Teenage Etiquette?

[rszdtrvl]

A couple weeks ago, I realized that my teenage son, 14, (who has Aspergers and ADHD) is severely lacking in etiquette.

I know that is not uncommon for someone with those type of issues, but decided that this year, we are going to work on his etiquette and his social skills. A LOT!

I have read multiple posts about teenagers and etiquette, and am wondering if you think that it simply is put on the backburner nowadays? That it just is not something that most childern are taught - using proper table manners (a knife and fork to cut food) to opening a door for someone to keeping a positive attitude, even if you are frustrated.

Does your child (teenager) have good etiquette, or is it a work in progress? Just curious.

I got him these two books online, and hope that he will learn something between him reading them and me working with him.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1575420244/ref=oss_product

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0394828771/ref=oss_product

 

[Wall-E1]

Mine - work in progress. He generally exhibits good manners in public. But he also takes great pride in his farting abilities - sometimes in public(trying to pass it off on me). I will say that his etiquette has improved over the years, and I do not worry when he is over a friend's house. I always get reports of how helpful and well mannered he is. I, of course respond by asking if they have the wrong number. He's not perfect, but I'll keep him.

 

[laurafergie]

As you can see by my signature I have older kids, and I have to say that I have been FLOORED on more than one occasion by the lack of common courtesy by teens - especially the boys.

By common courtesy I mean; saying hello when entering someone else's home, just saying thanks or no thanks, basic table manners and the big one: speaking when spoken to.

It did not seem to matter of the education or income level of the parent either.

But now that they are all in college, it seems that it is all smoothing out. Maybe the peer pressure as you get older helps? But to answer your question - I feel mine have great manners, maybe DD19 could be a little more tactful at times, but all in all - I am proud and feel my older kids can hold their own in all social situations.

ETA: I meant to commend the OP for recognizing that good manners will only help her son in his social skills and his journey through life.

 

[koolaidmoms]

I do not have a teenager but I do have a child with Asperger's (DS 7) and a DD (10) and this is something we struggle to teach them. Not interupting conversations, walking around two people talking not in between them, waiting for everyone to be seated and served to begin eating and using please, thank you and may I consistently.

Most of our friends comment on how our children were very polite and well mannered when they bring them home but as the mom I always seen need for improvement.

I want to check out the two books you recommended to see if they may help DS understand more about manners.

 

[marcyinPA]

My DS15 has very good ettiquite (I can't spell that word to save my life!), especially around other people. He kind of lets loose a little at home, but we do stay on top of him. He is good about holding doors, saying please and thank you (very very good about this...both of my boys are), responding in a mature manner when speaking with adults, ordering in restaurants, etc. I always smile when I watch him interact with people at church (especially when he doesn't know I am watching him). He acts so mature! It kind of floors me because he regresses at home sometimes. I get a lot of compliments from people on both of my kids...proud Mama!! (don't want to sound like I'm bragging here....)

One thing I have to jump on him for though is eating neatly. He's always a mess....food on his face, on his fingers, etc. He doesn't stop between bites to wipe his mouth with his napkin. He drops food on his lap or the floor constantly. (my dog loves it! ) I keep hoping he'll outgrow it, but so far, it hasn't happened. I always tell him I hope he doesn't eat like that at the school lunch table. He eats lunch with a lot of girls, and I'm pretty sure they would be grossed out to see him with food all over himself!

 

[Wall-E1]

One thing I have to jump on him for though is eating neatly. He's always a mess....food on his face, on his fingers, etc. He doesn't stop between bites to wipe his mouth with his napkin. He drops food on his lap or the floor constantly.

So... he acts like the married man.

 

[Magpie]

A couple weeks ago, I realized that my teenage son, 14, (who has Aspergers and ADHD) is severely lacking in etiquette.

I know that is not uncommon for someone with those type of issues, but decided that this year, we are going to work on his etiquette and his social skills. A LOT!

I have read multiple posts about teenagers and etiquette, and am wondering if you think that it simply is put on the backburner nowadays? That it just is not something that most childern are taught - using proper table manners (a knife and fork to cut food) to opening a door for someone to keeping a positive attitude, even if you are frustrated.

Does your child (teenager) have good etiquette, or is it a work in progress? Just curious.

I got him these two books online, and hope that he will learn something between him reading them and me working with him.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1575420244/ref=oss_product

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0394828771/ref=oss_product

They've been a work in progress for many years.

My mother has taken it on herself to make sure the kids know to sit up straight and use a fork and knife properly and behave properly in public and dress appropriately for occasions and make polite conversation. Because we know it's important to my mom, we tend to reinforce it when we go out without her. "What would Grandma say???" is a common phrase in our household.

My best friend, on the other hand, is diagnosed OCD. Small icky things bother the heck out of her. So while I might not care if my daughter is sitting on the couch picking at her braces with a fingernail, my friend will jump all over her. When my daughter turns to me, I can only shrug and say, "She's right you know. It is kind of disgusting."

Now, "polite" behaviour - pleases, thank yous, shaking hands, being kind to each other - that's important to ME. I once realized when the kids were small that I said, "That's RUDE!" far more than I ever said, "That's bad!" So they've always been good with being considerate.

My husband's bug-a-boo is failing to open doors when you're the first one through, interrupting people, and being disrespectful in your speech. Meanwhile, my mother-in-law is big on doing things for other people without complaining.

There's a lot of adults parenting our children and teaching them etiquette! The kids aren't perfect, but they're pretty darn good. They should be able to get by in just about any circumstance in life. Which is pretty much the point of etiquette, I think. It's all about smoothing over the rough edges of social interaction.

 

[ENSOCK]

My boys are very good about this. Yes/no sir/mamam, please and thank you. At home they are lax but I get comments all the time on them in public.

 

[PigletsPal2]

My girls were always very polite; please/thank you, good table manners, attentive to the needs of others, etc. Shoot, DD#1 used to say "excuse me" when she walked into a wall! (Fairly frequently, always had a book or magazine in her hand.)

Queen Colleen

 

[JVL1018]

My 9 year old son and I were walking into the library yesterday and he walked in right in front of me and let the door shut in my face. I stopped and he looked back(glass door).
He opened the door and I said Seriously?
He stepped back out, opened the door for me, ushered me in and then went in himself.

Work in progress...

I hear tell he is very polite at school so there's that at least..and my daughter is always good with her manners.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

It amazes me how many people don't have manners. Especially "excuse me" what ever happened to that phrase? Drives me nuts.

I have done my best to drill manners into my kids.

Most of our friends comment on how our children were very polite and well mannered when they bring them home but as the mom I always seen need for improvement. .

My mom has had people come up to her and say that they use my kids as examples on good behavior--especially in church.

 

[mamacatnv]

I think it is an ongoing work in progress. Practice, practice, practice.
When DS was a teen some of our biggies were:

Never ever pull up and honk, even if its just a friend and you have done things socially for forever, go to the door.

When its a date, always ask the parent what time they want their DD home respect their wishes and make sure it happens. Always walk her back to her door.

Send a thank you note to your relatives when they send you something, its the best way to stay on the Grandparent check continuation plan.

When having dinner at someone's house, engage in the conversation, clear your plate, perhaps offer to take out the trash when dinner is over, help pick up the table etc.

The basics; napkin in lap, don't talk with your mouth full, do not shovel your food, chew with your mouth closed, if a guest eat it even if its not your favorite, use that napkin and don't forget to say thank you for the meal.

Practice, practice practice and then also decide what are the biggies for you and what are the things you can let slide.