Tell me what you really think when you see an unwed mom?

[Towncrier]

I have very little to add to what has been posted here except that your DD is very fortunate to have loving parents to help her with the tasks ahead. I think that she shows quite a bit of maturity in not wanting to rush into a marriage that may not be the right thing for her, for the baby, and for Chris.

Hugs for all of you and prayers for a healthy pregnancy for Kimmi and for a healthy grandbaby.

 

[NMAmy]

tc--my niece was in the same situation several years ago except she was 17. She and the father decided they were too young to marry--which was a very mature assessment. My niece had and kept the baby with family assistance. She continued onto college and graduated with a BA in Psychology two years ago.

She has raised a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful child who none of can imagine not having in our lives. The baby's father and family were always very active in his life. They broke up for awhile but got back together a couple of years ago. They married in June 2002 and had a beautiful little girl last May.

I am so proud of her and her accomplishments. Frankly, I'd kick the behind of anyone who made mention in my earshot that she was easy or low class. She made the most out of a very difficult situation and she is an excellent mom.

I hope this helps you to realize that things happen for a reason. We may not know exactly why...but things tend to turn out for the best.

I myself was a single mom for several years due to divorce. I can tell you there is no more difficult yet fulfilling job around.

Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[TimeforMe]

Originally posted by tc
I am devastated. She had such great plans. I hope she can still achieve them.
She is so concerned that her dad will never look at her the same again. They have such a close relationhship. His nickname for her is Babygirl. She told me last night that she thinks he'll never call her that again. It just breaks my heart to see the shame in her face. We've tried to reassure her that this does not change how we feel about her, but she just can't see it right now.

Aww, I really feel for your family--especially being the mom of a teen right now, I think about if this were to happen how we would handle it. You obviously have a very good family life and than can only help the situation. This is one of those things that will take time to adjust to--you are all in shock so to speak. She doesn't have to give up on her dreams--just sort of readjust them. My best friend got pregnant when she was 17 and a freshman in college. To make a long story short, because of her family's support and her own determination, she graduated with a teaching degree, eventually married the father of the baby, went on to have 2 more children and they are still happily married--almost 25 years later! My niece also got pregnant at 17, had the baby, graduated from college and is now married (to a different guy) who adopted her first son and they also have 2 children (2 years old and 5 months) together. I tell you these things because sometimes life throws you a curve, but it doesn't mean her life is over. Hang in there--with such a loving family, things are bound to turn out OK.

P.S. Tell DH to make a conscious effort to call her "babygirl" again.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

tc, congratulations. Your daughter is 21 and sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders.
I teach HS and I do get frustrated when my students get pregnant. There are so many ways to NOT get pregnant and they know all of them. I have a boy in study table, age 18, his 15 year old freshman girlfriend is pregnant, and when I asked him about condoms he said "those things suck!" It doesn't matter, her mom is thrilled that she is starting her family early. That is the kind of situation where I would think adoption would be the answer, but very VERY few high school girls will even consider it.
But when adult women are pregnant and can make rational decisions like your daughter, more power to them. And you'll make wonderful grandparents. How soon can you take the baby to WDW?
Robin M.

 

[missypie]

Over the weekend I read an article in the paper about one of the young ladies in the NCAA basketball tournament who has a 3 yr old son. She said that when she first found out she was pregnant, she thought all her dreams of playing college b'ball would be dashed, that colleges would stop recruiting her. This was not the case. I wish I could remember her name so your DD could read about her! Can anyone help me out?

 

[WilmaBud]

There are plenty of people who could be (or have been) in the same situation as your DD. I think it's no one's place to judge. I think a child is always a blessing. Even though the situation may not be ideal, as long as she has your support, she'll do fine. How many times does life go exactly as we plan anyway? We just negotiate the bumps and curves in the road the best we can.

God bless your DD and you all. I wish you all the best of luck. Someday in the future you won't be able to imagine life without this little bundle of joy.

 

[snoopy]

{{{hugs}}} tc --- what you are feeling is probably very common to people who have experienced unplanned pregnancies. I'm sure within time you will learn to accept this baby as a blessing.

 

[RitaZ.]

I always hope that the mom-to-be has a loving and strong support system. IMO, that's what makes all the difference. It sounds to me like your DD already has that.

 

[Cruise04]

TC - I can sympathize. I was pregnant at 20 (had my daughter 2 1/2 months before my 21st birthday). Because of that I never finished college but my hope is to someday. I did get married but he was never much of a support person and still is not (the marriage ended and was needed to or I probably would have never had the life I have now). It has been very hard raising her as a single parent. There were so many times that I wanted to go out with my friends and never did. I missed a lot of fun times but it was important to me to be there for my daughter and to make sure she was raised right - knowing her mother cared and loved her deeply. I still remember the day I found out I was pregnant - I was TERRIFIED of what my parents would say and how hurt they would be. Surprisingly my mom was the one that took it the hardest and my dad was the one that was there for moral support. Once she was born they were both there (my mom was with me because my then-husband didn't want to be and to this day I would never change that - my mom getting to see my daughter born, especially now that she is gone).

It has been a struggle the last 14 years. Many times I thought we'd have to find a homeless shelter because we couldn't pay the rent, had our electricity shut off because we couldn't pay the bill and it was the dead of winter, got evicted because I couldn't do it on $200 a week and having to feed 3 people - fortunately my dad took us in and let us live with him (our relationship got even stronger after that). But the one thing I learned is that I was a strong person and I could do anything. Even though I currently am married to a wonderful man, I have a hard time having him support my daughter and I try to still do it as a "single parent" mentality - stupid I know but that's just how I am.

Her dad has never had much to do with her and when he has it's because his mom has made him. He is constantly behind in child support and doesn't live up to the divorce decree in supporting his daughter. He gets very jealous with the trips that we can afford and places we are able to take her. I believe he's also jealous of how well she has been raised (I do strongly pat myself on the back because she is such an awesome kid). I have never lied to her about what happened and never will. And because of that we have the utmost respect for each other - I wish I would have had the relationship that her and I have with my parents. I missed out on a lot of things as a kid and I vowed never to let that happen to my children and it hasn't.

TC - pm me if you need to talk. It's tough but sometimes it's easier when you have someone to talk to that's struggled with it. A lot of my hopes and aspirations went down the drain - but I've been a better person because of it - I truly, truly believe that!!!

 

[tc]

Thank you all so much for your support.

 

[Mermaid02]

I don't think any of those things.

 

[Big V]

Many many {{{HUGS}}} to you and Kimmi Kelli. I'm sure things will work out just fine! You're going to be a Grandma!
Scott

 

[browneyes]

Good luck to Kimmi, Kelli. When is she due?

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Your daughter sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders. Being 21 and unwed is a far cry from being in high school and unwed, IMHO. That alone is enough to stop some judgemental people from thinking the worst.


You are very right though, about your daughter having a connection now with someone you may not like. That connection is forever. Since we're ALL in our grand daughters life, we've made it a point to get along well with our granddaughters father and his family. They have become part of our family and we're a part of theirs.

We do that for the sake of the child.


I wish you all the best.

 

[Beauty]

First CONGRATULATIONS because this baby is a blessing and a gift from God!!

I got pregnant at 18 and it devestated my family, my mom and dad said the same things you are saying now. Fast forward to today and goodness I couldn't imagine my life without J.C. I applaud Kimmi for being open and honest in the fact that she isn't ready to be married. Even though its going to be hard I just can't imagine you and Stephen being anything but supportive and there for her a zillion percent. Kelli you and your DH are just about the nicest people we've ever met. Kimmi will be fine with the tow of you by her side and just think you will be the youngest looking grandma in the history of the history!!

You know I love you and will be praying for all of you in this situation. Just hold on to your faith and know that God does EVERYTHING for a reason, even though you might not know what that reason is right now. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} and if you ever need an ear I'm here!!

 

[mudnuri]

When reading the first page of this thread......Why does everyone jump to the conclussion that she's SINGLE? Just because someone is unwed, does not mean she is not in a long term, relationship......being an UNWED mother is different than a SINGLE parent.

I love how everyone reads unwed and turns it into single.

DH and I are friends with 2 different couples....they've been together UNWED longer than a lot of other couples are married....does that make them less of a parent? I highly doubt it!

NOW- onto the congrats.....best wished to your family, and hope for a safe healthy baby!
regardless of if it has an unwed mother/father or whatnot....
Brandy

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

Originally posted by tc
Thank you so much for all you honest opinions. It makes my situation a little easier to handle.

My daughter, Kimmi, 21 (and lives with us while going to cosmetology school), informed us last night that she's pregnant. She will not marry the dad right now. Doesn't want to compound one mistake with another possible mistake. She wants to make sure she loves him enough to marry. I know I should not worry what other people think, but I don't want her any more miserable than she is. I want people to love and support her, not judge her.

I am devastated. She had such great plans. I hope she can still achieve them. We have never liked her relationship with the Chris, and hoped that she'd break it off with him. Now she's tied to him, in one way or another, for a very long time. I am sad for her. Sad for our family, and trying to see the good, which is the little life growing in her.

She is so concerned that her dad will never look at her the same again. They have such a close relationhship. His nickname for her is Babygirl. She told me last night that she thinks he'll never call her that again. It just breaks my heart to see the shame in her face. We've tried to reassure her that this does not change how we feel about her, but she just can't see it right now.

Thanks for listening.

To answer your first question, I don't judge anyone. I was an unwed mom. I got pregnant at 18 and had my daughter at 19. I was young and stupid but keeping my daughter was the best decision I ever made. She made me grow up and think about something/someone other than myself. I had a hard road with my mom and dad during the last half of my pregnancy. They were upset and disappointed in me. But, babies change perceptions about a lot of things. From the day my duaghter was born, they completely changed their tune. I am really blessed to have them in my life.

My daughter's biological father is a jerk (IMO you never really know anyone till you tell them your pregnant) and he has never had anything to do with her. However, we are very lucky. My husband has been her father since she was 2 and has never treated her as anything other than his own. They are SO much alike sometimes I forget he's not her biological father. But, quite frankly, it's easier to raise a child by yourself than with another parent IMO.

The best of luck to you, your daughter and the grandbaby. It's hard but it will all be okay.

Just wanted to let you know that even though I had a child at 19. I have a GREAT job, a Master's degree, a loving husband, a wonderful kid and an awesome family.

 

[MickeysMommy]

Kelli, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Many to you all.

 

[luv2nascar]

I do feel sorry for a single parent. Only because I know how difficult it is to raise children with two parents. Do I thinks a single parent is a worse situation for the children not necessarily.

I think it much more courageous to raise a child as a single mother than abortion. Not trying to start debate there.

Some people don't realize in life you may never get a second chance. Some people are so quick to throw away a good opportunity.

God bless your family. That is a baby growing inside her that you will love as much as you love her and so will her father. Your relationship with her might change but you will still love her.
Good luck to you all.

 

[Planogirl]

I like that expression "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade". I think it applies here in some ways because plans have to be altered and unexpected responsibilites are on the way. But delaying one's plans is not so bad, life just gets a bit more complicated. I hope that my rambling makes sense!

Anyway, congratulations! A new baby is very exciting.