The Battle For My Wallet IV: Return of the ZZUBs (Addendum, p.85; 07/12)

[LaLa]

In other words, those 45 minutes weren’t such a waste of time.

That's usually the way it goes. I know it's hard to do in Disney when there's always places to go and things to see, but I've found that if I can just let myself relax and be in the moment, those are usually some of the best times to be had in the World.

Eventually I found the crappy little elevator they’ve cleverly hidden in the corner and after waiting our turn behind several other people, we finally got to ride down a flight to the first floor. Perhaps Disney could see their way to installing another elevator or, at a minimum, placing a Fastpass kiosk in front of the one they have.

Well, at least you weren't mowed down by a woman in an ECV with no driving skillz and the mouth of a longshoreman. At least there's that.

I don’t remember what I had, but since we were on the Free Dining plan, let’s assume whatever I ate had parents. And was cooked in ginger. Teppanyaki must also be Japanese for ginger. Everything we ate that night was doused in a ginger sauce. Including the Diet Coke.

This cracked me up. I'm not sure why.

But I didn’t argue with him. He had on fancy pants.

Maybe you should try wearing fancy pants the next time you're in court.

All four of us stared back at her and that forced her to look away. The rude woman. Not Hillary! Although I can see how you’d be confused.

Ded. And I apologize for staring. I've just never seen anyone eat that much before. No wonder you have stomach issues.

And last but not least...

It probably isn’t necessary for me to describe the intense pain and relief of a number four but suffice it to say, it makes a number two seem like child’s play. I really only rented the food at Teppanyaki, so it was good I didn’t pay for it. Adding insult to injury, I was also experiencing a rash of ginger-flavored reflux which made me think I may have to refund my meal from a second direction as well.

Somebody pass the fanny pack.

GOOD GRIEF ZZUB!

You know, it's a good thing I wasn't eating a bagel when I sat down because I seriously feel ill after reading that. No lie. And you think MY trip report is puke inducing?! I will forever associate Teppanyaki with a raging number four now. And I'll tell DH to make sure to avoid the bathroom in Canada. Cause I'm sure the smell is still lingering. To this day. So thanks for that.

But I'm glad you and your little girl got to share Soarin Lorenson with your wife. And I'm glad to hear that you've finally come around and that Illuminations is now a Disney thing for yall. You painted a really sweet picture of your family enjoying it together, Z. BPC. Before the poop cramp. And I feel the same way about the drums. And the music. It's awesome.

Besides the Teppanyaki Much Information stuff (whatever that means), I loved this one because you brought some serious funny. Which you're on Ignore for, by the way. Because it kinda hurts to laugh right now. But other than that, and the details surrounding the number four, it rocked.

 

[DptyDogg]

Chapter Twenty-one: Teppanyaki Much Information

It probably isn’t necessary for me to describe the intense pain and relief of a number four but suffice it to say, it makes a number two seem like child’s play.

Oh my.

I think that was the funniest thing I've read....ever.

I have been quite impressed with some 2's, but I am apparently a child in the company of men. A genuine number "4". It's my understanding no one's experienced one of those since the early '50's.

You need to go on the talkshow circuit, talk about what it was like to totally skip the #3. Probably get free rooms and food, it'd be worth it.

 

[Suzflee]

Oh my, oh my, oh my....What else is there to say? I too was bent over laughing, trying not to be too loud as the kids are still sleeping. I wish my husband was into reading these because this would rank right up there for him.

No closure on the staring rude woman? Bummer...

And I must ask about the PC's as Lala named them - did they help propel you faster thru England, as is the running lmao: ) joke in our house?

Your wife deserves a prize.
She waited for 45 minutes with no where to go when you arrived, waited again for dinner, got dumped outside the men's loo and then waited an unspecified amount of time while total strangers discussed the internal grumblings of her dear husband? What a saint!

We can't say you didn't warn us. Glad I was prepped first with Jamal's report of floating froot loops

 

[alldiz]

Oh..ZZUB...Thankyou....

Your posts always cheer me up...

Considering the content of that post....might make
ya wonder about me...
Thanks again for the belly laugh....
Kerri

 

[DebIreland]

Brilliant!

 

[Frickles]

Until the jerkstore on his cell phone

Thanks for the new vocabulary word. Your tr's are so educational.

Almost immediately a person stood up to give my wife a seat.

A person.

I’m not entirely certain which gender this person would identify with

Pat.

Huzzah!

Not sure what it means, but I'll add it to my Zzub vocabulary list.

Or because I was wearing a large red poncho with the word “Wilson” stamped on the chest and I looked ridiculous.

Wilson! So that is your name! We finally know your real name! I'm numb.

Along about the time the woman starts singing and people think the show is over, I felt the first indication I was going into labor.

In other words, I had a rather strong poop cramp.

Maybe I'm sick and warped, but Wilson I found the whole poop episode to be completely and utterly funny! Huzzah! And, since you just took all of us to the bathroom with you, I can really and truly see why you never post pictures.

 

[nicolemarie]

Frankly, I don’t even know what a balcony person is.

It's a balcony thing. You wouldn't understand.

When we got onto the Monorail, the car was full and every seat was taken. Time was, men got up for women to sit down. Or is that just in the south?

I can't tell you if that's just in the South or not. But I can tell you that it INFURIATES my husband to see perfectly healthy men sit their sorry butts in the monorail seats, while senior adults and young mom's with babies on their hips stand up. I'm glad you spoke up.

And readers, if you are one of those men - shame on you. I don't care if it's Southern or not. That's just good manners.

Eventually, it was our FP time and we headed up to the line. Walk, walk, walk, ask for front row, center, wait, David Puddy, "and these little beauties," laugh loudly and then through the doors to your row.

This is some strategy I needed to know. My little airplane fanatic son will have his first ride on Soarin' on his birthday in May. Along with my mom and dad. I want it to be perfect. I'll be requesting front row center.

I'll tell 'em I heard it from ZZUB.

And Al Sharpton's hypocrisy.

What? You think he's a hypocrite? Surely you jest!

And music. Man, that’s a good composition.

True dat, Z. Load that baby onto your IPod and see if that stuff don't make you run like the wind next time you hit the pavement.

It'll also make you crave a funnel cake.

You know that moment when you’re in the midst of a number four and you’re wondering if it smells as bad as you think it does? I had that moment. But the question was answered definitively when a couple of guys came in the door and one of them said to the other, “Dude, it smells in here!”

You realize you can NEVER EVER reveal your true identity to any of us, right?

Dude. DEFINITELY TMI.

Although I doubt the validity of your story. The only smell that dinner could have conjured up in that short amount of time, was ginger sauce.

ZZUB, you sure brought the funny this morning. I was going to have my breakfast while I read, and I'm sure glad I didn't. You might want to post this installment on the threads for weight loss.

I don't know how someone could read this and have an appetite any time in the next week.

Tell your wife she's a saint.

NM

 

[DISNEYDUET]

Chapter Twenty-one: Teppanyaki Much Information
Evidently. Because most people were walking at a speed which rivaled the elevator in the Land. We got stuck behind a family that was walking so slowly, they appeared to be walking backwards. I moved around them and got stuck behind the next set of oblivions. I don’t get it. The promenade is fairly wide. Why not walk to the side? Why walk in the middle? If you insist on moving slower than Bob Dole’s arteries, then get out of the way.

And don’t veer.

Let’s all agree to walk straight.

Because the veer is a hazard. Next time you're at Disney or the mall, pay attention to this profound mystery. People don’t walk straight. They veer. They slant. They angle. And do three other things which all annoy the crap out of me when I’m trying to maneuver around them.

This is so true!!

FYI, TMI approaching.

Properly warned ye be.

I felt the first indication I was going into labor.

In other words, I had a rather strong poop cramp.

I practiced my Lamaze breathing to get through the pain and sure enough it passed.

The show ended and we made our way back downstairs and began the long trek out of EPCOT. I’m not entirely sure when the next one hit me because at that point I wasn’t timing my contractions. But it was more intense and I could feel it in my legs.

Still, I pressed on because I preferred the home court advantage and wanted to get back to our room at the Lodge. And at that point, that seemed a reasonable goal.

Fortunately, there were not a lot of people on the promenade as we moved closer to Future World. So we could move quickly. Which we were. Because my wife and daughter were in the chair and I was pushing. Fast.

But on the downhill side of the International Gateway bridge I had another contraction. This one was fairly intense. I knew we wouldn’t make it. I needed another stop. Stat.

EPCOT isn’t my park. I haven’t memorized where the bathrooms are. So I was at a distinct disadvantage. As I pushed through England, I searched for signs of a loo. Seeing nothing hopeful, I continued on to Canada.

O Canada!

I remembered there was a bathroom by the sidewalk. My wife took my daughter in there last year during Illuminations. Oh HappyHaunt! Canada will save the day.

There's a sentence I never thought I'd write.

I leaned down to tell my wife that the contractions were getting closer and I needed to stop. I told her time was short so when we got there, I was going to park her and run.

Literally.

Now then. As we made our approach, I started worrying that there might only be a stall or two and they might be occupied. I couldn’t afford a delay. Of any period of time. No matter how brief. So as we got to the bathroom, I shoved my wife’s chair to the side and ran into the bathroom like a man possessed, shouting “No whammy, no whammy, no whammies!”

Where, much to my immediate delight, I discovered an empty stall.

It probably isn’t necessary for me to describe the intense pain and relief of a number four but suffice it to say, it makes a number two seem like child’s play. I really only rented the food at Teppanyaki, so it was good I didn’t pay for it.

Adding insult to injury, I was also experiencing a rash of ginger-flavored reflux which made me think I may have to refund my meal from a second direction as well.

Even I think this is too much information. Yet, I haven't deleted it. And there's more.

You know that moment when you’re in the midst of a number four and you’re wondering if it smells as bad as you think it does? I had that moment. But the question was answered definitively when a couple of guys came in the door and one of them said to the other, “Dude, it smells in here!”

If my wife can be believed, they came out talking about it. Whether she was proud or ashamed, I cannot tell.

One thing is for certain: if you eat at Teppanyaki, go easy with the ginger. And know your way to Canada.

DH had the same reaction!! But he duck waddled/butt pucker ran back to the Y&B Club. The best part was he got back to the resort and mousekeeping was in our room! They were almost done so it was fine. They even came back and cleaned the bathroom again after he was done. The got a very nice tip from us!!
BTW, there are very nice bathrooms at the International Gateway heading back to the Epcot Resorts. Very clean and cold and there is never anyone in them! But for poor DH, they were closed. Something about a broken toilet and lots of water. Probably the only time in history that I have seen them closed!

 

[lexmelinda]

Yet, it was like a horrible accident...I just couldn't look away. It's not often I actually have to stop reading and wipe away the laughing tears but this was one of those times.

Just ttttoooooo much funny to quote in here.

Maybe your best work to date in an gross, disgusting sort of way.

 

[ukwildcat]

Well, I'm not sure what is worse. 1) Me describing how I unintentionally mooned all the guests at SAB last summer, or 2) Your description of your bathroom antics and the events leading up to them.

I'm going with number 2, mostly because it doesn't involve me. And that fact you went with a description of number 2 (or was that 4?).

Thanks for the entertainment.

 

[maxiesmom]

So Wilson, have you ever had any problems with Biergarten? 'Cause I am making my ADRs for my next trip, and Teppanyaki is now crossed of the short list. Crossed off with red ink, because I am not taking any chances of having a #4.

 

[UtahMama]

OHHHHH, Poor ZZUB prairie-dogged-it to Canada. Wonder how Mel is going to take it?

Hope you felt better.

I agree with your tips for a better society. I would like to add:

When at WDW on vacation, please use deodorant, and bathe. Not in that order. Breath mints are good too, especially in crowded queues.

Thanks ZZUB for your timely chapter installment!

 

[tinkermamaof2]

Maybe it should be referred to as TEPPANYUKI!!!!!!!

 

[ncseric]

My wife and I were at Teppandpukie once and while it was ok, I didn't think it was any better than the Japanese hibachi places around where we lived at the time. Eating there didn't give me the same response, though. I can claim quite a few #3s and one infamous #4 session with the optional anti-gravity lift feature. I couldn't eat Quizno's steak sandwich for years after that incident.

 

[Disneybotz]

I'm a lurker with an occasional post, but I had to jump in and let you know that was one of the funniest things I have ever read.

 

[pigget74]

Chapter Twenty-one: Teppanyaki Much Information

Along about the time the woman starts singing and people think the show is over, I felt the first indication I was going into labor.

In other words, I had a rather strong poop cramp.

I practiced my Lamaze breathing to get through the pain and sure enough it passed.

The show ended and we made our way back downstairs and began the long trek out of EPCOT. I’m not entirely sure when the next one hit me because at that point I wasn’t timing my contractions. But it was more intense and I could feel it in my legs.

Still, I pressed on because I preferred the home court advantage and wanted to get back to our room at the Lodge. And at that point, that seemed a reasonable goal.

Fortunately, there were not a lot of people on the promenade as we moved closer to Future World. So we could move quickly. Which we were. Because my wife and daughter were in the chair and I was pushing. Fast.

But on the downhill side of the International Gateway bridge I had another contraction. This one was fairly intense. I knew we wouldn’t make it. I needed another stop. Stat.

EPCOT isn’t my park. I haven’t memorized where the bathrooms are. So I was at a distinct disadvantage. As I pushed through England, I searched for signs of a loo. Seeing nothing hopeful, I continued on to Canada.

O Canada!

I remembered there was a bathroom by the sidewalk. My wife took my daughter in there last year during Illuminations. Oh HappyHaunt! Canada will save the day.

There's a sentence I never thought I'd write.

I leaned down to tell my wife that the contractions were getting closer and I needed to stop. I told her time was short so when we got there, I was going to park her and run.

Literally.

Now then. As we made our approach, I started worrying that there might only be a stall or two and they might be occupied. I couldn’t afford a delay. Of any period of time. No matter how brief. So as we got to the bathroom, I shoved my wife’s chair to the side and ran into the bathroom like a man possessed, shouting “No whammy, no whammy, no whammies!”

Where, much to my immediate delight, I discovered an empty stall.

It probably isn’t necessary for me to describe the intense pain and relief of a number four but suffice it to say, it makes a number two seem like child’s play. I really only rented the food at Teppanyaki, so it was good I didn’t pay for it.

Adding insult to injury, I was also experiencing a rash of ginger-flavored reflux which made me think I may have to refund my meal from a second direction as well.

Even I think this is too much information. Yet, I haven't deleted it. And there's more.

You know that moment when you’re in the midst of a number four and you’re wondering if it smells as bad as you think it does? I had that moment. But the question was answered definitively when a couple of guys came in the door and one of them said to the other, “Dude, it smells in here!”

If my wife can be believed, they came out talking about it. Whether she was proud or ashamed, I cannot tell.

One thing is for certain: if you eat at Teppanyaki, go easy with the ginger. And know your way to Canada.

This is just to funny. It is always funnier happening to someone else. Last May we ate at Ohana's for dinner and I did the same thing until we got back to MK. When you go through security there are some restrooms to the right near the ticket place.

If you are worried about the smell we say please Courtesy FLUSH!!!

 

[bbump]

IS YOUR FAMILY DOING FREE DINING AGAIN THIS YEAR???
It could be your baby's 1st trip to DW.....

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

Some people think Future World is in the Magic Kingdom, so I think it’s helpful to provide these geography lessons as we go.

Man, who's dumb enough to think that?????



And, THANKS, really, for all that TMI. This is the REAL reason you don't post your pic on the internet, isn't it?

 

[dance2874]

Coming out of lurkerdom to post too. That was one of the funniest installments ever. Nothing like a little bathroom humor to get us all laughing

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

As well as immature and childish.

Too. (YES! It IS redundant. On purpose!)

And, if in fact, your real name is "Wilson"... no wonder you post under such a stupid pseudonym.

Wilson is a stupider(ish) name. Even worse than "ZZUB". TMI.

This whole chapter was too much. Too soon.

What I'm desperately trying to say is this: TURN IT UP!!!!!!

KUDOS on the DOODOOS!!!!!

This was so funny. To me. And not only because I'm juvenile, immature and childish. But, ALSO, because it was brilliant funni-making. Well written. Emotive.

I could actually feel your pain.

But, then again, I've also experienced a numero CUATRO at Epicot.

Borg. Baby.

And... as a proud Canadian... I'm only too glad to have provided you with a safe haven in which to give birth to your Havana Omelet.

We, as you know, never did join your great USofA in a trade embargo of any sort with CUBA. We'll gladly take exports. Apparently.

So... you're welcome.

Even if parts of the Great White North will never smell the same. Again.

You can thank your lucky stars we don't DO the Helms-Burton here.

ZZUB.

Luckily, tho, I am acquainted with the Heimlich. Because I laffed so hard at this chapter that I got something caught in my throat and had to perform a life-saving series of violent abdominal thrusts on myself. To dislodge the thing.

I think it was a big spoon.

That gagged me.

Again.

OH. I have no idea what "Teppanyaki Much Information" means. What does it mean?

I think you've got to spell it out. TMI.

The only thing to add here. Besides an antiemetic. And some applause.

Is this: Remember once I told you that I thought the part in your old tripe when you sad you laffed so hard you were LITERALLY SCREAMING. Struck Me(l) as, possibly, one of the funniest things I've ever read? Just that one little sentence KILLED ME!!!!

Well... you did it again.

With this:He had on fancy pants!


Roll TIDE!!!!


Cheers, Mel.