Tell me about your first time moving far away from home...

[acejka]

So we might be getting a transfer to Orlando, and I've never lived away from home, well until I got married and moved out, but I am still in my home town, I never even left for college.

My husband is psyched for the oppertunity, I am too, or half of me is.

There are better places to be than Orlando, but there are certainly worse places (at least in our opinion) I look at it as they could put me overseas and then its not an "easy"drive home when I want (I don't like to fly, especially by myself) and all I'd have to do is hop on I-95 for about 13 hours. We are lucky that we already like Orlando and are fairly familiar with the area. They could be putting us in state known for its long cold winters, and we'd be miserable!

Also, its gives us opportunities we would not have here in the DC area. He wants me to be a stay at home mom (I want this also) there is no way to for us to own a house here without 2 salaries. We also can't find houses around here that match what we'd like in such a large investment, we've found a ton that fit the bill down there (not that we'd buy right away.) His salary would stay the same as it is here, so it wouldn't a situation where we'd find cheap houses down there, but cost of living and pay is different so it'd be the same as living here.

With all that aside, I am pretty scared! I know that sometimes in life you just have to plug your nose and jump, and take a risk, but my mother is furious that we'd consider this (it came up last year as well but didn't work out) and my grandma is mad also. They think he should quit and just find a new job, possibly losing his clearance in the process. They are putting a lot of negative thoughts in my mind. I don't care as much leaving my mom, but I am extremely close to my grandma, and I don't often go a day without seeing her.

I know I will be homesick for a while, but what was it like for YOU moving far away for the first time.

 

[monkeybug]

So we might be getting a transfer to Orlando, and I've never lived away from home, well until I got married and moved out, but I am still in my home town, I never even left for college.

My husband is psyched for the oppertunity, I am too, or half of me is.

There are better places to be than Orlando, but there are certainly worse places (at least in our opinion) I look at it as they could put me overseas and then its not an "easy"drive home when I want (I don't like to fly, especially by myself) and all I'd have to do is hop on I-95 for about 13 hours. We are lucky that we already like Orlando and are fairly familiar with the area. They could be putting us in state known for its long cold winters, and we'd be miserable!

Also, its gives us opportunities we would not have here in the DC area. He wants me to be a stay at home mom (I want this also) there is no way to for us to own a house here without 2 salaries. We also can't find houses around here that match what we'd like in such a large investment, we've found a ton that fit the bill down there (not that we'd buy right away.) His salary would stay the same as it is here, so it wouldn't a situation where we'd find cheap houses down there, but cost of living and pay is different so it'd be the same as living here.

With all that aside, I am pretty scared! I know that sometimes in life you just have to plug your nose and jump, and take a risk, but my mother is furious that we'd consider this (it came up last year as well but didn't work out) and my grandma is mad also. They think he should quit and just find a new job, possibly losing his clearance in the process. They are putting a lot of negative thoughts in my mind. I don't care as much leaving my mom, but I am extremely close to my grandma, and I don't often go a day without seeing her.

I know I will be homesick for a while, but what was it like for YOU moving far away for the first time.

I move all the time, and not always to places I would choose to go!!
I grew up in California, and I loooove it!!! Miss it like crazy sometimes!!!
When we moved from CA to OR, I got to be a SAHM! I can tell you that for me, that made it a LOT easier!!! Oh wow! I love it.
Now I live in Maryland (very near DC) and it's not my favorite place. I just focus on what I love about it, put a lot of effort into making friends, and play tourist!!!
People always ask how we like where we are living. My answer is "Oh! We LOVE it!!!
Why? 'Cause it's life for the next three or four years, I can't do anything to change it, might as well think of it as "the best place ever!
Home will always be there. I figure I'm lucky in a way. I get to "test" out lots of different places, and someday when we are ready to just stay in one spot, I'll know what spot I want to be in!

 

[monkeybug]

So we might be getting a transfer to Orlando, and I've never lived away from home, well until I got married and moved out, but I am still in my home town, I never even left for college.

My husband is psyched for the oppertunity, I am too, or half of me is.

There are better places to be than Orlando, but there are certainly worse places (at least in our opinion) I look at it as they could put me overseas and then its not an "easy"drive home when I want (I don't like to fly, especially by myself) and all I'd have to do is hop on I-95 for about 13 hours. We are lucky that we already like Orlando and are fairly familiar with the area. They could be putting us in state known for its long cold winters, and we'd be miserable!

Also, its gives us opportunities we would not have here in the DC area. He wants me to be a stay at home mom (I want this also) there is no way to for us to own a house here without 2 salaries. We also can't find houses around here that match what we'd like in such a large investment, we've found a ton that fit the bill down there (not that we'd buy right away.) His salary would stay the same as it is here, so it wouldn't a situation where we'd find cheap houses down there, but cost of living and pay is different so it'd be the same as living here.

With all that aside, I am pretty scared! I know that sometimes in life you just have to plug your nose and jump, and take a risk, but my mother is furious that we'd consider this (it came up last year as well but didn't work out) and my grandma is mad also. They think he should quit and just find a new job, possibly losing his clearance in the process. They are putting a lot of negative thoughts in my mind. I don't care as much leaving my mom, but I am extremely close to my grandma, and I don't often go a day without seeing her.

I know I will be homesick for a while, but what was it like for YOU moving far away for the first time.

I think as hard as it is, you need to think of your family first, and mom and Grandma second.
I would think that getting to stay home would be a really nice thing for you and your husband. It's made a big difference in my familys life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
We don't have to plan around two schedules. I have time to be a wife and a mother (and myself), and we just have more time to have fun together!
Giving up a security clearance would be a big loss! Those are worth a lot to a lot of companies!!

 

[FireDancer]

In 2003 I graduated from college and the company I was working for to put myself through school offered me the I.T. director position. It was an opportunity that there was no way I could pass up, but required moving from Cleveland to the Tampa, FL area.

3 of my friends had moved down there a few months earlier and one was looking for a roommate, so the living arrangements worked out.

I enjoyed living in FL for the two years I was in that position but I was offered a job back home in Cleveland and was ready to move home. The offer lined up really well with my lease expiring and my new position was a step up professionally.

I wouldn't go out of my way to move away again because I have a lot of very close friendships that I don't want to leave. If another job opportunity that I couldn't pass up came up though I wouldn't preclude it.

 

[RadioNate]

We move a lot too. I can't imagine living any other way. I don't think I was ever really scared but my family never made me feel terrible about it either.

Since that first move I have lived in Florida, Iowa, Oregon, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, back to Florida and soon we will be moving to Colorado.

It has been an adventure. Each time it is hard to go onto the next place. Right now I dread packing, selling a house, finding a new house and all the logistics of moving.

I'm sad about leaving friends behind but since there is the internet, phones and airplanes I know that I can still keep in touch with people.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I moved from Detroit to SC with my DH. I am the only child, but my mom and dad were so happy for me to experience another place. Plus they were probably ready for me to move out of the house, too.. I looked at it as an adventure, and it turned out great. Now we have moved again to Savannah, and again...another adventure. But my parents also moved far away from their families (Mississippi and Iowa), but we always went to each for vacations. My parents traveled a lot, and that always included visiting family. My DH and I go back to Michigan a couple of times a year. We drive and it is now 15-16 hours. Not fun..

I have been trying lately to get DH to look into working at Ringling Brothers Art School for something different. And you know that location would be wonderful! Maybe he could be a clown instead of an Art Prof.

Sorry to say this, but your mom and grandmother have no right to lay a guilt trip on you like that. I can't imagine why someone would try to make you feel bad for doing what is best for your family.

I would say the hardest part is making new friends.

Good luck!

 

[lattemomof3]

We are going through something similiar. DH and I are ready to move, we've been here 10 years and it is just not our town. The largest obstacle is that my mom moved here 2 years ago, so we could help her take care of my dad. My dad passed away last March, so I would feel so guilty leaving my mom in a town that she has only been in for 2 years. She does have a nice circle of friends, but I'm her only daughter (I have 3 brothers who live in the city 3 hours away). If we find jobs in a desirable area, we are going to move though. My mom has talked about moving nearer my brothers someday, so she would possible do that, I'm sure she will be very upset at me though. Honestly, I think it's time my brothers had a turn with parental-care. My mom is very healthy and only 69, but she is pretty needy emotionally. I would still call her several times a week, and visit once or twice a year, but it won't be the same to her. She is not really that close to my kids- never has them over or takes time to be with them, so my kids will honestly not miss her that much. I have a few close friends here that we would miss, but many more I would be glad to get away from!. Good luck in your decision- if my dh had a job lined up we would be so thankful- and I would be packed tomorrow!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I loved it, DH hated it. I could move every year, I guess I am a gypsy at heart.

I am not "attached" to a house, city or place or belongings for that matter.

We moved to TX for 3yrs and now we have moved back. DH felt strongly about wanting to be near family for good reason and I didn't care really. So here we are.

When we had moved, I talked to my family on the phone like I always did.

Frankly it was nice to have my kids to myself without all the family distractions for awhile. We were "free". But that is a double-edged sword as you miss out on stuff. Just keep it in perspective and for goodness sake, go back to see family in July and not Christmas. That is depressing as people are too busy and you don't get to relax. That is my advice for visiting.

 

[Micca]

I think wherever you are with your spouse is home. You'll be fine, and it's not like you're completely cut off from contact with your family. You might be surprised how many visitors you'll get from "home" when they find out you have a place in Orlando.

 

[dawn1620]

DH & married at 23, he want to boot camp and we moved three months later when he graduated...from AL to VA and we were there five years. I was beyond excited to move..it was scary but I was ready.

DH wanted to go to Japan for his first orders but that did scare the crap out of me. I had never been away from family or my hometown before we moved to VA but now I wished we had gone.

Look at it as an adventure...it brought DH & I closer together because we only had each other and we didn't have the luxury of running home to mama when we had a fight.

 

[PigletsPal2]

I've been married for 44 years and have moved 28 times, living in ten different countries on four different continents. If your DH is assured of a job and has a security clearance, he's WELL ahead of the game. You need to do what's best for your family; your DM and DGM won't be around forever and you don't want to remember them with resentment because they kept you from doing what was best for your family. I speak as a daughter, mother, and grandmother. Best wishes in your decision.

Queen Colleen

 

[acejka]

Thanks yall, I appreciate the support and the stories. Now my best friend is in on the guilt trip, and maybe its not meant to be a guilt trip, but it still feels like one. I work for her, and she mentioned that my decision effects everyone, not just me, so does that mean because she will be short an employee, I should stay behind or leave my husband? That is a sticky situation in itself, and probably why people say to never mix business and friendship.

I've always dreamed of moving to Florida, I've also always wanted to go into photography, and I know that goes against my dreams of stay at home mom, but that is a business that while it takes up time, I can be home with my children and still making money, I would choose when to shoot, say a wedding, and then I can edit during the week without leaving my home for the most part. I can take jobs as I need to.

My husband sent me the following email, which has helped a bit :

The things that we most want to do are the things that are probably most worth doing. You are lucky, you have a dream. At the present time you have the opportunity to seize and protect it. Dreams cannot be achieved by themselves, they are the result of great decisions and actions. Do not let people want tell you that you cannot or should not do it. If You Want something, you have to go get It

Just remember the following and it should help you in what ever decision you decide.
"God grant me the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference."


I feel like during the time when I need these people's support the most, they aren't giving it, and that sucks.

 

[NotUrsula]

Unless your mother and grandmother have traded you monetary support for personal care, it just really is not any of their business where you choose to live. I can see their being concerned about your safety if they thought that you were moving someplace that was somehow dangerous, but central Florida?

As to moving, I just did it. I moved 2 hours away for college, then 4 states away for grad school. In my family, that's chump change; we routinely switch continents, usually starting at around age 16.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I was 24 when I moved away from home. I'm the only one that doesn't live within 20 miles of my mom. You'd thought I was moving to the moon when I left there.

It is not an easy thing to leave home and family and friends. You are excited, naturally so and your family isn't supporting you because they are being selfish. It could be a good or bad selfish but it still is selfish. When you married your husband, he became your family and your first priority. Your home is with him.

Moving is stressful by itself, moving without support just sucks. When I was packing to move, I heard my step dad tell my mom "don't worry she won't last 6 months until she comes home" I knew hell would freeze before I would back. It's been eight years now and I live even further away.

It's not easy living away at first. You move to a new place with little or no friends and trying to find your way and doctors and church or the best grocery store. You hear about family dinners or fun family events and you aren't there. You say it's just a 13 hour drive but honestly that is alot when you need to tack on 2 days of vacation for travel. If you drive for 13 hours then you want the vacation to last more than 2-3 days.

Will you be going to work when you move to FL? Can you live without your income while job hunting in FL? It's a bit lonely at first going somwhere and your husband already in the thick of things learning his way and you are setting up house and trying to find your own way.

Think about you can't just run over to your grandma's when she has the sniffles or even if she is sick in the hospital. Your instinct maybe to run back home but it's just never that simple. You think your family will come visit and maybe they will if you live in FL but it seems like you are always expected to be the one to go home. Think about the holidays. Juggling traffic and travel and it's even worse if you and your husband come from two different locations.

The biggest piece of advice I can tell you is that your family needs to be put in check. Your marriage is about you and your husband and not about them. They don't have to throw you a going away party but no one has the right to guilt trip you. They will miss you of course but they should be supportive that you are proceeding in a new step in your life together. You don't hold them back from their life and they shouldn't be holding you back from yours.

 

[acejka]

When you married your husband, he became your family and your first priority. Your home is with him. This was the best thing our preacher told us in pre-marriage classes. I believe it to be true, though it probably doesn't sound like it fromthe way I wrote my post...

You hear about family dinners or fun family events and you aren't there.
Luckily my family doesn't do anything like this, so it will take away from a bit of the "missing out" feelings.

You say it's just a 13 hour drive but honestly that is alot when you need to tack on 2 days of vacation for travel. If you drive for 13 hours then you want the vacation to last more than 2-3 days. We drive straight through all the time, and this has never bothered us, I know a lot of people like to fly, and maybe I will one day, but right now, knowing it is an easy, familiar drive that I could make on my own if need be (maybe not straight through though!) is comforting. You are right though, I would want the vacation to be about 5 days plus 2 for travel.

Will you be going to work when you move to FL? It won't be necessary, more for my own pleasure, just to have fun money laying around.

Think about you can't just run over to your grandma's when she has the sniffles or even if she is sick in the hospital. Your instinct maybe to run back home but it's just never that simple. You think your family will come visit and maybe they will if you live in FL but it seems like you are always expected to be the one to go home. Think about the holidays. Juggling traffic and travel and it's even worse if you and your husband come from two different locations. This is going to be the hardest part for me. I can't run to her house when I want/need to. That is the part that holds me back. And we will be expected to travel, at least to my family, because my mother refuses to take a vacation and my grandparents can't travel on their own-plus they are not the travelling type-they've lived in one area all their life and don't really care to explore the rest of the country.

QUOTE]

 

[brockash]

So we might be getting a transfer to Orlando, and I've never lived away from home, well until I got married and moved out, but I am still in my home town, I never even left for college.

My husband is psyched for the oppertunity, I am too, or half of me is.

There are better places to be than Orlando, but there are certainly worse places (at least in our opinion) I look at it as they could put me overseas and then its not an "easy"drive home when I want (I don't like to fly, especially by myself) and all I'd have to do is hop on I-95 for about 13 hours. We are lucky that we already like Orlando and are fairly familiar with the area. They could be putting us in state known for its long cold winters, and we'd be miserable!

Also, its gives us opportunities we would not have here in the DC area. He wants me to be a stay at home mom (I want this also) there is no way to for us to own a house here without 2 salaries. We also can't find houses around here that match what we'd like in such a large investment, we've found a ton that fit the bill down there (not that we'd buy right away.) His salary would stay the same as it is here, so it wouldn't a situation where we'd find cheap houses down there, but cost of living and pay is different so it'd be the same as living here.

With all that aside, I am pretty scared! I know that sometimes in life you just have to plug your nose and jump, and take a risk, but my mother is furious that we'd consider this (it came up last year as well but didn't work out) and my grandma is mad also. They think he should quit and just find a new job, possibly losing his clearance in the process. They are putting a lot of negative thoughts in my mind. I don't care as much leaving my mom, but I am extremely close to my grandma, and I don't often go a day without seeing her.

I know I will be homesick for a while, but what was it like for YOU moving far away for the first time.

The first time I moved far away from my family I was young (19) had been married about 6 months and was newly pregnant with our first kiddo. We moved farther than driving distance and I'm not going to lie, it wasn't fun for me at all. My dh didn't care one way or the other, but it was pretty rough for me, although I think it wouldv'e been easier if we wouldv'e been withing driving distance. Having said that, I think I'd be completely stupid for somone to give up their carreer and try to find a new one and start over, just because parts of the family don't want you to move. It just wouldn't be a smart move, IMO. Sometimes we have to do things in life that we'd rather not do, but it's just how it goes, and it won't be the worse thing in the world (especially since you're moving to Orlando with lots of things to see/do, at least in my opinion.) You'll be okay, just try to be a positive as possible and just remember you're just a drive away from home. I hope your family can put aside their missing you to be able to support you. Good luck!

 

[Maleficient]

Thanks yall, I appreciate the support and the stories. Now my best friend is in on the guilt trip, and maybe its not meant to be a guilt trip, but it still feels like one. I work for her, and she mentioned that my decision effects everyone, not just me, so does that mean because she will be short an employee, I should stay behind or leave my husband? That is a sticky situation in itself, and probably why people say to never mix business and friendship.

I've always dreamed of moving to Florida, I've also always wanted to go into photography, and I know that goes against my dreams of stay at home mom, but that is a business that while it takes up time, I can be home with my children and still making money, I would choose when to shoot, say a wedding, and then I can edit during the week without leaving my home for the most part. I can take jobs as I need to.

My husband sent me the following email, which has helped a bit :

The things that we most want to do are the things that are probably most worth doing. You are lucky, you have a dream. At the present time you have the opportunity to seize and protect it. Dreams cannot be achieved by themselves, they are the result of great decisions and actions. Do not let people want tell you that you cannot or should not do it. If You Want something, you have to go get It

Just remember the following and it should help you in what ever decision you decide.
"God grant me the Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference."


I feel like during the time when I need these people's support the most, they aren't giving it, and that sucks.

Reread your DH's email - that says it all. As PP said, your family/"friends" need to be put in check. This is your life, your DH's life. For my 2 cents, I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. I have lived in the same small city my entire life, and now, with kids, truly the decisions you make affect more than just you, so it gets much harder to pick up and move when there are kids in school, etc.
You have each other, everything else will fall into place if you know it to be true.

 

[DMickey28]

I moved away from home about your age with my then Fiance, now DH. We moved from Massachusetts to Indiana. Then moved a bunch after that too! We lived away for over 5.5 years and just moved back this past summer.

There was good and bad about it honestly. I was VERY homesick for close to a year. I had to force myself to stick it out because I knew it would get better. It did ... One thing that was hardest for me was I moved without a job. It took me a while to find a decent job and then once I did we moved again to Chicago and it took me a while to find a great job there. Then I really started to feel like I was at "home". I became a SAHM when my DS was born and we had lived away from family for just over 3 years by then. I could not have stayed home immediately once we moved because it just added to the depression and loneliness. Even though you want to be a SAHM, I recommed getting a job once you move until you actually have the baby. It's very important that you get out and make friends on your own in the new area.

DH and I grew very close and our relationship has grown so strong over the last few years as a result of being our #1 support system and doing everything on our own. We learned that we had to work out everything with each other only because we didn't have friends or families that we could run to just to get away. Sure we could get in the car and drive around but we HAD to face each other all the time. It was very hard on our relationship for the first year or so as well ... infact since we moved about 10 months before we actually got married I am surprised looking back we continued to get married it got so bad sometimes!! But we are very close as a result and we feel our relationship is stronger than the ones we see around us in our friends. We are our number one friend/priority/support person.

I was/am VERY close to my family. Very close ... didn't go more than a day or two without seeing family, especially my mom. I relied on them a lot ... I was able to "cut the umbilical cord" by being so far away. Very rarely did a day go by without talking to my mom but I learned to do a lot more on my own without parental input all the time. I think that moving away gave me an oppurtunity to grow up on my own that I would not have done otherwise.

I became more outgoing and forced myself to make new friends. I joined some groups on Meetups.com and made some great friends with kids my DS's age. I wouldn't have done that at home and probably missed out on some great new people in my life.

I would not hesitate to do it again. It's too bad that your mom is mad about it. My parents, of course, hated to see us go but they were so happy we had the chance to go out and experience other things in the world. We are lucky in the sense that they had the means and ability to travel and visit us quite a bit. Especially the three years we lived in Florida. Between them coming to visit and us going up north, we saw each other every 3 months or so.

Good Luck with the decisions ... I think it's worth the oppurtuinity.

 

[acejka]

Thanks for the continued input of stories everyone!

It's nice to hear more positive stories coming in.

I know its going to be hard, especially at first, and I think I will try to find a part time job or internship, until I can start taking classes. It will give my day some structure. Also, I love to read, cook and scrapbook, so maybe I will look into some meetup groups and hopefully make some new friends.


I hope it is a smooth transition, I feel like I will be losing my best friend by doing this, but when I think about it, it doesn't feel like she is as good of a friend as I think she is, for making me feel this way. I am excited, I feel like she could be happy for me for having this opportunity, even though I will be leaving the business. I don't want to leave the business, I love that place, but sometimes you have to do what you don't necessarily want to do. I just need to make the best of it.