Tell me your thoughts about "The Secret"

[beckmrk04]

OK- so I am going to ask this question of all of you.

The person in my life who causes me the most anxiety and negative emotions is my mother. And although I have been very effective about creating boundaries I can live with, even when I am around her it is mentally and emotionally draining: it's almost like her "energy" is so bad and painful, I can't stand to be physically near her.

The problem is that she watches my daughter (her granddaughter) 3 days a week. Now, granted- I could find someone else to watch my daughter. However, I feel like that would be cruel, because my mom really does enjoy my daughter (and vice-versa), and she's good to her. And I want them to have a relationship; my mom and I don't get along, but that doesn't mean she will treat her grandchild the same way she treats/treated me.

But, when I get to her house, I try to be pleasant, but all she does is complain and seriously, her negativity is palpable.

How can I effectively block her negative energy? I need to be able to do this, and I'm sort of struggling with how to do it. When she's complaining about her various illnesses, her fight with some person, complaining about her husband (my stepdad), or whatever else it is- how can I listen without egging her on or seeming like I'm "on her side" (which is what she really wants- she wants everyone to join her pity party).

Any ideas? Thoughts?

I know that at some point I have to make other arrangements because I worry about the effect her negativity will have on my child. However, she's generally very happy when she's with DD, it's just when she gets around other adults that the pity party resumes.

 

[princesskimberella]

I have to admit I woke up this moring having my own personal pity party, but after reading this thread I fell so much better and have decided that I really need to be more positive.

beckmrk04 I know how you feel, I have 2 people in my life that are very toxic to be around, my StepMother and my BF/SIL, I know make no sense why some one who is toxic would be my best friend, 21 years of friendship and married to twins. Anywho I can be having a grreat day and get call from one of these 2 and they just pull me down. I can feel my whole additude change and I have caught myself getting all gossipy and catty jsut like them. It is really hard but sometimes I just have to remove myself from the situation or phonecall, them I have to find a " happy place " to bring myself back to the positive. As far as my SMom goes, I am really trying to do my best to not let her bring me down, she seriously has NOTHING good to say about anything, I even stopped calling her because I was getting myself physically ill knowing that the whole conversation would be about the stupid people who work for her, or about how lazy my little brother is, or how crappy she feels all the time etc..... If she calls me or I have to visit I try very hard to ignore her, and try to talk about my kids and their accomplishments ( which usally ends us with a comment back like wait till they are teenagers... ) plans we have for future trips, or things we want ot do to the house. If it gets to bad I know it is time to leave, them I blare the radio with my favorite music as I leave, it puts me in a better mood

 

[Planogirl]

Thanks for the comments on relationships. I think those are so complicated at times

beckmrk04, I have a mother much like that and I dealt with it relatively quietly for years. She was verbally abusive and draining and really could make life for those around her very miserable. I finally literally exploded with anger and we haven't seen each since. I felt bad about getting so angry for a while but I finally realized that I had to release the anger that I'd bottled up and I forgave myself. Now life is easier.

I'm not saying that someone should break off contact with a negative person but I think it's a good idea to find a way to get rid of the frustration they cause. It felt almost like a poison in a way.

 

[CathrynRose]

Morning Secret'ers! It's kinda-Friday!!! Sorta....


Im glad this thread is here. Its a 'reminder' on how to think for all of us!

 

[CathrynRose]

OK- so I am going to ask this question of all of you.

The person in my life who causes me the most anxiety and negative emotions is my mother. And although I have been very effective about creating boundaries I can live with, even when I am around her it is mentally and emotionally draining: it's almost like her "energy" is so bad and painful, I can't stand to be physically near her.


Any ideas? Thoughts?
.

You can only control yourself. You cant control how other people act or think.

But just look at this thread. Look at how we can influence each other into being more positive.... do this with your Mom. Dont push it on her, however you just being in another state of mind could change the way she is around you. Give off that energy that you want in return and you may be suprised what you get back.

Anyone watch the Dog Whisperer? Its almost 'that' way of thinking, as well. If you think "OMG, I have to take him for a walk, and he's terrible when I take him and I hope that neighbors dog isnt out cuz my dog gets so crazy when we pass that house......" and on and on and on - you pass that energy to your dog.

So, the same concept. When you pull up at the house, dont think "Here we go again...." Visualize what you'd like it to be like, KWIM?

Almost like when a kid is whiny and acting up. Ignoring that, gets them no where, so they'll stop. Same thing....

 

[JodyLynC]

Some nice links to share. They are from Deepak Chopra's Namaste Newsletter for this month.

http://chopra.com/namaste/jul08/david
http://chopra.com/namaste/jul08/deepak

Enjoy!

 

[lisaviolet]

Lisa, I read your post before your edited it. Then I went on to read some other threads here on the DIS where they were all bickering & it put me in a foul mood and didn't want to come back to post. It's amazing how contagious that energy is.

Anyways, I think I understand more what you mean. Like, no one wants to get cancer. But many people who've made it through have said having had it, they have become such a better person because of it: stronger, deeper, more compassionate, able to slow down & notice the important stuff, it realigned their priorities etc. And, in some ways, they're not sure that they would have had things happen differently, if it meant they couldn't be the person they turned out to be because of it.

I also agree with not stuffing feelings inside. That's why we have a society today that has so many drug & alcohol problems. People don't know how to have their pain & work through it. They numb it instead.

Hey Imzadi,

Yep, that's what I was getting at. As for the edited material - too vunerable right now. Thanks for taking the time to understand. I really appreciate that.

Lisa

 

[lisaviolet]

.

Something cool I wanted to share. I have been practicing the Secret for sometime and I had really wanted to meet Jillian Michaels ( a bunch of personal reasons ) because she was really inspiring to me. So I went to bed everynight and envisioned it. Out of nowhere I get a call from a friend of mine ( Jen Widder who was on the Biggest Loser 5) . She is like " Hey Jillian is going to be in NYC. " Next thing you know 2 days later I am having the most amazing experience talking to her.

I didnt know this at the time but she is so full of " The Secret" ! Everything she says and does. Its in her speech her actions. After talking with her I went out later that week and bought her book. Everything in that book that is in a grey box pertains to the secret!!!

That's such a wonderful story.

 

[ilovepcot]

Just checking in to tell all of you how much I appreciate your posts. *Every single one* adds to our learning experience. Again, I've bookmarked all websites suggested and made note of books recommended. How wonderful it is to have *positive* things to immerse myself in! They were there all along...I had "chosen" to ignore them. In time, I'll learn why.

The DIS is no longer a place I visit to counteract boredom. It has a new purpose and is proving to be far more than I could have ever dreamed! I hope everyone contributing to this thread feels much the same and will continue participating here.

 

[CathrynRose]

Im copying this here - PhotobearSam posted it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adYbFQFXG0U

Its a -moving feel good video-. Watch it!!!

 

[ilovepcot]

Thanks CR but now my makeup is *ruined*! Totally worth it.

 

[ilovepcot]

Here's some positive places to bookmark instead.

The Daily Motivator

Soulfuliving.com

Blast O' Joy

Steve Pavlina.com - Podcasts
Steve Pavlina.com - Articles
Steve also has a Personal Development forum. It's quite busy! I haven't checked it out yet.

Really liked the looks of the Soulful Living website and attempted to bookmark it. No "right clicking" allowed anywhere on that site! How does one "bookmark" such a site?

Also liked the few articles I had a chance to read by Steve Pavlina and will read them all when able. He comes off very clear and concise to me.

 

[Imzadi]

This is the first chance I've had to get on the computer all day. I just have to share the dream I had this morning. Maybe it's because of all this talk of the Law of Attraction and what Cinderella73 wrote about meeting the person she wanted to meet.

I had a dream with Madonna in it! (The singer, not Mary, although that would have been cool, too. )

Back story: I freelance at many jobs or careers. Always have. One affirmation I got from Louise Hay is to say, "My income is constantly increasing," and to know I will be provided for by the Universe. I believe in attracting abundance, as I've experienced it. So I've never had a problem just needing one "normal" job for a lifetime, whereas, I know many people who would be freaked out not knowing where or when their next paycheck is coming from.

Well, I'm transitioning my careers again & would really like to get my art business in full gear. I used to sell for a while before, so I know my art sells.

Back to the dream : I'm in some friend's apartment. (Must be a future one as I don't currently know her.) This apartment is fabulous, all white walls & very spacious. We're setting up for this party she's having that night. She tells me to put out some of my art as her friend, Madonna, is coming! She says, in fact, why I don't give Madonna a piece of my artwork, because when she walks out the door with it in hand, the paparazzi will snap a pic of it, and my pottery will automatically be the thing to have as Madonna wanted it. She said Madonna will be really cool about it.

So Madonna arrives. I get to meet Madonna!!! My friend explains to her the plan. Madonna is totally cool with helping me advertise. She knows how to work the press - it's Madonna, after all . She actually likes my artwork!!! When I give her one, she says, "Is this all you have? Give me a couple more to walk out with." She scans the room and sees my work and says, "Make sure it gets written up about how your art is here, when they write the news article on this party."

I hand her a couple more of my artwork and she walks out, pieces very obvious in her crooked arm in front of her, and the paparazzi snap the pictures!

 

[Carly_Roach]

Something else to think about and chew on: the positive feelings that we get from dreams are just as real and valid as the positive feelings we get from things that happen when we are awake.

Wonderful dream, Imzadi! Thanks for sharing it!

 

[beckmrk04]

Anyone watch the Dog Whisperer? Its almost 'that' way of thinking, as well. If you think "OMG, I have to take him for a walk, and he's terrible when I take him and I hope that neighbors dog isnt out cuz my dog gets so crazy when we pass that house......" and on and on and on - you pass that energy to your dog.

So, the same concept. When you pull up at the house, dont think "Here we go again...." Visualize what you'd like it to be like, KWIM?

Almost like when a kid is whiny and acting up. Ignoring that, gets them no where, so they'll stop. Same thing....

OK... I get that.

I *do* have that "here we go again" attitude, very much so, and I didn't think about it from this perspective, but you're right. I'm getting what I expect. (I just had a little epiphany!)

OK: my project is to rearrange my thinking and expectations. I'm learning to let go of the past, but dreading the future interactions is keeping me weighed down.

THANK YOU!

This thread is so helpful.

 

[Imzadi]

Morning Secret'ers!

I like to think of this as the secret thread - the Positive place to be on the DIS.

Let's keep it "a secret" so none of the nay-sayers will stop in, only more positive people.


Did anyone else see this new thread?
Songs that just make you feel better
It's by a newbie who's been lurking for the past couple months. Maybe we are attracting new, positive people to the DIS who won't be afraid to post some good stuff.

 

[Imzadi]

Really liked the looks of the Soulful Living website and attempted to bookmark it. No "right clicking" allowed anywhere on that site! How does one "bookmark" such a site?

In Internet Explorer, in the top gray area, there will be a button for "Favorites." Click on that, and click on "Add to Favorites."

Just came across this thread and skimmed through it a bit. The thing is the Secret is really based in physics. It is also a LOT harder to master than just thinking positive .

Something cool I wanted to share. I have been practicing the Secret for sometime and I had really wanted to meet Jillian Michaels ( a bunch of personal reasons ) because she was really inspiring to me. So I went to bed everynight and envisioned it. Out of nowhere I get a call from a friend of mine ( Jen Widder who was on the Biggest Loser 5) . She is like " Hey Jillian is going to be in NYC. " Next thing you know 2 days later I am having the most amazing experience talking to her...

The Secret sounds much easier to ear than it is to actually fully understand. Its base is in science . Think quantum physics . Its so much more than just thoughts. Its emotions and the energy we give off when we feel things. Its documented that our bodies generate energy and give off a magnatisim. (sp?)

Welcome, Cinderella73. Especially another fellow quantum physics person. I posted a looong post on quantum physics a couple pages back. Hope it wasn't too confusing , even for a fellow quantum physics person.

Great Jillian Michaels story by the way! I think you inspired my dream last night.

 

[Imzadi]

There is a very good answer to the negative thoughts that come through TV, music and those around you: turn them off. Shut the TV off, only play CDs of music you enjoy when you listen to the radio and (hard part) walk away from people who want to draw you into their negativity.

Some people think it's going to be the TV they can't live without, but trust me it gets easier. Only watch movies you enjoy.

When I said about thinking some stuff I'm going to watch as junk food, like potato chips, I meant be more conscious of what you watch. Like, I don't agree with those people who tried to sue McDonald's for making them overweight. It was their responsibility, what they put in their mouths. Same here, you wouldn't make a steady diet of potato chips at every meal. Just know when you are doing it, and make it a conscious choice when you do watch that stuff.

It's also why I like listening to podcasts & audiotapes. After listening to so much negative stuff on TV and in the news, it helps to listen to positive stuff in the same modality (visual or audio.) If I've been listening to garbage, I need to listen to good stuff to re-balance the input to that part of my brain.

 

[Planogirl]

The challenge is being positive in a negative environment. Also, someone once told me that you wouldn't be as aware of good things if you didn't learn to deal with the bad. This always stuck with me.

 

[Imzadi]

The challenge is being positive in a negative environment.

In Julia Cameron's workshop for The Artist's Way, she told us this, "One of the wonderful gifts & talents of being an artist is that you are more sensitive to the world. You see something and it immediately sparks an idea. You hear something and it puts you in a different mood. Having more sensitive feelings allows you to be more empathetic to others and you can touch people on a feeling level more.

The negative side to having such sensitivities, is that it also makes you that much more sensitive to the negative things in your environment, too. You can pick up other people's negativities easier. Criticism they say goes in deeper. You can pick up their negative moods if you are around them too long.

It IS a challenge for us to be in negative environments & around negative people and we have to learn techniques to protect ourselves from absorbing the negativity, and/or learn to just remove ourselves. Some people I know, can naturally let things roll off of them easier. They wonder why I can't be like them. It took a long time for me to learn, I'm not like them. It's partly from my upbringing, but also I now know, it's who I am. And that's okay. I am a sensitive person. It took a long time to learn to love myself and to love my "faults." Now I love being so sensitive. I like needing a whole box of Kleenex when I'm watching a tearjerker movie. I love being able to stand up & cheer for the underdog when I see them win. I like being able to sit with a friend, hold her hand when she's down & tell her I know how she feels, and she knows I do.

I remember, years ago, one abusive ex-boyfriend thought he was trying to put me down by saying I'm overly-sensitive. I just started laughing. "I'm an artist, you idiot, I'd better be overly-sensitive!"