The Battle For My Wallet V: Beyond the Number IV (Chapter Eighteen, p.75, 5/18)

[alldiz]

ZZUB....you are such a talented writer I hope you put some of that talent into your briefs

Not fair....you managed to slip a reference of the "cake" just when I thought I could go on with my life without ever tasting it...low blow.

You also couldn't resist showing off your "guns"

Now for the worst part....it sounds like your trip report is almost....gasp....OVER Crazy as it is.....this depresses me
I feel like I am leaving my beloved lodge as well.

I might need to bake something yummy to feel better
Thanks for the great read as always.
Kerri

 

[preschoolmom]

I've enjoyed your trip report very, very much.

I will be sad when it is over.

Will you randomly post political comments somewhere else on the Dis?

 

[New England Eeyore]

Great installment. I was especially impressed with your poetry, if a bit disturbed by it. I can't believe this report is almost over. You started it in September and it's only May? I thought you would take us at least into July.

It was like the 3d piece of gum I take with me to church every week. It’s there more for an emergency, not because I ever chew through the first two pieces.

Like AshClan, I'm Catholic and definitely would have been dealt with harshly by the nuns if I had ever chewed gum in church, but what I find even more disturbing is the fact that you remove 3 pieces of gum from a pack and take them with you. I do believe the entire pack would fit easily in your pocket.

Time was, every time I’d leave Disney World, I’d worry that I might not get to go back. I don’t so much fear that anymore. I know we’ll be back. If not next year, sometime soon after. Knowing that made missing the show ok in my mind. I’m not twelve anymore.

I have been fortunate enough to go to Disney 19 times in my life and it was only about 3 trips ago that I finally developed this attitude. Although when you have a 13 year gap between trips, it gives you a little bit of a complex that you might in fact not be back!

Weeks later, our friends were indeed at the Lodge and based on my instructions, found the note I left for them. However, the $20 bill I put inside was gone. Fancy that.

This is not at all surprising. You are ZZUB, after all, and have been in a battle with Disney for your wallet for how many years now? Skip the middlemen of the cashiers and just allow your money to absorb directly into the walls from now on.

 

[LISAMWDW]

Great chapter!

Love just love the note you left in the room!

 

[mikymouse]

Still, we pressed on. Mrs. Z needed to nurse the baby so she took off to find “a quiet place without a crowd.”

I have become quite the expert at spotting a quiet place for a "lunch break" and even though my days of being "MILKy mouse" are nearing the end it is a hard habit to stop. Looking. For a good spot. And much like my accumulating Disney knowledge, I have a hard time NOT pointing out a perfectly good spot when we are out and about.

Good spots include most train rides, dark shows, benches on the path to the picnic areas after 3PM, outside the exit doors Finding Nemo Show just after the show starts and many "alcoves" in some resorts. Bad Spots include the monorail (exclusion to the train rule), the little mermaid show where it is too dark to see on-coming ECV's, on the path to the picinc areas after 3PM unless there is a corporate picnic starting at 3:30PM.

It might take the children some time to resist the urge to hide under a blanket when large crowds are approaching.

So I sat down on the edge of our bed, took out a piece of paper and wrote a note to the next residents of “our” room. Wished them well and let them know I prayed for them. And I did. I prayed the Lord would bless their visit and that they would have a great vacation. Then I slipped the note in the Bible in the nightstand.

Now THAT is cool as "all get out".

We had a cake crisis at the office on friday. The girl who gets the monthly birthday cake was on vacation. We had to call the local bakery to see if our order was there, they asked for the names on the cake, we were almost of the point of randomly calling out "Johnny" or "Greta" when they found our cake and the crisis was avoided!

Happy Monday. Thanks for a great chapter!

 

[Credit Man]

Great chapter. Thanks for sharing your trip with us.

 

[Philadisney]

Your poetic recount of Toontown After Dark might be one of the most clever things I have ever read on these boards. Hilarious! I am glad we still have another afternoon at Epcot with you before your family heads out of WDW.

 

[tina_la]

Beautifully written as usual. Thank you.

 

[ZZUB]

I don't like to consider what when on before me in my college dorm room. Or on the couch in my suite common area. Too horrid to think about.

Funny thing, when I was in college, I never thought about what happened on furniture in the common areas. I focused my neuroses on other things then. But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't take a nap on the TV room couch now. I wonder, do they even still have TV rooms?

I am saddened by the fact that we are nearing the end of your trip...and that so many bodily stenches assaulted you in Toontown...note to self...avoid Toontown like the plague after dark.

I'd say this was just a one-time occurence, but it seems to me on a prior visit we were assaulted by a beastly odor in Toontown. My advice, go early and hold you breath. Much like the people of West Virginia will do when they go to the polls tomorrow.

Did you really eat ALL of those pop-tarts and Jelly Bellies??

Yes to the Pop Tarts, no to the Jelly Bellies. We only finished about half of those.

I don't really think you're that unusual.

'preace.

Is there anything you DO do quietly?

Chew gum, apparently.

Frick is right. So played.

You might as well just say, "ZZUB, please keep using that phrase more."

I might need to bake something yummy to feel better Thanks for the great read as always.

If you DO decide to bake something, let me know and I'll PM you my address and you can mail me a slice of cake or two. That wouldn't be weird, would it?

Will you randomly post political comments somewhere else on the Dis?

I will, in fact, randomly post political comments and post random political comments, too. LaLa has started a new TR and I will likely drop by there from time to time to snark her. And if Mel HappyHat's recent re-emergence (like the groundhog) is any indication that a new TR from her is in the offing, I'll periodically post there to tell her she's a miserable excuse for a human being. Or I may just start a whole thread on the topic.

I can't believe this report is almost over. You started it in September and it's only May? I thought you would take us at least into July.

I haven't looked but I think the last two years, it took me until July to wrap up my TR. For some reason this one moved along faster.

Like AshClan, I'm Catholic and definitely would have been dealt with harshly by the nuns if I had ever chewed gum in church, but what I find even more disturbing is the fact that you remove 3 pieces of gum from a pack and take them with you. I do believe the entire pack would fit easily in your pocket.

Evidently you and Ashclan chew like cows. I have mastered the art of the silent, nearly invisible chew. Except when I'm in the mood to really get my chew on and then I go for broke. As for why I don't put the pack in my pocket, too bulky. I don't need to have the full pack when 3 pieces (really 2) will do.

We had a cake crisis at the office on friday. The girl who gets the monthly birthday cake was on vacation. We had to call the local bakery to see if our order was there, they asked for the names on the cake, we were almost of the point of randomly calling out "Johnny" or "Greta" when they found our cake and the crisis was avoided!

This had me in a cold sweat. You don't mess around with peoples' cake. A cake crisis is NOTHING to joke about.

 

[camelotcats]

Sorry Toon Town smelled like Bodily functions....

And happy mother's day (Late) to Mrs ZZUB. I hope you got her a cake.

 

[TarzansKat]

I'd say this was just a one-time occurence, but it seems to me on a prior visit we were assaulted by a beastly odor in Toontown. My advice, go early and hold you breath.

To my recollection, you're not the only one. I belive CampbellScot was assualted by similar odors during her jaunt into Toontown in her trip report. Gosh, would I love to meet some princesses, but oh how I loathe what we'll have to withstand. Perhaps gas masks would be helpful?

Much like the people of West Virginia will do when they go to the polls tomorrow.

 

[scrapbookersdis]

So the Bard's banal, but you'll purloin Wordsworth?

Except for the Toontown Ode, which you lifted word for word from Blake.

For overuse of scatological and urinary references: D-
For note to strangers: A+

P.S. The princess line could not have been sweaty. The building is airconditioned. Or are you making it up as you go along?

 

[ldadar]

baked a pound cake this morning. thought of ZZUB. reflected on my sanity.

not gonna fry it and drizzle with carmel. gonna dip it in warm chocolate.

 

[LegoMom3]

He's not actually someone I look up to. But of all the Disney characters, he's the one I like the most. Buzz Lightyear is funny, loyal and has something of a hero complex. I reckon those are qualities I admire. In a cartoon character. He also vaguely favors me physically.

"You're a sad, strange little man...."

If you've been reading my Trip Reports for very long, you have probably noticed we don't post pictures of ourselves. There are reasons for that. And no, it's not because we're criminally ugly.

Actually, my theory is that you aren't really a lawyer from the Pacific Northwest - you're a famous celebrity (is that redundant?!...) who's trying to enjoy some anonimity and just share the joys of your family, your life and your trips to Disney with all us "regular" folk!

We boarded the boat and enjoyed a nice, cool ride back to the Lodge. Our last boat ride of the trip. We passed the Electrical Water Pageant along the way. Which was cool. Like it was there just for us.

The EWP is one of those Disney things that seems so simple that I keep wondering in the back of my mind how much longer it's going to last, and yet every time I see it I get that warm, fuzzy Disney feeling.

Finished with my chores, and having some time to kill, it occurred to me that I should leave a note in our room. For the next person who found it.....
So I sat down on the edge of our bed, took out a piece of paper and wrote a note to the next residents of “our” room. Wished them well and let them know I prayed for them. And I did. I prayed the Lord would bless their visit and that they would have a great vacation. Then I slipped the note in the Bible in the nightstand. Right next to Psalm 18. Which contains one of ZZUB’s favorite verses, Psalm 18:31, “For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God”? God is God. ZZUB's a simple guy.

THAT put a lump in my throat!!!! Wow. That is awesome.

I put the Bible back in the nightstand and called for our car to be brought around. A few minutes later, a bellman was at the door to assist us with our eight billion bags. He loaded them on his cart and we headed out right behind him. But I was the last one out. I triple checked every drawer, nook and cranny. And thanked God again for what He provided. In many ways, that room, that view, was a love-letter from God. A message. He knew specifically how to remind us that He was with us. He knows how to bless us. Never has a valentine been so sweet.

Another great ending to another great installment! You HAVE to go back soon.... What will the TR thread of the DIS do without regular Zzub updates?!.....the horror!



.

 

[LaLa]

Except for that little piece of leftover spaghetti on the chin. From the Tomorrowland Terrace Noodle Station, no doubt. And if you go by that, you're practically twins.

Ode to a Commode: Toontown After Dark

Toontown, Toontown. Toontown after dark,
Crowded and smelly, and filled with snark,
Mickey’s house is pungent, it reeks of sweat,
Dirty socks, and damp t’shirts, the worst smells yet,
A smell so bad it makes us flee,
I choke and retch from the stench of pee.
Pee? Yes pee. It reeked of pee!
The vapors from which you could almost see,
Out in the night, fresh air we inhaled,
But the streets were so crowded my toe got nailed
By a reckless cad on an ECV,
Which actually was more pleasant than the stench of pee.
Pee? Yes pee. It reeked of pee!
Disgusting it was, the House of Mickey.

To find the princesses was my daughter’s aim,
Not getting peed on or stepped on was my new game.
We stood in a line that did not end,
We waited forever without a friend,
It was hot and muggy, stinky too,
The late Sammy Davis Jr. was himself a Jew,
Pee would be roses compared to the stench of that queue.
We’d traded pee for the pungent odor of poo.
Poo? Yes, poo. But what could be done?!
ZZUBY wanted to see princesses, there was no way to run.
Eventually Disney princesses we did see,
Cinderella, Rain Black and Sleeping Beauty.
Not worth the wait, our time in line,
Snap, snap, smile, smile we were out in no time,
Forced into a dump shop, most correctly named,
Crappy toys and prizes; more smells of the same.
Poo? Yes poo. But also sweat and pee,
It was an ironic and filthy potpourri.

In walked Mrs. Z, baby in tow,
She looked quite annoyed, her stack ready to blow,
She’d found a quiet bench all alone, all right,
The spot seemed ideal, but she was in for a fright,
No sooner would she begin to fill the baby full,
When in came a train loaded down with people.
A full view of her nursing task they did not see,
She had properly covered her work rightfully,
Still she was embarrassed to have a train-full of stares,
Me? I said, “eh,” I’ve got bigger cares,
Like the stench of pee and poo, sweat and BO.
One thing is clear, she did not give them a show,
They didn’t see a thing, of that it can be said,
But my wife holding the baby, a blanket on her head.
“I am done, I am done! Get me out of here,” said she.
“I agree, let’s go, I can’t stand this stench of pee.”
“Pee? Is it pee? Is that the smell? How can it be?
“Pee, yes pee, poo and sweat, it’s all three.”
“Then it’s agreed from this town of toons we must flee.”

I’m not twelve anymore.

You sure about that?

I found such a place, drank my crappy, but Disney, coffee and wrote our friends a note. Which made me laugh. Which made people walking by wonder what was up with that guy cackling and giggling. Frankly, I don’t laugh quietly.

The mental image I have of you sitting around the Lodge composing a letter for your friends and giggling out loud as you write it completely cracks me up. For the record, I'm DEDDER than DED. Who thinks to hide a note for someone to find weeks later?! I disagree with my girl Ash. You are an unusual idiot. An unusually funny one.

Weeks later, our friends were indeed at the Lodge and based on my instructions, found the note I left for them. However, the $20 bill I put inside was gone. Fancy that.

I feel quite sure the pungent odor of pee and poo remained.

Although I still don’t like to consider what went on before us in a hotel room (too disgusting to contemplate).

I'm sure the people who found the note in the nightstand feel the same.

So I sat down on the edge of our bed, took out a piece of paper and wrote a note to the next residents of “our” room. Wished them well and let them know I prayed for them. And I did. I prayed the Lord would bless their visit and that they would have a great vacation. Then I slipped the note in the Bible in the nightstand. Right next to Psalm 18. Which contains one of ZZUB’s favorite verses, Psalm 18:31, “For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God”? God is God. ZZUB's a simple guy.

If I didn't have such extreme and utter disdain for you and your gun toting, three day shadow wearing self, I might actually think you're an allright guy, ZZUB. That was very, very cool and I'm sure it blessed whoever found it.

In many ways, that room, that view, was a love-letter from God. A message. He knew specifically how to remind us that He was with us. He knows how to bless us. Never has a valentine been so sweet.

LOVED this one. What an awesome end to an awesome stay. I'm sad that your trip report is coming to a close, ZZUB. But at least we've got Epicot left.

 

[ZZUB]

And happy mother's day (Late) to Mrs ZZUB. I hope you got her a cake.

Sadly, no. Mrs. Z isn't crazy go nuts for cake like her husband. She's all about cookies. So she got those instead. But Father's Day approaches and I've made it painfully clear that if I do not see some Butter Grilled Pound Cake on my day, then I will cease and desist bathing and/or using deoderant and/or going to work.

The princess line could not have been sweaty. The building is airconditioned. Or are you making it up as you go along?

Have you never been in a Quincy's, a Shoney's, a Wal*Mart or any ride at Disney World on a hot day? Just b/c the queue for the Princesses was airconditioned, doesn't mean the rest of the Magic Kingdom was. And in any event, I'm not aware that a/c has any smell muting power over the likes of pee, poop and sweat. If your air conditioner can neutralize those odors, please patent your system and market it to Disney, Wal*Mart and just about every store, restaurant and gas station south of the Mason Dixon line and West of the Rockies.

baked a pound cake this morning. thought of ZZUB. reflected on my sanity.

THAT made me laugh. FYI: chocolate or caramel, it's all good.

"You're a sad, strange little man...."

Well played. And one of my favorite lines from Toy Story.

Actually, my theory is that you aren't really a lawyer from the Pacific Northwest - you're a famous celebrity (is that redundant?!...) who's trying to enjoy some anonimity and just share the joys of your family, your life and your trips to Disney with all us "regular" folk!

Based on my time sheet today, I'd say you're half right. But I am just a guy who enjoys sharing my family's stories with other people.

Credit Man: Good to see you around here again. Haven't seen a post from you in a while.

La2:I had a heck of a time reading and laughing at your most recent chapter on your TR. The picture of Mel's foot made me laugh. And then retch. And then I laughed at that.

 

[Backstage_Gal]

Another GREAT update, Zzub. I too am very sad to see your trip come to an end.

Maybe you could stretch things out after this one by doing some more compare and contrast postings in great detail, to tide us over till the next one.

 

[Sleeping*Beauty]

Since we’d already established that cleaning wasn’t really what housekeeping was about, I figured the bigger challenge was putting it in a place that other people wouldn’t come across it easily. I found just the spot and secured the note in its place. Then I walked around it a few times to make sure it was well-concealed. It was.

So where did you hide it?

We weren’t so sad to leave the Lodge, though. We had an afternoon in EPCOT ahead of us still. And the confidence that we’d be back. Someday.

Hopefully soon.

____

Oh no it's coming to an end.

 

[DVCTiff]

Somewhere in the heavens, Theodor Geisel is applauding while alternately holding his nose. Bravo.

Though I don't believe in God, your belief in God is so touching and enough for me, to believe that you believe. Thank you for that.

I will put you on the short list of people we'd be willing to rent our DVC points to. It would be our honor.

Can't wait for the rest.

 

[Tinkerbellarella]

Buzz Lightyear is funny, loyal and has something of a hero complex. I reckon those are qualities I admire. In a cartoon character. He also vaguely favors me physically.

Really? Hm. Ok:

Hero Complex: Check.
Goatee: Check.
Impressive Guns: Check(ish).
Retractable Clear Dome Over Your Head: Not seeing it. You edited that part out of the picture, didn't you. Yeah. That would TOTALLY give you away.

We threw tradition out the window like a .38 Special cassette tape which belonged to your best friend’s ex-girlfriend.

Apparently you hold on loosely. And you DO let go. If you cling to tightly. You're gonna lose it. You're gonna lose control.

I’m not twelve anymore.

So tell us. Where did you celebrate the big 1-3? And why weren't we invited? You kept all of the BGPC for yourself, didn't you?

Ironically, when I think about that night now so many months removed, it makes me yearn for it. For all my hard edged intensity, I’m just a guy who loves his wife and girls and craves sweet moments like that.

And BGPC.

For all my good-hearted goofing on you Z, I believe this with all my heart.

Great thing about the Lodge, there are several little places for you to have a sit down and write a note.

Or nap. Not that I'd know anything about that. But I read things.

So I sat down on the edge of our bed, took out a piece of paper and wrote a note to the next residents of “our” room. Wished them well and let them know I prayed for them. And I did. I prayed the Lord would bless their visit and that they would have a great vacation. Then I slipped the note in the Bible in the nightstand. Right next to Psalm 18. Which contains one of ZZUB’s favorite verses, Psalm 18:31, “For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God”? God is God. ZZUB's a simple guy.

Ok, really, it's not the 765 Britney, NObama, or U2 lyric references that bring us flocking to read your trippies.

It's this. It's you. God is God. ZZUB is ZZUB. And I don't think we'd want it any other way.

The experience was so curious, it led me to rhyming couplets.

Ode to a Commode: Toontown After Dark

Channeling Seuss I see you were not.
For all you discussed is what goes in the pot
And swirls down, down, down and right out of sight.
Much like in Canada that odiferous night.
The ginger was plenty, the teppan not bad
As ZZUB reflected on the dinner he'd had.
Then bit in the rear by a need so acute
He bolted and ran on a 'northerly' route.
I've ne'er heard so much talk of pee, poo and sweat,
Though admittedly ZZUB has one chapter yet
To share with all his admiring fans
Before he hopefully share with all of us his plans
For another trip to La's Land of Yellow.
One more 'Journey into' what ZZUB could smell - oh
And don't forget vomit with a hidden Mouse head.
ZZUB this chappie truly left me DED.