Teenage Bullying-What do we do?

[themilesfamily]

In the South Hadley case, I believe the parents of the bullies knew at least some of what was going on. The parent of one of the bullies said that her daughter had been suspended in the past for calling the girl names. But mom of bully said that the other girl started it, not her daughter.

It's back to blame the other kid. Or at last that's the stand this mom is taking in the media.

 

[frndshpcptn]

Ever since Columbine, many school districts have been trying to stop bullying. I don't know what happened in this particular district, but I'm not going to condemn it until all the evidence is known.

As tragic as this situation is, there is culpability for the girl herself and her family. I know that sounds harsh, but the reality is that many people live through teenage bullying without taking their own lives (like this child) or shooting up the school (like the bullied kids in Columbine).

I've been hearing a lot on the news and reading about this case, and it sounds as if the girl was mentally ill like most people who commit suicide. At 14 years old, she was promiscuous and that is just not normal for a child that age.

She allegedly received horrible threats via text message constantly. Did her parents have knowledge of those texts? I'll tell you one thing--if my kid starting getting nasty texts from kids at school, the first thing I would do is take away his cell phone. And if I caught him texting horrible things to other kids, I'd do the same.

I really think this case is about a bunch of teens lacking supervision from their parents and the school district. It never should have escalated to the point where the girl hung herself, but I have a feeling there is a lot of history in this girl's life that brought her to that point and that history wasn't all about kids bullying her at school.

You sound like someone who has never been bullied.

Here's my story (which I TO THIS DAY have NEVER shared with my parents - and we are very close - but I could never tell them this - it would hurt them too much):

When I was 14 I went on an overnight with a groups of kids from my school for a school-related function. I was insecure and wanted to be liked. I let a boy come into my room at the motel we were all staying in. We made out - and one of his friends was hiding outside the window of the room and unbeknownst to me took photos the whole time the boy was in there. They told / showed everyone the pictures when we got back to school the next week. I had no idea it was happening at the time.

I faked illnesses to stay home from school. And I was a tough kid - but I was a freshman and didn't know many people at the school. And I was NOT promiscuious - I was sweet talked into doing something stupid at a young age.

I got through it and eventually got past it (sort of) - but it followed me ALL thorugh high school It gave other boys the lisence to make up stories about me (which weren't true) but which everyone believed.

I was an honors student. A varisty cheerleader. Involved with the school theater group. On video yearbook. A Peer Counselor. An Adventure / Ropes Course leader. And on and on and on.

But I made one dumb choice my freshman year and it NEVER stopped following me. i got called names, slandered, harassed. It was terrible.

I never told my parents. I got through it on my own.

But not everyone can do that.

Funny enough, the boy who came into my room that night and his buddy Facebook friended me a few months back. Why they thought I would ever want anything to do with them post-high school is beyond me. I honestly don't think they ever really thought was they did was wrong.

It was a game to them. Nothing else.

 

[skater]

The Columbine shooters were not bullied. They actually bullied others for a long time before theie big event.

 

[skater]

You sound like someone who has never been bullied.

Here's my story (which I TO THIS DAY have NEVER shared with my parents - and we are very close - but I could never tell them this - it would hurt them too much):

When I was 14 I went on an overnight with a groups of kids from my school for a school-related function. I was insecure and wanted to be liked. I let a boy come into my room at the motel we were all staying in. We made out - and one of his friends was hiding outside the window of the room and unbeknownst to me took photos the whole time the boy was in there. They told / showed everyone the pictures when we got back to school the next week. I had no idea it was happening at the time.

I faked illnesses to stay home from school. And I was a tough kid - but I was a freshman and didn't know many people at the school. And I was NOT promiscuious - I was sweet talked into doing something stupid at a young age.

I got through it and eventually got past it (sort of) - but it followed me ALL thorugh high school It gave other boys the lisence to make up stories about me (which weren't true) but which everyone believed.

I was an honors student. A varisty cheerleader. Involved with the school theater group. On video yearbook. A Peer Counselor. An Adventure / Ropes Course leader. And on and on and on.

But I made one dumb choice my freshman year and it NEVER stopped following me. i got called names, slandered, harassed. It was terrible.

I never told my parents. I got through it on my own.

But not everyone can do that.

Funny enough, the boy who came into my room that night and his buddy Facebook friended me a few months back. Why they thought I would ever want anything to do with them post-high school is beyond me. I honestly don't think they ever really thought was they did was wrong.

It was a game to them. Nothing else.

This is a sad story. Good thing you were a strong girl -like you said, not all kids can get through something like this. You don't have to be mentally ill to crack under this kind of pressure.

 

[momrek06]

I had a scary incident with my DS in high school. This was in 1996. He grad 8th grade from catholic elementary school and in the 9th grade went to the local high school. Because of his participation in local town sports and the kiddos going with him from his catholic school he had allot of friends at the high school ... but this still was all new to him.

Well about FEB, a friend of DS' comes to me w/o DS knowing to tell me that he overheard ON THE BUS to a Jazz Band competition, a senior boy/John tell another boy that he was going to KILL my DS. I was blown away. I asked DS about this and he said to me that John has this girlfriend/Jane ... Jane has a huge crush on DS. Jane told John that DS kissed her. ALL LIES.

As soon as I heard all of this ... I drove directly to the high school. Went to guidance and told them everything. John was called into the office in front of me and DS. He admitted he did say that. They called Jane in, she admitted she made the story all up about the kiss. John was told in front of me, DS and others that he would NOT graduate from high school in June if this behavior continued. PERIOD. He would be expelled if there were any further issues with my DS. PERIOD. John was FREAKED OUT. John also stood there and apologized to DS. He did seem very sincere. John never bothered DS again.

But what bothered me is that DS at the age of 15yo thought he could deal with this ... give me a break. DH & I were blown away by all this ...

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Here's some food for thought, to start.

Modeling kindness and empathy
March 9, 2010

Barbara Coloroso, author of several books on parenting, bullying, and conflict resolution, says parents must model behavior to create kind, empathetic children.

“How do you deal with a bigoted relative at a family gathering?’’ she asks. “How do you treat hired help? How do you treat someone who looks different from you? How do you treat someone who moves too slowly in the grocery store for you?’’

When parents are driving and overhear nasty remarks about another child, it’s time to stop the car and point out the cruel behavior, she says.

“The girl who goes over to sit next to the new girl, the boy who says, ‘Leave him alone’ - that’s the kind of kid I want to raise,’’ Coloroso says. “Parents need to help their kids see that everyone has dignity and worth, that they don’t put someone outside a circle of caring, they don’t make someone an ‘it.’ You don’t have to like every kid in the classroom, but you do have to honor their humanity.’’

In her book “The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander,’’ Coloroso lists seven steps to stop bullying:

■ Discipline (including the three Rs: restitution, resolution, reconciliation)

■ Create opportunities to “do good.’’

■ Nurture empathy.

■ Teach friendship skills.

■ Closely monitor TV viewing, video games, and computer activities.

■ Engage in constructive, entertaining, energizing activities.

■ Teach ways to “will good.’’

http://www.boston.com/news/health/a...bullying_by_modeling_kindness_empathy?mode=PF

 

[Mtukufu]

I spent all of elementary school, middle school, and much of high school being excluded from activities and friendships and being bullied by all sorts of different kids. I've been told that "nobody likes me" and been called really bad things that I can't say here or I'll probably get a warning or a ban LOL and been beat up numerous times just for the stupidest things. All I wanted through that time was friends and the kids saw that I was just a really nice, happy dude looking for some pals and let me have it for the longest time. I moved around a lot of times and it was the same everywhere. By 8th and 9th grade I was sensing that it just wasn't going to work out and got steadily more depressed. The girls I liked wouldn't give me the time of day because I didn't have any friends. The kids I approached for friendships shot me down every time. I didn't even have a lunch table to sit at. By 10th grade I was rather chubby and had longish hair (thinking at the time I think that if I had hair like Zac Efron maybe some people would like me haha) and if you look at pictures of me then my eyes were... kind of glazed, maybe the illusion of sunken a bit. I wasn't a happy dude, that's for sure.

In 11th grade I moved again and even though it was an all-new environment everything was the same and it really hit me that it just never was going to work out with kids in the school system. So what did I do?

Did I start cutting and start listening to emo music?

Did I start seeing a counselor?

Did I get all suicidal?

No, actually. None of those. I spent 11th grade being picked on, but I was observing.

Last summer, I got some weights and started working out. I cut my hair short and respectable (looks like Dick Van Dyke most of the time). I started wearing more adult clothes (collared shirts, slimmer, non-ripped jeans, better shoes) and tucked in my shirts. I'm more than halfway through my last year of high school and I still do. Nobody messes with me anymore because of the vibe I give off. It's no longer the vibe of a victim. I'm relaxed, at ease, calm, collected, and above all, happy. I have no friends still, but I know that I'm just better than all this, with the kids and stuff, and that I guess I have been all along. The teachers love me now and that's what really counts. When I go off to university, I know I'm going to make pals with people eventually. It's that much more a varied environment. It's hardly as though I'm not able to make friends; many adults enjoy my company and conversation. I'm sure I'll find decent folks in university. I know I will.

But frankly, I'm a rare case. My advice to every kid who is bullied is to RISE ABOVE. But unfortunately not everybody does, at least not in time. It takes alot of time and soul-searching to realize that you're not the issue and that the bullies (at times, everyone at school) ARE. You're fantastic. The others are the ones with the problems and again, you need to find the strength to RISE ABOVE.

So my thing with the bullies?

So many kids go through bullying and too many of them don't make it out alive. There needs to be a series of "shock cases": legal cases that just rip the hearts out of a bunch of bullies that victimized some kid, so that all the bullies in the whole world are forced to look and watch the cases go through and these kids get punished and in turn be forced to re-evaluate what they are doing in their everyday lives so that they don't end up in jail for 50 years.

Bullying is a sad, bad monster, and to everyone out there who is a victim: don't be the victim. You're better than that, and better than your oppressors. RISE ABOVE. You can do it.

 

[FireDancer]

You sound like someone who has never been bullied.

Here's my story (which I TO THIS DAY have NEVER shared with my parents - and we are very close - but I could never tell them this - it would hurt them too much):

When I was 14 I went on an overnight with a groups of kids from my school for a school-related function. I was insecure and wanted to be liked. I let a boy come into my room at the motel we were all staying in. We made out - and one of his friends was hiding outside the window of the room and unbeknownst to me took photos the whole time the boy was in there. They told / showed everyone the pictures when we got back to school the next week. I had no idea it was happening at the time.

I faked illnesses to stay home from school. And I was a tough kid - but I was a freshman and didn't know many people at the school. And I was NOT promiscuious - I was sweet talked into doing something stupid at a young age.

I got through it and eventually got past it (sort of) - but it followed me ALL thorugh high school It gave other boys the lisence to make up stories about me (which weren't true) but which everyone believed.

I was an honors student. A varisty cheerleader. Involved with the school theater group. On video yearbook. A Peer Counselor. An Adventure / Ropes Course leader. And on and on and on.

But I made one dumb choice my freshman year and it NEVER stopped following me. i got called names, slandered, harassed. It was terrible.

I never told my parents. I got through it on my own.

But not everyone can do that.

Funny enough, the boy who came into my room that night and his buddy Facebook friended me a few months back. Why they thought I would ever want anything to do with them post-high school is beyond me. I honestly don't think they ever really thought was they did was wrong.

It was a game to them. Nothing else.

This is a great example of the one of the core beliefs I live my life by:

You can't control what others do to you or how they treat you but you are always 100% in control of how you react to it and how you let it effect you.

 

[MarieTheCat24]

Several years ago there was a movie/documentary called "Middle School Confessions". It looks like it will be airing on HBO Family in May.

The thing that struck me about this film was that the school had anti-bullying curriculum. The kids would stand there and tell the camera how IMPORTANT it is not to bully, and if you see someone being bullied you should try to help, blah blah blah. Guess who walked out of the classroom and engaged in some seriously vicious bullying? Same kids. They KNOW bullying is wrong, but they LIKE to bully. So they have to be sly about it. It's not like it never OCCURRED to them that bullying is wrong, so anti-bullying curriculum isn't likely to convince them to stop.

This is very true. I graduated from high school 2 years ago, and all throughout middle school and high school we sat through numerous assemblies and guidance lessons about bullying. My fellow students were definitely aware that bullying is wrong, but did that mean that there was no bullying at my high school? Absolutely not.

The fact of the matter is that kids think they are infallible. They don't realize that their actions have consequences. Unfortunately, just knowing that something is wrong isn't enough to stop kids from doing that something. Many kids these days have a one track mind. The only thing they consider in any given situation is themself. Kids bully because it makes them feel better about themselves. They never take into account the negative impact bullying can have because they aren't capable of putting themselves into the shoes of the one being bullied. I'm sure none of those kids would want to be bullied, but being the bully they have no problem with. And until we can figure out how to make kids think about how their actions will impact another person, bullying is going to continue.

 

[JerseyJanice]

You sound like someone who has never been bullied.

I dealt with my fair share of bullies growing up. People have attempted to "cyber-bully" me, too. Like you and everyone else on this thread who shared their bullying experiences, I got past it. It is tragic that the girl in this case did not, but we don't know everything that happened here.

Here's my story (which I TO THIS DAY have NEVER shared with my parents - and we are very close - but I could never tell them this - it would hurt them too much):

When I was 14 I went on an overnight with a groups of kids from my school for a school-related function. I was insecure and wanted to be liked. I let a boy come into my room at the motel we were all staying in. We made out - and one of his friends was hiding outside the window of the room and unbeknownst to me took photos the whole time the boy was in there. They told / showed everyone the pictures when we got back to school the next week. I had no idea it was happening at the time.

I faked illnesses to stay home from school. And I was a tough kid - but I was a freshman and didn't know many people at the school. And I was NOT promiscuious - I was sweet talked into doing something stupid at a young age.

I got through it and eventually got past it (sort of) - but it followed me ALL thorugh high school It gave other boys the lisence to make up stories about me (which weren't true) but which everyone believed.

That was a sneaky and rotten thing for those boys to do to you. Unfortunately, though, human beings have been tough on women perceived as promiscuous since at least the time of Christ. The villagers were ready to stone Mary Magdalene to death for that reason. It's nothing new and something I always wonder about. Males with many sexual experiences are seen as heroes; females are literally "stoned."

I was an honors student. A varisty cheerleader. Involved with the school theater group. On video yearbook. A Peer Counselor. An Adventure / Ropes Course leader. And on and on and on.

So you overcame what happened in your freshman year and apparently became popular since you were selected for the things I bolded. I think that's wonderful.

But I made one dumb choice my freshman year and it NEVER stopped following me. i got called names, slandered, harassed. It was terrible.

I never told my parents. I got through it on my own.

But not everyone can do that.

Funny enough, the boy who came into my room that night and his buddy Facebook friended me a few months back. Why they thought I would ever want anything to do with them post-high school is beyond me. I honestly don't think they ever really thought was they did was wrong.

It was a game to them. Nothing else.

You didn't tell your parents because you felt ashamed and I don't blame you, but I believe you got through the whole thing because you also felt too loved by your parents to have hurt them by doing something reckless in reaction to what those boys did to you.

This whole case doesn't sit well with me, mostly because I hate seeing schools getting blamed for everything that happens to kids. I don't believe that the public education system exists to fix all of society's ills. Schools are there to educate; character-building needs to come from the home.

And I don't trust the way the media has handled this story so far. First, it's reported all over the news as a case of "cyberbullying," but now the media is saying most of it happened at school where they did nothing to protect the girl. For example, I read something about the girl being struck in front on a school counselor in the school library, and the counselor didn't say a word or do a thing. I'm sorry, but I have a hard time believing that is true in a post-Columbine world.

BTW, I have yet to read anywhere else except in this thread that the Columbine shooters were bullies. I don't believe that's the case at all. They were bullied and went after the "popular" kids because they felt rejected.

 

[luvsJack]

It is easy to sit here and judge those parents because their child is dead and had they done whatever it took, just like the school should have done whatever it took to get it to stop then maybe she would be alive. You can't say that her parents shouldn't hold some of the responsibilty if you say that the school should

I've already explained my stance on statutory rape in previous posts.

Yes, because the school knew what was happening and was in a position to try and stop it--whatever it took. Her parents very well may have been trying to do everything they thought possible for them to do. They may have assumed that the people in charge of the place where their child SHOULD have been safe would get off their duffs and actually DO something about the problem. The parents TOLD the school officials, which is what they should have done. The school then proceeded to nicely drop the ball, big time. Do we know how hard the parents were pushing to get something done? Do we even know for sure that her parents knew it was still going on? The girl obviously felt there was going to be no end to what was happening to her, maybe she just lied to her parents or quit telling them what was happening. The school knew EXACTLY what was happening and just didn't bother to do anything about it and because of that one life is lost and several others may very well be ruined.

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, because the school knew what was happening and was in a position to try and stop it--whatever it took. Her parents very well may have been trying to do everything they thought possible for them to do. They may have assumed that the people in charge of the place where their child SHOULD have been safe would get off their duffs and actually DO something about the problem. The parents TOLD the school officials, which is what they should have done. The school then proceeded to nicely drop the ball, big time. Do we know how hard the parents were pushing to get something done? Do we even know for sure that her parents knew it was still going on? The girl obviously felt there was going to be no end to what was happening to her, maybe she just lied to her parents or quit telling them what was happening. The school knew EXACTLY what was happening and just didn't bother to do anything about it and because of that one life is lost and several others may very well be ruined.

It was the parents job to make sure they knew EXACTLY what was happening, and they failed. If this girl was being bullied so bad that she felt there was no other choice than taking her own life I find it very hard to believe that her parents had followed up and made sure it was no longer going on. Do I know that they did all the could, no, but since their child is dead I think its a pretty safe assumption that they didn't. I cannot rationalize laying all the blame for that on the school, sorry there comes a point where parents need to take responsibilty for their actions or inactions and not look to place all the blame somewhere else. I don't think the school isn't to blame, but they share it with the parents.

 

[luvsJack]

You know, telling a kid that is being bullied to rise above it or to not let what someone else thinks of you or says to you sounds like really nice words. But to a kid with 0 self esteem that get plummeted every day with harsh words, getting pushed around, getting hit or whatever the bullies are doing there are just that: nice words.

It takes a certain amount of strength of character to be able to stand up and do those things. It takes a certain amount of self confidence to stand up for yourself whether with actions, words or actual physical contact and not every kids has that.

With bullying so prevalent in the news these past few days and with the recent problem they had with a bully, dd's class has been doing lots of activities about bullying. One of the things they have been talked to about is defending someone you see being bullied. Empathizing with your fellow classmate and not allowing someone to be treated that way. Too many times kids fall in with the group being bullied because they are just glad its not them and the best way to make sure its not is to get on the right side. They have been discussing how not to do that, how to be there for each other and to make sure these things do not happen.

BTW, there is a HUGE difference in being picked on and being bullied. I was picked on. Being picked on it is easier to either ignore it or just join in with the jokes and laughter. When a kid is truly bullied they feel hopeless and helpless. Just as an abused wife begins to think she may deserve the abuse the bullied child may think they deserve it. We would never say that an abused wife or an abused child should just take up for themselves or should just rise above it or not worry about it , would we? Why do we insist on saying that about kids that are bullied??

 

[luvsJack]

It was the parents job to make sure they knew EXACTLY what was happening, and they failed. If this girl was being bullied so bad that she felt there was no other choice than taking her own life I find it very hard to believe that her parents had followed up and made sure it was no longer going on. Do I know that they did all the could, no, but since their child is dead I think its a pretty safe assumption that they didn't. I cannot rationalize laying all the blame for that on the school, sorry there comes a point where parents need to take responsibilty for their actions or inactions and not look to place all the blame somewhere else. I don't think the school isn't to blame, but they share it with the parents.

How exactly do you think they could possibly know what is going on when their daughter was at school? If she didn't tell them, there was no possible way for them to know everything. Do you think the school was going to say "oh, yeah we saw Mary being mean to her but we didn't do anything about it"? How would they know if she didn't tell them? Its not like the kids were going to do it in front of her Mom and Dad.

I don't know for a fact that her parents were trying to do everything possible, but give them the benefit of the doubt because I have been there and see how it could have happened. You want to believe that your child is ok; so when he/she says he/she is, you believe it. You may find it hard to believe that they could have done what they thought they could because you have never dealt with it. Until you do, you have no idea.

How can you not lay responsibility on the school? They definitely knew what was going on and refused to take any action. There is no doubt that regardless of who else may share blame the school officials failed this child in the worst way.

Its not about parents laying blame somewhere else. Its not about blaming the school for the parents inactions. The school was told! The school should have taken action against these kids. The school is responsible for its own inactions.

 

[luvmy3]

How exactly do you think they could possibly know what is going on when their daughter was at school? If she didn't tell them, there was no possible way for them to know everything. Do you think the school was going to say "oh, yeah we saw Mary being mean to her but we didn't do anything about it"? How would they know if she didn't tell them? Its not like the kids were going to do it in front of her Mom and Dad.

I don't know for a fact that her parents were trying to do everything possible, but give them the benefit of the doubt because I have been there and see how it could have happened. You want to believe that your child is ok; so when he/she says he/she is, you believe it. You may find it hard to believe that they could have done what they thought they could because you have never dealt with it. Until you do, you have no idea.

How can you not lay responsibility on the school? They definitely knew what was going on and refused to take any action. There is no doubt that regardless of who else may share blame the school officials failed this child in the worst way.

Its not about parents laying blame somewhere else. Its not about blaming the school for the parents inactions. The school was told! The school should have taken action against these kids. The school is responsible for its own inactions.

FYI, my ds has been bullied so I have been there, granted not to the extent that this poor girl was. There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't assume its still happening. I talk with my ds about what goes on at school everyday so that I know exactly whats happening there. It doesn't end because I've had meetings with the PE teacher and the VP. Its not enough to just let the school handle it So, to answer your question about how the parents could have known what was going on, they could have asked. They could have checked facebook, myspace, her texts. They could have spoken to her sister or the few friends that tried to help. It certainly wasn't impossible for them to figure out that the problems were getting worse and not over. They could have seen the signs written all over their dd's face. It would be pretty hard for a girl whose torment was so great she needed to kill herself, to not show some sort of sign that something was going on. Maybe she was an excellent actress and could hide it, it still doesn't mean that the parents shouldn't have made sure for themselves that the problems they knew about were really done and over with. This torment went on for months, how could they not know
And, I didn't say the school wasn't at fault but I will disgaree that they were the ones who failed that poor girl in the worst way, her parents did. Who do you really think she wanted to protect her more, mom and dad, or the school?

This is just something that you and I disagree on.

 

[nd5056]

It's getting worse and worse...


13-year-old Joshua boy's apparent suicide linked to bullying

The apparent suicide of an eighth-grader in Johnson County is being linked to bullying.

...

The boy's mother met with teachers Monday and said had been bullied in PE class and put in a trash can, Dane said.

He said he was trying to confirm details of the incident.

"We're trying to get to the bottom of it," Dane said. "Something obviously happened. I don't know to what extent."

...

 

[FireDancer]

It's getting worse and worse...


13-year-old Joshua boy's apparent suicide linked to bullying

Just like every accident is blamed on texting at the moment every suicide will be blamed on bullying for the time being. Parents will look for someone other then their child to blame when they commit suicide and bullying is the hot topic at the moment. Suicide is ultimately the decision of one person regardless of the outside influences.

I read the whole article but using being put in a garbage can in PE class as the reason for a suicide would be laughable if it weren't for an actual death. There was not a single mention of another "bullying" behavior.

I was shoved in the shower once while changing after gym in 7th grade. Almost everyone in my class was at some point, it was something that was done in the boy's locker room. All of us survived long enough to graduate.

The level to which the MA girl were bullied and this kid are not the same. Just like things that are not sex crimes (peeing on a tree for example) are lumped into the same category all of a sudden the standard kid stuff that happens will all start to be banded into the same category as raping a classmate. Pretty soon not wanting to play with a kid at recess will be grounds for expulsion. The MA case was an outlier for kids picking on kids (aka bullying), getting put into a garbage can is pretty much standard practice for junior high kids. It sure as heck was when I was in junior high and it wasn't all that long ago in the grand scheme of things.

Many things that are described as "cyber-bullying" really aren't. For example, I can hate Joe Smith and start a website ihatejoesmith.com. I can put on that site why I hate Joe Smith and that I am not going to invite him to my birthday party. Other people who hate Joe Smith are allowed to post their reasons. I can make my Facebook status that I hate Joe Smith and am free to do so. As long as I am not putting anything libelous on the site (like Joe Smith killed his wife when he actually didn't) I am exercising my right to state my opinion publicly. It may not be nice but it is allowed. If a parent doesn't want their kid posting their opinion online they can stop them but it is not bullying it is expressing free speech. Many of the things I see reported as cyber-bullying are pretty much what I described here. In reality cyber-bullying is more along the lines of hacking accounts to graffiti someone else's site or threatening recourse if they dont' vote a certain way or support a specific candidate or agenda and things like that. One of the results of having free speech is that there will be not nice speech. This happens every day on the web. Joe Smith can very easily just not type the address ihatejoesmith into his browser address bar. There is ihatemichaelmoore.com and most gossip sites are full of dislike for people.

Kids pick on kids, they always have and they always will. Parenting your children to not allow it to bruise their self esteem, like my parents did, is a much more effective cure to the problem then trying to stop childish behavior by children.

Just my opinion of course.

 

[skater]

Jersey Janice - I'm not trying to pick on you, but the myth that the Columbine shooters were bullied was perpetuated by the media in the chaos of the event. There's a really good book called Columbine published a year or two ago (I think) that details the bullying they did throughout HS. They did not target popular kids or jocks - in fact, it was random. The sad thing is that they were two smart kids with plenty of friends. There were a lot of myths that came out of that story that the media did not bother to go back and fix.

 

[themilesfamily]

I've shared this on another thread, but I'll repeat it here. I got all the details about it from my mother tonight -- we were just discussing it on the phone. So I think I can tell the story accurately.

My youngest brother was bullied terribly throughout school. He was such a nice, sweet kid and really just wanted some friends.

One weekend he got invited to what he was told was a slumber party/birthday party. He was so happy to be invited to something, went out and bought a present for the kid.

My parents dropped him off at their house -- the kids parents were gone -- out at the bars until closing -- and the kids pushed him into a room and took turns holding a gun up to his head. They beat him up, called him names. Kept him in there half the night. When they finally fell asleep, my brother snuck out and called my mother. He basically said, "You need to get over here and pick me up right away." She told him forget it, it's the middle of the night, she'd be there in the morning.

Did my parents call the police? No. They took the attitude that this was a problem between kids. My dad went over there and confronted the kid and his parents. Yelled a lot. That's it.

By the way, that kid is in prison now for armed robbery. I TOTALLY believe that the bullies of today are the criminals of tomorrow.

In hindsight, I realize we're so lucky that my brother didn't kill himself. He was tormented almost constantly for a good 4-6 years. He still suffers from low self-esteem, depression, etc.

So basically, my parents did nothing about it. The school certainly did nothing about it. He is a perfect example of the system failing a kid. It makes me sick. My brother finally took Tae Kwon Do lessons and I guess he cornered one of the kids after school and fought him. Things did improve after that, but WHY should a kid have to resort to that? My god, are we human beings or is this Lord of the Flies?

Had that been my kid, the police would have been called so fast it would make your head spin. There would absolutely have been charges filed. And I would recommend this route for ANY family dealing with bullies. These criminals-in-training need to be pointed out to law enforcement and dealt with by law enforcement.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

That is a sad story, themilesfamily.