send out characters with photographers to take your (or even more importantly – your child’s) picture and get that money from you. See? I told ya, see (think James Cagney). Money magically disappears. Look – it’s Minnie! Take a picture, Snap, Snap. Every time you hear that snap, $20 leaves your pocket. But that’s why we brought money, right? I’m right aren’t I? Someone please tell me I’m right. Snap – crap, just lost another $20.

So it is an hour before we can even think about getting on the Wonder. FF takes Sam to go get registered for the OC and MF takes all the carry-on and goes to these incredibly (sarcasm alert) “comfortable” sofas that Disney has provided for our sitting pleasure. MF needs a nap, big-time.

Aside here: MF suffers from EXTREME motion sickness. EXTREME. She cannot push Sam back and forth in a swing and watch her without getting nauseous, mention “teacups” to her, there goes lunch. Since Monday (it is Thursday for those out there not keeping track) MF has been taking some prescription-strength anti-motion sick medication (Doc could probably tell you what the name of it is) to try and keep from getting sea-sick, and the medication makes Momma drowsy. Aside within the aside – I don’t know if it was the meds or the “not-so-motiony” Wonder, but I never experienced a bit of motion sickness on the cruise. So all you big babies out there (cheapskates) who have been telling your spouses/significant others that you can’t cruise because of the motion-sickness thing – knock it off – they now officially know you are TOTALLY MAKING IT UP OR IT CAN BE TAKEN CARE OF MEDICALLY.

So I have a nice “lie down” and FF and WeeForce go do their thing.

Suddenly, other people in the terminal start lining up to embark. I sit up, (quickly - of course). WHAT THE????? (I say/think that phrase a lot) – did they call our number? Did I fall asleep and miss them calling our number? Where is FF and Sam? WHAT IS GOING ON? Family nowhere to be seen, must get in line…….can I haul all this carry-on luggage over to where that line is forming by myself….think..think…think…when suddenly, there is FF and Sam. Walking s.l.o.w.l.y, ever-so-slowly, towards me….and Sam …….has………..SNACKS! SNACKS??????? Well, she is going to have to eat those snacks standing up and standing in line because a line has formed and WE ARE NOT IN IT! I don’t think FF knew exactly what was going on either, but he said he didn’t think it was “our” line. (Impossible). The he says “do you really want to tote this 500 lbs. of luggage over there and stand in line if they didn’t call our number?” (no) Then he says “look around, the other people with the cards that say #2 aren’t in line yet” – those people in line must be “special”. WHAT??? Special, are we not special????? Did you really just say that in front of our daughter???? But he is right about the weightage of the carry-on luggage, so we waitage (weightage, waitage, ha ha – I made a play on words)

Then after what seems like a lifetime (to me) the loudspeaker guy says “passengers with #’s 1 or 2 may now embark”. DEPLOY DEPLOY DEPLOY. This is us, we are now the “special” ones. Man my family is slow ….. we are totally NOT first in line. But we do end up behind Dog and Doc, so we get to know each other a bit better. NOTE TO SELF: next time get to the line fast enough to be in FRONT of Doc and Dog!

Through those ears and down the gangplank……digression: FF is right about the word “plank”…it’s weird. Is “plankton” a derivative of plank? When you put the word “gang” in front of it, it makes it kind of “dirty”, doesn’t it? Is this another digress within a digress?

And I’m back.
So we go through the ears and onto the Wonder, oh wait, got a couple of “snap, snaps” to experience so that our pockets end up a bit lighter before we actually get on the ship. And we get on board and one CM, literally ONE applauds the “welcoming of the Wilhelm Family”

Happy Thanksgiving everyone – No parades or football for you….you are reading TR’s

Next up: I was going to make a few clarifications and now I am writing my own TR?
What is up with that?? Over and out – MommaForce

 

[zweihund]

Through those ears and down the gangplank……digression: FF is right about the word “plank”…it’s weird. Is “plankton” a derivative of plank? When you put the word “gang” in front of it, it makes it kind of “dirty”, doesn’t it? Is this another digress within a digress?

And I’m back.
So we go through the ears and onto the Wonder, oh wait, got a couple of “snap, snaps” to experience so that our pockets end up a bit lighter before we actually get on the ship. And we get on board and one CM, literally ONE applauds the “welcoming of the Wilhelm Family”

I like plank-let, myself.

It still kinda freaks me out that you guys share my maiden name! I mean, how many Wilhelms are out there? Maybe we really ARE long-lost relatives. Hmm.

Keep it coming!

 

[Disneygrl36]

Lovin' that we are going to get the whole MommaForce version.
Do you trip report as fast as you walk??????

 

[Bethipooh4]

I LOVE the whole MommaForce version.....it is going to be another awesome TR to read...

 

[DisneyZell]

Holy cow, MF is funnier than FF? is that possible.

It's just not fair that I have to write a trip report opposite you two...you are like a comedy routine! keep it up! nicely done MF!

 

[tinkerbellmom1]

Setting the record straight #2

Tell FF about it, he presses his, he likey too. So we are steaming and pressing those cool water buttons, and steaming, well you get it, when FF reaches down and goes "hey,what is this??" and he picks it up and he turns the spigot and he FREAKIN' HOSES ME WITH ICE COLD WATER FROM A REAL HOSE LAYING ALONG THE FLOOR. WELL FOLKS, WHEN ON A BOAT - CUSS LIKE A SAILOR!!!! I could not believe he did that, and I said (loudly) - "HEY, I don't think that is for people to use, I think it is for the spa people to wash all our "product" away from inside the spa YOU IDIOT"

Before I get typing Mommaforce, can we just clarify upfront that we are all like minded Disney freaks, who love to read about each others sappiness, rasul, drinking experiences, and love for each other before we go and do it with our own families? No judgement, right?

I loved zweihund's trip report, and FatherForce- yours too! But Momma, you actually made me blow snot! I'm actually embarrassed typing that, but you caught me off guard with the hose incident and it.....happened! I got a kleenex, read on, and thanked goodness that my bladder is still intact after 2 children!

Why do I live in the west when all you stinkin' fun people live in Indiana and Florida?

 

[Ski-and-Sea]

After this will we get Wee-force's trip report?

(seriously, I am loving MF's version - keep it up).

 

[sleepydog25]

Line to check-in: while there we are talking quietly amongst ourselves about the fact that we need to make contact with the other goobers that Fallon has sent the gorgeous yellow day-glow bracelets to from the Dis-boards, when the couple directly in front of us TOTALLY eavesdrops on us (hey DOG – you know you did – you so much as admitted it in your TR) and then they turn around and introduce themselves as Dog and Doc!! Then right in front of them is MommaSully & Co…..COOL. I have not been involved in this whole “Dis” thing, but I have to admit that meeting these strangers who we have something in common with on this Disney Cruise is really kind-of (to coin a Kevin Costner word) “neat”

I don't know about this whole calling you MF thing. . .gonna take some getting used to. And I must clarify your clarification of FF's clearly funny TR--the bracelets are green. Obviously, the serious meds you took affected your vision. Yep, I WAS totally eavesdropping. It's that old adage, speak softly and carry a big ear. As for racing to get in line ahead of me? You're on! The Games of Wonder '08 coming to a DIS thread near you. Sponsored by Showerbeer and Pinkletoes, the nail polish line for men.

 

[grumpydude]

If mama is gonna be writing on this thread...you need to change the title from "Complete" to "Now the Truth Comes Out"

 

[zweihund]

If mama is gonna be writing on this thread...you need to change the title from "Complete" to "Now the Truth Comes Out"

 

[FatherForce]

OK Grumpy, I changed the title.

First, I am upstaged by SleeepyDog and now by my own wife!

So, Sleepy and the Missus are funnier than me.

Fair Enough.

However, I finished first and that has to count for something!

(and MF, I better not read some snide comment about our private time in relation to that above sentence)

Digging a deeper hole....

 

[FatherForce]

MF here:

so this in nowhere close to anything related to a trip report, but today (Thanksgiving) I said something to one of FF's cousin's that I (personally) thought was pretty innoucuous and he TOTALLY "got it" and the very nice wine I brought from "work" TOTALLY came out of his nose!!! AWESOME - sometimes there are reasons why families get together!!!!

 

[FatherForce]

Sea and Ski:
WeeForce just MIGHT give us her version -
she's got it in her genes BIG TIME!!!!!
to do that sort of thing!

 

[grumpydude]

Snot coming out noses. Wine coming out noses. This is all one big nose spraying festival.

 

[grumpydude]

OMG...I was just kidding Who am I to infringe upon the literary genius that is the Force Family?