Tell me what you really think when you see an unwed mom?

[Costumesaremylife]

I hope that the girl has a good support system. And I always think of how wonderful it will be when the child is a teenager and her parents are young. I know it sounds weird, but my friend had young parents and I was always jealous.

 

[letfuller]

I can only try to support those that I know are single mom. I grew up in a divorced family and my mom raised my brother and me with patience love. My best friend in high school got pregnant our Junior year and raised her daughter by herself. Her success is the support that she received from her family.

As a teacher, I have had several students become pregnant. I see them struggle, but also see those that have the family support are the best off.

Continue to love your daughter... she is probably harder on herself than you or her dad would be.

Mistakes happen. I am not one to judge. I do, however, advocate for adoption....


~linda

 

[janette]

It sounds like she's doing the right things. I don't really notice except if a person seems really yound and then wouldn't know if they are married or not.

I have 3 siblings with grandkids, all of their 1st grandchildren were present at their parents wedding. I have a sister now who is expecting her 1st grandchild, we've had mixed reactions wish I could be supportive but her son's girlfriend isn't positive he's the father so we are waiting for the final yes/no on that one. I hope he is because he seems to want to take on the responsibility of being a father and that would be good for the child to have.

Your DD will grow up faster than you are she wanted but being a young grandmother has it's advantages! Enjoy your grandchild and support her. Congratulations!

 

[4nana]

I feel your pain. You are in shock right now and feeling a lot of different things. Don't stress yourself out wondering what, when and why. Truly, it does not matter what anyone else thinks.
Your family and friends will be there for you. Take it one day at a time ~ you need time to gather your thoughts and plans.

In time you will come to realize you are about to experience one of God's greatest gifts ...becoming a grandmother! Your little girl has grown up and is going to become a mother! She will need your love, encouragement, strength and support more than ever.

Think positive thoughts and keep the faith. The good days will out number the bad and it will all work out. When you hold that little innocent baby, nothing else in the world will matter.

My best to your daughter for a healthy pregancy and baby.
God Bless you and yours ^i^.

Congratulations!
Sandie

 

[clutter]

tc, take a deep breath, and give Kimmi a big hug and TELL her that you have absolute faith that she will be wonderful in anything she chooses to do. And that she'll be a wonderful mom. I remember from your posts how close you two are, and your unwavering faith in her will give her the ability to be everything she wishes to be, as well as a great mom.

Hey, you've got a grandbaby on the way!!! How much fun that will be!!!

 

[danacara]

Originally posted by Toby'sFriend
"There but for the Grace of God Go I."

That's what I think, unmarried and at the ripe old age of 23!

I admit I sometimes wonder why she didn't insist on both condoms and another form of birth control. It's not as if teen girls today don't know about this stuff, we all definitely knew it was available and accessible. Then, I wonder if self-esteem had anything to do with it ... did she not want to ask the guy to protect her? I mean, condoms don't break all that often, and the pill works 99%+ if taken correctly, so chances are something went off-track at some point. And from a sociological perspective, that interests me.

 

[TINKTWINS]

As a mom of an 18yo DS, who has been really driving me batty latley, I CONSTANTLY ask myself "what did I do wrong" but in all realitly, I probably didnt do anything wrong. Nor did this mom of a teen mom, moms cant always take blame for our kids actions, but looking into your heart, knowing YOU were a good mom to your kids will show through when they have kids of thier own.

 

[piglet too]

I must applaud your daughter for knowing that the right thing is to not marry the father just because she is pregnant. My SIL told me (before she knew for certain) that if she was not pregnant she was going to break up with her boyfriend. Well, she was and they did get married only to divorce due to his abusiveness.

Now I was 20 when I had my oldest son. My husband and I post-poned our wedding so I could stay on my Dad's health insurance. I got to have a wedding/baby shower and it was so nice. My MIL would not have a shower for her daughter because she was not married yet and that was a disgrace. She (MIL) kept harping on how they should had gotten married right away and how her grandaughter will always have to carry the shame. I flipped and asked if she felt the same about my son....never did give me a real answer.

Be there for her and support her in all the ways you can. A shower would be a nice thing too, as she will really need things for this bundle of joy that is to bless all of you.

 

[tc]

Well, a new day has dawned. My outlook today is not as grim as it was yesterday. For one, I am married to the most amazing man. He sat Kimmi and I both down yesterday and said this. Our belief is founded on the fact the God created life. We must believe that God created this one. He could have chosen for this not to happen, but He didn't. Therefore, we must celebrate that life. Sure, we can mourn changes in direction, but that's all.

She is a wonderful daughter, and will be a fantastic mom. I still hurt a little. I am still having a hard time eating. I still cry for no reason, but that will pass. When this is all over, we will have a bouncing baby something, and I'll be a nana.

Thank you so much for all your support. I will take all the advice to heart. Especially those posts that talked about making Kimmi feeled loved and cherished. This will be such a hard time for her, we will not add to it by being judgmental or by withholding our love.

I am so glad I decided to post this here. You guys are all so great!

BTW: my computer is down at home. I know I have a few pm's, but don't have time to respond at work. Hopefully I can get my computer fixed and I'll reply to those too.

 

[DSNY FN]

Well after reading the OP's question I am posting this. I live in a very conservatice city lots of old money here and as a male speaing on the subject my now wife and I had our first child 2 years before getting married. I have noticed that a male walking through a mall etc with a child seems to get alot more admiration from people than a woman will. I have no clue why they feel like the man should be commended for being out with his ids and a women frowned upon but that is apparently how things work here. Funny thing is when you look at the girls that have kids at a young age they are mostly from our upper class families go figure. I was asked while walking with my daughter after she was born where her mom as and how I should be commended for taking her out as most dads don't do those things. All while my wife (notmarried at the time) was sitting at a table not 20 feet from me. At the same time an older woman asked my wife why she had the baby and didn't give it up to a household that had a mother and father to look after it so she pointed to me and said there is the father sitting right there the lady was appaud that we were not married oh well. I just seem to think there are way to many judgemental people in the world and that if a girl/woman has a baby and is not married etc so be it it was their decisaion so they felt they wqere ready or whatever and no one should look down on someone for trying to raise a child wether it be on their own or with the other party involved.

 

[scarlett873]

that's great to here kelli!

just keep thinking about how many trips you'll be taking with that precious little grandbaby to WDW!!!

 

[FINFAN]

TC, I have read through this thread and I must admit I have *assumed* things about people because of what I perceive. Heck, one of my rituals at WDW is to people watch, and I guess be watched if someone chooses. I have a VERY different parenting style than DH, and it has caused stress in our marriage at times, making me question how I could voluntarily choose to have kids with this man....so I am no wiser or safe from judgement just because our kids were planned and born into 2 parents who were already married. Heck, there have been days when I have *ASSUMED* that a mom is single and felt a bit envious...because it can be hard to have conflicting views on child rearing, and I think if it is just my way how much smoother things would be( DH feels the same about HIS way..LOL...we're a mess at times) I think if Kimmi knows in her heart that the father is just that, the father, and not someone she knows she wants to spend the rest of her life with she is saving herself and her child from a lot of possible pain and frustration. The sudden news of course flips your whole families world upside down, and you need to take all the time necessary to adjust to it, however YOU guys need to, not in the eyes of the general public. There are going to be a lot of ups and downs for you guys, but as I said, that occurs in married households a lot too...what is the saying...the leading cause of divorce is marriage? I think the biggest hurdle will be exactly how involved the father is going to be in both your daughters and grandchilds lives. I am an optomist....please tell Kimmi she is making Mommy decisions already, she is already choosing wha is best for her and the child by not rushing into marriage.
Pam

 

[Pin Wizard]

I wouldn't use the word "unwed." I would use the word "single" mom in my mind. It covers so many age ranges these days. I agree...you can't tell by just looking at someone. Not everyone wears rings when they're married! (Especially the men from my experience.) Being a single mom myself, I feel someone is pretty spectacular if I know they're a single parent...male or female. And sometimes I wonder what people think when they see me. I don't wear rings. I'm widowed more than 11 years now. Sometimes I want to blurt that out because sometimes i do wonder what people think! But it doesn't matter what they think.

I think I your daughter should be applauded for taking care of a baby! I think sometimes it's too tempting to just marry the other person, but if it's not the right person, it could be more misery than if she's without him! She's lucky to have the support of her family!! I think you're pretty terrific to be so supportive of her!!!! Blessings to everyone!!!

 

[Serena]

Keli, you guys will do just fine. From all your posts in the past, you and your family are loving and caring and now there will be just another one to add to it.
Kimmi has a great role model, and if she doesn't want to marry the young man right now, it's because she's seen what love is really like and doesn't want less.
Yep, you all will be just fine.

 

[LadyBears]

Originally posted by DSNY FN
Well after reading the OP's question I am posting this. I live in a very conservatice city lots of old money here and as a male speaing on the subject my now wife and I had our first child 2 years before getting married. I have noticed that a male walking through a mall etc with a child seems to get alot more admiration from people than a woman will. I have no clue why they feel like the man should be commended for being out with his ids and a women frowned upon but that is apparently how things work here. Funny thing is when you look at the girls that have kids at a young age they are mostly from our upper class families go figure. I was asked while walking with my daughter after she was born where her mom as and how I should be commended for taking her out as most dads don't do those things. All while my wife (notmarried at the time) was sitting at a table not 20 feet from me. At the same time an older woman asked my wife why she had the baby and didn't give it up to a household that had a mother and father to look after it so she pointed to me and said there is the father sitting right there the lady was appaud that we were not married oh well. I just seem to think there are way to many judgemental people in the world and that if a girl/woman has a baby and is not married etc so be it it was their decisaion so they felt they wqere ready or whatever and no one should look down on someone for trying to raise a child wether it be on their own or with the other party involved.

I agree with there being waaay too many judgemental people in the world. When my exhusband & I were just starting to date I was 15. We took his then 8month old neice to the zoo. I heard several comments that day!! Most we took in stride because we knew the truth. But - when one old woman came up to us with a lecture about unplanned pregnancy & us being too young to have a child together I had the ex take his neice out of view (& earshot) then I went up to the woman ... Was her face red when I gave it right back to her that this was his neice & he was just being a doting & loving uncle!! I bet she thought twice before she said anything like that to anyone else. again!

It just goes to show people are going to think what ever they want anyway. Just enjoy being a grandparent!