Thanksgiving 2010: Will be walking on eggshells

[clh2]

So - I've been dreading T-day. Too Much drama. Every year there is drama. Trust me - I've had the conversation with DH that I do not want to go to my family's T-day. (DH insists - but next year, I am not going.)

The drama varies from year to year, hwoever, there is an undlying theme: Sis and BIL should probably have been divorced for about 15 years. Some years they "get along", others - well lets say are awful.

Usually - you don't find out what the drama will be until the day starts to unfold. (BTW - DH's job is to just keep my windglass full.)

So today, my sister sends an e-mail fully detailing what might be going on tomorrow. My BIL will either "man-up" and behave and be social, or he is going to be a "horse's behind". There were additional details - blah blah blah.

My sister has invited a friend to this drama-fest, and just encouraged us to all welcome said-friend and show her a good time.

Not happy...not happy. It will not be a fun day. And why in tarnation did my sister invite a friend to share in the madness.

And we'll all be walking on eggshells - trying not to upset my sister. AND usually there is a Packer/Lions game on (BIL is a huge Packer fan) which would really provide a nice buffer between my sister and BIL. Packers are not playing Thursday.

Honestly - we really like our BIL. That is probably the reason we go and put up with my sister. Plus - DD can see her cousins. (Unless - as sister said - BIL takes them somewhere else just to irritate my sister.)

I can't wait...for this to be over.

 

[prncess674]

At least you only have to spend the day with them. I made the decision not to fly the 1200 miles home for Thanksgiving this year and somehow I have been painted with the 'bad daughter' brush to the point of being told I am ruining the holiday. I have gotten earfuls from the whole family. Just to clarify I have made 6 trips homes this year and have lived away for 5 years and not once has my family come to visit me. I am not saying they have never come for a holiday, they have never come to visit me EVER! Because I am the only one not married it is assumed that I will automatically come to them. I am treated like a second class citizen and relegated to the couch.

 

[Cat0727]

Same here girl. The past three Thanksgivings have been drama, all thanks to my mom's boyfriend. He won't be attending this year thankfully. He'll be with his family but I know he and his son will show up to the end of our dinner b/c they think they're so "in" with my cousins and aunt and also to bust balls because they know my sister & I can't stand them...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Maybe the friend will have an effect on her behavior? Just saying, could happen?

Bottoms up!!!

 

[shortbun]

Drink wine and laugh.

 

[minkydog]

At least you only have to spend the day with them. I made the decision not to fly the 1200 miles home for Thanksgiving this year and somehow I have been painted with the 'bad daughter' brush to the point of being told I am ruining the holiday. I have gotten earfuls from the whole family. Just to clarify I have made 6 trips homes this year and have lived away for 5 years and not once has my family come to visit me. I am not saying they have never come for a holiday, they have never come to visit me EVER! Because I am the only one not married it is assumed that I will automatically come to them. I am treated like a second class citizen and relegated to the couch.

I know, it's weird, right? How the planes can all fly "that way" but not "this way." Same with the interstates--they only run south from here. Who designed this transportation system?

Seriously, you need to just let them think what they want.You can't control what they think of you. In fact, it isn't really your business. So, now that you're letting them think what they want, you will be free to do what YOU want. You are not a second class citizen and your presense with not make nor break the celebration--don't take on that responsibility. It sounds like it's time to set some boundaries with your family. Let them know what you can and are willing to do, but refuse to get sucked in to their little drama otherwise.

Signed,
Seriously Been There, Done That

 

[hereyago]

Why put yourself through that? Seriously, family schamily. life is too short for that madness.

Ok, since you are going to drink: I believe alcohol is like a truth serum, as with it you don't have any "filter" or inhibitions. Let it all rip, then that way next year you won't have to deal with it.

 

[Ciciwoowoo]

I have an idea:

When the drama ensues, stand up and pump your fist, yelling "Jerry...Jerry...Jerry"


I think next year you should plan to spend turkey day in Disney!!!

Good luck tomorrow!!!

 

[mrsltg]

I have an idea:

When the drama ensues, stand up and pump your fist, yelling "Jerry...Jerry...Jerry"


I think next year you should plan to spend turkey day in Disney!!!

Good luck tomorrow!!!

 

[sjs314]

At 3 minutes past midnight last evening or should I say today, My Ddil texted me asking why I did not want to spend Thanksgiving with her and my DS.

She is good at pushing buttons. This is the first time in 4 or maybe it is 5 years that they are staying home for Thanksgiving they always, and I mean always travel to Mass to her family for the Holiday. They had planned on going to Mass again this year until last week when they found out my DS would have to work today, he recently found a job after being unemployed for almost 2 years.

I already bought my Turkey and all the trimmings and staying home................it just gnaws at me her saying I do not want to spend Thanksgiving with them, when they originally were not planning on being home themselves.

Happy

Holidays

Everyone

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I think next year you should plan to spend turkey day in Disney!!!

Good plan! After my father passed away in '98, there was a shifting of holiday plans and instead of at mom's, we started having holidays at our house, with mom and my sister and one or two of her kids. We did Thanksgiving that ONE year and then I decided that with all my sister's and her family's drama, I wanted at least ONE holiday a year where I and my family really enjoyed ourselves, drama-free. So for a few years, we went to the Portofino Thanksgiving morning (for 3 nights), had a huge Thanksgiving dinner served to us (no cleaning up), and then Disney for a week. It was great. Then mom got sick, our oldest entered HS (and found it difficult to miss school days), so we stopped going for Thanksgiving. But oh, do I miss it! Now it's just our family, and one DD's boyfriend...nice and quiet, no drama, but no Portofino either. Stilll...very pleasant, stress-free.

OP, hope your DH does his job well!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Good plan! After my father passed away in '98, there was a shifting of holiday plans and instead of at mom's, we started having holidays at our house, with mom and my sister and one or two of her kids. We did Thanksgiving that ONE year and then I decided that with all my sister's and her family's drama, I wanted at least ONE holiday a year where I and my family really enjoyed ourselves, drama-free. So for a few years, we went to the Portofino Thanksgiving morning (for 3 nights), had a huge Thanksgiving dinner served to us (no cleaning up), and then Disney for a week. It was great...

That sounds awesome. How crowded is WDW the week after Thanksgiving?

 

[mickeysgal]

We've had similar holiday drama originating always from my brother. He has a horrible, horrible temper...many of us think he's bipolar. He picks arguments, swears at my mother and to be honest, she pushes his buttons well and doesn't let it go. They live together and it's a horrible environment to just even visit. Usually as we're walking up the driveway, we start taking bets...two fold...how long it will be before they start arguing and how long we're staying. It usually starts within 45 minutes. Makes for a lovely holiday. We live across the country now and just don't go back home for the holidays. It's too toxic and I don't want my kids exposed to that anymore. Of course they don't understand that but that's the subject of another thread entirely. So, OP - make it a game. Take bets as to when the drama will kick in and the loser buys the winner something....a book, a drink, dinner out, etc.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

That sounds awesome. How crowded is WDW the week after Thanksgiving?

Not bad at all. It's supposed to be one of the least busy weeks, or was back then. And now, we go in the summer if we're bringing the kids, or March/April/May if we go without them. There's nothing like that week after Thanksgiving! Christmas decorations up, great weather (rare rain, usually warm...altho we did have one year with a few cold days).

The last year we went for Thanksgiving, when we were cutting down on the amount of time out of school, we spent one or two nights at Portofino and moved to Disney on that Friday or Saturday, and that weekend was a nightmare...very crowded. It's nice when everyone departs on Sunday.

I told DH about posting about those Thanksgivings at Portofino, and we've been reminiscing...and moaning and groaning about how much we miss it!

 

[diz8297]

There was a change in Thanksgiving plans this year. Traditionally, my sister would host it and it was great! Well this year, BIL was under the weather, so brother and SIL are hosting. Unfortunatelly, SIL is crazed and I don't need the drama. So....we are hanging at home this year. Bird is in the oven, parade is on the tube and we can watch the PATS in peace!! I am done with drama at the holidays. My kids are growing way to fast for me not to enjoy every single holiday I can with them!!

 

[RitaZ.]

I have an idea:

When the drama ensues, stand up and pump your fist, yelling "Jerry...Jerry...Jerry"


I think next year you should plan to spend turkey day in Disney!!!

Good luck tomorrow!!!

Great idea!

The last time I spent time during the holidays with DH's sister and her family was in 1991. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she and her daughter got into a screaming match. After shouting insults at each other and slamming doors, SIL decided to throw her Christmas presents at her daughter; one of which was a shower curtain rod. Just imagine sitting on a couch in the family room, with full view of the kitchen, then you see a shower rod flying in the air across the kitchen. Good times! We left early and never went back.

Then, there was my brother and his wife during the last year of their marriage. She began with berating my brother, but then her insults transferred to the guests. DH pulled me into another room and said we should leave. The final straw was when someone asked for a piece of aluminum foil. My brother said it was in a drawer. She insisted they didn't have any. That started a screaming match between them. Good times! He filed for divorced 2 to 3 weeks later.

OP, good luck today!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

 

[clh2]

Op here - thanks for all your ideas, and your stories. At least I don't feel like I am the only one who puts up with this.

Next year...I get to pick the Thanksgiving plans. Period. DH has agreed to this.

Love the "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry" comments.

DH will be keepipng my wine glass full. NO hard liquor at this function...part of the drama is my sister broadcast to the family that her 15 YO son has been helping himslef to the good stuff, along with his friends - so there simply isn't any hard liquor in the house.

My mom is taking an extreme interest in my sister's current job, simply becasue my sister (the host)has travelled to China and Ireland this fall for her job. SO - that makes my sister uber-special. My mom doesn't take into account that my sister's home life sucks, and my sister has no balance in her life. The important thing for my mom - she gets to live vicariously thorugh my sister...UGGH.

To spice things up this afternoon...we may simply say something as silly as " we'll have to let you know when our DD is starring on Teen Mom...they've started filming already.

We've also got a little family (the three of us) pool going on. How long will we be at sister's house before she yells or talks degrading to her husband. How long before my other BIL talks about his car...his camera...whines about the "forced paycut" from last year. (Sorry no sympathy from us - my dh had a 20% paycut last year, and other bil lost his job and wasn't working for 7 months)How many times my mom will ask my dad to tell a specific story - yet then my mom will interrupt him becasue he isn't telling it right.

I'm still not happy about the friend coming over...I know...I'm a bad person for this. She is my sister's dogsitter. I love dogs. I really do. We just aren't in a good dog situation right now. (Put our dog down in October due to bone cancer. And tried adopting one from the humane society last weekend, and needed to return it on Monday due to a very agreessive 30-second snarl towards my husband.) It just isn't something I want to be a topic of discussion today, because I am simply sad about our dog situation.

If I'm not posting tonight by about 6pm (central time) - please send out the St. Bernards to look for me. If I could...please make sure thier cute little keg around the neck is full of Brandy. I'll need it for sure by that point!!!

Happy Thanksgiving all!

 

[RitaZ.]

Op here - thanks for all your ideas, and your stories. At least I don't feel like I am the only one who puts up with this.

Next year...I get to pick the Thanksgiving plans. Period. DH has agreed to this.

Love the "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry" comments.

DH will be keepipng my wine glass full. NO hard liquor at this function...part of the drama is my sister broadcast to the family that her 15 YO son has been helping himslef to the good stuff, along with his friends - so there simply isn't any hard liquor in the house.

My mom is taking an extreme interest in my sister's current job, simply becasue my sister (the host)has travelled to China and Ireland this fall for her job. SO - that makes my sister uber-special. My mom doesn't take into account that my sister's home life sucks, and my sister has no balance in her life. The important thing for my mom - she gets to live vicariously thorugh my sister...UGGH.

To spice things up this afternoon...we may simply say something as silly as " we'll have to let you know when our DD is starring on Teen Mom...they've started filming already.

We've also got a little family (the three of us) pool going on. How long will we be at sister's house before she yells or talks degrading to her husband. How long before my other BIL talks about his car...his camera...whines about the "forced paycut" from last year. (Sorry no sympathy from us - my dh had a 20% paycut last year, and other bil lost his job and wasn't working for 7 months)How many times my mom will ask my dad to tell a specific story - yet then my mom will interrupt him becasue he isn't telling it right.

I'm still not happy about the friend coming over...I know...I'm a bad person for this. She is my sister's dogsitter. I love dogs. I really do. We just aren't in a good dog situation right now. (Put our dog down in October due to bone cancer. And tried adopting one from the humane society last weekend, and needed to return it on Monday due to a very agreessive 30-second snarl towards my husband.) It just isn't something I want to be a topic of discussion today, because I am simply sad about our dog situation.

If I'm not posting tonight by about 6pm (central time) - please send out the St. Bernards to look for me. If I could...please make sure thier cute little keg around the neck is full of Brandy. I'll need it for sure by that point!!!

Happy Thanksgiving all!

If the situation gets ugly, try the following. One of my professors used the following scenario with one of his patients during systematic desensitization therapy to overcome situational anxiety. Visualize the object of your fear/anxiety covered in bird poop, tons and tons of bird poop. You'll have a difficult time keeping a straight face, but you'll be stress free!

 

[browneyes106]

I'm dreading this day too. I get along great with my parents but my sister likes to pick me apart for everything. Right now I'm staying with my parents for the holiday. My boyfriend decide to go to Canada to visit some relatives there. I'm almost went with him but we decided to take a trip to Seattle in February.

My sister is hard to get along with and she takes certain things the wrong way. We already got into a conflict. I'm in grad school right now and I'm working on a project on my laptop but there are some documents that I need to scan and upload to online database system. I left my parents' desktop on while I was working on some stuff on my laptop and when her son was going to get on it I told her I was working on stuff and she said "why weren't you were working on stuff " and I had to explain to her about the laptop. I'm in for a long day but she is leaving tomorrow so I'm sort of happy about that.

 

[sunnyday123]

I truly thought my family was the only crazy one. to you all.

DD left here with her Father about an hour ago, after sighing deeply and saying, "Let's get this over with". Her father had a baby with his on/off girlfriend who is crazy jealous over any time he spends with DD, and this baby is jammed down her throat, leading her to not want anything to do with him. I feel really sorry for him.

My mother has not invited me to dinner, because she is mad at me AGAIN. Which is kind of a relief, because all she does is make passive-agressive comments about my weight. I'm an 8, she's a 4 and the talk will revolve around how skinny my SIL is, how she doesn't eat anything with butter, bread, or any sweets ever. Then she'll move onto berating me for not suggesting my Uncle for contracting jobs to people even though his work his horrible-he did work a family member and it's coming apart but he made a stupid excuse and did work in my house which ended up cracking my granite countertop. She's furious with me because I said he does crappy work.

I would also have to listen about how wonderful my brothers kids are, and listen to snide comments about my DD, and my Aunt talk about how long of a drive she has to drive to come to dinner ( 1 hour ) and she doesn't want to be there and my other Aunt who makes excuses for everyone else and feels we should just go along with it.

And the really bad part is I can't drink because I have to drive up there and my ex will drop my DD off, and my Mother will greet him like a long lost son and invite him in for a drink.